Friends getting married and I am still single...

[hearttopieces]

How do I cope with all this, I feel like an emotional wreck.

 

My life at the moment.

 

Best Friend no 1.

Got engaged in February, wedding is in July.

Best Friend no. 2

Got engaged two years ago, wedding is in July.

 

Best friends no 3.

Divorced, diagnosed with 3rd stage cancer in February, going through treatment at the moment, had surgery, slowly getting better. Spending a lot of time with her.

 

Work

Got a promotion recently, going through a lot of stress due to a month-long training, environment change, find it hard to cope with competition at work and the fact that I have no close friendship with any of my colleagues. Not entirely happy at the moment despite the promotion and positive feedback from seniors. I had an interview with a different company, but it didn't work out. Financially things aren't great either. Get paid more now but at the same time I had unexpected expenses and actually had to take a loan, technically I won't be able to enjoy the raise for some time.

 

Me

Still recovering from a break-up 3 years ago. The fact that, without thinking, I decided to post in 'Coping' - I guess it says a lot.

 

Think I am over it but find it hard to date as I am not into OLD at all. Just not my cup of tea. Tried a few dates with guys I met through work or friends but no attraction/connection at all. Felt really awkward. It was so easy wit ex-bf.

 

Depressed due to Friend's cancer diagnosis. My mom died of cancer nine years ago and I hate the fact that I am going through all this again with Friend.

 

Other Friends have their weddings and I feel no desire to spend time with them anymore, and well, they are busy with things that do not interest me. Sad, I know, but I feel like I am losing them and I don't really care.

A few colleagues getting married as well, all they talk about is wedding dresses, teeth whitening, diets. Meanwhile I have lost motivation to work out and am putting on weight. I feel a lot of pressure as I am older than most of them. Friend with cancer recently opened up a bit and said she was disappointed I have no one and no babies at my age.

 

In my twenties I was so happy, content and had a few decent men's attention, dated a lot and was attractive. The truth is I started saving and cannot afford as many beauty treatments as I used to. My hair, nails, skin and make-up were always perfect and I was in a perfect shape. Have I let myself go? No, but my priorities have changed, and as I haven't had anyone for some time I simply plan my life and finances now as a single person.

 

Trying to stay positive, I really do. I do not want to be an unhappy stuck-up person and at work as well as outside I am generally optimistic and content. But episodes of extreme sadness take over me more often nowadays.

 

First time in my life I feel I am totally ready for a family, bambinos, in-laws, family trips, cooking dinner for hubby, doing housework, working, taking care of a family. Where is he????? How do I stay positive? I would like to just leave and travel or move and start a new life, but cannot afford to do such thing.

 

My life sucks.

 

Well I feel better after writing it all down. I honestly do.

[Itspointless]

It is hard to see many people supposedly happy. It makes us wonder if we are doing things right. Most of my friends are married and have children and sometimes that sucks. But apparently my life has another pace. Your friend who is ill wasn’t helping with her comments, but she meant well. And yeah it is hard when you encounter illness again being helpless helping them. I lost one of my parents to ALS when I was 19 (almost two decades ago). 1.5 years ago, I lost my new girlfriend when she pushed me away because she got ill. She turned out to be avoidant attached: its material for a movie. I also get that it sucks to not have a fulfilling job. I had that too, but fate interrupted: I very recently lost it due to reorganization I try to see it as an opportunity.

 

Believe in yourself and try not to let others blind you with their supposed successes and great lives: the grass often isn’t greener, they just want us to believe it.

[StalwartMind]

Sorry to hear about your friend battling cancer as well as the loss of your mother. I'm sure all that she got to teach you reflects in your personality as well as your ambitions. Regardless if you are not happy with the current state of things, don't be disheartened that things aren't exactly where you like them to be. Perhaps you do need to travel or do something radically different.

 

No question your support is appreciated, but you must still to tend your own needs. I understand some people are willing to do great sacrifice and that is naturally admirable. As you said priorities change besides you don't need X,Y,Z to impress a respectable man, your other qualities will and should catch his attention.

 

It can be difficult to tell you what will work the best for you to stay positive and be motivated. If writing things down help you some, then I would continue doing that. Admitting to yourself that sadness can take over your otherwise optimistic and content self is better than ignoring it.

 

Things are typically always easier when you know your environment or people just instantly click with you. Some of the best kind of relationships and friendships are those that just happen naturally. Neither part go out of their way to impress the other. A laid back atmosphere carry the conversation and develop things into more. At least that has always appealed to me.

 

What kind of activities do you enjoy in your spare time when you actually do have time to tend them. I would consider exploring those options and spoil yourself by taking a chance to do something you have a realistic chance of enjoying. Forcing yourself to do things typically never result in good things so I would avoid that.

 

Also as a last thing, even if your friend says she is disappointed you have no one and no children yet, as good intended as that is meant, there really are no guarantees we all end up where we intend to be by the time we want. This shouldn't discourage us from still pursuing our goals but rather grow to accept it and not go into any panic mode. This of course means very little but there are literally millions of great candidates out there that could make you happy. You have to start your search somewhere and under circumstances that gives you the most comfort. We do however not get anywhere by just speculating, we actually need to take action of some sorts.

[hudson701]

You've hit the wall and now realise it may be too late.

 

What happened to all the desirable men you had chasing you in your twenties? I guess these were your party years and relationships were not a priority and now you're paying the price for it.

 

Do you live in a large city?

[Itspointless]

You've hit the wall and now realise it may be too late.

 

What happened to all the desirable men you had chasing you in your twenties? I guess these were your party years and relationships were not a priority and now you're paying the price for it.

 

Do you live in a large city?

Oh, come on. I am sure there is someone nice out there for her.

[d0nnivain]

You are going through a rough patch. Try to celebrate the good things or at least take a moment to be grateful for them.

 

You got a promotion. Yippee! You say you don't feel connected to your colleagues. What are you doing to change that? Is there a candy bowl on your desk? Put one there. Bring in bagels or brownies or something for the team to share. Ask somebody to go to lunch or for a drink with you.

 

Are you exercising? I just started again & although I have some pain because I'm out of shape I feel the sense of accomplishment. Even a walk around the block can help.

 

There are ways to keep up appearances that are less costly. Get your hair & nails done at a local beauty school.