Are my bf's behaviors about being clean and organized obsessive?

[LadyTopaz]

I have to admit being impressed upon on my first visit to his house. It was clean, organized and spotless, better than mine or any of my girl friends' houses.

 

But as the months went by, I'm been wondering if this is normal behaviors and he just likes taking care of himself or if this will be an issue if we ever move in together and things get more serious. We've only been dating for 6 months now.

 

His behaviors:

- Takes a shower 4-5 times a day. Even when I once came to sleep over at his house, after having sex before going to sleep he still took a shower.

- He keeps washing his hands and face after certain time passed. He also does this before heading to his workplace, during and before ending his shift.

- He gets upset if his friends or co-workers messed up his hair as a prank (everyone now knows how he is) and runs to the bathroom to fix his hair. He's always carrying hair gel and a comb.

- All the utensils, cups and other stuff have to be in the right order he puts them.

- He has lots of toilet sprays and incenses.

- Can't stand even a small stain and will wash it right away. Cleans his house every single day too.

- One time I was making lemonade with my hands washed and a lemon seed got in the container. I quickly took it out with my fingers and he didn't want to drink it. He went on lecturing me on germs and how I should have taken it out with a spoon but that before that, to wash the spoon first.

 

It's been lately getting annoying. Is it normal for a guy to be that concerned about being clean and have everything neat and spotless or is this an issue? I've never seen a guy that takes care of himself to that extreme, more than even the average woman.

Edited June 6, 2015 by LadyTopaz

[CarrieT]

Showering FOUR to FIVE times a day?

 

You have an OCD Germaphobe! It is a wonder he even has sex considering the bodily fluids that get exchanged!

 

I couldn't handle it and I imagine living with him would get exhausting.

[LadyTopaz]

Showering FOUR to FIVE times a day?

 

You have an OCD Germaphobe! It is a wonder he even has sex considering the bodily fluids that get exchanged!

 

I couldn't handle it and I imagine living with him would get exhausting.

Yes this frustrates me. I'm wondering if eventually this obsession of his will go away or at least reduce. We can't even drink a coke together at the movies. He stated from the start that it's disgusting when someone either eats from someone's plate or drinks together from the same glass or cup with someone even if it was with a loved one. Basically, he also wouldn't drink the same glass of water with his own future child either.

[SammySammy]

When did we start dating?

 

Yes. I'm OCD. House spotless. Car spotless. A place for everything and everything in it place. Everything organized.

 

Yes, it has cost me relationships. Drives some women crazy because I don't like anything out of place. ANYTHING.

 

Some women love it because they feel they don't have to clean up. That doesn't work out well because I feel used and get rid of them.

 

If you really like this guy, it's going to take lots and lots of patience, understanding and forgiveness. And keeping things in order.

[LadyTopaz]

Yes, I've been having lots of patience. I know from others that certain dates wouldn't last too long and a couple gfs have broken up with him after a short time.

[SammySammy]

In my relationships that lasted the longest, the women didn't let my quirks bother them. They were unfazed by stuff like I don't like the different food items on my plate to touch. They just did it - made sure they didn't touch. Cleaned up after themselves. Not get offended if I went behind her and cleaned everything again. Stuff like that.

 

After a while, it became routine and our problems were just like any other couple's problem.

 

If you can, try not to let it affect you.

 

Bless you, sweetheart. You're going to need it.

[Arieswoman]

LadyTopaz,

This guy has OCD.

 

It all depends if you can put up with all this to have him in your life.

 

Now I'm a neat freak. All my outfits are colour-coded in the wardrobe and I like things put away after use in the same place each time. The practical reason is that it makes it a lot easier to find stuff.

 

But there is "moderation in all things" as they say.

 

4/5 showers a day isn't hygienic, in fact it's the opposite. It removes the natural acid mantle of the skin that protects it from bacteria. So he isn't doing himself any favours there. I have known OCD sufferers end up with dermatitis on their hands through excessive washing.

 

Does he known that he's obsessive about cleanliness or does he think it's normal? If he knows he's got a problem then your half-way to solving it. If not, well, the future of the relationship will depend on your tolerance levels....

[SammySammy]

He knows he's not normal. Has known for a long time.

[regine_phalange]

It's not normal but I can think of worse traits than that.

[lollipopspot]

It would be almost impossible to have a good relationship with him unless he's serious about getting help and changing. He will create a lot of tension with his anxieties. And he should not have children unless he deals with this, it wouldn't be fair to them.

 

Think about what you want for your future.

[mystikmind2005]

send him to my ex, she will be in obsessive clean heaven!

 

Let me warn you now, this kind of person will never be satisfied with you or life, cut and RUN!

[Emilia]

I think like with anything, it depends on how he handles it. If he tuts when you aren't as thorough as him or gives you a hard time, that's bad. If he goes and does his OCD thing quietly then not much of a problem.

[jen1447]

Sex in hazmat suits I assume? How does that work exactly with the cleanliness?

 

Sounds scary to me.

[whichwayisup]

I have to admit being impressed upon on my first visit to his house. It was clean, organized and spotless, better than mine or any of my girl friends' houses.

 

But as the months went by, I'm been wondering if this is normal behaviors and he just likes taking care of himself or if this will be an issue if we ever move in together and things get more serious. We've only been dating for 6 months now.

 

His behaviors:

- Takes a shower 4-5 times a day. Even when I once came to sleep over at his house, after having sex before going to sleep he still took a shower.

- He keeps washing his hands and face after certain time passed. He also does this before heading to his workplace, during and before ending his shift.

- He gets upset if his friends or co-workers messed up his hair as a prank (everyone now knows how he is) and runs to the bathroom to fix his hair. He's always carrying hair gel and a comb.

- All the utensils, cups and other stuff have to be in the right order he puts them.

- He has lots of toilet sprays and incenses.

- Can't stand even a small stain and will wash it right away. Cleans his house every single day too.

- One time I was making lemonade with my hands washed and a lemon seed got in the container. I quickly took it out with my fingers and he didn't want to drink it. He went on lecturing me on germs and how I should have taken it out with a spoon but that before that, to wash the spoon first.

 

It's been lately getting annoying. Is it normal for a guy to be that concerned about being clean and have everything neat and spotless or is this an issue? I've never seen a guy that takes care of himself to that extreme, more than even the average woman.

 

He has OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder. This is who he is and he isn't going to change..He can't change his ways unless he hates the fact he has OCD and gets professional help. You either put up with his quirks, figure out a way to handle it or end your relationship.

[Methodical]

He has a case of OCD on steroids. Srsly, five showers a day? He can't share a straw but can kiss you? Can have sex but needs to shower afterward? You could probably deal with this short term, but long term it'll probably drive you nuts.

 

Same for him, he is probably biting his tongue and trying hard to overlook how "nasty" you are, or the fact that you are constantly "spreading germs."

 

Your incompatibility due to his compulsion is beginning to surface.

[spiderowl]

Nope, it's extreme and a compulsion. I know it would become an issue for me but perhaps not for someone equally compulsive about cleaning. Only you can decide whether it would be an issue for you.

[autumnnight]

I would be worried about him. I could probably handle it if he didn't start turning his compulsions on me and constantly make me feel like I didn't measure up.

 

Of course, he'd take one look at my sock drawer and glove compartment and dump me

[minimariah]

yep, he has a problem.

[preraph]

yeah, he's got some germ phobia and wanting everything in a certain order is compulsive. Don't try to live with him. You'd drive each other nuts. Unless he tries to get help, he isn't likely to just spontaneously change. It could be worse. He could be a hoarder instead.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

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