JoySeeker Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 We've been married 19.5 years, raised a blended family and have kids together. There were many problems in our marriage the entire time, some of them due to family members and exes. I never had a real opportunity to bond with my husband because there was always some drama or emotional hurt that would make me withdraw and I built up and surpressed quite a bit of resentment. 6 yrs ago, I decided I wanted out but he guilted me into staying because of the kids, religion and I am a SAHM. I felt angry and held hostage and withdrew from him emotionally (and physically, as much as I could get away with). I was there really to keep him from being angry and for being the blame of my family's breakup. Somewhere, around 6 years ago, I told him that I still love my ex, hoping this would be the thing that he could not live with, as he had said before in a random conversation. That didn't work. He simply confronted my ex to make sure there was nothing going on. There wasn't. I finally told him the truth, that I couldn't do this anymore and started moving towards filing for divorce. This has been going on for about 6 months now. I have no money for a lawyer so, I'm trying to work out the terms of an uncontested divorce. Once we agree, he changes his mind. I finally hired an attorney, thinking we can still work on terms if he sees I'm serious. And he has seemed agreeable but, the attorney is dragging her feet on this. Meantime, we agreed that our marriage is merely on paper and we're free to move on but he still hangs around hoping for reconciliation. At least, that's what I thought until I found dinner receipts. That solidified my resolve to divorce and move on. I felt upset that I was tippy toe'g around his feelings when he was actually moving on but saying that he couldn't. I stopped all communication, once again, feeling manipulated. He's been out of the house for about 5 months now. He texted me recently to ask for a temporary loan (remember. I have no money). I said something smart about him spending money on dinners and that I have nothing to give him. I wanted to imagine the expression on his face but, and here's the real question... I couldn't picture his face. I've been enjoying the peace of him not being around. I don't think of him or wonder what he's doing. I actually feel like a huge cloud has been lifted from my life. But, for the life of me, I can't picture his face. That startled me. I mean, I'd know him if I see him, obviously. But, right now, I can not even recall what his face looks like. Is that normal? I can remember one image of his general form yelling at my son but, that's the only image I can muster. We still have 2 under-aged kids with me. Have I mentally erased him from my life? What's happening? I'm not worried about not remembering him. I'm worried that I'm having some sort of mental issue. Is this normal? Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Your brain has built a block so that you cannot remember what he looks like. This was probably a combination of time passing (where details of things that you do not constantly see seem to fade), and an outright refusal to acknowledge his existence (coping mechanism). Not that I'm a doctor or anything, but IMO it is totally normal and you do not have a mental issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I had exactly the same thing I could picture his clothes, hair etc but not his face it was really weird... I reckon def some sort of moving on thing x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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