Dumpees: wanting to hear your stories/how you coped with this?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I am wondering how all the dumpees here handled seeing their ex with someone else for the first time? I mean in person, not on social media or through the grapevine.

 

I have to admit, I am completely terrified at the thought of seeing my ex boyfriend with someone new. I know we don't belong together, but I think it's the rejection aspect of it, and being told he didn't want to be in a relationship. I already found out he was talking to someone else long distance, so I know he's capable of it. This is a small town, so I'm bound to see it.

 

So, how did you react? Did it set back your coping progress at all? Where and when did it happen (how long after BU?) and how long were your exes with this person (did the relationship last?)

 

Thank you.

[wonderwoman83]

I haven't seen him since the day he ended it so I'm dreading the day I bump into him. I have managed to avoid him for five weeks, specifically choosing different routes to my work, drinking in different pubs, i hope to continue this with him being single or with someone new

[Poppyolive]

I was with my ex for 6 years. 2 months later, I heard he was in a relationship, via Friends on Facebook. He was still contacting me. I cut all contact and haven't seen him in a year and half. A friend told me he got engaged after 10 months.

 

We both live in the same city, I dread the day I see him.

[aloneinaz]

I never ran into my last ex after she ended it. She did reappear 5.5 months later wanting a reconciliation but was told no. I felt after 6 months that I could see her making out in a bar and it wouldn't bother me cause I was over it.

 

 

I also met a much better GF a few months after we broke up, so that certainly helped me move on quicker as well. You can't get over someone completely in my mind until you're crazy about someone else.

 

 

TO the OP, hopefully, "if" you run into your ex someday, you'll have a better looking guy on your arm.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I never ran into my last ex after she ended it. She did reappear 5.5 months later wanting a reconciliation but was told no. I felt after 6 months that I could see her making out in a bar and it wouldn't bother me cause I was over it.

 

 

I also met a much better GF a few months after we broke up, so that certainly helped me move on quicker as well. You can't get over someone completely in my mind until you're crazy about someone else.

 

 

TO the OP, hopefully, "if" you run into your ex someday, you'll have a better looking guy on your arm.

 

Oh, I don't know. I'll give this to my ex: he's pretty darn attractive. Not sure if I can top him.

 

Not sure if it's really bar hookups I worry about seeing, but people he's in a full blown relationship with.

 

Went out last night and he was nowhere to be found. I know it shouldn't matter, but it made me wonder if he was with someone else. Bad, I know!

[RedButton]

I posted my whole saga somewhere else, but basically I've bumped into my ex a whole bunch of times in the last month. I think she's seeing a guy who lives very very close by my apartment.

 

I think I saw her with him once, and it wasn't as bad as I dreaded it would be. I kind of just thought 'Well, as I suspected.' and moved on. It's been on my mind a lot, but not like in a soul crushing depressed way.

 

I was more upset because the current girl I was seeing had to leave the same day I saw my ex with someone, I was more upset about losing her than seeing my ex. It's very odd and not a nice thought, but I feel like we've both moved on.

 

I feel like she's seen me with my (then) new girl, so I wonder if she's feeling the same thing? She broke things off, but it was fairly mutual at the time. I wonder if she felt strange seeing me with another woman and smiling and laughing?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

I posted my whole saga somewhere else, but basically I've bumped into my ex a whole bunch of times in the last month. I think she's seeing a guy who lives very very close by my apartment.

 

I think I saw her with him once, and it wasn't as bad as I dreaded it would be. I kind of just thought 'Well, as I suspected.' and moved on. It's been on my mind a lot, but not like in a soul crushing depressed way.

 

I was more upset because the current girl I was seeing had to leave the same day I saw my ex with someone, I was more upset about losing her than seeing my ex. It's very odd and not a nice thought, but I feel like we've both moved on.

 

I feel like she's seen me with my (then) new girl, so I wonder if she's feeling the same thing? She broke things off, but it was fairly mutual at the time. I wonder if she felt strange seeing me with another woman and smiling and laughing?

 

Yeah. I often wonder if it still affects people even the tiniest bit to see their ex with someone new, at the very least it's awkward?

[Yummm]

Can't speak from experience yet as I'm 1 month post BU and haven't seen her with another guy (yet) even though I see her almost daily at work.

 

My best mate was in a LTR with 'the one' who left him, came running back 16 hours later, stayed with him for another 5 months, then left him.

 

About 4 months later she ended up hooking up with one of his good friends and they are now in a RS. He was heartbroken again, even though he was with another girl at the time (an unintentional rebound).

 

She ended up crawling her way back into his life even though she was with this guy, when they met, she said that she also felt heartbroken that he was sleeping with somebody else apart from her (EVEN THOUGH SHE ENDED IT???)

 

Crazy

[Bubberfly]

I was kind of lucky in that I found out who my ex was dating through a coworker of mine. He was blabbing (not to me) about how his best friends little brothers friend is dating HIS ex (catch that?). In other words, it's a tiny town. We all went to school together. When I found out who it was my ex was dating I let out this incredibly loud laugh ( just because the irony was so funny. My ex dated her before he dated me, and was constantly talking about how crazy she was. Coworker thought she was nuts too).

Anyway, I have yet to physically see him (other than passing glances if he happens to drive past me in town). I'm glad I let out my laugh when I wasn't around him, chances are if I saw them together in public I would have laughed my *** off and ended up looking like a B****

[StrangerThanFiction]

It's really unlikely that I'll ever see my ex again being as we live hours apart and he has no reason to come to my city so I guess I'm luckier than most in that respect, but we do work in job fields that sometimes overlap and there's a chance- albeit a very slight chance- that we would ever run into each other. However, I know that if I saw him with the new girlfriend I would be totally devastated right after. I think how I'd deal with it is by remembering why we broke up in the first place and knowing that he's a pretty terrible person. The new chick gets to experience the joy of being lied to and cheated on while I have the opportunity to meet someone fantastic. Still, it would suck having to see them together in the flesh the first time. I think every time after that would be slightly easier. Maybe.

[TrevorDia]

Though it hasn't happened yet in real life, I'm sure the universe is just cruel enough to make my nightmare a reality. I have had dreams about it though, where I meet her in public, and where I meet him in public, and when I meet them together. Most notably I launched a table at him that threw him into the wall. Even though it was a dream, it was so satisfying.

 

At 7 weeks NC, I'm slowly tasting the harsh truth that she's not coming back, so I'm trying to forgive her for everything that's happened. So if I was to actually see them in person, it is my hope that I would be able to throw a smile their way before escaping down the first road I see and punching the hell out of the first inanimate object there.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

It's good to read this stuff. I imagine it must be an absolutely gut-wrenching situation, and incredibly awkward.

 

I guess, after all, I won't have to experience this. I think my ex is still talking to the LDR girl from 4000+ miles away, but from what I hear he is also trying to have sex with women here. So I don't know what he's doing. I guess anything is better than seeing him with a love interest in person, but the more I know about him, the more I realize I was lucky to get away.

 

But somehow it still hurts. He said he didn't want a relationship for a "long, long time" but this crazy girl from far away is all but picking out their China patterns. She was doing this just a week after they started talking, and now that I know they still are I can imagine it must be more serious. Doesn't explain him trying to have sex with other women, though.

 

I'm so confused. I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I just don't know why he left someone who loved him who was right here. I don't know why he couldn't try to do better for us.

[TrevorDia]

It's good to read this stuff. I imagine it must be an absolutely gut-wrenching situation, and incredibly awkward.

 

I guess, after all, I won't have to experience this. I think my ex is still talking to the LDR girl from 4000+ miles away, but from what I hear he is also trying to have sex with women here. So I don't know what he's doing. I guess anything is better than seeing him with a love interest in person, but the more I know about him, the more I realize I was lucky to get away.

 

But somehow it still hurts. He said he didn't want a relationship for a "long, long time" but this crazy girl from far away is all but picking out their China patterns. She was doing this just a week after they started talking, and now that I know they still are I can imagine it must be more serious. Doesn't explain him trying to have sex with other women, though.

 

I'm so confused. I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I just don't know why he left someone who loved him who was right here. I don't know why he couldn't try to do better for us.

 

The thing about love is, the day you try to put logic to it is the day you find yourself more confused than ever. There is no logic behind relationships, you can't try rationalize the actions of a person. Personally, I thought I was a delightful boyfriend. Didn't stop her cheating on me though. I had the means and opportunity to provide her with everything she wanted to make all her dreams come true. I was young, but I was done searching for 'the one'. I found her and I was happy. And it was her who chased after me in the beginning. She was the one who got me to fall in love with her, and then she was the one who tore the relationship apart.

[Zetec]

I haven't seen or spoken to her at all, in 4 months. I've seen her on her Instagram tagged in photos with her new guy. That hurt a lot.

 

We both live in a pretty small city, so no doubt I will see her eventually at some point. My plan is to hold it together, stay calm and be the bigger man. If she wants to say hello, I will smile and say "Nice to see you, look sorry I've got to shoot off as I'm meeting someone", and then get out of there asap. Then I can go and cry or kick the hell out of something without her seeing.

 

That is my plan, I hope it works for me as I'm dreading the day it comes.

 

Of course, what would be better is if I had a girl on my arm, and I'm so busy laughing and joking away with her, that I don't even see my ex, and she is the one that has to see me happy. But...life isn't that kind to us, is it?