Cold Approaches?

[Jonp219]

Have you seen any success from it? If so, how many dates have you gotten from cold approaches?

I know this guy who approaches women in every setting whether it be in a bar, coffee shop, subway you name it and he's gotten many dates this way. Just want to know if cold approaches ever blossomed into something more men or women in here.

[Popsicle]

They can work. Met my exH that way.

 

They are only worth it though if you're not the type to get all shaken up about doing it.

[Gaeta]

In my many years of being single I was cold approached only once.

 

I was shopping in an electronic store by myself. A man stood next to me and started looking at the same item I was looking at and used that as a conversation starter.

 

When he saw I was reciprocating he introduced himself, he happened to be an HP representative on business there. He asked if I was single and if I'd be interested in grabbing a coffee with him later that day when he's done with his business.

 

He did everything perfect. He was a gentleman in his language and demeanor, he was confident, well groomed, and looked nice. NO he was not hot, or tall, he was just a regular joe blow who took care of himself and was confident.

 

The date turned out a disaster but that's another story. He was looking for a hook-up.

[Jonp219]

They can work. Met my exH that way.

 

They are only worth it though if you're not the type to get all shaken up about doing it.

 

Yeah that's what my friend told me. He says there's a difference between telling a girl she's beautiful while avoiding eye contact and fumbling your words as oppose to telling her she's beautiful with direct eye contact and not coming on too strong. It's all about being genuine.

[jen1447]

I have ....um a lot of success with cold approaches lol, but most significantly I met one of my (real) GFs that way. It terrifies me to think of having not done that now, but it was never really in question anyway - one of those absolutely-no-way-I-won't-talk-to-this-girl-one-way-or-the-other moments. Thank god.

[Gaeta]

but it was never really in question anyway - one of those absolutely-no-way-I-won't-talk-to-this-girl-one-way-or-the-other moments. Thank god.

 

That's also the way my stalker feels lol

[JuneJulySeptember]

Have you seen any success from it? If so, how many dates have you gotten from cold approaches?

I know this guy who approaches women in every setting whether it be in a bar, coffee shop, subway you name it and he's gotten many dates this way. Just want to know if cold approaches ever blossomed into something more men or women in here.

 

It'll mirror your results in real life. Which is to say, the better looking you are, and the better your 'game' is, the better results you'll have.

 

I think cold approach has bar none the worst odds of all approaches. Bars (if you consider that separate) and OLD both have higher odds, so I would try those first.

 

Not to mention a lot of those women, I would say most are taken and their boyfriend is often within shouting distance. I've had that happen a number of times. Many years ago, I was talking to a woman looking at tomatoes in the supermarket and her boyfriend/husband was right there on the other side of produce looking at mushrooms. I mean, they weren't jerks about it or anything, but I had to see them as I was still shopping around. That's kind of awkward and a lot of trouble for a very low odds approach method.

[Jonp219]

It'll mirror your results in real life. Which is to say, the better looking you are, and the better your 'game' is, the better results you'll have.

 

I think cold approach has bar none the worst odds of all approaches. Bars (if you consider that separate) and OLD both have higher odds, so I would try those first.

 

Not to mention a lot of those women, I would say most are taken and their boyfriend is often within shouting distance. I've had that happen a number of times. Many years ago, I was talking to a woman looking at tomatoes in the supermarket and her boyfriend/husband was right there on the other side of produce looking at mushrooms. I mean, they weren't jerks about it or anything, but I had to see them as I was still shopping around. That's kind of awkward and a lot of trouble for a very low odds approach method.

 

If bars and OLD are the best chances then I'm screwed because I hate both lol

[JuneJulySeptember]

If bars and OLD are the best chances then I'm screwed because I hate both lol

 

It's very similar to OLD. You see so many beautiful/cute women and you like them all. But then you discover (almost) none of them are into you.

 

But the big difference is that on OLD, ALL of the women are there to find a guy and are open to the right guy. In real life cold approach, MOST are taken or not open to cold approach.

[d0nnivain]

This is just my opinion but a cold approach on the streets in NYC isn't going to work. I would think any guy who tries to talk to me in that setting is dangerous or mentally unbalanced.

 

However, if I see the same guy every morning at my subway stop, local bodega or where I get my coffee & we start with shy smiles, work up to hellos & then he strikes up a deeper conversation that would be OK.

 

Logically while I don't truely have more info about him, there is a better element of trust. I can't explain it

[Jonp219]

It's very similar to OLD. You see so many beautiful/cute women and you like them all. But then you discover (almost) none of them are into you.

 

But the big difference is that on OLD, ALL of the women are there to find a guy and are open to the right guy. In real life cold approach, MOST are taken or not open to cold approach.

 

I disagree.

 

The same women who deny you on OLD would probably give you a chance in real life, character shines a lot brighter than looks do.

 

Plus the women on OLD are not looking for a guy they're looking for THE guy. They're looking for a guy who looks like Brad Pitt, volunteers at the animal shelter, and works in the Financial District. They're typically looking for guys that don't exist in this world. OLD is a complete and utter joke in my eyes, I hate using it.

 

A good example that OLD doesn't work is my recent relationship. Me and ex got hook up by a mutual friend, when we saw each others pictures prior to meeting we were against the idea, but our friend convinced us to give it a shot. What happened? We clicked and lasted 4 years together. If I saw her on an old site or she saw me we would of probably scrolled right past each other.

[Jonp219]

This is just my opinion but a cold approach on the streets in NYC isn't going to work. I would think any guy who tries to talk to me in that setting is dangerous or mentally unbalanced.

 

However, if I see the same guy every morning at my subway stop, local bodega or where I get my coffee & we start with shy smiles, work up to hellos & then he strikes up a deeper conversation that would be OK.

 

Logically while I don't truely have more info about him, there is a better element of trust. I can't explain it

 

Wait can some of you tell me what you would define as a cold approach?

 

Because when people think of NYC and cold approach in the same sentence they're usually associating it with something similar to "cat calling".

 

And I understand, because I see that **** a lot and it's cringe worthy to say the least.

Edited June 6, 2015 by Jonp219

[misspond]

I disagree.

 

The same women who deny you on OLD would probably give you a chance in real life, character shines a lot brighter than looks do.

 

A good example that OLD doesn't work is my recent relationship. Me and ex got hook up by a mutual friend, when we saw each others pictures prior to meeting we were against the idea, but our friend convinced us to give it a shot. What happened? We clicked and lasted 4 years together. If I saw her on an old site or she saw me we would of probably scrolled right past each other.

 

This is quite true, I photograph really badly and on the few dates I've had from OLD I've been told I look better in real life, but then don't forget that there are others who have met their SO on OLD sites. So, y'know, every little helps

[Gaeta]

A lot of misconceptions here:

 

I disagree.

 

The same women who deny you on OLD would probably give you a chance in real life, character shines a lot brighter than looks do.

 

Untrue and it's actually the contrary. I am much more flexible online. You approaching me in the metro tells me nothing of your character. The only thing I will notice is your physique, your crocked nose, your wondering eye, your missing tooth in the back and from there that will close my mind to who you are. In real life approach you have a split second to make an impression and if you miss it you're done.

 

Online even if the man is not my total type I will read his profile, I will get interested in certain facts, his hobbies, his family values, his age, is he a smoker or not, is he active or not.

 

Plus the women on OLD are not looking for a guy they're looking for THE guy. They're looking for a guy who looks like Brad Pitt, volunteers at the animal shelter, and works in the Financial District. They're typically looking for guys that don't exist in this world. OLD is a complete and utter joke in my eyes, I hate using it.

 

Another misconception. We are looking for a man to connect with. Yes he has to be physically to our liking the same way YOU want a woman to be physically to your liking. I don't care about Brad Pitt looking. I'm a a Benicio Del Toro fan and there is nothing conventionally beautiful about this man, no pretty face, he's shy, introverted but there is something delicious about him. My daughter is a hot little thing and loves the tall skinny type with crocked teeth!! We all have a type, YOU are someone's type. There is no such a thing as 'one size fits all' in term of what is attractive.

 

A good example that OLD doesn't work is my recent relationship. Me and ex got hook up by a mutual friend, when we saw each others pictures prior to meeting we were against the idea, but our friend convinced us to give it a shot. What happened? We clicked and lasted 4 years together. If I saw her on an old site or she saw me we would of probably scrolled right past each other.

 

What's the difference with that and online? None, you took a chance on a picture and some info your friends told you. My friends and family set me up on tons of blind dates with supposedly great guys who turned out douchbags.

 

I have many examples of online working around me. My brother found his wife online, 2 of by best friend found their wife-husband on it and the list goes on.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

A good example that OLD doesn't work is my recent relationship. Me and ex got hook up by a mutual friend, when we saw each others pictures prior to meeting we were against the idea, but our friend convinced us to give it a shot. What happened? We clicked and lasted 4 years together. If I saw her on an old site or she saw me we would of probably scrolled right past each other.

 

Well, if that worked out for you then I would pursue OLD and women you are not necessarily attracted to off the bat and might be what you consider 'lower than ideal (without a better way to put it).'

 

I know what I value, so the last time someone tried to introduce me, I said you can send them my pics, but I don't want to see theirs. I just don't care.

 

I'm not saying you should do that, but from your story, it sounds like you lean that way.

[d0nnivain]

Wait can some of you tell me what you would define as a cold approach?.

 

Last October I was walking through the Village looking for some restaurant where I was meeting my cousin for dinner. Some guy stopped me (didn't see my wedding ring because I had on gloves). He told me I was beautiful & asked me if I would get a drink with him. That was a COLD approach. I smiled & thanked him. Explained I was married & late for an appointment. Then asked him for directions to the restaurant.

 

I was listening to WPLJ the other morning. The couple met after making eye contact on the Staten Island ferry every morning for a few months. Finally the guy got up the nerve to talk to her & ask her out. That was a warmer approach.

[SycamoreCircle]

In a sense, cold approach can always work for you OP...if your purpose is to strike up a conversation with the person. If someone doesn't want to take the time to talk with you, then they don't want to take the time to go out with you. If someone will take the time to talk to you, then body language and express language can tell you if they want to be asked out.

[Jonp219]

A lot of misconceptions here:

 

 

 

Untrue and it's actually the contrary. I am much more flexible online. You approaching me in the metro tells me nothing of your character. The only thing I will notice is your physique, your crocked nose, your wondering eye, your missing tooth in the back and from there that will close my mind to who you are. In real life approach you have a split second to make an impression and if you miss it you're done.

 

Online even if the man is not my total type I will read his profile, I will get interested in certain facts, his hobbies, his family values, his age, is he a smoker or not, is he active or not.

 

 

 

Another misconception. We are looking for a man to connect with. Yes he has to be physically to our liking the same way YOU want a woman to be physically to your liking. I don't care about Brad Pitt looking. I'm a a Benicio Del Toro fan and there is nothing conventionally beautiful about this man, no pretty face, he's shy, introverted but there is something delicious about him. My daughter is a hot little thing and loves the tall skinny type with crocked teeth!! We all have a type, YOU are someone's type. There is no such a thing as 'one size fits all' in term of what is attractive.

 

 

 

What's the difference with that and online? None, you took a chance on a picture and some info your friends told you. My friends and family set me up on tons of blind dates with supposedly great guys who turned out douchbags.

 

I have many examples of online working around me. My brother found his wife online, 2 of by best friend found their wife-husband on it and the list goes on.

 

Hey, if that's you then that's awesome! But that in no way shape or form is MOST women. Do you have any idea how many women I've messaged on OLD who have similar interest as me, matching opinions, and who I happen to find attractive? MANY and NONE have ever responded to me EVER. Either I have the face only a mother could love or she's looking for 'THE guy'. In a city like NYC 'THE guy' is every girls type until she realizes she'll never have him, than she'll settle for something lesser of her expectations, and that's where I come in lol.

 

Like I said, I would of scrolled right by her if I saw her on OLD, and she would of done the same thing. It wasn't until we started speaking to each other that we really clicked. OLD only clicks by appearances.

 

In general, women have better luck on OLD because don't really have to lift a finger. They wait for the messages to flow in and they make their picks.

[jay1983]

They worked when I was younger. Since then it's always either a no thank you I have a BF or they give you their number and don't respond to more than 2 or 3 text messages.

 

Try it though and see how it works out for you.

[Gaeta]

Hey, if that's you then that's awesome! But that in no way shape or form is MOST women. Do you have any idea how many women I've messaged on OLD who have similar interest as me, matching opinions, and who I happen to find attractive? MANY and NONE have ever responded to me EVER. Either I have the face only a mother could love or she's looking for 'THE guy'. In a city like NYC 'THE guy' is every girls type until she realizes she'll never have him, than she'll settle for something lesser of her expectations, and that's where I come in lol.

 

Like I said, I would of scrolled right by her if I saw her on OLD, and she would of done the same thing. It wasn't until we started speaking to each other that we really clicked. OLD only clicks by appearances.

 

In general, women have better luck on OLD because don't really have to lift a finger. They wait for the messages to flow in and they make their picks.

 

How can you claim you know better what women want than me who's a woman? You don't get a reply because you're not their type. That's all. Don't worry women know what they're worth and if a woman at 6 on a scale of attractiveness gets a message from a man 10 she will feel something fishy is going on.

 

If women have better luck then how come I've been online dating for 3,5 years and I am still single. Online is not easy, no one said it's suppose to be.

[joseb]

I've had more success with cold approaches than with OLD.

You need to not be too attached to the outcome.

 

As I was in a LTR, I hadn't cold approached anyone in ages, but have started again recently. I got a couple of what might be consider serious rejections (e.g. hand up, don't talk to me, I'm just having a drink) which I could have taken to heart, but accepted it at face value. But I also hooked up with a very smart and pretty girl who I would have had absolutely no chance with on OLD. Just don't take it too seriously.

 

Oh and "hey I think your beautiful" is in my opinion a pretty weak opening. Just saying.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How can you claim you know better what women want than me who's a woman? You don't get a reply because you're not their type. That's all. Don't worry women know what they're worth and if a woman at 6 on a scale of attractiveness gets a message from a man 10 she will feel something fishy is going on.

 

If women have better luck then how come I've been online dating for 3,5 years and I am still single. Online is not easy, no one said it's suppose to be.

 

I'm just curious, and it is true that at the end of the day, you are both single.

 

But that doesn't resonate with you at all? The fact that he can't get a single woman he's attracted to, to respond to him, and I know you've had plenty of dates (just from your prolific thread posting, even if I haven't read many of them)?

 

You really feel like you're in the same spot?

[Jonp219]

How can you claim you know better what women want than me who's a woman? You don't get a reply because you're not their type. That's all. Don't worry women know what they're worth and if a woman at 6 on a scale of attractiveness gets a message from a man 10 she will feel something fishy is going on.

 

If women have better luck then how come I've been online dating for 3,5 years and I am still single. Online is not easy, no one said it's suppose to be.

 

'Not my type' essentially means you're ugly. I've messaged girls anywhere from a 6-10 on my scale, and I'm not planning on going any lower than that. If I'm not ANY of their types then I must be on the wrong planet lol.

 

I'm not saying it should be easy, but you've had a couple of dates I assume.

[jay1983]

I disagree.

 

The same women who deny you on OLD would probably give you a chance in real life, character shines a lot brighter than looks do.

 

Plus the women on OLD are not looking for a guy they're looking for THE guy. They're looking for a guy who looks like Brad Pitt, volunteers at the animal shelter, and works in the Financial District. They're typically looking for guys that don't exist in this world. OLD is a complete and utter joke in my eyes, I hate using it.

 

A good example that OLD doesn't work is my recent relationship. Me and ex got hook up by a mutual friend, when we saw each others pictures prior to meeting we were against the idea, but our friend convinced us to give it a shot. What happened? We clicked and lasted 4 years together. If I saw her on an old site or she saw me we would of probably scrolled right past each other.

 

2 Things here. There's a correlation between your first and third paragraph. Some Women who overlook online are more likely to give a chance IRL if you have a mutual friend, not just a random person. Attractive women get approached a lot, don't buy into the women who post on here saying they never get approached.

 

The next thing is that the hundreds of single women online looking for their favorite celeb are probably half of the single women you pass on the street. So they're looking for the guy in person too.

[Gaeta]

Oh and "hey I think your beautiful" is in my opinion a pretty weak opening. Just saying.

 

That's right.

 

That reminds me Thursday in the metro this younger man smiled at me so I made a step toward him thinking he needed direction. He said he thought I was a very beautiful lady. I don't know if he was trying to approach me but I said thank you and walked away before he had time to say anything else.

 

To me being approached in public only means he's interested in hooking up.

 

Happened to my daughter last week, she's 27. Got approached by this man she found attractive, he asked for her number, she was all excited, turned out the man was married and looking to get some.

 

How many more women out there with negative cold approaches experiences? I think many. It makes it much harder for the genuine guy to use this to meet.