Marikoxx Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Hi guys, So I've been with my boyfriend for just over two years and I love him to death. He's my world and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I wanna marry him, have kids with him – the whole picture. The only problem is his best friend. This girl is pretty much the bane of my life. The two of them have known each other since they were in kindergarten. They also lived next door to each other and their moms were good friends, so they've been in each others' lives since forever, basically. They have so much history together, tons of inside jokes I don't get, weird nicknames for each other and they know all of each other's secrets. To sum up, they're insanely close. My problem is how unbearably clingy this girl is with my boyfriend. She calls him all the time – sometimes really late at night when we're settling down for bed or trying to watch a movie or something. She also posts tons of pictures of them together on Facebook, most of which include nauseating messages like, “Love you soooo much, Maxie” and “Best friends for life”. Worst of all, though, she's constantly buying him gifts, like t-shirts and video games, and she freaking cooks for him! Every day she brings him food and even insists on making his lunch for work, sometimes. I'm not usually a jealous person, but all this is becoming a bit too much for me. It doesn't help that I've only met her a couple of times, and on each of these occasions she was extremely aloof towards me and pretty much devoted all her attention towards my boyfriend. The only time she spoke to me was when me and my boyfriend kissed and she scoffed, “Oh, kissing my man, are you?” To make matters worse, my boyfriend even told me she used to have feelings for him – though he insists they're gone now (yeah right). He also says she gets insanely jealous and can be a bit possessive of him. What the hell?? Sorry, honey, but he's my boyfriend! You don't get to be possessive. After talking it out with my boyfriend he agreed to try and spend a little less time with her for my sake. Things were going great until she started calling him at ungodly hours again, crying down the phone and ranting at him, saying things like how he was neglecting her and that he didn't care about her anymore now that he'd gotten himself a new squeeze. I was so mad after hearing all this I stormed out. I don't know what to do anymore. I love my boyfriend so much and can't bear the thought of being without him, but I'm sick of this girl's needy behaviour and how it's eating away at my self-esteem. As immature as it may sound, jealousy is burning me up inside. I'm becoming depressed and bitter and that's not me. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What can I do to get over this? Am I being reasonable or just stupid and insecure? Please, someone help me, I'm so sick of feeling this way... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Isn't there a nice, kind, gentle way in which you could BOTH have a word with her? How does he feel about her continued persistence? Does he feel it's excessive? Is he seeing your PoV? Can he understand that you'd feel put out by a third wheel? While you have to understand how deeply this friendship goes, she really should understand that it would be healthier all round to detach a bit. She doesn't see that everything has to change. The dynamics are different, he's not just her buddy any more. Does she have a BF? Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 You are being more than reasonable, and he really needs to step up and talk to this girl. He's made a commitment to you, and you're the priority. I don't buy the "used to have feelings" for him - acting this way, she still does. Maybe he doesn't see it because they've pretty much always been friends, but there is not another rational reason for her behavior. I mean, if she's his best friend, she should be happy for him. This is a tough one, because of how long their friendship spans. I don't think there is a reality of getting her to think reasonably about this, though. Everything she's doing seems highly irrational for a friend. I think the best way for you to deal with this issue is to talk to him about the strain that it puts on all of you. If you guys end up married, she will always resent you. She seems to now. There will always be tension. So, he really needs to find a way to sit down and talk to her about all of this, and smooth everything out. Does he want that kind of tension and resentment between his love and his friend? He shouldn't, and shouldn't want to put you through it. Best of luck. Hopefully he can resolve things with her with some kind of confrontation and discussion - avoiding it doesn't seem to be working. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Wow, she sounds like a total bunny boiler. Just watch Fatal Attraction with your bf, and ask if he spots any similarities to your real life. Your BF should be the one sorting this out, not you. If you go telling her to back off then you look like the psycho one. He is allowing her to act totally inappropriately. Sort of a cross between his mum and his stalker. He needs to grow a spine here and tell her that she's a friend, nothing more (maybe in a nicer way, though). He needs to set up some proper boundaries for their relationship, to prevent this issue getting any worse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Does this girl not date? what happens when she has a bf, does she still act like this? Your bf needs to tell her that YOU are his gf and unkind words towards you won't be tolerated and that she is being inappropriate. Awkward yes but necessary. Sorry you have to deal with this! Does she live nearby? I don't understand the cooking for him thing...does she just show up with food? Link to post Share on other sites
happyman64 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Marikoxx The answer is really simple. Back off. Tell your BF that he has to deal with this situation. That you are backing off on the relationship until he deals with his BFF. You need to show him that you are strong, keep your self esteem intact and make sure he is not stringing both of you along. So make him choose without telling him that is what he needs to do. If he cares for you deeply enough and feels the same way about you that you do about him he will have that conversation with his BFF and put her in her place which is as a friend.... And if he does not do it then you have your answer and know where you stand. So back off. HM 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 This girl calls him at all hours, buy him gifts, makes his lunch, calls him her man where both of you heard the comment, and he claims her feelings are platonic? He needs a reality check bc as much as she is doing these things, he is accepting/allowing them to continue. How long have you dated? (rhetorical) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 It's tough for him I get it, but there comes a time where we need to grow out of our friends from time to time, because our lives change. This should have been dealt with FIRMLY at the beginning of your relationship, not 2 years later. Since you stuck it out this long with him, he figures it can't be that bad and is sweeping this under the rug. Sorry to say this but you may have to give him an ultimatum. Either he sets firm boundaries with her, and stop this "unhealthy" attachment she has with him, or you will be parting ways. I agree he needs to handle on his own, but you need to give him that "push" to get it done. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Marikoxx The answer is really simple. Back off. Tell your BF that he has to deal with this situation. That you are backing off on the relationship until he deals with his BFF. You need to show him that you are strong, keep your self esteem intact and make sure he is not stringing both of you along. So make him choose without telling him that is what he needs to do. If he cares for you deeply enough and feels the same way about you that you do about him he will have that conversation with his BFF and put her in her place which is as a friend.... And if he does not do it then you have your answer and know where you stand. So back off. HM I would do this ^^^ He needs to deal with her and you should back off until he does NO GF would be cool with this situation Of course she still likes him. She's in love with him He'll never have a good relationship while she's around I hate to say this but it seems women really struggle with these boundaries and don't know when to respect a relationship . His friend probably can't believe how he and her aren't a couple. I bet she's dreamed of marrying and having kids with him Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Yes, you have a battle with her, she is not your ally. But you're in the right direction. You've talked to him about it, he agreed with you and promised to make some changes. But she's not going to surrender that easily. She is going to fight and it's gonna be ugly. The things now are at your favor and you have the upper hand - She knows it. that's why she became more extreme. You just have to remind him what you've agreed about, and maybe he should be reminded few time. Always be nice, and loving, not blaming, not complaining. She will become more crazy, making manipulations like play the victim and refuse talking to him for a while... But all that will show that you are in the right direction. It's also a kind of a text to see how much you BF loves you and agree to make sacrifices in order to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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