Biggest relationship killer....

[preraph]

You're right. Being someone's parent is the quickest road to killing sex. Trouble is there's plenty of guys who basically want someone to take care of them like they're still a kid, cook, clean, and coddle them, so once that gets old, it's a very small toe over the line before the woman feels she's got another child on her hands. And men do it too. That version is telling the woman what she can and can't do, what she can and can't spend, etc.

[carhill]

Biggest relationship killer....

Acting like your husband's mother.

 

I heard this a lot over the decades since most of my male friends went from mom to wife at age 17-20 generally. That and 'nagging', generally a mix, were their main relationship complaints.

 

My personal one was perhaps a bit outlier, that being lack of respect for my love for and commitment to my mother when she became mentally ill. Only child so I stepped up and did what needed to be done, even if not a typical 'male' job. That was the beginning of the end of our M.

[understand50]

Umm, these were given as skills men/people needed to have. Not what is deemed attractive, etc.

 

So what eye is beholding what here?

 

My comment is that you do not see value in being a marksman, or woman. Where I come from it is highly prized. There are many skills that others deem important that I would not see value in.

 

These are some of the life skills my wife and I decided to pass on to our kids, yours skills you pass will be and should be different. The thing is, we made a effort, so our boys would not have to "mothered" in a relationship, or feel they had to have someone to take care of them. They can stand on their own two feet. Same thing for the girls, they do not "need" a man to take care of them.

 

Self reliance should be "attractive" to the other sex, but even there, to each their own.

2087

[Got it]

My comment is that you do not see value in being a marksman, or woman. Where I come from it is highly prized. There are many skills that others deem important that I would not see value in.

 

These are some of the life skills my wife and I decided to pass on to our kids, yours skills you pass will be and should be different. The thing is, we made a effort, so our boys would not have to "mothered" in a relationship, or feel they had to have someone to take care of them. They can stand on their own two feet. Same thing for the girls, they do not "need" a man to take care of them.

 

Self reliance should be "attractive" to the other sex, but even there, to each their own.

2087

 

Yes and that was what I was saying a well. I disagree on all young men needing to learn to shoot a gun. It is a side topic but I think the far less people need to know how to shoot a gun and the better off this country would be.

[Got it]

I heard this a lot over the decades since most of my male friends went from mom to wife at age 17-20 generally. That and 'nagging', generally a mix, were their main relationship complaints.

 

My personal one was perhaps a bit outlier, that being lack of respect for my love for and commitment to my mother when she became mentally ill. Only child so I stepped up and did what needed to be done, even if not a typical 'male' job. That was the beginning of the end of our M.

 

Wow carhill, I am sorry to hear that. I do think there is some expectation to care for all generations and would expect to care for my husband's family if needed like that. We actually offered to have his mom move into our house, turn the walk out basement into an apartment for her but she didn't want to move. I know that there is always a chance this may happen and I think there are some real benefits to it.

[understand50]

Yes and that was what I was saying a well. I disagree on all young men needing to learn to shoot a gun. It is a side topic but I think the far less people need to know how to shoot a gun and the better off this country would be.

 

Well this is off topic, so we will just have to disagree. For myself, and the public and courts are moving in this direction, knowing how to defend yourself, hunt, and handle firearms is a good life skill to have. Both men and woman. Also, it is just plain fun. I see more women at the firing range today. Sometime I see them teaching their B/F how to shoot. They shoot a verity of firearms, from large rifles to small handguns. My daughter got her husband into the sport.

 

Lastly, Please consider this. We are not all equal. The average man can out power the average woman. Large men, or women can pray on smaller men or women. Just the way it is.

 

If life itself, and being able to just live, is a human right, not letting the weaker among us have to tools and knowledge to defend their life is repugnant. The right to self defense then becomes meaningless if you, yourself cannot defend it. Your life is at the mercy of someone else, at their pleasure. See link below, for a tragic story on that score.

 

My kids, and the others I have trained, may never own a gun, their choice, but they will always know how to use one if they decide they need one.

Knowledge is power, I myself am a firm believer in everyone having the knowledge on how to defend themselves.

 

'No one helped her': NJ woman murdered by ex while awaiting gun permit | Fox New

2720

[Ninjainpajamas]

At the end of the day everybody does realize that, YOU choose/chose your partner at the end of the day...right?

 

Complaining or nagging about your partner, kind of well...makes you look a bit stupid.

 

I find it a bit embarrassing that people tear down the person they are with and vocalize it to others to shame them, as if it really makes you look that much smarter, respectable and intelligent for being with them...

 

maybe, just maybe...it says something about YOU for choosing to be with him/her.

 

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be led to believe that you're just this perfect individual and relationship partner who just so happened to end up with this inadequate person, don't play me for a fool and pretend that I'm not smart enough to realize you made choices along the way to be with that person anyway...I'm sorry your little fantasy of them changing didn't work out, but you're not a child and wouldn't want to be treated like one so I'd expect you to make decisions for yourself as an adult, and judge accordingly to those expectations...if not even your own expectations within yourself, as I'm sure you'd judge someones else's relationship just as easily for the faults of your own.

 

My solution therefore, and opinion, would be to make a choice and choose to be with someone else, someone you respect..instead of criticizing the behavior of your SO all the time, critiquing how inadequate they are.

 

Women that talk like this, with this entitlement behavior, are a dime-a-dozen as well, "why can't I find a good man?", "why can't this or that guy do this better, why can't he treat me like a lady, wah wah wah, let me talk smack about every guy and how inadequate he is to my standards"...look in the mirror bizatch, you're not exactly the sh!!!znit yourself.

 

Seriously, some women need to take a good look in the mirror and criticize, analyze and critique themselves as much as they do men...maybe then they'll understand why they keep ending up with the same kind of men.

 

But nope, it's a one way mirror, you can see out of it to the other side, to the other person standing there, but you can't see your own reflection.

 

If the relationship is over and you're moving on, or you're forced to deal with this person...like because you have kids together or what not, i can understand vocalizing grievances and such...otherwise you should be trying to remove yourself from that dynamic and state-of-mind by disassociating yourself from that "relationship" as much as possible.

 

You don't in my book, get a lot of brownie or intellect points for continuing to stay with a person...whom you speak condescendingly about and talk so low about, because they are beneath you because they don't live up to your standards or expectations, whatever they are.

 

I would think, people would have more respect for themselves and their relationships...than to be venting about how inadequate their men are and what their faults are...it's a unpleasant quality about many women who insist vocalizing their dissatisfying relationship issues to others like friends and family. I'm sorry, but it doesn't make you look very smart at all...especially when the next minute you're doing something stupid and enabling the behavior you were just b!!1tching about someone else.

[Brigit]

Acting like your husband's mother. I just got off the phone with a friend of mine, she was, as usual, complaining about her husband being incompetent, blah blah blah.

 

Then, she REMINDS him to close the garage door when he leaves. What the hell is this dynamic? I have to say i see this more and more often. At the gym a few weeks ago one of the ladies was saying something about her husband wanted "x" (can't remember what it was). Well, she said she just "put her foot down" :eek: I cringed.

 

This has got to be one of the biggest relationship/marriage / romance killers ever. I am not my husband's mother. Does not seem like a good dynamic to me.

 

I remind my husband to do things. He leaves stuff on that can burn down the house so yeah I'm going to remind him. I don't give a crap who I sound like I don't want to be charred in my sleep.

[Morro72]

This dynamic in a television show just makes me mad: Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Guy, and on and on. If I were a man these shows would seriously insult me.

It annoyed me in the '50s when I was a kid. Sounds like it hasn't gotten any better as far as the sitcoms are concerned.

 

I kind of like the family dynamics on Game of Thrones, though.

[Gloria25]

Why do men want a mommy - yet don't wanna be mommied?

 

Cuz fact is men come from women and look up to women...

 

His mother feeds, cleans, etc - nurtures him...he looks up to his mommy for approval and affection. When he marries his wife takes on that role. And yes, his wife inspires him to become a "man" - to better himself. A wise woman can mold a boy into a man.

 

The "twist" here is that while the wife now takes on the "nurturing", she has to also be his "woman". I mean, who wants to have sex with their mommy?

 

I have no problem with "nurturing" a man. I will cook, clean, even give him a pedicure...

 

But I will never be his "mommy"...

 

Examples of being his "mommy"??

 

-Telling him he has to "ask" if he can go out and do this/that...etc. That movie with Patrick Wilson - "Little Children" was a good example. His wifey was the breadwinner and one day she asked him 'Why do you have these magazine subscriptions? What do you need them for?'...Same thing with the celphone. He had to "ask" her if he can get a celphone. Excuse me? Last time I looked when you marry it's "our" money...So, even if she wanted to be the "man" in the RL and be the breadwinner - you don't talk to your SO like they're your child.

 

-Dressing like his "mommy". Frumpy dresses, "mom" jeans...get my drift?

 

-Your "tone". If you need him to take out the garbage, you can either say: "John, could you please put out the trash" and while you do it, you give him a sweet peck on the neck/cheek and/or rub his shoulder gently....OR, you can say "JOHN, don't forget the trash!!!"

 

-Taking over the home and giving him the garage or den as doggy house. Yes, we women usually are the ones who have better taste when it comes to decorating and enjoy doing that more than men - but you make the home a reflection of you two.

 

-Respect. Women simply don't respect their men - especially now a days. Yeah, like on cartoons and sticoms on TV...women see men as bafoons and talk to them as such.

 

-Appreciation. Look, I had a "ex" friend who's husband was in the Army and was a drill sergeant. Those guys have odd/long hours. She was byaching that he expected "her" to get the tires for his truck and she had better things to do. Come on, just stop already. If you are tired of him, then divorce him and be alone so you can have all the time in the world and not be bothered. Don't nit-pick over stupid, little things like that.

 

People in RLs "do" things for each other. Just order the tires and call it a day. This lady called my fav podcaster saying that the women calling in byaching about their husbands need to get a clue cuz her husband died in an accident and when he was alive he had a bad habit of throwing his socks around the bedroom - everywhere except the hamper. Well, now that he's dead, she'd give anything to just have his dirty socks around to pick up.

 

So, don't make a mountain out of an ant-hill...

[thefooloftheyear]

I think a lot of the things people are talking about in here and saying they are mothering, are also just the sort of thing many men would like to see in a wife. How many men don't want a woman that cooks for them? I know I like it.

 

To me, this just seems like another cop out for women. If a woman does not want to adhere to the traditional role in a relationship, cooking, taking care of the house, ect, that's fine. However, I hope she doesn't expect her man to still do what is expected of the traditional man, paying the bills, and working his behind off to do so. That includes paying for dates, which so many women seem to think is up to a man to do.

 

Good point...

 

I think many "progressive" type women get frustrated that good/high quality men just don't want fall in lock-step with how they want them to be...There isn't anything at all wrong for a woman to want to wear that hat, they just have to realize that not all men want to play..

 

 

 

 

TFY

[Got it]

I think a lot of the things people are talking about in here and saying they are mothering, are also just the sort of thing many men would like to see in a wife. How many men don't want a woman that cooks for them? I know I like it.

 

To me, this just seems like another cop out for women. If a woman does not want to adhere to the traditional role in a relationship, cooking, taking care of the house, ect, that's fine. However, I hope she doesn't expect her man to still do what is expected of the traditional man, paying the bills, and working his behind off to do so. That includes paying for dates, which so many women seem to think is up to a man to do.

 

????? Where is anyone saying that? Cooking dinner is a far cry from needing to nag incessantly about things.

 

You honestly can't see the difference in what you just said above and what people have actually posted in this thread? I think you are really looking at things with a very biased agenda.

 

And personally, no I have zero interest in adhering to the traditional roles and I don't expect my husband to either. We pick and choose the tasks we want to do, based on interest level and skill set, and sometimes the good old fashion "who caves first" approach (I usually win on dishes because they don't bother me and they drive hubby crazy! He usually wins on taking care of the animals because I don't like to wait on whatever they want.)

 

And when we were dating we took turns on dates and trips. We still do that. One person plans, the other is "eye candy". We compete who can put together the best trip. We split costs prior to dating.

 

But that has little to do with a woman who has to mother the crap out of her husband. That is just insulting to him and to her and annoying as hell.

[Gloria25]

I think a lot of the things people are talking about in here and saying they are mothering, are also just the sort of thing many men would like to see in a wife. How many men don't want a woman that cooks for them? I know I like it.

 

To me, this just seems like another cop out for women. If a woman does not want to adhere to the traditional role in a relationship, cooking, taking care of the house, ect, that's fine. However, I hope she doesn't expect her man to still do what is expected of the traditional man, paying the bills, and working his behind off to do so. That includes paying for dates, which so many women seem to think is up to a man to do.

 

Good point...

 

I think many "progressive" type women get frustrated that good/high quality men just don't want fall in lock-step with how they want them to be...There isn't anything at all wrong for a woman to want to wear that hat, they just have to realize that not all men want to play..TFY

 

Agreed....

 

The women's movement is all about demeaning and shaming men. That we don't need them and what not...It's endless hostility towards men. Disrespect for men..Contempt for men.

 

So, a man desiring his wife to "nurture" him is seen as her being "beneath" him, him being "needy", and any other negative connotation that women can dredge up.

 

All this "partner" stuff is ridiculous if you ask me. If my husband wants to cook for me/the family - it would be nice as a "treat". But for me to expect him to go 50/50 on everything cuz we're "equals" is such a turn off.

 

Yes, in a RL there's "division of labor" - in other words...he does the grass, handystuff - you know, guy stuff. And me, I cook, clean, wash - woman/nurturing stuff.

 

But, problem is with dual-career/working couples both come home tired and have nothing left to make the "house" a "home" and that's where people, IMO, are becoming "roommates" more than lovers and husband/wife.

 

Back in the day, guy worked his butt off and the wife kept the home. Ideally, he comes home to warm food on the stove, kids greeting him at the door and wifey looking nice and cute. Not now a days. Kids are in daycare, wife is tired and miserable and I can go on and on.

 

Chaos in the making if you ask me...

[carhill]

Biggest relationship killer....

 

Consumerism run amok, to the extent that dual incomes are necessary to support it. Not optional, rather necessary. I saw the beginning of this trend decades ago when young mothers, not yet afforded equality of wages in the workplace, had to make hard decisions between the income from working and the costs of working in child care, transportation, lack of economic efficiency in the home management area, etc, etc.

 

As gadgets ramped up and advertising made us feel we were keeping up with the Jones'es if we bought the gadget, people bought in, women worked to add to the income bankrolling the gadget-buying spree and we started down the path which has led us to today. Both men and women made choices. Recent? Nah, I'm talking about the 50's and 60's. That's when it started. By the time the 60's ended, I was one of two kids on the block whose mothers were still SAHM's. All the rest had gone to work. We're talking 1/4 mile of houses, so about 40 families, all roughly the same lower middle class of the times.

 

I would experience a variant of this issue many decades later, when I became the househusband and caregiver, diminishing but not eliminating my income as I still handled most of the household related expenses, much to the consternation of my spouse. That change was a relationship-killer for her. Our lifestyle changed. The Joneses were getting ahead. Friends didn't respond to invitations, etc, etc. I saw this as a temporary life challenge. She apparently viewed it as a failure, at the time anyway. She's since told me that view was in error. OK. Perhaps that's a good lesson about relationship killers. They seem that way at the time.

[WasOtherWoman]

Good point...

 

I think many "progressive" type women get frustrated that good/high quality men just don't want fall in lock-step with how they want them to be...There isn't anything at all wrong for a woman to want to wear that hat, they just have to realize that not all men want to play..

 

 

 

 

TFY

 

Well, this thread has taken a few turns, but since I started it, I will say that my husband and I have a pretty traditional marriage, as traditional as two high-earning people can have. That said, my objection is not at all people doing things for each other. My husband has my car filled with gas, cleaned, etc. I make sure that things at home are done. I make it my main priority that my husband is happy. That means doing things for him.

 

My objection, in this particular thread, is women who speak to their husbands like they are five years old and stupid. That's all. How is that sexy? To me, it just isn't. And it certainly wouldn't be to any man that I would want to be with.

 

It has nothing to do with being traditional or doing things for each other.

[Radu]

This dynamic in a television show just makes me mad: Everybody Loves Raymond, Family Guy, and on and on. If I were a man these shows would seriously insult me.

 

Well ... Bob's Burgers seems to be different, though it was better the first few seasons [Linda is obviously nuts].

 

But yeah ... it's a major beef.

 

Put it down to the destruction of male rolemodels and the war it is waged on them.

[Gloria25]

Well, this thread has taken a few turns, but since I started it, I will say that my husband and I have a pretty traditional marriage, as traditional as two high-earning people can have. That said, my objection is not at all people doing things for each other. My husband has my car filled with gas, cleaned, etc. I make sure that things at home are done. I make it my main priority that my husband is happy. That means doing things for him.

 

My objection, in this particular thread, is women who speak to their husbands like they are five years old and stupid. That's all. How is that sexy? To me, it just isn't. And it certainly wouldn't be to any man that I would want to be with.

 

It has nothing to do with being traditional or doing things for each other.

 

I'm glad you stated your point, and I get ya, but I do believe the "roles" women believe they have now a days have influenced them seeing their husband like a child that they must talk down to.

 

Think about it...if there's two "cooks" who is the leader? Who decides what ingredients go in the pot? Like it or not, when women start earning their own stuff, instead of them seeing it as "ours", many of them see it as "theirs" and that's where they believe that he is at her mercy and she doesn't need to put up with him and/or his opinion about anything...and that translates into how she treats him. Cuz they are "partners" and "equals".

 

Also, when you have a "partnership" instead of two people doing things for each other...where's the love? "Partners" sounds like a business transaction, not two people who love each other and that, again, translates into how a woman is going to treat her man.

 

I mean, that's was the intent behind the women's movement - which is "barefoot and pregnant" is how men wanted women and now that women can make their own money - they don't have to put up with a man. And, everything a man wants from a woman (sex, cooking, cleaning, nurturing) is being him trying to pull her back into that submissive role. So, she's gonna keep him under her thumb (treating him like a child), so he can't "domesticate" her again. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

[Radu]

I've got a cousin like this, professional momma's boy.

He hit his foot so his mom came by train 400km [it took 7hs] to care for him; yes ... he could still walk but limped a little, the poor guy.

Handshake like a dead fish, his wife convinced him to buy a house at the peak of the housing bubble and after the housing market crashed in the US.

 

The women who i've talked to who were with men like these, hated it because they were just plain too soft and they were not married to them, but they had instant kid upon their wedding night.

 

If i had to venture a guess, the women who like this, are probably ones who want to have control ... absolute control.

If you fight her on this, challenge her she will fight you tooth and nail.

It's a catch 22 with them; if you win you gain her respect because you stood up to her, but she can't let you win because she can't conceive her losing any control whatsoever.

It's like a win-win situation is impossible with them; win-win means that they are loosing something.

[Radu]

I'm glad you stated your point, and I get ya, but I do believe the "roles" women believe they have now a days have influenced them seeing their husband like a child that they must talk down to.

My feeling is that with the state of college enrollments, and the gender ratios there, in a way these impressions are validated.

Men being 2nd class, incomplete, improper, not fully functioning, not fully firing on all cylinders ... something lacking from being the 'right' one.

 

Think about it...if there's two "cooks" who is the leader? Who decides what ingredients go in the pot? Like it or not, when women start earning their own stuff, instead of them seeing it as "ours", many of them see it as "theirs" and that's where they believe that he is at her mercy and she doesn't need to put up with him and/or his opinion about anything...and that translates into how she treats him. Cuz they are "partners" and "equals".

Funny enough, there is an episode of Married with Children where Al asks this same question 'how come when i earn it, it's our money, but when you earn it ... it's your money'.

Simplest explanation i can think of is that the attitude is a natural continuation of the courting process where the man is supposed to supplicate to the woman, wine and dine her, pay for it all.

Next comes marriage, buying the house ... and the responsability for it; which might explain why in the same demographic, unmarried men tend to have more savings than women [significantly too], according to a study from UK.

Add to this that the modern family does not live in abject poverty [as it is understood 100yrs ago], with their lives on the line, and 'her' paycheck can more easily be seen as disposable income that remains with her.

 

Also, when you have a "partnership" instead of two people doing things for each other...where's the love? "Partners" sounds like a business transaction, not two people who love each other and that, again, translates into how a woman is going to treat her man.

This has been bugging me for a while too.

I used to believe that marriages are equal, and partnerships and all that.

But what i see when i look at ppl who have been successfully married for long times is ... selflessness; those ppl selflessly do nice things for each other.

Not because they must, but because they want to put the other person as #1 in their lives; it is a choice both make.

 

I've personally started looking at how i can identify ppl who are naturally selfless.

 

I mean, that's was the intent behind the women's movement - which is "barefoot and pregnant" is how men wanted women and now that women can make their own money - they don't have to put up with a man. And, everything a man wants from a woman (sex, cooking, cleaning, nurturing) is being him trying to pull her back into that submissive role. So, she's gonna keep him under her thumb (treating him like a child), so he can't "domesticate" her again. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

I read a lot on feminism, and i was a pretty big supporter of the movement when i was younger; even now i believe in equal rights for everyone [but i don't believe that feminism is interested in that].

And i never believed that men, in mass, wanted for women to be barefoot and pregnant, sperm recepticles used for doing stuff around the house and for breeding purposes.

These men had mothers, sisters and daughters ... i find it hard to believe that that entire male gender forsake the love for them once they got some 'power'.

[autumnnight]

My objection, in this particular thread, is women who speak to their husbands like they are five years old and stupid. That's all. How is that sexy? To me, it just isn't. And it certainly wouldn't be to any man that I would want to be with.

 

This. When I hear women talk to their husbands like little boys and roll their eyes as they tell "his socks are always on the floor" stories I cringe. How in the world is that respectful to their husband, especially when they are doing this in front of other people?

 

I think part of what fuels it is the "bitty sessions" that a lot of women seem to have when they gather. At one of my recent places of work, most of the employees were women, and at lunch, the conversation often devolved into "one up the complaints about hubby." I had a rotten marriage at the time, but I just got up and left when that started. That tag team griping cannot be good for marriage, and you know it spills over into their interaction with their spouses.

[Got it]

I'm glad you stated your point, and I get ya, but I do believe the "roles" women believe they have now a days have influenced them seeing their husband like a child that they must talk down to.

 

Think about it...if there's two "cooks" who is the leader? Who decides what ingredients go in the pot? Like it or not, when women start earning their own stuff, instead of them seeing it as "ours", many of them see it as "theirs" and that's where they believe that he is at her mercy and she doesn't need to put up with him and/or his opinion about anything...and that translates into how she treats him. Cuz they are "partners" and "equals".

 

Also, when you have a "partnership" instead of two people doing things for each other...where's the love? "Partners" sounds like a business transaction, not two people who love each other and that, again, translates into how a woman is going to treat her man.

 

I mean, that's was the intent behind the women's movement - which is "barefoot and pregnant" is how men wanted women and now that women can make their own money - they don't have to put up with a man. And, everything a man wants from a woman (sex, cooking, cleaning, nurturing) is being him trying to pull her back into that submissive role. So, she's gonna keep him under her thumb (treating him like a child), so he can't "domesticate" her again. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

 

Gloria, you have two very high earning women, myself and WOW, who have stated otherwise. This is not the only option, that one person must lead. We have found through life, business, etc. that people can operate in a collaborative state without one person as the sole leader. It can be a partnership where each side has pieces they lead on and other pieces they support. And their paycheck does not cause them to look negatively upon their husband. Instead they see it as a positive.

 

And you are so grossly wrong on the women's movement it is laughable. You have no concept about what it means, what the intent was, and what it actually stands for outside of what Fox News is spewing.

 

And, I have to ask, how do you rationalize the juxtaposition based on your own personal thoughts, actions, and decisions for your life and the above? You are, for all intents and purposes (please people it is NOT intensive purposes! lol), the exact woman you seem to despise so.

 

My husband and I are equals. But I still highly respect his opinion, his ego and making him happy. Does that mean I roll over and play Stepford wife? God no. And he wouldn't want that. But we have a harmonious set up where we utilize each person's strengths to better the union.

 

Why is that so hard to fathom? And why do you hate women so much?

[Got it]

It is not respectful. It is a sign of a lack of loyalty, a common problem in people these days.

 

 

 

Some men are just as bad. I have worked with guys that would hit the bar after work to avoid going home to their wife.

 

Unfortunately I have seen this too. Work days become longer, trips are picked up, and time away is increased to not deal with the issues at home. Both are in the wrong and it is just sad.

 

Marriage is about compromising and if one party cannot do so, it will greatly struggle to be a happy marriage.

[WasOtherWoman]

I think part of what fuels it is the "bitty sessions" that a lot of women seem to have when they gather. At one of my recent places of work, most of the employees were women, and at lunch, the conversation often devolved into "one up the complaints about hubby." I had a rotten marriage at the time, but I just got up and left when that started. That tag team griping cannot be good for marriage, and you know it spills over into their interaction with their spouses.

 

When I am at a women-only gathering and this happens, my husband becomes a very lucky man because when I get home I immediately show him how lucky I feel that I am married to him and not one of those other women's husbands.

[WasOtherWoman]

I'm glad you stated your point, and I get ya, but I do believe the "roles" women believe they have now a days have influenced them seeing their husband like a child that they must talk down to.

 

Think about it...if there's two "cooks" who is the leader? Who decides what ingredients go in the pot? Like it or not, when women start earning their own stuff, instead of them seeing it as "ours", many of them see it as "theirs" and that's where they believe that he is at her mercy and she doesn't need to put up with him and/or his opinion about anything...and that translates into how she treats him. Cuz they are "partners" and "equals".

 

Also, when you have a "partnership" instead of two people doing things for each other...where's the love? "Partners" sounds like a business transaction, not two people who love each other and that, again, translates into how a woman is going to treat her man.

 

I mean, that's was the intent behind the women's movement - which is "barefoot and pregnant" is how men wanted women and now that women can make their own money - they don't have to put up with a man. And, everything a man wants from a woman (sex, cooking, cleaning, nurturing) is being him trying to pull her back into that submissive role. So, she's gonna keep him under her thumb (treating him like a child), so he can't "domesticate" her again. Sad state of affairs if you ask me.

 

So, I am definitely not a feminist. My husband is the CEO of a very large public company so talking down to him probably would not get me very far. We truly do have a traditional marriage. LOL, at home, no one wants to be in charge. We hire people to figure that stuff out, we make enough decisions at work. At home, we are just two people who love each other, make each other a priority and do stuff for each other. It's pretty simple.