thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 this question is honestly intended and without snark: if you aren't going to ask this guy directly why he's contacting you, then why haven't you blocked him? either block him and stop allowing him an avenue to drive you nuts, OR, take the bull by the horns and ask this fool why he continues to contact you. have the courage to GET OUT of LIMBO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 They're likely thinking "wow, even after I hurt him he's still respectful, he's a much better person than me" Yeah, this one isn't true at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Im kind of getting to the point where i am accepting its over. And no i dont want to get back together. I do get the no contact rule and i have never contacted him. In my mind i have a bit of control now because he is the one contacting me. And even after he has hurt me i dont hate him. Why should i be a bitch to him? Im not going to let thus change me into some bitter bitch. I think if your ex contacts you and he broke up with you then you can reply. Like i said short and to the point. No i miss you. I love you. No begging. And no personal information 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Yeah you can reply, just know that they're likely using you as an emotional crutch and that's it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 this question is honestly intended and without snark: if you aren't going to ask this guy directly why he's contacting you, then why haven't you blocked him? either block him and stop allowing him an avenue to drive you nuts, OR, take the bull by the horns and ask this fool why he continues to contact you. have the courage to GET OUT of LIMBO. his response would be because he does care about me and hopes we can stay friends. But ive been here before. Even with him dating etc he always contacts me at some point and uses the friends card and before i know it we are back on. I suppose i am in a sort of limbo... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Yeah you can reply, just know that they're likely using you as an emotional crutch and that's it. What do u mean by an emotional crutch? Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Like all of a sudden he feels sad and misses you, maybe his new girl didn't respond fast enough, maybe he saw something that reminded him of you so he texts you, you respond and he feels better. Maybe he feels bad about what he did and like a terrible person, he texts you, you respond and then he feels better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Im kind of getting to the point where i am accepting its over. And no i dont want to get back together. I do get the no contact rule and i have never contacted him. In my mind i have a bit of control now because he is the one contacting me. And even after he has hurt me i dont hate him. Why should i be a bitch to him? Im not going to let thus change me into some bitter bitch. I think if your ex contacts you and he broke up with you then you can reply. Like i said short and to the point. No i miss you. I love you. No begging. And no personal information So ignoring someone who has made it clear they don't want to be with you is being a 'bitter bitch"? That might be the better option than being a "desperate bitch". You can rationalize it all you want and say you don't want him back, but you're talking to him because you miss him and you want him to know you care. He already knows. And it didn't stop him from breaking up with you. There are billions of people on this planet, there's really no reason you absolutely need to be talking to your ex if you want to move on. If you had truly moved on and didn't care about him in a romantic way, this thread wouldn't exist. Don't be a doormat. and if he thinks you're being bitter, who gives a crap, he should not be an important factor in the way you view yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Like all of a sudden he feels sad and misses you, maybe his new girl didn't respond fast enough, maybe he saw something that reminded him of you so he texts you, you respond and he feels better. Maybe he feels bad about what he did and like a terrible person, he texts you, you respond and then he feels better. God that is exactly what it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 So its been a bit over a month i would say. My ex concontacted me yesterday and said he was sorry for how he treated me and misses me and hopes we can be friends. This would be the sixth time i think where out of the blue he bu with me for no real reason and then does this. Ive tried to stay friends in the past but it never stays as just friends. I honestly think he has mental issues. Whether it be bipolar or bpd who knows. Anyway just needed to get that out. I hope this time i can keep moving forward and not go back to an rs that is obviously very unhealthy and where i will end up back on ls in a year cos he has done it again Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Did you reply? Link to post Share on other sites
MovingOnIsHard Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My last ex is the same.. He'd somehow find a way to message me. Last time was 2 weeks ago, which i blew him off. Is your ex the needy type of guy? Does he have a good family support, friends, hobbies? Or is he the loner type? Has a hard time getting dates? That might play into his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Did you reply? I did. I just said thanks for the apology and i dont think i deserve to be treated the way i have been... Im sad now cos i want him to be someone he isnt Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 My last ex is the same.. He'd somehow find a way to message me. Last time was 2 weeks ago, which i blew him off. Is your ex the needy type of guy? Does he have a good family support, friends, hobbies? Or is he the loner type? Has a hard time getting dates? That might play into his behavior. He is very needy. He needs so much attention and no matter how much you give him its never enough. When we are together we cant just relax. He needs constant interaction. He does have friends and hobbies. I wish he was different. I wish he would just accept me for who i am. And not need so much Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I think he would have hard time getting dates too. Maybe thats all it is. He hasnt met anyone else yet. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 You said this is the 6th time this has happened....and it may be the 7th if you don't change the way you react to his attempt. Let me guess, it goes something like this: Your bf: let's break-up for no good reason! You: I'm sad, why are you doing this? Few days go by: Your bf: I'm sorry, I was mean You: Yeah, you were mean, don't be mean Your bf: Ok, I won't be I promise You: Ok! And then that repeats over and over again. He's shown you that he'll just lie and that he's not actually capable of changing, yet you keep taking him back and you don't even dump him once you notice he didn't actually change (or maybe he just changes temporarily?). I'd say stop talking to him, show him that he can't treat you that way and that he can't continually suck you back in with a weak apology and empty promise. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 So its been a bit over a month i would say. My ex concontacted me yesterday and said he was sorry for how he treated me and misses me and hopes we can be friends. This would be the sixth time i think where out of the blue he bu with me for no real reason and then does this. Ive tried to stay friends in the past but it never stays as just friends. I honestly think he has mental issues. Whether it be bipolar or bpd who knows. Anyway just needed to get that out. I hope this time i can keep moving forward and not go back to an rs that is obviously very unhealthy and where i will end up back on ls in a year cos he has done it againThat's easy. Tell him you don't want to be his friend. I think you said it best down below: Im sad now cos i want him to be someone he isnt ... I wish he was different. Except, he isn't, amirite? Don't waste your time, or stretch your own suffering out any farther than it has to be. Be your own best friend here. Just say no. It can be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 You said this is the 6th time this has happened....and it may be the 7th if you don't change the way you react to his attempt. Let me guess, it goes something like this: Your bf: let's break-up for no good reason! You: I'm sad, why are you doing this? Few days go by: Your bf: I'm sorry, I was mean You: Yeah, you were mean, don't be mean Your bf: Ok, I won't be I promise You: Ok! And then that repeats over and over again. He's shown you that he'll just lie and that he's not actually capable of changing, yet you keep taking him back and you don't even dump him once you notice he didn't actually change (or maybe he just changes temporarily?). I'd say stop talking to him, show him that he can't treat you that way and that he can't continually suck you back in with a weak apology and empty promise. Its more like together for a year. Then one day what seems to be out of no where to me he isnt happy. There is a change in him and he is cold and distant. I try to talk to him about it but he insists nothing is wrong. Then he finally breaks up with me for some stupid reason. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 months later he contacts me saying he is sorry and hopes we can be friends. He is super nice during this time and we alwaya end up back together...then the cycle repeats. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Its more like together for a year. Then one day what seems to be out of no where to me he isnt happy. There is a change in him and he is cold and distant. I try to talk to him about it but he insists nothing is wrong. Then he finally breaks up with me for some stupid reason. Anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 months later he contacts me saying he is sorry and hopes we can be friends. He is super nice during this time and we alwaya end up back together...then the cycle repeats. So if the cycle is the same, then why do you react the same way every time? How about just blocking the number and stopping the cycle? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 So if the cycle is the same, then why do you react the same way every time? How about just blocking the number and stopping the cycle? I guess i have my own problems too. Why i put up with it and have for so long etc. Its so stupid how u can love someone but doesnt mean they are good for you.i hate that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Today is my ex birthday. Will i contact him? No. do i miss him. Am i sad? Yes 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Aww... It's hard, I know. Way to be strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Trying to be strong... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 So my ex contacted the last week to apologize for how he has treated me and said he doesnt want to get back together but hopes we can be friends. He wanted to go out for a drink. I just thanked him for the apology and didnt reply to the drink comment. Now today i get a message to say i have left clothes at his place and he can drop them off sometime if i like. It would not be much. Maybe a couple of tops. Honestly is this just an excuse to contact me? Or see me? Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Stay strong girl, it's just another day of NC. This healing is all about you, so his 'special' day shouldn't be in your thoughts. Keep it up and keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
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