12+ Years.

[Hard Worker]

I could really use some good advice right now. I'm 28 years old and have been dating the same girl for over 12 years now. We started dating back in high school, at about 15 years old. We made it through the rest of high school, and all through college (even with me being in a fraternity) without ever having a serious glitch in our relationship. We had the normal couples arguments, but never once broke up or cheated on each other. I know this is uncommon especially in this day and age, but I feel like it's a testament to how strong our relationship was. We grew up with each other, helped each other through thick and thin, through families deaths, divorces, and life. Midway through college she began to want to be married, me being stubborn never asked her. I was two years ahead of her in school and had we gotten married, would have lost alot of grant money for college.

 

After I graduated college, I took a temporary job about 8 hours away from home. While I was gone, she spent the afternoons hanging out with my mom and talking to me on the phone. Never once wanted to go out partying or anything that could have potentially caused problems in our relationship. After that job was completed, I came home and took a decent job for a construction company in town so I could be here with her while she finished college. Once I got back she stayed with me every night at my moms and we looked at houses for sale. We found one she really liked so we bought it. I wanted to put everything in my name and pay all the bills so she could concentrate on school but she wouldn't have it. Both our names had to go on the house and she wanted some of the bills, so we did it that way.

 

This is where it gets bad....We have had the house together for almost 3 years now. Originally I had planned to ask her to marry me as soon as I got back into town. However life happened before I could get the parents approval and pop the question. Over the course of these last three years, many bad things have happened. My brother got in an accident and was either in the hospital, jail, or rehab for almost 2 years. My girlfriend totaled her car, and due to the accident they found a non-active tumor on her brain. We had some water piping in the up stairs bust over winter and flooded almost our entire down stairs living area. Obviously this put a strain on both me and her and sometimes i'm afraid I took my anger and frustrations out on her when I shouldn't have. We would end up arguing about stupid stuff that shouldn't have mattered.

 

Well a few months ago she had to have a minor surgery, it was going to fall at a time when I was out of town for a few days so she was going to stay with her mom while I was gone and she was recovering. The problem is that she never came back. At first she was just going to be there a couple nights, then it turned into a week, and has just gotten longer ever since. Now she is saying she doesn't love me anymore, doesn't want to be with me, or spend any time together. She says we were young and stupid over the past years and were probably not really in love, and feels as though we never had any fun together. She's not cheating on me, doesn't go out with friends or anything. She just goes places with her mom and spends all her free time with other family. I feel it is worth mentioning that her mom is single, and still holds a serious grudge against her dad who cheated on her twice, even though they got divorced many years ago. I'm not saying this has anything to do with my problem, but sometimes I wonder. Also she has recently started a new career, a really good career at that. Sometimes I wonder if she looks at me as a failure because I took a job that currently pays less than amazing but I enjoy doing.

 

I know me and her could work this thing out, I want to prove to her that a life together for us would not be a bad thing. She usually calls me 2-3 times every day, but if I try to talk about our relationship she just gets really mad and wants to get off the phone. I wake up every Sunday and go to church with her and her family, but of course that is not the time to work on our relationship. Every once in a while i'm able to get her to go eat with me or something, and while we are together, she will occasionally let her guard down and laugh and smile, and have a good time. But then it's like she realizes she does it and goes back to no fun mode. She has told me before she is afraid if she came back she would just be miserable and that it wouldn't ever work out. I need help, I need ideas on how I can get her to give our relationship a chance. I'll never be able to prove to her how much I care about her and how great our relationship can be if we are never together. I love her and care about her more than anything in this world, what i'm going through now and the thought of losing her forever hurts me worse than I ever thought I could be hurt.

 

If anyone can take the time to read this, and offer any sort of guidance or advice I would appreciate it more than you can imagine. I've tried spilling my heart out to her, tried just doing my own thing and hope she starts to miss me and wants to come back. Tried being strong and tried being weak. I'm running out of ideas. I'm open to any suggestions or guidance. Thank you.

[No Limit]

Sorry but your ex has some issues if she reacts to trouble by running back home to her mother when she's close to her 30's now. And sorry bro, but don't bet on her not having cheated - because taking off is standard cheater behavior. Nonetheless, your problem isn't that she won't come back, the problem is that you won't let go. I know it seems hard because you've invested so much time and even got the house, but you have no future with her and her calling you every day isn't a sign that she still loves you (breadcrumbs; again, cheater behavior), she's just making sure you aren't getting away so she has a safety net should her current plan not work out the way she wants.

 

Buy her out or get rid of the house altogether, and then start with NC (= no contact). You need to get away from this girl, block her if she starts "chasing" you again.

[EgoJoe]

Now you know why her name had to be on the house and some of the bills. It's over, she's a coward.