Colleague with lazy family

[Arieswoman]

I'm not sure if this thread should be here in "parenting", or in "family" or "work and professional relationships". I am sure the mods will move it if it isn't correct.

 

I have a p/t work colleague (who I see infrequently) who moans continually about her lazy family.

She has a husband who is retired and two grown up kids aged 21 and 26 living at home. In addition to that the daughter's boyfriend lives with them as well. The kids + boyfriend are all in employment.

 

She moans that she has to do all the cooking washing and ironing etc etc.

 

I suggested that it was time she kicked their lazy asses into gear. Her response was to tell me that, as I had no children, I knew nothing about being a parent. ( !! )

 

She hasn't spoken to me since (which suits me just fine !)

 

My query is that if kids make a financial contribution towards the household expenses ("lodge money" in UK) does that give them a free pass on the household chores?

 

And at what age would kids be expected to start doing jobs about the house?

 

I know there isn't a right or wrong answer to this, but I just wanted some opinions from those who have raised children.

 

Thanks.

[Tayla]

There is no age set standard per se. With more folks co- blending various generations we are back to the "Waltons" lifestyle. Most of the adults will find suitable ways to pitch in and get things done that are "house" maintenance.

The personal areas are entirely theirs to maintain .

 

If the adults can set a routine or contribute in various ways, then it behooves them to aide. Its still a family goal to show responsibility. Each must also show a bit more respect when its a group effort.

 

Usually I listen to the person sharing the tale of woe with the understanding they are frustrated or concerned. IF they ask for suggestions, I share. OTherwise they have a voice and a mind. Both of which can be used to come to a living arrangement that creates family pride not family misery.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure if this thread should be here in "parenting", or in "family" or "work and professional relationships". I am sure the mods will move it if it isn't correct.

 

I have a p/t work colleague (who I see infrequently) who moans continually about her lazy family.

She has a husband who is retired and two grown up kids aged 21 and 26 living at home. In addition to that the daughter's boyfriend lives with them as well. The kids + boyfriend are all in employment.

 

She moans that she has to do all the cooking washing and ironing etc etc.

 

I suggested that it was time she kicked their lazy asses into gear. Her response was to tell me that, as I had no children, I knew nothing about being a parent. ( !! )

 

She hasn't spoken to me since (which suits me just fine !)

 

My query is that if kids make a financial contribution towards the household expenses ("lodge money" in UK) does that give them a free pass on the household chores?

 

And at what age would kids be expected to start doing jobs about the house?

 

I know there isn't a right or wrong answer to this, but I just wanted some opinions from those who have raised children.

 

Thanks.

 

She has allowed this and continued to do everything meanwhile the rest of them sit on their ass and do nothing.

 

Kids at a young age can help out and do chores, and by teens it should be expected.

[mrs rubble]

The trick to getting teens (or anyone for that matter!!) to do things for you, is to use positive reinforcement. Moaning, whining and whinging isn't going to make anyone move, and if your colleague is moaning to you about her family, you can bet your last penny she's moaning to them too.

 

I used to moan at my kid's in effort to get them to help out with chores, then I changed my approach- I praised them and thanked them profusely everytime they did even a small task- like get the mail out the letterbox.

This approach worked well. Today I'm at work, and my 16yo rang me earlier in the day and asked if there was anything he could do for me while I was at work!!

[still_an_Angel]

I'm a single parent holding down a full time job. We are away for most of the day so when we get home, I expect everybody to do their share of the work so we can all eat dinner on time, clean up, homework, etc. All the kids started helping out around 5-6 years old, just with simple things like taking out the rubbish bag, sorting the laundry, folding tea towels, etc. Sure they moan and groan, and fight about it, but everyone has to help, they live in this house therefore they should take pride in keeping it clean.

 

 

I still do the bulk of the work, but as they grow older, I give them more chores, this is the only way they will learn to look after themselves and be independent. I can't do all the running around after them, I love them to tidbits but teaching them household chores is more important in their adult lives.

[Radu]

I'm not sure if this thread should be here in "parenting", or in "family" or "work and professional relationships". I am sure the mods will move it if it isn't correct.

 

I have a p/t work colleague (who I see infrequently) who moans continually about her lazy family.

She has a husband who is retired and two grown up kids aged 21 and 26 living at home. In addition to that the daughter's boyfriend lives with them as well. The kids + boyfriend are all in employment.

 

She moans that she has to do all the cooking washing and ironing etc etc.

 

I suggested that it was time she kicked their lazy asses into gear. Her response was to tell me that, as I had no children, I knew nothing about being a parent. ( !! )

 

She hasn't spoken to me since (which suits me just fine !)

 

My query is that if kids make a financial contribution towards the household expenses ("lodge money" in UK) does that give them a free pass on the household chores?

 

And at what age would kids be expected to start doing jobs about the house?

 

I know there isn't a right or wrong answer to this, but I just wanted some opinions from those who have raised children.

 

Thanks.

 

My answer is that they should be doing something.

Finished HS ?; good ... college ? ... if not, get a job and contribute.

Finished college ... get a job and contribute.

 

The problem in her situation is that she allowed her husband to dictate everything, was passive in their relationship, chose him still, and will continue to do things for her kids.

By doing things, she is stopping them from hitting rock bottom and taking care of themselves [in a way she is selfish].

 

Your role is to be her emotional tampon, she does not seek a resolution to her problem from you ... she wants someone who she can b*tch and whine to.