Qboro90 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Dating my gf for 3.5 yrs, taken her ring shopping, she's expressed how much she wants to marry and live with me. We both work a lot and live at home so we see each other Friday nights and Saturdays and that's about it. She recently started her new career as a nurse 6 months ago. Previously she worked in an office full of women. About 2 months ago she got lip injections without telling me. We discussed it and I asked that she just be up front with me going forward if she contemplated anything like that in the future. It worries me that she is doing this for an ego boost or outside attention from others besides me even though she assures me it's nothing like that and was just something she had wanted to do since she was younger. Not to be cocky but she is drop dead gorgeous/model type looks and down to earth to boot. I've found myself lately feeling like she is no longer getting the spark or desire for me that we once had and that I am chasing her/expressing my desire to marry her. I guess you could say I am acting towards her the way she acted towards me when we first started dating. I have been finding myself becoming jealous and paranoid about what she does at work since this is the first time in our relationship where she has been surrounded by men, doctors, single guys who see her on a daily basis and who I have no idea their intentions. I trust her, she's never cheated on me or given me reason to think she has. But I can't shake this feeling that something is off. She's been improving on her already stunning looks with the lip injections, new gym membership to a popular gym where I know many good looking men go where as before she belonged to an all women's gym or had a personal trainer, she's gotten her hair done more regularly and is working overtime 3-4 days a week. Should I be worried? I'm usually confident and sure of myself and my relationship but after 3.5 years I feel like I'm losing her interest. Each of us has had multiple partners before we started dating so I don't think it's an issue of wanting to "see what's out there" or "explore your youth" as we're each in out late 20's. I want her to be as head over heels with me as when we first started dating and electric as I feel for her more and more every day. Is this all in my head? She tells me I have nothing to fear and my stress will end once we get engaged (planning to do so this coming fall). What can I do until then? I'm driving myself crazy every day. Any suggestions are much appreciated, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 No you should not be worried but you should continue to pay attention. Her world is opening up. Grow with her or she will grow away from you. Don't accuse. Join the gym with her (ask first). Make sure you are as fit & attractive as she is. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 She isn't allowed to feel good about herself by improving her looks? She's making good money now, so why can't she spoil herself without drawing suspicion? Hell if I was making descent money I would get into some improvements, new wardrobe,etc. Doesn't mean I'm ready to leave my husband. I agree you need to grow with her, or you will lose her. Think outside the box. If she wants to do more physical activities, then take up kayaking, scuba diving, rock climbing....keep things fresh with new things. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Oh boy mate she starts a new job, wants to look good, and because of this you start to get clingy and paranoid? Nothing drives a woman away faster than the insecure guy who doesn't support..or as another poster said grow with her. Make the time you do spend together, quality time. If the little time you both had off and she wanted to go and spend it with collegeagues or friends then maybe you should be worried. You want her to be head over heels in love with you? Out of what? Thin air? You've been together 3 1/2 years how have you worked together on keeping things fresh? What does head over heels entail? Trust, love, security with the partner, lust, passion..do you feel this for her, while simulataneously not trusting her around all these men she's supposed to be seeing in the gym or at work? She's gyming, are you? Grow with her, go to the gym, work on your relationship, try not to bring up your insecurities so much, no one wants to work a long day then come him to grumpy nuts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Her world is opening up. This. I had the same phase a few years ago and except for some new activities like doing sports and trying a new style, nothing changed - no new friends, nothing of the sort. I think you are quite fortunate OP with your GF; if you follow her on this path on self-improvement and discovery you two and your relationship can grow into something that can truly last. She isn't doing this to be liked by other men, honestly she's doing this mainly for herself - and of course she hopes you'll like it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 You have posted this exact thread in three different locations, three different days, so you have apparently not received the advice that you want. She is getting herself prepped for her wedding day, because you took her ring shopping. This is the end of the story. This is what women do. This is what I told you the first time you posted this thread. Are you looking for something to pick a fight about? It seems like you are. Look, if you're not ready to lay it all on the line and ask this girl to marry her, then don't. Work it out. Figure out what you need and what you want. Figure out why you are trying to look for something to blame on her so you can make an exit. Because that is what you're doing. Please, for the love of God, don't be that person that screws up another person because of your own uncertainty. Just don't. If you don't want to get married yet, then have that discussion with your girl. Don't dangle the carrot, and then question why she's getting excited, AND THEN start looking for reasons to accuse her of something that she isn't doing. Just stop. Own up to your own thoughts. Be a man. Talk to her about it. Then move forward in whatever fashion you need to. Don't make this about her, though, when it is clearly about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qboro90 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Jeez easy with the lecture. Wasn't aware you were monitoring everyone's posts on this site. I was simply looking for multiple view points on the matter and did so by varying the forum in which I posed my questions. Feel free to exclud yourself if it aggravates you enough to log and sherriff what and how many times someone can post. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I believe it's against forum rules to muti post the same thread....the site admin will just combine them together. ****People are supposed to just report it and let the admin handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 (edited) Did she say why she didn't tell you about the lip injections? No you should not be worried but you should continue to pay attention. Her world is opening up. Grow with her or she will grow away from you. Don't accuse. Join the gym with her (ask first). Make sure you are as fit & attractive as she is. I agree with most of what you said, but I have a problem with your comment about the gym. Why does he need to ask her first? That isn't a healthy relationship. After all, it is not *her* gym. If people are a couple and one belongs to a gym and the other decides they too want to get in shape..why wouldn't they join the same gym if possible? He doesn't need to ask her permission to join the same gym. If she asks why he joined he can say he also wanted to get in shape. If she has a problem with that then he does indeed need to be worried. Edited June 10, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I guess what I meant was they need to talk about it. If one day my BF just showed up at my gym & it was a surprise I would feel a little crowded / stalked / put upon. There are dozens of gyms. Perhaps she didn't want to work out with him. Maybe she does but I wouldn't want that to be sprung on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I guess what I meant was they need to talk about it. If one day my BF just showed up at my gym & it was a surprise I would feel a little crowded / stalked / put upon. There are dozens of gyms. Perhaps she didn't want to work out with him. Maybe she does but I wouldn't want that to be sprung on me. But this is a relationship of things sprung, is it not? She sprung the "I got lip injections" thing on him. With that context, I feel she'd have zero room to feel upset at all. Link to post Share on other sites
mike_89 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 No you should not be worried but you should continue to pay attention. Her world is opening up. Grow with her or she will grow away from you. Don't accuse. Join the gym with her (ask first). Make sure you are as fit & attractive as she is. I think this is the best advice. I really don't think she is cheating on you or doing other sorts of business that does not belong in a committed relationship. If you are that worried you could offer her to go to the gym together (because you want to stay in shape as well! Don't tell her you are worried she might be cheating of course). Doing sports together is quite fun, I do heavy lifting once or twice a week with my girlfriend and it is awesome. Somehow it also helps your sex life 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Dating my gf for 3.5 yrs.... once we get engaged (planning to do so this coming fall). What can I do...? If this is really, actually, truly your concern - that your girlfriend is still committed to you and is not looking for another man, then PROPOSE ALREADY! Ring and Date for the wedding. Don't lie to yourself though. If you actually aren't sure you want to get married, don't. But if you truly, completely, unswervingly want to build a marriage with her, Get Engaged Now. Don't "plan to get engaged this fall", holy crap?!?! If you know she's the one, quit squibblin' around, grab your balls and do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Qboro90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Did she say why she didn't tell you about the lip injections? I agree with most of what you said, but I have a problem with your comment about the gym. Why does he need to ask her first? That isn't a healthy relationship. After all, it is not *her* gym. If people are a couple and one belongs to a gym and the other decides they too want to get in shape..why wouldn't they join the same gym if possible? He doesn't need to ask her permission to join the same gym. If she asks why he joined he can say he also wanted to get in shape. If she has a problem with that then he does indeed need to be worried. Thanks for the feedback, it's much appreciated. To reply to some of these comments- I belong to my own gym and am fully confident it's far as my physical looks go. Former college athlete, still active and in great shape so it's not an issue in that regard. I don't think I would ever want to join her gym simply for the reason that I really am a pretty easy going bf who thinks it's important for each person to have his or her own space at certain times where they can just not be in the "on" mode of a relationship. She's entitled to work out and go out with her friends on her own every once in a while. I encourage it actually. I see too many people or friends who started dating someone then disappeared from our circle of friends and only spent time with their partner. She involves me with her group of friends and I inclide her with mine. We both get along well with each other's. I think it's just the fact that this is the first time where she's had a job in which she's surrounded by men who can see how truly beautiful and amazing she is inside and out. Do I think they have more to offer her? No... I'm just jealous that they get to see her every day and i have to wait until Friday to see my girl. As for the "propose now" suggestion. That would be nice lol but I am not made of money. The reason I said "plan to propose" is because 1. Ring purchased but that depletes my savings a bit. Once we get engaged we will need to look for a place to live so I want to make sure I al financially prepared as best possible for the upcoming absurd bills that are about to go along with a marriage. I think I just went through a "downer" couple days and needed to hear that- odds are she's not looking for a stranger to validate her looks. She's always been faithful and honest so I have no reason to question or bother her with my momentary insecurity. Thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
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