The light at end of tunnel is AWESOME.

[Happilydivorced2013]

I have been divorced for almost 2 years. It was rough during the divorce. I found out Ex had been unfaithful repeatedly during marriage. Believe it or not didn't know until final affair. I wanted divorce after finding out about last affair.

 

He ended up bringing the other women into our old house to live The house we built together. He has since broken up with her. He was unfaithful to her too. His family told me this. Don't know why they broke up and don't care. He still tries to get to me, but I don't let him. I have blocked everything.

 

Kids have off and on relationship with him. He makes a lot of money, but is not reliable. Thankfully the last of the three kids has graduated, 2 weeks ago, and is going away to college. Not thankfull that they are gone just thankful they are pursuing their dreams.

 

I hear sometimes from his family that they are worried about him. That he continues down a disfunctional road. Not my problem. I even wish he would find a nice women who would make him happy. Just not that skanky OW.

 

Now you may ask, why post now. Because I wanted others in the same situation to know, life is what you make it, and too short to repeatedly put up with the crap. I'm moving south in 2 weeks, near the beach, and going back to College, full time. I waited till my daughter graduated from high school. I am finally pursuing MY dreams. I am so thankful that I divorced that man. I read posts on here, from people who are struggling to make it work. Who are in the same situation I was 3 years ago, when I found out about the affair. I feel for you. But believe me, usually once a cheater, almost always a cheater.

 

The divorce was hard, but you do heal if you allow yourself to. I was a stay at home mother who didn't work, before divorce. I Was scared about supporting myself. I realize now I like to work. I like being in charge. I like that I can choose where to live and grow old. I like that I am in charge of my life.

 

Life is sooooo good. It can be for you too

[chew123]

HD2013,

 

Thanks for coming back and posting from the other side. I know you are right. 9 months in and things are really starting to look up. Just need some more time to process.

 

The only thing I really lost was something that I never really had. So really no loss at all.

 

Thanks again.

[Happilydivorced2013]

Your right nine months isn't long. What helped me was shutting down all contact once I decided to divorce. My kids were in highschool and college, so no contact was easy. I also had a great attorney who only did family law, and was on top of things. People came out of the woodwork when we decided to divorce. I think they felt safe finally telling me about his sleeping around for years. By then I didn't even care. The OW would infrequently harrass the kids about not accepting her before and after the divorce and that is when I would really got pissed off. She would berate them and tell them he picked her over them. Even then I would not engage. It wasn't worth it. Even when I had to step up to the plate and help out with he kids college education, which he can easily afford, not so much me. I knew that fighting him would only bring him pleasure in showing he was getting to me. The kids know who they can rely on, and sadly have zero respect for him.

 

Hang in there, stay classy, and know that heartbreak is temporary if you make the right choices.

[Methodical]

Love your attitude. What an inspirational example of how choosing to move forward and not wallow in negative emotions propelled you to unrealized potential. Granted, as you said, it was hard and I'm sure there were moments of despair and hopelessness, but you kicked a$$ and conquered. Good for you!

[Happilydivorced2013]

Thank you methodical. When I decided on the divorce I just wanted everything over. He tried to still have contact, but I could see that it was manipulative passive aggressive bullcrap. It was almost like a light switch going on off. I still have moments of anger when he screws the kids over money for paying for college, but I still will not contact him about it.

 

One thing I know for sure about this man is he hates to be ignored. He is and was great at ignoring me, but he could never stand if the same was done to him. That is my revenge, ignoring him. He has actually come to my new place a couple times and just walked in, as if we were still together. Needless to say my daughter told him both times that he had no business doing that. I just stood there speechless. How weird is he that he thought he had that right.

 

I can honestly say that I have no idea who this man is. But I am sure that the man he has shown for the last three years is the real him. The first 17 years he was just faking it, and I'm ok with that. If not for him, I wouldn't have the three greatest loves of my life, my kids. Not getting on with it is just wasted energy. Happiness is a choice, that is why we divorced.

 

One last thing, he actually blamed for continuing to be with the OW. He said if I would take him back he wouldn't need to live with her. Can you imagine how the cheating mind works? I couldn't and didn't want to.

[unrequitedluv]

I hope one day I can be as strong as you.

 

am currently pregnant with 2 toddlers. I am pretty and very much lost.

 

Trying to hold on despite I know I shouldn't.

 

I had yet to decide.

 

Still waiting for the birth of my son to do so.

 

He left and probably is going left me without any financial support.

 

I wanted my flat and will hold on to it till my last breathe.

 

Thus divorce is not an option for me for the time being. I do hope one day he will came to realize and repent.

One day.

 

Or I hope that one day I can be financially strong enough and do not need him anymore.

[No Limit]

He left and probably is going left me without any financial support.

 

That's what courts are for.