Ariess10 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I know how you feel today is my exes bday she didn't contact me on mine, so no way am I gonna her!! Link to post Share on other sites
Plaster Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 It's my exs birthday in a couple of weeks and the day after is the anniversary of when we first met. I am not looking forward to that. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 You already know the answer to this because this keeps happening. He keeps hooking you back in because he gets your attention every time. If you want to keep playing these silly games with him go ahead but if you have truly had enough of this then you need to say no more. Tell him you have no interest in seeing him and ask him not to contact you again, then block his number and social media accounts. There are better guys out there but he is blocking them from you by not letting you move on. It is selfish and only you have the power to stop it. It is time to make a decision about your future and what is best for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 get your stuff from him and do what you want. you always do.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 So my ex contacted the last week to apologize for how he has treated me and said he doesnt want to get back together but hopes we can be friends. He wanted to go out for a drink. I just thanked him for the apology and didnt reply to the drink comment. Now today i get a message to say i have left clothes at his place and he can drop them off sometime if i like. It would not be much. Maybe a couple of tops. Honestly is this just an excuse to contact me? Or see me? Yes, he would probably like to see you. After apologizing and you accepting, he now will now test the waters to see if he can continue to see what he can get away and treat you poorly (reason he, cough cough apologized?) with all the while playing with your heart that he knows still beats for him. If he was sincere in his apology he would just have apologized and left it at that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Thanks guys. I know you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 I found out my ex is dating. I dont know why but its really upset me. That and the crap he is telling other people. We were on and off for years with him always bu with me. Anyway he even sent me a text last week to see how my night was and then the next day right before he went out on a date!! He is telling people that he has never had a gf that was really into him. Whatever that means. I mean i loved him. I helped him financially. I dont get it. They only been seeing each other casually for about a month and in that time he already ended it once cos she was so full on. But now he had second thoughts and they seeing each other again. I dont get why im upset. I mean it wasnt a great rs for me and i havent been treated well through it. I feel kind of sorry for her cos she has no idea what she is in for. He comes across as such a nice guy but its like he is never happy. You can never love him enough or be interested in his interests enough... Anyway i dont know why im upset about it but i am. I was already offered to go out with him to catch up and declined so i dont think i want him back. Link to post Share on other sites
learnbyliving Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Nah, it's natural to feel upset about it, especially with how ungrateful he is. How are you able to get such details about what he's doing and saying though? Tell your mutual friends to stop giving you updates if that's what it is. Limit your exposure to protect yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Nah, it's natural to feel upset about it, especially with how ungrateful he is. How are you able to get such details about what he's doing and saying though? Tell your mutual friends to stop giving you updates if that's what it is. Limit your exposure to protect yourself. Yeah mutual friends telling me Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 foolinlove79, We all do this because we think they'll suddenly turn into Mr Wonderful when they get with someone else... This blog may help ;- The Dreaded Fear They're Going to Be Better for Someone Else - ChumpLady.com Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 foolinlove79, We all do this because we think they'll suddenly turn into Mr Wonderful when they get with someone else... This blog may help ;- The Dreaded Fear They're Going to Be Better for Someone Else - ChumpLady.com Thanks. That did help a bit. I guess maybe that is the fear. He will meet someone and they are blissfully happy together. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 foolinlove79, I know it's difficult but don't worry about this. People don't change (unless they get into therapy and do some serious introspection) so he'll still be the same person he was when he was with you. If he manages to sustain a long-term relationship, it will be because she is better at tolerating crappy treatment than you were. Good luck x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 foolinlove79, I know it's difficult but don't worry about this. People don't change (unless they get into therapy and do some serious introspection) so he'll still be the same person he was when he was with you. If he manages to sustain a long-term relationship, it will be because she is better at tolerating crappy treatment than you were. Good luck x Thank you. I thought i was moving forward. Hoped i had got to the point where i wouldnt care. When we bu this time i was like ok fine. I pity the next one. But still hurts. I always thought them moving on soon was a sign they dont care but someone said some people use it as a distraction. Anyway i really need to deal with it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowhibiscus Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I found out my ex is dating. I dont know why but its really upset me. That and the crap he is telling other people. We were on and off for years with him always bu with me. Anyway he even sent me a text last week to see how my night was and then the next day right before he went out on a date!! He is telling people that he has never had a gf that was really into him. Whatever that means. I mean i loved him. I helped him financially. I dont get it. They only been seeing each other casually for about a month and in that time he already ended it once cos she was so full on. But now he had second thoughts and they seeing each other again. I dont get why im upset. I mean it wasnt a great rs for me and i havent been treated well through it. I feel kind of sorry for her cos she has no idea what she is in for. He comes across as such a nice guy but its like he is never happy. You can never love him enough or be interested in his interests enough... Anyway i dont know why im upset about it but i am. I was already offered to go out with him to catch up and declined so i dont think i want him back. "you can never love him enough or be interested in his interests enough"- YES! That sounds like my ex! The fact that he already has someone means that he probably is very needy and needs a lot of attention. He can't handle being on his own. I know it hurts but soon enough the facade will disappear and he will show his true self to the other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 "you can never love him enough or be interested in his interests enough"- YES! That sounds like my ex! The fact that he already has someone means that he probably is very needy and needs a lot of attention. He can't handle being on his own. I know it hurts but soon enough the facade will disappear and he will show his true self to the other woman. Yes very needy person. You dont realize it at first but he was. Constant texting and emailing. Needs to spend evedy second with you. And just be totally enthused about his interests. But its never enough for them. You just give and give and its never enough. Honestly i found it very tiring. Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Literally posted a similar question...so if it makes you feel better, think we all go through this at some point or another and it's normal to feel sad/jealous to see them move on, especially if they do before you do. The fact that they've already been "off" in one month of dating because he found her too "full-on" doesn't look too great, but let them continue to play games with each other Trust me, when you meet a guy who doesn't play these mind games or isn't a commitment phobe, who knows what he wants... you are gonna be so grateful he did this because he sounds like a tool. Sometimes a clean break i.e no contact is better because more often than not, guys who are still in touch with girls they were romantically involved with are usually looking to keep you as a back up. Had this happen to me and I could see right through it - I just cut them off as soon as the romantic situation ends so they know not to even try to use me as some back up chick. He'll probably come sniffing around again, especially if he already finds the new girl clingy... my advice to ignore/respond late to his contact. Then you'll exit this situation with your head held high. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Literally posted a similar question...so if it makes you feel better, think we all go through this at some point or another and it's normal to feel sad/jealous to see them move on, especially if they do before you do. The fact that they've already been "off" in one month of dating because he found her too "full-on" doesn't look too great, but let them continue to play games with each other Trust me, when you meet a guy who doesn't play these mind games or isn't a commitment phobe, who knows what he wants... you are gonna be so grateful he did this because he sounds like a tool. Sometimes a clean break i.e no contact is better because more often than not, guys who are still in touch with girls they were romantically involved with are usually looking to keep you as a back up. Had this happen to me and I could see right through it - I just cut them off as soon as the romantic situation ends so they know not to even try to use me as some back up chick. He'll probably come sniffing around again, especially if he already finds the new girl clingy... my advice to ignore/respond late to his contact. Then you'll exit this situation with your head held high. thanks mate. I am definately a back up and have been for years i think. He thinks our rs wont work so bu with me with this illusion in his mind of how great life will be and hw will meet some perfect person. Doesnt work so he tries me again. Since we bu he contacted me 5 times. Im sure he thinks i will take him back again. But not this time. He is so ****ed up and has some really ****ed up ideas about rs too i dont think anyone exists that could live up to it. Amyway i just got to keep moving and tell myself this is over and done with. Ls has helped and people like you with your advice. Thank u Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ive got to vent over this some more. I know i need to stop thinking about it but the whole thing is bothering. I sctually think on some level he is just using this woman. I mean he still contacts me to check in etc. I know he been checking my fb too. Sorry but if you are done you dont do those things. You move on. And does anyone else feel like they will never meet anyone they are attracted to again? Because thats how i feel right now... Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ive got to vent over this some more. I know i need to stop thinking about it but the whole thing is bothering. I sctually think on some level he is just using this woman. I mean he still contacts me to check in etc. I know he been checking my fb too. Sorry but if you are done you dont do those things. You move on. And does anyone else feel like they will never meet anyone they are attracted to again? Because thats how i feel right now... I think you know the deal. You're not moving on here because you're still communicating with him. Your actions appear to me that you don't want to move forward. What's keeping you from blocking him on social media? Why are you still talking to him? if you truly want to move on and heal from this guy, you need to do what this site and the veterans suggest. Go strict NC, block him on all social media and heal completely. Being off/on this site over the years, it's the only thing that allows you to put them behind you. It worked for me and it could work for you if you allow it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I think you know the deal. You're not moving on here because you're still communicating with him. Your actions appear to me that you don't want to move forward. What's keeping you from blocking him on social media? Why are you still talking to him? if you truly want to move on and heal from this guy, you need to do what this site and the veterans suggest. Go strict NC, block him on all social media and heal completely. Being off/on this site over the years, it's the only thing that allows you to put them behind you. It worked for me and it could work for you if you allow it too. I know in need to just block him and be sone with it. Initially i just replied cos i didnt want him to think i was really hurt. The kind of person he is i think it would boost his ego. But now i just think i shouldnt of replied at all. Maybe i should just say look i dont want to hear from you again. The kind of screwed up rs we had i think also adds to it. The on and off thing. Its like is this it now. I guess im the one who needs to decide yes this is it now and really get my head around it Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I couldn't imagine the pain you must be feeling knowing your ex is dating someone now. I have been in nc for 3 months day one of the break up I went nc so I have no clue if she has moved on or not and I don't wanna know, but k am sure I will hear something at some point .. But like these others have said people really don't change.. Take some comfort in that , and if it was truly meant to be you'd still be together .. That's how I look at it , sometimes things just don't work out how we want them to... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 foolinlove79, I know it's difficult but don't worry about this. People don't change (unless they get into therapy and do some serious introspection) so he'll still be the same person he was when he was with you. If he manages to sustain a long-term relationship, it will be because she is better at tolerating crappy treatment than you were. Good luck x there is no woman alive or dead who can love him enough to make him feel satiated. He's got a problem deep down inside and expects other people to solve it for him. Guess what, that'll never work. So indeed, he needs to fix that first, in order to evolve. Until then, he'll just be on "repeat", he'll repeat the same mistakes, scenarios and gfs.... OP, I think you're jealous because it used to be you that would nurture him.... and that created a special bond between you. Because you hoped that your love could fix him - which would have confirmed - to you - that you are special and worthy of love right back. Well, you know what? You are special and worthy of love, you don't need a self obsessed narcisist for that... Read about that and try to protect yourself, to not fall prey to this sort of distorted people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I couldn't imagine the pain you must be feeling knowing your ex is dating someone now. I have been in nc for 3 months day one of the break up I went nc so I have no clue if she has moved on or not and I don't wanna know, but k am sure I will hear something at some point .. But like these others have said people really don't change.. Take some comfort in that , and if it was truly meant to be you'd still be together .. That's how I look at it , sometimes things just don't work out how we want them to... It is really hard. But its almost like he is the kind of guy where any female will do. I mean he is texting me and then asking one girl out on a date amd she says no so then he asks another girl out. I was talking to one of my relatives about it and they said its almost like there is something missing in him. I still find it so hard to match up the guy who is pretty mean to me during the bu and who dumps me without a second thought and the one who is so nice at the start and so nice when he is trying to get me back and acting like it never happened. Logically i dont want him back. But i dont want him happy with someone else either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 And i also loved him unfortunately. I find it hard to switch that on and off.... Link to post Share on other sites
yellowhibiscus Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ive got to vent over this some more. I know i need to stop thinking about it but the whole thing is bothering. I sctually think on some level he is just using this woman. I mean he still contacts me to check in etc. I know he been checking my fb too. Sorry but if you are done you dont do those things. You move on. And does anyone else feel like they will never meet anyone they are attracted to again? Because thats how i feel right now... Yes...dealing with that right now. My ex was exactly my type and when I met him I felt like I found the "one"....I look at other guys now and still no one compares, even if my ex was/is a jerk....I feel like I'm destined to be in love with someone I shouldn't be in love with for the rest of my life. UGH! Link to post Share on other sites
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