Author foolinlove79 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 So my ex and i broke up in may. He bu with me again.. Within a month he met someone new on a dating app. Since then he has been out on several dates with her and introduced her to some of his friends. He has a very specific list of things he wants in a partner. Anyway at the same time he is still in contact with me. He has said he wants to stay friends and asked to go for a drink which i declined. He then wanted to drop stuff off at my place. He always looks me up on facebook and randomly texts to check in. Im sorry but I really dont get it. I know people will say just block him and i should. But i find this behavior so strange. Why keep contacting me? In my mind if you really wanted to move on you wouldn't be in contact with me... Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 .... if you really wanted to move on you wouldn't be in contact with me... Sounds like neither of you want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 Sounds like neither of you want to move on. But dating someone else IS moving on... Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 he has moved on. emotions are sometimes too slow or too fast, in catching up with facts of life. you should tr and move on too.. in time what he does wont come to matter, as it shouldn't because he dumped you Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 he has moved on. emotions are sometimes too slow or too fast, in catching up with facts of life. you should tr and move on too.. in time what he does wont come to matter, as it shouldn't because he dumped you I hope in time i wont care. I really dont get people and how they can move on so fast. I think about dating and cringe. And he just jumps right back out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 And i want to add a friend told me he said as soon as it gets heavy im out. What kind of attitude is that to have for a possible new mate.. Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 The whole "Stay Friends" things sounds like a bad idea. I'm sure there are couples who've gone on to be great friends. But if you are suffering because of him, wtf are you doing? Block that s***! Be honest, tell him you can't remain friends because it's just too much for you to bear. Then go on a blocking frenzy. Follow the NC rule guide to a 'T' and you'll start healing. You're just inviting yourself to get hurt if you don't take the steps to avoid it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DexterLS Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 You're just a comfort blanket at this time. Dumpers rarely ever completely forget about dumpees and maybe he still has some unresolved feelings towards you. He loves it that you're still communicating with him despite the breakup and I seriously don't know why you would be in contact with an ex that has clearly moved on when you have not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I suppose i am having a hard time with it. Part of me is like ok he is moving on so should i. And part of me thinks he is just using her because he knows i wont take him back again And he just wants companionship Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 married men are none of your business. worry about yourself. men are where they want to be. men go where they want to go.... come on now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 He ended it may 15. Im not getting better. Honestly im still devastated. He was my best friend and i miss him. I still don't understand how he could do it. Im angry he is dating someone else. I feel like i wont meet anyone again who i really like and who would be interested in me. Just feel sad and lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Mathematics Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I am sorry, I know how you are feeling (June 15 for me). You will feel better once you let the anger and bitterness go (I do). Easier said then done, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaby Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Dont mine ended aswell, never tell yourself you are not good enough cause that will destroy your self-esteem keep your head up we can make it, if that person walks out, then so be it. Cry it out, scream it out then get back to what you were doing it is the only way. stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 I mean seriously...how do people get over these things? Link to post Share on other sites
Gus Grimly Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I mean seriously...how do people get over these things? Full No contact. Focusing on ourselves. Working on ourselves. Keeping busy. Learning new things. Exercise. Healthy diet. Meditation. Reading empowering self help books. Hanging out with friends and family more. Going to meetups. Taking a non-credit course. Acceptance. Just to name a few. I'm going through what you are and NC has been a huge boon to my recovery. Out of site, Out of mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Felicite Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 He ended it may 15. Im not getting better. Honestly im still devastated. He was my best friend and i miss him. I still don't understand how he could do it. Im angry he is dating someone else. I feel like i wont meet anyone again who i really like and who would be interested in me. Just feel sad and lost. I really sympathize with you. In fact I'm in the exact same situation. He broke it off around mid -May and has vanished ever since. It's like he never existed.I feel your pain and sadness. Although I have followed the NC rule and haven't said a word or contacted him these 2 months, I haven't been getting any better. I wonder if it will ever will get better. I focus on myself but inside I feel numb, sad and have lost completely hope for the future that I will be loved or that something good will ever happen to me. Stay strong and maybe the tables will turn, who knows.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Full No contact. Focusing on ourselves. Working on ourselves. Keeping busy. Learning new things. Exercise. Healthy diet. Meditation. Reading empowering self help books. Hanging out with friends and family more. Going to meetups. Taking a non-credit course. Acceptance. Just to name a few. I'm going through what you are and NC has been a huge boon to my recovery. Out of site, Out of mind. Gus is right on point OP.. It's only been two months. It's going to take time and if you stay NC, don't spy on social media and keep your mind on "out of sight, out of mind", you'll recover quicker. In most cases, we don't "miss" the actual person, what we miss is what relationships provide (loving, companionship, friend) and when they are gone, we have a huge void that's opened up. I felt like you did after my ex ended us but I KNEW it wasn't HER, it was that I missed being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 It's been 4 months nc for me, would I it's getting better? Some what Right now I'm so sick of talking about and feeling down I'm kinda blah .. It's gonna be a few more months where I can sit here can say I'm past it , but I can feel it getting some what better then say month 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I mean seriously...how do people get over these things? Your breakup was very recent, so it's no surprise that you are finding it very difficult. Thats normal, and to be expected. Here is something I put into practice myself. It might be of some use to you. 1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce over time. 2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps. 3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right. 4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person. 5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again. 6. Take care of your body: Eat enough and eat healthily. Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres a day for a female. Get a bit more rest than you think you need. Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous. If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor. 7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn. 8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media. 9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do. 10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate. 11. Post here as often as you want to. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 So...i have seen pics of my ex new gf. I dont get it. She is tall and he doesn't like tall women She looks like a very nice person but she looks like a school teacher. I dont see how he is attracted to her sexsually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Has anyone else had an ex who started dating someone you thought they would not normally go for. Apparently this new gf has actually taken up his favourite hobby so maybe that is the attraction. I know i shouldnt care but im not at that point yet... Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I know i shouldnt care but im not at that point yet... you make it sound like you've been dealing with this for a handful of weeks, however, it appears it's been over a year, are you waiting for something in particular? Whether you get his new gf or not doesn't matter, attraction isn't based in rationality for many and this is a good example, he moved on.. ideally a person wouldn't still feel attraction for someone that's put them in the past. If I were you, I would use this final update as a sign that it's time to flip the page and find new horizons, life is too short to be wasted watching how someone else is happily living his own. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foolinlove79 Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 you make it sound like you've been dealing with this for a handful of weeks, however, it appears it's been over a year, are you waiting for something in particular? Whether you get his new gf or not doesn't matter, attraction isn't based in rationality for many and this is a good example, he moved on.. ideally a person wouldn't still feel attraction for someone that's put them in the past. If I were you, I would use this final update as a sign that it's time to flip the page and find new horizons, life is too short to be wasted watching how someone else is happily living his own. We were on and off for 6 years. We broke up in may and he met her end of may. So still pretty recent to me. And to start a whole new rs Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 We were on and off for 6 years. We broke up in may and he met her end of may. So still pretty recent to me. And to start a whole new rs With this kind of record, it's likely he will be back... Look. It doesn't matter what he does, who he dates, why he dates them and when, what they look like, who they are, what they do, and what the attraction is. The main point is: It's over. Finished. Done. Finito. Kaput. The thing YOU need to do is to quit checking on him, and go complete, total right-across-the-board No Contact. Read the link in my signature (NC Guide) and put an end to this stupid to-and-fro, up-and-down on-and-off, for good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Yep, my ex went to someone I'd never expect - an 8 year older loser (based on what I heard from all her friends before this happened) who was married and had 2 kids. She HATED when her dad left her family for another woman when she was a kid, yet she was that other woman in this situation and she was essentially being her dad to me and our dog. It's something I never thought she'd do, but when you're crazy and super desperate for love, you'll go to anyone I guess. They ended up breaking up, now she's on match.com....smh vine swinger. Link to post Share on other sites
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