A man that "waits" for a woman to be alone to approach

[LookAtThisPOst]

Read it, but in my defense, I DID want to add as since this was a group full of people that are familiar with each other (aka - Meetup, private invite to a person's home, etc) People were there for an actual PURPOSE...that's a reason to approach. So it's not really a "Cold Approach" when it's at a preordained social function.

 

Let's say if it's a friends BBQ and I would approach a woman sitting a lone at said BBQ and say, "Hello, my name is Mr. X, so how long have you been with the Meetup?" or "How long have you been a friend to Mr. Y? (The host of the party)."

 

I already have a reason to approach, so in a sense, getting the "Eye contact" isn't really necessary...as the woman is there to be approached simply because she's made a point to arrive at a social event and not out shopping for food. She's psychologically ready for it.

 

Lol! I must be the one with the 'her own unique and idiotic idea'.

 

Check out the Cold Approaches thread in Dating and you'll see that eye contact before an approach counts for women.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/532019-cold-approaches

 

 

There's several guys on here too who have posted about it this week too in various other threads in the Dating section and one in your thread here. The guys posting about it are those who have more success in getting dates.

 

Eye contact and smiling before an approach helps gauge interest so the chance of the resultant approach working in a person's favour increases.

 

If you have great success with total cold approaches then absolutely stick with it LATP.

[Toddsqui]

I don't know if this has been posted or not, but I'll be glad to add my two cents.

 

I think the boring reply is that it depends on the type of woman we're talking about here, and the type of gathering and social context. A widow and widower at a PTA meeting is different then two 20-somethings in a nightclub dancing. As much as we'd like to, we can't read anyone's mind to determine what they want or need. I recently read a book--the title I forget--where the author recommends approaching women irrespective of the occasion that you're in just to improve your odds of finding that compatible someone. The author's contention is that dating is a number's game and that you're more likely to find that special person if you just keep hitting the numbers and meeting your quota for the week/month/year.

 

I don't think this is such a bad idea, and perhaps it might even build some stamina. Heck, if you can approach random women like this, with a few honest pickup lines, just imagine what else you can do! (start a business, travel the world, live your life according to your own rules, the sky's the limit!)! So while we don't exactly know what women want these days (short answer: everything!), we do know that lady luck favors those who try.

 

Just my two cents.

 

-T

[LookAtThisPOst]

Right, I really don't see the self-defeatest response of not approaching a woman if she's not showing signs to you of a desire to be approached of even being relevant.

 

The woman from the Meetup that was giving me this advice was married for 20 years, so her advice isn't quite credible considering those circumstances. She's been out of the loop when it comes to dating.

 

I spoke with another single man about this woman..he knows her, too and he was telling me about the kind of unsolicited, patronizing advice she's attempted to give him the, "You need to learn about women" speech.

 

He told me a lot of women only SAY want they want, but it doesn't mean it's true. Sometimes what they SAY they want is actually opposite from what they really want.

 

 

 

I don't know if this has been posted or not, but I'll be glad to add my two cents.

 

I think the boring reply is that it depends on the type of woman we're talking about here, and the type of gathering and social context. A widow and widower at a PTA meeting is different then two 20-somethings in a nightclub dancing. As much as we'd like to, we can't read anyone's mind to determine what they want or need. I recently read a book--the title I forget--where the author recommends approaching women irrespective of the occasion that you're in just to improve your odds of finding that compatible someone. The author's contention is that dating is a number's game and that you're more likely to find that special person if you just keep hitting the numbers and meeting your quota for the week/month/year.

 

I don't think this is such a bad idea, and perhaps it might even build some stamina. Heck, if you can approach random women like this, with a few honest pickup lines, just imagine what else you can do! (start a business, travel the world, live your life according to your own rules, the sky's the limit!)! So while we don't exactly know what women want these days (short answer: everything!), we do know that lady luck favors those who try.

 

Just my two cents.

 

-T

[preraph]

Exactly, and there's people on here (one I know specifically) that's obsessed with her own unique and idiotic idea that if she didn't "give any signals" to approach, that they are faulted TO be approaching if she didn't give a "come hither" look or "batted her eyelashes" in the direction of the man.

 

It's like "Hey, he gave it a shot." It's what single men do, it's natural.

 

Yes, I agree everyone just needs to know that not everyone seems to be able to read body language and signals. One thing I've taken issue with in so many articles about body language and signals is they always say if a woman plays with her hair, she likes you. I do not think that is always true. I tend to play with mine in elevators when I am extremely uncomfortable having a strange man or two in there with me. I don't like them. I am just nervous. So maybe that is true for some, but it's not true for all, and none of us can know what everyone is thinking. But even more reason for not taking it hard when someone isn't interested.

[SammySammy]

Yes, I agree everyone just needs to know that not everyone seems to be able to read body language and signals. One thing I've taken issue with in so many articles about body language and signals is they always say if a woman plays with her hair, she likes you. I do not think that is always true. I tend to play with mine in elevators when I am extremely uncomfortable having a strange man or two in there with me. I don't like them. I am just nervous. So maybe that is true for some, but it's not true for all, and none of us can know what everyone is thinking. But even more reason for not taking it hard when someone isn't interested.

 

You're absolutely right. Body language and other signals have to be taken in context and they are not universal between all women.

 

However, being aware and paying attention to what a woman is verbally and physically saying or not saying would help remove a lot of frustration from many of these guys lives.

[preraph]

I don't know if this has been posted or not, but I'll be glad to add my two cents.

 

I think the boring reply is that it depends on the type of woman we're talking about here, and the type of gathering and social context. A widow and widower at a PTA meeting is different then two 20-somethings in a nightclub dancing. As much as we'd like to, we can't read anyone's mind to determine what they want or need. I recently read a book--the title I forget--where the author recommends approaching women irrespective of the occasion that you're in just to improve your odds of finding that compatible someone. The author's contention is that dating is a number's game and that you're more likely to find that special person if you just keep hitting the numbers and meeting your quota for the week/month/year.

 

I don't think this is such a bad idea, and perhaps it might even build some stamina. Heck, if you can approach random women like this, with a few honest pickup lines, just imagine what else you can do! (start a business, travel the world, live your life according to your own rules, the sky's the limit!)! So while we don't exactly know what women want these days (short answer: everything!), we do know that lady luck favors those who try.

 

Just my two cents.

 

-T

 

I see nothing wrong with talking to random women. The only place problems come in is if someone doesn't give up when the woman is not interested and things get uncomfortable.

 

See, there's two entirely different dynamics going on here. There's the group of gregarious men and women who will just go talk to people of both sexes, and then there's the fearful ones who are too afraid to talk to anyone but get hyperfocused on one person for a long time before they approach, if they ever do. (And then there's people in between on that spectrum who are doing just fine as well.)

 

My point is if you're in the gregarious group who talks to people and it's fairly easy for you, if you get rejected introducing yourself to a new person, it just rolls off your back. You're not going to come away hurt and angry or keep trying to get at the person who rejected you. You don't know them anyway.

 

But if you're in the hyperfocused group whose fear makes them invest too much of their time observing and overthinking before they even talk to the person or know them, it's an entirely different dynamic. They've invested all this time. They've spent months imagining this is their dream woman but they don't even know her. So they have trouble letting go, even if they finally approach and get a rejection. They take it personally. To them, she is a big deal and they imagine that they know her. To her, she is just some stranger.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

David Deida's quote in "The Way of the Superior Man", the one about men who lived significant lives, wish I heard that quote in my teens, whenever I read or hear about that quote now I feel like I have to roar and scream at the top of my lungs to let out all of the stress and anger, frustration

[preraph]

You're absolutely right. Body language and other signals have to be taken in context and they are not universal between all women.

 

However, being aware and paying attention to what a woman is verbally and physically saying or not saying would help remove a lot of frustration from many of these guys lives.

 

I can tell you from a personal point of view, I went to a lot of music bars. Sometimes because the last band was who i was there to see, I'd end up standing alone some (I went alone most of the time but knew a lot of people who'd usually be there). So when it was getting thinned out and late, like the time guys start watching for drunk girls to get tipsy and start hitting on them, I got very stone-faced and self-contained and only the drunkest guys would dare approach me, so not sure if it was a good idea. Probably better to just be bubbly and quickly blow them off and move on with a smile, but that wasn't who I was. So everyone is different. Most body language is subconscious anyway. Not everyone can read it and not everyone is exactly the same.

 

A funny "experiment." Was out at a rock bar on a good night and two 30-ish tall attractive blond girls met me there. You'd think men would have been all over them all night, but I'm telling you, the rock scene here, the guys never put forth any effort. They waited to be picked up by women. Anyway, we got to talking and the girls who had become best friends said, "Watch this." And they proceeded to just stand in the aisle between the tables, held each others two hands like two little girls would in dance class and started jumping up and down with each other. I'm telling you, within seconds, guys from all over the bar, including a visiting national band, started forming a circle around them. It was just comical. But it goes to show what extreme body language can do. It's just sad that it takes something that extreme (acting like five-year-olds) for a guy to think a girl is approachable, that's all. But they made their point.

[SammySammy]

I can tell you from a personal point of view, I went to a lot of music bars. Sometimes because the last band was who i was there to see, I'd end up standing alone some (I went alone most of the time but knew a lot of people who'd usually be there). So when it was getting thinned out and late, like the time guys start watching for drunk girls to get tipsy and start hitting on them, I got very stone-faced and self-contained and only the drunkest guys would dare approach me, so not sure if it was a good idea. Probably better to just be bubbly and quickly blow them off and move on with a smile, but that wasn't who I was. So everyone is different. Most body language is subconscious anyway. Not everyone can read it and not everyone is exactly the same.

 

A funny "experiment." Was out at a rock bar on a good night and two 30-ish tall attractive blond girls met me there. You'd think men would have been all over them all night, but I'm telling you, the rock scene here, the guys never put forth any effort. They waited to be picked up by women. Anyway, we got to talking and the girls who had become best friends said, "Watch this." And they proceeded to just stand in the aisle between the tables, held each others two hands like two little girls would in dance class and started jumping up and down with each other. I'm telling you, within seconds, guys from all over the bar, including a visiting national band, started forming a circle around them. It was just comical. But it goes to show what extreme body language can do. It's just sad that it takes something that extreme (acting like five-year-olds) for a guy to think a girl is approachable, that's all. But they made their point.

 

Neither you nor the blonds were sending signals to any individual man suggesting interest in getting to know him.

 

Any man approaching a woman making herself appear stone-faced and self-contained in a club is asking to be rejected.

 

Any man approaching two blonds jumping in the middle of the club while surrounded by men ... thinking he's going to pick one or both of them up has probably misread the situation.

 

Those are not indicators of interest.

 

Which is my point. Reading the situation correctly might be helpful.

[preraph]

Neither you nor the blonds were sending signals to any individual man suggesting interest in getting to know him.

 

Any man approaching a woman making herself appear stone-faced and self-contained in a club is asking to be rejected.

 

 

In my case, I was asking not to be approached. But I have no problem approaching men myself in my own way, so I wasn't relying on them to do it.

[lino]

Will only be seen that way if the guy is considered undesirable. Not so much predatory though, more like 'yuck' or 'eewww'

 

If the man is desirable, he can approach the girl alone or amoung millions, doesn't matter.

[GemmaUK]

Read it, but in my defense, I DID want to add as since this was a group full of people that are familiar with each other (aka - Meetup, private invite to a person's home, etc) People were there for an actual PURPOSE...that's a reason to approach. So it's not really a "Cold Approach" when it's at a preordained social function.

 

Let's say if it's a friends BBQ and I would approach a woman sitting a lone at said BBQ and say, "Hello, my name is Mr. X, so how long have you been with the Meetup?" or "How long have you been a friend to Mr. Y? (The host of the party)."

 

I already have a reason to approach, so in a sense, getting the "Eye contact" isn't really necessary...as the woman is there to be approached simply because she's made a point to arrive at a social event and not out shopping for food. She's psychologically ready for it.

 

Then it's much easier as there's not a huge pool of people and there is mutual ground already.

If you are only approaching to be friendly then no signals required.

If she is there and 'looking' then she will most likely be looking around.

People speak to people at parties all the time so it's no biggie speaking to people at parties and it an be just a social thing.

I assume this worked out for you and you have a date without any signals having come from her of interest prior to approaching her. In which case fantastic! Enjoy your date, let us know how it goes!

[No Limit]

I don't mind being approached when alone - but be careful, the more insecure girls might think you to be a creep over it.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

one thing that pisses me off is that us guys are expected to take action in an unapologetic, non-seeking permission type of way

[LookAtThisPOst]

one thing that pisses me off is that us guys are expected to take action in an unapologetic, non-seeking permission type of way

 

Yeah, like someone on this board ( a woman ) thinks that you should have some kind of signal to approach.

 

And when you do, it's like "Did I give you permission to come over and talk to me?!"

You almost feel like giving them the mental finger with that attitude.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Yeah, like someone on this board ( a woman ) thinks that you should have some kind of signal to approach.

 

And when you do, it's like "Did I give you permission to come over and talk to me?!"

You almost feel like giving them the mental finger with that attitude.

 

Ya I hate how us guys are supposed to do things unapologetically, its like we are supposed to still have sort of a caveman type of approach to this

[alphamale]

i don't know what to say LATP

[GemmaUK]

Yeah, like someone on this board ( a woman ) thinks that you should have some kind of signal to approach.

 

 

I thought my ears were burning

 

And when you do, it's like "Did I give you permission to come over and talk to me?!"

You almost feel like giving them the mental finger with that attitude.

 

So now you're saying you do get signals of interest from a distance but when you approach they are not interested.

There must be something that is putting them off when you approach. That's likely to be something in what you say or your mannerisms.

 

That's happened to me before where I have liked how a guy looks and then realised he is totally not for me when I get talking to him.

[johndoe2]

So now you're saying you do get signals of interest from a distance but when you approach they are not interested.

There must be something that is putting them off when you approach. That's likely to be something in what you say or your mannerisms.

Or maybe, there were no 'signals of interest.' Maybe he interpreted as signals of interest actions which were not in fact signals of interest? Because after all, body language is often ambiguous and can have multiple mutually exclusive meanings.

 

You cannot definitively tell whether a person is 'interested' by observing their body language, assuming it conforms to established social standards in most settings (so excluding, e.g., licking an unpeeled banana while looking directly at you while winking). Many of the 'signals' that one might associate with interest (smiling, laughing) are also associated with happiness, tipsiness, and other feelings not necessarily indicative of 'interest', or prolonged eye contact may just be curiosity/boredom. To put it simply, non-verbal language almost always has multiple possible meanings to it, in addition to 'interest.'

[LookAtThisPOst]

I thought my ears were burning

 

 

 

So now you're saying you do get signals of interest from a distance but when you approach they are not interested.

There must be something that is putting them off when you approach. That's likely to be something in what you say or your mannerisms.

 

That's happened to me before where I have liked how a guy looks and then realized he is totally not for me when I get talking to him.

 

No, not saying they DO give off signals for me to approach. I approach regardless of signals. Chances are the woman doesn't even know I'm there, so she wouldn't' likely put off signals anyway.

 

I think some women...maybe it's my area, it is rather a fishbowl community, so it's like if they don't ,know you from Adam...they don't like being approached. "Stranger Danger".

 

They have this, "Why is this strange person attempting to talk to me?" vibe about them...when I discovered the Meetup site...well, then I have reason to approach. :-)

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

i don't know what to say LATP

 

Ya just because its the way it is doesn't mean I have to like it or enjoy it

[preraph]

If men would just decide to approach in something other than a sexually motivated way, things would go much smoother. If men would decide talking to people as people to get to know their personalities instead of just hitting on a woman they want to bang, things would go a lot better for them. That's why I always say be someone who will talk to a group or both men and women in a group and just concentrate on getting to know friends, both men and women, and then things will happen more naturally for you because the woman will get some idea what you're like and maybe hear from her friends you're a good guy.

[EngnimaticResponse]

I couldn't really phrase this right, however...I was told by another woman, that a man shouldn't wait for a woman to be alone in a social situation to talk to her.

 

Let's say there's people out on the dance floor and such. And a woman goes to sit down and take a break from dancing...a man approaches and introduces himself...apparently, this is seen as predatory in nature.

 

That waiting until a woman is "off to the side" is seen as predatory in nature and can be quite off putting.

 

I do not know if this has been discussed on this board, and not sure if this can be seen as equivalent to a nightclub venue, but more of an intimate venue, but basically attempting to "snag" a conversation with a woman while she's alone in a social setting is a bad idea? Yes?

If not then, it would be pointless to try at all. My hearing aid can't distinguish in a large crowd where everyone is talking or in front of a music speaker.

[LookAtThisPOst]

If men would just decide to approach in something other than a sexually motivated way, things would go much smoother.

 

Just because a man approaches a woman...alone, doesn't mean it's sexually motivated. I'm sure men have done the group approach, too, but eventually will come a time where there will be a one on one situation if a certain lady strikes his fancy when he'll talk to her alone at the refreshment table.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

There are times I'm not even in the mood to.socialize or talk to anyone because I'm often bitter and frustrated over how life, reality is, unfortunately lack of social contact makes me even more bitter but sadly I hate having to do something about it because just because you make things happen doesn't mean they are going to happen when you want to happen