BrotherAaron Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 If you call her, you haven't proved anything. When she gets your point, she'll leave you alone. What are you going to do, call her and take her back. You'd hate that, and she'd hurt you again. The only way to end it is to end it. She'll get better with time. Her healing is not your responsibility... and you can't help her by calling her. You can't help yourself by calling her either. It's time to walk away and cut your losses. Nothing good can come from calling her. You'll crush her by not taking her back, and she'll crush you if you do. DO NOT CALL HER it's over man Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 thank you guys, it's like you both are right here sittin next to me knocking some sense into me. it is over, i'm never going to look at this woman in the same way again. what's funny is that we mutually ended our relationship, and she showed no signs of wanting to get back into a relationship. now that i've found out the truth, she magically realizes that i was her prince charming, that's a load of bs. i'm sorry guys, it's hard to make rational choices when your dealing with someone you loved, it's so easy to get blinded and sidetracked. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 I know what you mean about being "blinded and sidetracked." I have the luxury of not being in love with anyone, so I'm at my rational peak. Keep it up. I'm rooting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 i can't even believe what just happened, so me and my roomate are sitting trying to fix the door to our apartment. It won't close properly because one of the hinges is torn off. So we finally get the door to close after like 20 minutes of pushing. About 5 minutes later I hear a knock on the door. I'm thinking, oh great it's her. I look through the window and its her staring at me. Now as I try to open the door, I notice that it's completely stuck, I can't open it. So I've got the perfect excuse not to talk to her, but my dumbass roomate jumps through our side window and tries to open the door from the other side. He kicks the door so hard that it literally rips apart the frame and the door is now completely nonfunctional. I have no choice but to go out and talk to her at this point. So she's got tears in her eyes already, and she asks me if I read her email. I say I read bits and pieces of it. Anyways she starts talking to me telling me how much she has changed and how much she wants to be with me. I spent 20 minutes trying to talk her out of it, and telling her she's just imagining things right now, but she wouldn't budge. She says she will always love me and that she wants to be with me now more than ever, that she was blinded before and never allowed herself to open up to me. I finally told her to go back home and really think about everything, to get her life in order and to focus on improving herself. So that is the current state of things, I told her it is way too soon to even think about getting back together and that at this point I'm not even remotely considering it. I gave her no hope for the future, but I guess I didn't completely cut her out of the equation. I dunno I guess I'm weak seeing her cry and pour her heart out to me like that. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 DAMN Sanne.. thats some impressive sh*t! Wish I could have that much self contol and handle myself like that! Good on you for not being a sucker and taking her straight back!.... Like alot of us here probably would... Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by sanne I dunno I guess I'm weak seeing her cry and pour her heart out to me like that. ... and she will continue to prey on every single weakness that she knows of yours. Don't be surprised when she calls threatening suicide, or playing up a minor injury/illness or something like that. Every time you turn her down, she'll ratchet it up. I hate to say it, but thats now manipulative people work. They prey on your weaknesses and use them to their advantage. She knows how to get to you, so avoid her until you are strong enough to have the upper hand. Right now you are whipped, but that doesn't mean you have to act like it. Hopefully before long, if you can keep this bravado going you'll begin to actually feel it inside and you'll have the ability to see right through her passive aggressive manipulative behavior. Gaining objectivity over your emotions for a person is surprisingly liberating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 after everything that she has done, i want to believe that she is a different person now. i mean right now she's telling me she won't give up without a fight, so i will just let time take its course. if she is still feeling this way many months down the road, and if she truly has learned to stop lying i may consider being friends with her again. you know what's funny though, i have a date this friday Link to post Share on other sites
Ty Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 I say I read bits and pieces of it. Anyways she starts talking to me telling me how much she has changed and how much she wants to be with me. I spent 20 minutes trying to talk her out of it, and telling her she's just imagining things right now, but she wouldn't budge. She says she will always love me and that she wants to be with me now more than ever, that she was blinded before and never allowed herself to open up to me. I finally told her to go back home and really think about everything, to get her life in order and to focus on improving herself. So that is the current state of things, I told her it is way too soon to even think about getting back together and that at this point I'm not even remotely considering it. I gave her no hope for the future, but I guess I didn't completely cut her out of the equation. I dunno I guess I'm weak seeing her cry and pour her heart out to me like that. Dude, you just became my new personal hero. You did perfect, she probably felt like an a$$ after you shot her down. I love it. But after you did that I think she realizes how much she messed up and she probably would be a different person.. your call tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 honestly right now I DONT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, it feels so good to finally be able to say that. i don't want a gf right now, i really don't. i don't even know why i'm going on a date, but my friends all say it 's best for me even if I don't feel like going. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 The girl is now a legitimate P S Y C H O. Well done, man. Actually, you didn't have to do a thing. She thought it up on her own. In case of emergency, dial 911. Wear a kevlar vest when you leave the house. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Can you call her friends and have them talk to her about leaving you alone? She needs their support more than ever. She doesn't need yours, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 so many of us here are pining for our ex's and fantasizing about what our lives could be like if we had another shot. let me tell you, it's not always so rosy, the woman i thought i was in love with is now someone i have absolutely no desire to be with anymore. when you find the right person, they will not treat you like crap, and they won't let go of you. they'll realize immediately what they have in front of them, not a few weeks or months after they've broken up with you. what's so sad is she thinks we can have this magic fairy tale relationship. she's building me up to be this prince charming that i'm clearly not. i mean if she just thought about things for a little bit she'd see that we can never be together again, and if we ever did get back it would be a huge mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 It's funny, the night I told my last ex we were through, I was so disgusted that I couldn't stand to even look at her. When she saw how resolute I was about walking away, even though she knew how much I liked her, she started crying (as a last resort). I found it insulting to my intelligence and to my sense of pride as a human being -- a human being who had real feelings for someone and just wanted to make them happy. That was some night... it felt like I was being guided by remote control in everything I said. You know why? Because I meant it. It blew her away. -whoosh- Link to post Share on other sites
Author sanne Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 i dunno guys, i'm starting to think she may be turning a new leaf. i saw her on campus today donating blood, and a friend of mine was telling me that she joined some wildlife preservation group and she has started working at a local homeless shelter. she's really trying hard to be a better person, and her actions are actually showing it. i never seen this kind of resolve in her before, it's unusual actually. And she's stopped with the begging actually, she said that it's ultimately my decision if I want to get back together with her and that she is going to continue her life one way or another. Hmm, this is not the pathetic, clingy, psycho person that I once knew....... Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Good for her... let's see how long it lasts. You've got the whole summer to fall back on. Why rush things? Get a tan and get some summer lovin'. She's not gonna stop loving you, even when you're having a good time without her. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Well isn't she just a peach. Just because she's an environmentalist and donating blood doesn't mean she'll treat you with any more respect. The only way she'll learn not to hurt people is by feeling the consequences of doing so. Don't let her fool you into thinking that you have something to go back to. Knowing all that you know now, wouldn't you have left her? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 yikes this is a tough crowd. personally i think/know people can change. sometimes we DO need to lose something to step back and get a different or better view of who we are and who they are..why and how we failed. i understand the trust factor, but its sad to think we cant trust people can change anymore. i do believe in change. been there done that. sometimes when you lose you win sometimes when you win you lose i forget the name of the movie i heard that in.... but its food for thought. dont let anyone tell you who to love Link to post Share on other sites
aares Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 I dunno man...if she wants you back THAT bad, so might go do some different things (donating blood/working at homeless shelter/joining a wildlife preservation society) that she thinks will make you believe she has changed. Are the things that she has done abnormal for her to do, such as donate blood? Is she the type of person that would join a homeless shelter to help? If not, I would just be careful because I believe that she might do just about ANYTHING to get back with you...I dont know how crazy she is so just be cautious. On a brighter note, maybe she just took your advice as to improve herself and think about things. Maybe she realized she was/is a bitch to you and that she hurt you, now is trying to find some good in her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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