Zard0z Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) Since she broke up with me in September, I've really started to get my life together. And things have been on the up and up. I've made plans to enter grad-school and have taken concrete steps in preparation. I've made efforts to be more social at work and have seen the payoff. I've worked myself into the best shape of my life and even took up a new hobby (photography). That's the good side. The bad side is that because of all my progress, it gives me this false confidence. I delude myself into thinking that if she saw me now, saw the changes I've made, she'd want to be with me again. I still make efforts to contact her, for instance we exchanged a few texts back in March she said some supportive things, but then she stopped responding and blocked me. I resolved myself to stop checking her facebook page, and try to keep my mind off of her, but then a few weeks ago I met someone who is playing in a band with one of her friends. That set my paranoia wheels spinning again. I decided to block her, her new boyfriend, and our mutual friends on facebook so they'd stop showing up in my search engine, and I'd be less tempted to look her up. I seemed to be settling down again, but last night I got drunk with some work friends. One guy just kept boosting my ego the whole night and I started going on about my -ex and he convinced me that it was worth giving it another shot. I drunk dialed from my house-phone which she hadn't blocked. No answer. So far, today I've resisted the urge to unblock her from facebook or look at our old pictures. But part of me still wants to give her another call later tonight... Edited June 5, 2015 by Zard0z Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I don't see how you can say 'things are going well' when it's patently obvious they're not. You need to cut all contact with her, or as much as is humanly possible. Read the NC Guide as a refresher on how it SHOULD be done.... Otherwise you'll still be writing posts like this in a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Couldn't you say something a little more encouraging? I'm trying to do something with my life now, while before I was directionless tying my self-worth to my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I AM encouraging to improve your life 100% in one fell swoop by going complete No Contact. Until you cut ties, determine to move on, and prove to yourself that you don't need to connect with her, your life will merely bimble along without any predictable improvement. In fact, I could comfortably predict that what you are doing now, will actually pull you further down, not make anything go well. I'm sorry if you find that harsh, but I didn't sit and revise and update the NC Guide for my own health, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 I AM encouraging to improve your life 100% in one fell swoop by going complete No Contact. Until you cut ties, determine to move on, and prove to yourself that you don't need to connect with her, your life will merely bimble along without any predictable improvement. In fact, I could comfortably predict that what you are doing now, will actually pull you further down, not make anything go well. I'm sorry if you find that harsh, but I didn't sit and revise and update the NC Guide for my own health, you know. But I'm not going to contact my ex. I was just saying that urge is there. What else am I doing *right now* that is holding me back? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 ...The bad side is that because of all my progress, it gives me this false confidence. I delude myself into thinking that if she saw me now, saw the changes I've made, she'd want to be with me again. I still make efforts to contact her, for instance we exchanged a few texts back in March she said some supportive things, but then she stopped responding and blocked me. I resolved myself to stop checking her facebook page, and try to keep my mind off of her, but then a few weeks ago I met someone who is playing in a band with one of her friends. That set my paranoia wheels spinning again. I decided to block her, her new boyfriend, and our mutual friends on facebook so they'd stop showing up in my search engine, and I'd be less tempted to look her up. I seemed to be settling down again, but last night I got drunk with some work friends. One guy just kept boosting my ego the whole night and I started going on about my -ex and he convinced me that it was worth giving it another shot. I drunk dialed from my house-phone which she hadn't blocked. No answer. So far, today I've resisted the urge to unblock her from facebook or look at our old pictures. But part of me still wants to give her another call later tonight... You aren't moving on. You are still hung up on her, and you're blocking yourself from moving on by comparing your life now to what it would be if she was still in it. You need to be sincere in your intentions and not look upon the things you're doing as a distraction form her. They're a motivation to build a better 'you'. You do everything for yourself, not to make you SEEM more confident, but to actually make you BE more confident. Although the gender is a reversal, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) You aren't moving on. You are still hung up on her, and you're blocking yourself from moving on by comparing your life now to what it would be if she was still in it. You need to be sincere in your intentions and not look upon the things you're doing as a distraction form her. They're a motivation to build a better 'you'. You do everything for yourself, not to make you SEEM more confident, but to actually make you BE more confident. Although the gender is a reversal, I watched that, haha thank you. You're right, I need to stop comparing. But I am proud of myself for the steps I've taken. I'm not doing it solely out of need to impress her (she'll probably never see any of it anyway). I probably wouldn't be as motivated if that were the case. Some of its a bit of survival instinct now. I need more stable employment and something to build a life out of. I'm also trying to look at things in a different light now. For some reason this spring's foliage was exceptionally beautiful. I realized I'd never taken the time to really appreciate it... If you have more NC links please post them or PM me. Edited June 5, 2015 by Zard0z Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Neither of us has PM facilities... At least, I know I don't..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Zard0z Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) Neither of us has PM facilities... At least, I know I don't..... really? I have a link to 'private messages' below my username. But I don't know how to send them. Edit: Just found your other NC Guide. Didn't realize how involved you were in this forum. Edited June 5, 2015 by Zard0z Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 She's got another guy, that right there in itself should be enough to say"I'm done" Link to post Share on other sites
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