Love Or Just A Game?

[J.LO]

I liked this guy and alot of people knew that i liked him. We are friends... but he talks to my friends and everyone more than me. My friends told me that he likes me though. When we hang sometimes, he gets mad when i talk about other guys, but he's scared of what his friends think. Some ..most of his friends are really preppy, and he just doesn't always want to deal with them. He can be alone sometimes, but it seems like they rule him. I dont know what to do. Because sometimes i really like him, and other days he's just there.

He also always trys to make me jealous by going around other girls and flirting with them and stuff...you know. I dont know what to do. Iam sooo lost cuz i used to get worried that if i moved on, that he would then tell me he liked me, and then i wouldnt want him anymore then. I know it shouldnt matter, but that doesnt bother me as much anymore.

The thing is, is that he always denys that i like him. I pretty much told him oneday that ilike him and he said it to me too. But he always tells me that he's really good at playing the game..and that he's a legend. Well, how do i know if he's playing me or really likes me? And if he really did like me he shouldnt care what his friends think and just ask me out. My friends told him that i like him,...he doesnt believe them. And the girls that told him that they liked him, they are bugged by him, but when i hinted that i like him, and that when my friends told him i liked him, he just says no and goes right quiet and doesnt seem to want to believe it. And he also doesnt bug me about it...(liking him)but he bugs the other girls.

This game has been going on for a long time. Over a year. I cant stand it.

Why wont he let me go? i really tried to move on, but i lasted like 2 weeks without being near him, whatever and he still always tries to get me back. Thats when he told me that he's good at playing the game.

He can be a real jerk to me at times. Sometimes i just want to go up to him and say look do ya like me or not, cuz i cant stand this anymore. But i feel like i cant move on until i know the truth...but the way he acts, and the way he always stares at me alll the time makes me believe that maybe..just maybe there really is a us. If him and i have an arguement and thats usually if he or i talk about a different guy or girl, we are always sad afterwards. We even say sorry sometimes. If he gets really snobby with me he says he's sorry for acting like an a**h***. And he does mean it...i know that for sure.

I just dont want to play his games no more. But i still seem to want him.

It doesnt make since why he always watches me and stare, and when we talk and look into eachothers eyes, we connect...my friend saw it too. Even though, everyone is thinking iam over him, because i dont want anyone to know anymore. Sometimes friends dont even need to know your crush. And what about if he does drugs? like..dope? Is it all worth it? And what about the whole is it a game thing?

thanks sorry its sooo long, but iam glad to say this all out. I hope its not soo confusing.

J.LO

[Artscrafter]

J.LO, my advice to you is: Run. Get away from him as fast as you can and don't look back. He's even told you that he's making a game of all this and that he's really good at it. Trust me, I've seen this exact kind of game played (by my roommate, for one.)

 

That he said he was good at playing the game is a huge red flag.

That he seems to spend more time with most of the other girls than he does with you is a huge red flag.

That he does drugs is a huge red flag.

That, though he does drugs, he still says he's afraid of what his preppy friends might think if he started dating you is a huge red flag.

His almost complete lack of appreciation for you, combined with intense jealousy when you talk about other guys, is a huge red flag.

 

I'd give it an upper 90's percent chance that he doesn't care about you at all, but he doesn't want you to leave because that's one less girl he's got at his beck and call. He's just being manipulative when he says he wants you back when you try to leave. And I don't believe the line about being afraid of what his friends might think if he started going out with you for a second. He's using that as an excuse not to get closer to you. He knows that you have feelings for him and he's using that to keep you near him, to boost his own ego. You may think there's an "us," but that's only because you really want it to be there. It's not there. The sooner you realize that, the better.

 

People have a natural tendency to hope that they will get a better result trying the same thing that other people have already tried. That combined with women's natural tendencies to get attached easily and to want to try to "fix" men can be a dangerous combination, and from what it looks like, this guy's taking full advantage of that. Bottom line: If he tells you he's good at playing the game, he is playing the game. If I were you, I'd get as far away from him as I can. You'll thank yourself when you do.

[J.LO]

Thank you for the advice. But how do i stay away from him? He is in my class! And today he tried to get closer again. He tries to make a joke out of things so i will laugh. I dont understand why i actually thought i might have a chance with him. He's just a player. And i tried to not think about that. But i got to think of all the times he hurt me, everything he did. I guess i just cant seem to get rid of that hope that he will be mine....

What can i do to try and run away from him? Like, ignoring doesnt seem to work..i sometimes even feel iam over him, but then all of a sudden it seems like all the bad things seem to just fade away, and i get my hopes up again that there might be an us.

Do you know how i can really stay to my word of forgetting him? Like..so i can really move on? Cuz i tried sooo many different things, and none of them worked. What would you do if you were in my position? How do you deal with it?

J.LO

[Marshbear]

If a guy likes you he will ask you out for a date. If he hasn't done so after a year then he will never do so. You will have to accept that. If you can't be friends with him then you need to tell him. The fact that you have him in a class makes things awkward but you can still keep you distance and ignore him. Just act like he doesn't exist. After a time he will get tired of messing with you and leave you alone. He sounds like someone you really don't want to get involved with anyway so I would side line him.

 

Also. We always seem to want the ones we can't have. That seems to be the norm. Sometimes the fantasy is much better than the reality for if you really hooked up you just might find out that you really didn't like him at all....

[J.LO]

Thanks, and your statement is very true. We do tend to want the things we cant have. And i thought of that before if i actually did have him that maybe i wouldnt like him then.

J.LO