RogerWallace111 Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Wrote a novel about it in the other section but basically my 25 year old now ex and me, 27, dated for a year after being friends for years. Was extremely passionate & magical 99% of the time, until we decided to locate to a new city and share an apartment. We'd lived together before but with her night shift restaurant work came a new social outlet that basically drove us apart. Some evasive actions and latenights didn't sit well on my idle mind, as the guy waiting at home. Plus we started when she had a boyfriend so there were seeds of distrust. Fights became too much, I threatened to leave, couldn't take it back when I tried two days later. Now it's been two weeks, and a week from having actually moved myself to a different city. Haven't been crying or overtly emotional, but I never go thirty seconds without thinking of her and a handful of times each day I find myself with a paralyzing fear of being without her. This sense that she & our connection were so unique that I will never feel whole regardless of what I achieve or what girls I find in the future. And I'm not the low self-esteem type thinking that she was in a league above mine. I think of myself as as rare, intelligent & funny as her. Felt like we were perfect equals intellectually and spiritually. The main difference and what drove us apart was what will also make her likely continue with more fortitude- her enjoyment of casual social interaction. She'll feel comforted by smalltalk at work or at the bar with the coworkers she admittedly doesn't particularly like. I'm comforted by my friends when I can see them and then feel very alone in between. I hate this emptiness & this hopelessness. As much as in an arguement I can bluff and talk the talk of someone who's fine by themselves, I'm not. Not fully. Well not with knowledge of what can be. What that rare love feels like. I've been through this once before after a longer more routine relationship, and though I enjoyed the time and afterward got to a levelled out state where I felt "fine", it wasnt until the start of this last one that I felt truly fulfilled. I will give more consideration to the possibility of marriage, children, etc should I find another girl that does it for me like this one did. And cherish that sh*t. She expressed a hope that maybe one day we might be more than friends again, and while I certainly won't cling to that, the idea is comforting. In the meantime- the upcoming years of my life- I guess I'll have to just wait for this ache in my heart and these recurring twists in my stomach to subside. And be as proactive as I can in achieving exactly what I want to achieve. Anyone got any thoughts or experience with this gut wrenching type of fearful anxiety ? The type of pain that instead of making you cry and lay in bed all day makes you wish you could just not exist for a while. Because no logic will keep it at bay and it feels like it's always lurking... Edited June 5, 2015 by RogerWallace111 Link to post Share on other sites
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