OLD Photo trickery / heavyset women

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I understand where FF is coming from with regard to his thread, but I also understand where some of the other members are coming from regarding being offended by some of the posts from guys that are dissing on overweight women, for example: "No fatties please".

 

Since I'm currently exercising and losing the extra pounds that I've gained since my BU last year, I always choose the "Average" selection, even though I'm more on the thinner side than on the average side now. I do this for a specific reason: because I'd rather underwhelm someone with regard to my body type than to build myself up. I'm also honest with other aspects of my life, including my profession, the things I feel strongly about and believe in as well as with the qualities I'm looking for in a guy. When a guy meets me, he may be pleasantly 'surprised' because he might think I'm thinner than "average", and maybe not; that's up for him to decide.

 

And even though it bothers me that guys place a LOT of importance on how 'hot' a woman's body looks to them, I know that it's just part of the biological dance of sexual and physical attraction. I'm also guilty of this. If a guy has a few extra pounds, it's no big deal because that's something he can change via exercise and eating a healthier diet. But - if he's VERY overweight or is extremely flabby and out of shape, um...it's not gonna happen. I'm just NOT attracted to that body type, no matter how much of a wonderful person he may be. Not only that, but if I'm putting a lot of effort and time to eat healthier and to exercise, I want to meet a guy who values his health and appearance in the same way that I do. And, if a guy misled me about this, I would be turned off by the fact that he LIED to me about his body type more so than being turned off by how overweight or out of shape he is.

 

There's nothing wrong with a person building themselves up on their profile, but I mean c'mon - a person should know full well that if they mislead a person about their weight or body type, don't they REALIZE that when their date meets them IN PERSON, they're going to SEE what their body really looks like?! How could they expect their date to willingly continue on with the evening, knowing that they were CAUGHT in a BLATANT LIE? A winning personality only goes so far - honesty really is a virtue that a lot of people value and expect in the person they're eyeing to get into a relationship with.

 

Like LosAngelena has stated, people using OLD (and real life dating) are ALWAYS taking a risk.

 

In answer to your initial question FF: When you encounter these 'heavyset' women that you meet who have LIED to you, you can be kind and take the time to talk with them for the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee and then be on your way without telling them anything; they would get the drift as to why you weren't interested in them, I think. Or, you can cut the meet up (or date) short and tell them WHY you're not interested in continuing the date further (because they LIED about their physical appearance) and then leave them standing there as you get into your car and leave; they would definitely get the drift as to why you're not interested in them. That's really the only two choices you have, FF. Either that, or just don't date at all via OLD and just meet women who your friends and/or family have already met and recommend for you or just do the cold approach with women.

 

There's NO way to avoid your dilemma FF, with the exception of the options that I've listed above. Welcome to the messed up world of OLD. And um, for the record, I've met guys who have also misled me about themselves physically, most notably the guys who show up with a beer gut and who have very flabby bodies.

 

What slays me is when these guys call us women 'shallow' because we dumped them before the date even started, but then they get pissy and 'turned off' when some women mislead them in the same exact way that THEY misled other women! *sigh*

 

 

 

.

[Phoe]

But don't women do something similar themselves? I mean, how would a woman react if to meeting a guy from Match who says he is 6' but really turns out to be only 5'7". Or if a guy masks his age by posting old photos and having recent ones with him wearing a baseball cap and loose clothes (so you can't see his gray or that he let himself go). What if a guy misrepresents his employment in a big way (but doesn't quite outright lie)? What if a guy has a social anxiety that reveals itself only when you meet up with him for the first time? If this makes you not interested, I think that is totally fair on your part. So, how/why is it different if a guy does likewise?

 

If a man misrepresents himself, then that's the issue at hand. The fact that he lied. Not the fact that he has gray hair and is 5'7.

 

And even if I had misrepresentation after misrepresentation, I would not assume that gives me the right to demand XYZ amount of information, and that anyone who doesn't provide that is clearly trying to deceive me.

 

The fact that deception is automatically assumed just irks me. She only posted a headshot? She's overweight. She won't send me more pictures? She's hiding something. The photos are old. She's gained weight. She photoshopped the crap out of her photos...

 

I don't get why it's just automatically assumed that everyone is lying until they prove otherwise.

[Gaeta]

I don't get why it's just automatically assumed that everyone is lying until they prove otherwise.

 

People that have done a lot of online have identified a pattern. Maybe you only put a picture head up and it means nothing but for the other 80% head shots out there, yes usually it means they are uncomfortable with their body size. And people know it because it happened to them over and over.

 

It's like men taking their picture down when they're not online. At first when I was new to online I did not assume anything but with time and a few bad stories now I know that a man that takes his pictures down when he's not online it's because he doesn't want to be found on there by a wife or a woman he's dating. Maybe not 100% of them but most of them so I am not gonna waste my time giving chances to someone that crawls like a snake and whistles like a snake just cause 10% chances he's not a snake.

[empresario]

Okay I'll respond more thoroughly.

 

Men are socialized via porn culture and they think they need porn bodies.

 

I don't know man, there's school, work, family, friends and hobbies. When you say socialized via, I imagine they have no social life and watch porn all day. Almost everybody watches porn, if men thought they needed porn bods then how are all these women who don't fit the criteria finding BFs?

 

Then you say it carries over to OLD and FB? All this is damaging to the brain? All this is reading like one of crazy feminist blogs.

 

Thank you for responding.

 

 

I didn't mean they are completely socialized by it. I meant that men of this generation's sexual knowledge is shaped by images and videos before the real thing. Sex socialization in the USA is stupid as F***.

 

 

We are so sexually repressed it hurts. We don't talk about it. We treat it like it's behind closed doors, and often times we tell kids not to explore it. The result? They sit behind closed doors and fantasize to porn. It shapes their reality. It combines their taboo for dealing with it directly with this over the top reality of what sex is actually like.

 

 

It carries over to OLD and Facebook because of the triggers. I didn't say OLD and FB are directly like porn. I'm saying that the process of browsing and fantasizing can be a trigger for porn if you are trying to reboot and change your brain function to stop relating images and videos with sexual reward. If that isn't your goal...then it doesn't matter.

 

 

I am a man. I have sex. And I don't care if you watch porn. It's not feminism at all. I am a man that was affected by porn induce sexual dysfunction...and there are a LOT of men that are. I am in my late 20s. I am part of a new generation of males that have had access to massive amounts of digital pornography from the time of puberty. The studies of how that affects us is just now starting to bear fruit.

 

 

But, I am also a man no longer affected by it. I have the sex drive of a 16 year old and I feel cheated out of many years of sexual satisfaction, freedom from sexual jealousy, and really good performance that I feel I lost from early and habitual porn use. I didn't even know your brain could be rewired that way. But it can be.

 

 

Let me provide you one more analogy. I am a clean eater. This means I eat very wholesome foods...many of which are bland. Because of that, I have trained my brain to see food as fuel and eat the same thing every day. The times I cheat...well...food tastes better than just about any meal you have ever had.

 

 

When I tell people I do this, their first response is "well, I enjoy food too much to ever do what you did". Well of course you do. You are socialized in the USA to have every food you could ever want to eat a the swipe of a debit card. Your brain rewards you for eating fatty, high calorie food and you don't know how to live your life any other way. You are wired that way.

 

 

However, you can rewire your brain to eat more healthy foods (and not hate it). Just as you can rewire your brain to find more fulfillment from sex. Hopefully this whole thing came together as a complete thought.

[toscaroscura]

Hey, nerds can be health conscious as well. I'm a big data/software security programmer by functional trade! But yes, I get what you're saying. I don't know why any girl dates a guy with a lot of muscles. It looks gross to me (even as a straight guy) but I guess that's why everyone has preferences.

 

 

If you could be so kind, what was your experience with OLD and why you had to take a break from it? I'm just curious. You seem to be passionate about this subject.

 

I do take care of myself, and know plenty of in-shape nerds. I suppose I was just thinking an OCD man who is going to police everything that goes into my mouth and criticizing my exercise routines! Or worse, being lukewarm in bed because he's focusing on my flaws. Perhaps this is unfair of me to think this of those men, but I like to enjoy life, and if that means I have a less-than-perfect body as a result, I'm ok with that.

 

My experience with OLD...well, I don't want to get too personal here and derail, so if you'd like to hear you may PM me. But I will just say that I met a lot of men who were all wrong for me!

[toscaroscura]

It's funny because I actually prefer a woman like you that's a bit nerdy and kind of a dork. There's nothing hotter than intelligence and the ability to use banter to create tension. Plus, when the glasses and conservative clothes come off and the freak in the sheets emerges, I am in on the secret no one else is.

 

But since I am a personal trainer, women like you have a tendency to assume I am a gym rat/meat head. That's why I always love proving that stereotype wrong. This is what cracks me up though. The women I've dated who stressed they could care less about looks, wind up being the most superficial, Take my last GF for example. Stressed she wouldn't normally date "a guy like me" but that she liked my intelligence. Said repeatedly she's never chosen a guy based on looks, etc.. Yet as soon as sex started happening. she wouldn't shut up about my body or how hot I was. I think all women want to be physically attracted to the guy they're with. It's just that they try to hide it up front because they don't want it to be overly sexual.

 

Well, I love to be proven wrong! I do give people chances, and if a man like you made me feel sexy and desirable, then I could probably relax with time!

 

As a female nerd, who was unpopular and bullied growing up, I was told I was fat/ugly/disgusting my whole childhood. I was not even a fat child. It can be hard, even after you grow up and become "pretty", to think of yourself as not-hideous. Even movies with female nerds who get the guy, they usually have to undergo some kind of physical makeover. Lose weight, walk in heels, wear makeup, and for God's sake, lose those glasses! The male nerds who get the hot girl rarely ever have to change physically; usually SHE sees how shallow she has been and finally falls for him as is, dumping the hot but jerky jock.

 

(I grew up with a lot of 80s movies )

 

Anyway, your GF's effusive compliments might just be leftover disbelief that a man as physically beautiful as you really TRULY likes her and thinks she's sexy. IME, women internalize their own flaws, plus we are urged to give men we might not like very much* a "chance", the underlying message being that being ugly nerd girls, we should just take what we can get.

 

My own father, when I was 13 and crying about how boys called me disgusting and hated me, didn't tell me that if I learned skills and confidence and developed my personality, I could be an amazing woman who deserved a man who loved her. No. He basically said my boobs were too small and maybe if I lost weight they'd look bigger, then boys would like me.

 

All and only physical. My body is all I have to offer, was the message. That message SUCKS and I have heard it since I was knee-high.

 

*before anyone accuses me of having unrealistic standards and lusting after Adonises, believe me when I say I have been attracted to a wide gamut of different men over the years, with different body types. Tall, athletic, perfect face/teeth/whatever are not my requirements. But yes, I need to find him sexy!

[jay1983]

Thank you for responding.

 

 

I didn't mean they are completely socialized by it. I meant that men of this generation's sexual knowledge is shaped by images and videos before the real thing. Sex socialization in the USA is stupid as F***.

 

 

We are so sexually repressed it hurts. We don't talk about it. We treat it like it's behind closed doors, and often times we tell kids not to explore it. The result? They sit behind closed doors and fantasize to porn. It shapes their reality. It combines their taboo for dealing with it directly with this over the top reality of what sex is actually like.

 

 

It carries over to OLD and Facebook because of the triggers. I didn't say OLD and FB are directly like porn. I'm saying that the process of browsing and fantasizing can be a trigger for porn if you are trying to reboot and change your brain function to stop relating images and videos with sexual reward. If that isn't your goal...then it doesn't matter.

 

 

I am a man. I have sex. And I don't care if you watch porn. It's not feminism at all. I am a man that was affected by porn induce sexual dysfunction...and there are a LOT of men that are. I am in my late 20s. I am part of a new generation of males that have had access to massive amounts of digital pornography from the time of puberty. The studies of how that affects us is just now starting to bear fruit.

 

 

But, I am also a man no longer affected by it. I have the sex drive of a 16 year old and I feel cheated out of many years of sexual satisfaction, freedom from sexual jealousy, and really good performance that I feel I lost from early and habitual porn use. I didn't even know your brain could be rewired that way. But it can be.

 

 

Let me provide you one more analogy. I am a clean eater. This means I eat very wholesome foods...many of which are bland. Because of that, I have trained my brain to see food as fuel and eat the same thing every day. The times I cheat...well...food tastes better than just about any meal you have ever had.

 

 

When I tell people I do this, their first response is "well, I enjoy food too much to ever do what you did". Well of course you do. You are socialized in the USA to have every food you could ever want to eat a the swipe of a debit card. Your brain rewards you for eating fatty, high calorie food and you don't know how to live your life any other way. You are wired that way.

 

 

However, you can rewire your brain to eat more healthy foods (and not hate it). Just as you can rewire your brain to find more fulfillment from sex. Hopefully this whole thing came together as a complete thought.

 

Yeah, I understand what you're saying, but the affect porn had on you isn't very common. I'm a man, I'm 32, I've been having sex since I was 16 and I watch porn. That's how most people operate. It's only online where I read about these guys who's brains are damaged from porn and have no clue of what sex is really like.

 

I'm a minority originally from a another country. Boys over there also start downloading and watching porn from the time they hit puberty. They get together with their friends at 16 and talk about pussy, lying saying they got some, and so and so said she wanted this, he slept with her and all the same things that go on here. There's no difference.

 

The sh*t that I read online.

[Phoe]

Well, I love to be proven wrong! I do give people chances, and if a man like you made me feel sexy and desirable, then I could probably relax with time!

 

As a female nerd, who was unpopular and bullied growing up, I was told I was fat/ugly/disgusting my whole childhood. I was not even a fat child. It can be hard, even after you grow up and become "pretty", to think of yourself as not-hideous. Even movies with female nerds who get the guy, they usually have to undergo some kind of physical makeover. Lose weight, walk in heels, wear makeup, and for God's sake, lose those glasses! The male nerds who get the hot girl rarely ever have to change physically; usually SHE sees how shallow she has been and finally falls for him as is, dumping the hot but jerky jock.

 

(I grew up with a lot of 80s movies )

 

Anyway, your GF's effusive compliments might just be leftover disbelief that a man as physically beautiful as you really TRULY likes her and thinks she's sexy. IME, women internalize their own flaws, plus we are urged to give men we might not like very much* a "chance", the underlying message being that being ugly nerd girls, we should just take what we can get.

 

My own father, when I was 13 and crying about how boys called me disgusting and hated me, didn't tell me that if I learned skills and confidence and developed my personality, I could be an amazing woman who deserved a man who loved her. No. He basically said my boobs were too small and maybe if I lost weight they'd look bigger, then boys would like me.

 

All and only physical. My body is all I have to offer, was the message. That message SUCKS and I have heard it since I was knee-high.

 

*before anyone accuses me of having unrealistic standards and lusting after Adonises, believe me when I say I have been attracted to a wide gamut of different men over the years, with different body types. Tall, athletic, perfect face/teeth/whatever are not my requirements. But yes, I need to find him sexy!

 

I definitely was in the same boat as you. Always been nerdy and was bullied quite badly, boys never liked me. Was called fat, told I looked like a dude, all sorts of things said and done to me that had me walking home from the bus stop after school in tears almost every day.

 

My dad hated seeing me crying all the time, but didn't really know what to do or say. Told me that his guess would be that I would always struggle at finding boyfriends or getting men interested. He never elaborated on that and even to this day I still wish I could know what on earth he knew, that I didn't/don't.

 

All the negativity and having flaws rubbed in my face definitely got massively internalized. I still pick myself apart quite badly. When I did OLD, I definitely felt like it was necessary to choose the most ordinary looking picture, lest someone who might meet me would end up disappointed, thinking I'm not good enough.

[toscaroscura]

I definitely was in the same boat as you. Always been nerdy and was bullied quite badly, boys never liked me. Was called fat, told I looked like a dude, all sorts of things said and done to me that had me walking home from the bus stop after school in tears almost every day.

 

My dad hated seeing me crying all the time, but didn't really know what to do or say. Told me that his guess would be that I would always struggle at finding boyfriends or getting men interested. He never elaborated on that and even to this day I still wish I could know what on earth he knew, that I didn't/don't.

 

All the negativity and having flaws rubbed in my face definitely got massively internalized. I still pick myself apart quite badly. When I did OLD, I definitely felt like it was necessary to choose the most ordinary looking picture, lest someone who might meet me would end up disappointed, thinking I'm not good enough.

 

Those feelings, I know so well.

 

They never really go away completely. I just try to take care of myself and be awesome.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Those feelings, I know so well.

 

They never really go away completely. I just try to take care of myself and be awesome.

Is that a picture of you in your avatar because if it is you are 100% adorable!!

[toscaroscura]

Is that a picture of you in your avatar because if it is you are 100% adorable!!

 

It is! And thank you! :love:

[Ruby Slippers]

Thank you for responding.

 

 

I didn't mean they are completely socialized by it. I meant that men of this generation's sexual knowledge is shaped by images and videos before the real thing. Sex socialization in the USA is stupid as F***.

 

 

We are so sexually repressed it hurts. We don't talk about it. We treat it like it's behind closed doors, and often times we tell kids not to explore it. The result? They sit behind closed doors and fantasize to porn. It shapes their reality. It combines their taboo for dealing with it directly with this over the top reality of what sex is actually like.

 

 

It carries over to OLD and Facebook because of the triggers. I didn't say OLD and FB are directly like porn. I'm saying that the process of browsing and fantasizing can be a trigger for porn if you are trying to reboot and change your brain function to stop relating images and videos with sexual reward. If that isn't your goal...then it doesn't matter.

 

 

I am a man. I have sex. And I don't care if you watch porn. It's not feminism at all. I am a man that was affected by porn induce sexual dysfunction...and there are a LOT of men that are. I am in my late 20s. I am part of a new generation of males that have had access to massive amounts of digital pornography from the time of puberty. The studies of how that affects us is just now starting to bear fruit.

 

 

But, I am also a man no longer affected by it. I have the sex drive of a 16 year old and I feel cheated out of many years of sexual satisfaction, freedom from sexual jealousy, and really good performance that I feel I lost from early and habitual porn use. I didn't even know your brain could be rewired that way. But it can be.

 

 

Let me provide you one more analogy. I am a clean eater. This means I eat very wholesome foods...many of which are bland. Because of that, I have trained my brain to see food as fuel and eat the same thing every day. The times I cheat...well...food tastes better than just about any meal you have ever had.

 

 

When I tell people I do this, their first response is "well, I enjoy food too much to ever do what you did". Well of course you do. You are socialized in the USA to have every food you could ever want to eat a the swipe of a debit card. Your brain rewards you for eating fatty, high calorie food and you don't know how to live your life any other way. You are wired that way.

 

 

However, you can rewire your brain to eat more healthy foods (and not hate it). Just as you can rewire your brain to find more fulfillment from sex. Hopefully this whole thing came together as a complete thought.

I thank the stars that strong, thinking men like you exist

[fitnessfan365]

Well, I love to be proven wrong! I do give people chances, and if a man like you made me feel sexy and desirable, then I could probably relax with time!

 

(I grew up with a lot of 80s movies )

 

My own father, when I was 13 and crying about how boys called me disgusting and hated me, didn't tell me that if I learned skills and confidence and developed my personality, I could be an amazing woman who deserved a man who loved her. No. He basically said my boobs were too small and maybe if I lost weight they'd look bigger, then boys would like me.

!

 

Well breaking through stereotypes and truly getting to know someone for who they are is the best part of dating.

 

I did laugh out loud with your mention of 80's movies though. I am an 80's junkie. Music, movies, etc.. But you won't find me rocking Miami Vice fashion. Haha.

 

That sucks about your dad not being more supportive. An absolutely terrible way to grow up. Sorry you went through that!

[jen1447]

Is that a picture of you in your avatar because if it is you are 100% adorable!!

I know right? And her glasses are sexeh now too!

[toscaroscura]

Well gosh you guys :o:love:

 

Thank you for your kind words, truly.

[jen1447]

Just bear in mind that the people who put you down back in the day are probably 50 pounds overweight with smoker's lung and feeling sorry while you're at the top of your game.

[toscaroscura]

Just bear in mind that the people who put you down back in the day are probably 50 pounds overweight with smoker's lung and feeling sorry while you're at the top of your game.

 

lol

 

I can't throw too many stones, as I'm not exactly skinny. And I've definitely been known to navel-gaze and feel sorry for myself.

 

But I don't smoke.

 

Honestly, despite my words here, I'm not hung up about my childhood anymore. I just hope that my words can help a man understand why it stings so much when women are rated on numbers scales so coldly, as if that's all we can ever be expected to offer anyone. Or that a "quality woman" is merely someone who is hot and under a certain age. It's depressing. I see it a lot around Loveshack.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Well, I love to be proven wrong! I do give people chances, and if a man like you made me feel sexy and desirable, then I could probably relax with time!

 

As a female nerd, who was unpopular and bullied growing up, I was told I was fat/ugly/disgusting my whole childhood. I was not even a fat child. It can be hard, even after you grow up and become "pretty", to think of yourself as not-hideous. Even movies with female nerds who get the guy, they usually have to undergo some kind of physical makeover. Lose weight, walk in heels, wear makeup, and for God's sake, lose those glasses! The male nerds who get the hot girl rarely ever have to change physically; usually SHE sees how shallow she has been and finally falls for him as is, dumping the hot but jerky jock.

 

(I grew up with a lot of 80s movies )

 

 

You forgot about Ducky.

 

Ducky never got the girl.

 

A lot of that happened to me as well. It's not hard to imagine that a guy who hadn't even kissed a woman in high school would have had a tough time.

 

Life is tough. A lot of people have been cut down before. That's why it kind of surprises me that people have all the requirements and reject people so easily.

[Krieger]

lol

 

I can't throw too many stones, as I'm not exactly skinny. And I've definitely been known to navel-gaze and feel sorry for myself.

 

But I don't smoke.

 

Honestly, despite my words here, I'm not hung up about my childhood anymore. I just hope that my words can help a man understand why it stings so much when women are rated on numbers scales so coldly, as if that's all we can ever be expected to offer anyone. Or that a "quality woman" is merely someone who is hot and under a certain age. It's depressing. I see it a lot around Loveshack.

 

I do not rate woman by number but by looks with out getting to know her.

 

I know I am not the best looking guy in the world LOL.

 

For me looks are important but if she has an ugly face it a deal breaker .

[kaylan]

Heh, when I did OLD I didn't put a body pic, just one clear headshot.

 

I simply put "average". I didn't want to be judged based on my body. I figured I was better off by not being messaged by the men who would judge based on my body, or the men who assume lack of pic and "average" is code for "yep she's overweight".

 

The one man who asked for more pics before continuing to talk with me got politely declined and the talking ended there.

 

Either a man can trust that "average" literally means average and can meet me at least knowing my face and having talked to me, or he can move along.

 

I have always 100% refused to engage in being judged for my body when it comes to romantic prospects, and any exes who made unpleasant comments to me about my body got themselves permanently dug into some deep sh** for it.

Fantasy world.

 

The men meeting you judge you on your body after the fact. And if you stack up to what he wants, he continues to see you. Women do this do.

 

Its called physical attraction. Without it you have a lame relationship. And you pretty much waste each others time if you end up meeting a find one another unattractive physically. I know some of you gals hate physical attraction meaning so much, but it just does.

 

Its as important as mental and emotional attraction when it comes to many, many men. Same for women. I couldnt expect a woman to date me if she didnt find my body sexually attractive.

[kaylan]

All the full body pics I come across online always make a woman look at least 8-10 sizes smaller than she actually is. Are they starting to offer college courses in photo trickery for heavyset women that use OLD?

 

I'm able to see the humor and irony since I'm passionate about fitness and a personal trainer. But after awhile it does get frustrating when 85% of the women I meet from OLD wind up being size 18-24. I mean these are all women who claim to be "athletic", "curvy", and heavily into fitness. It's funny because my ideal woman physically would be a size 10-12 carrying 15-20 extra lbs of boobs, hips, and ass in a healthy way. But huge difference between that and obese.

 

Is there a somewhat polite and tactful way to take precaution? When I try to ask for a recent full body pic before meeting, a woman either gets offended because she thinks it's sexually motivated or it's more of the same photo trickery. So aside from asking for a woman's dress size straight out, I am at a loss at what to do.

I simply dont message women without recent full length pics anymore. Im sick of angle shots and all of her pics being up close.

 

And I use Tinder mostly btw...so I immediately swipe left if I cant tell shes of a weight I find suitable for myself.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I just hope that my words can help a man understand why it stings so much when women are rated on numbers scales so coldly, as if that's all we can ever be expected to offer anyone. Or that a "quality woman" is merely someone who is hot and under a certain age. It's depressing. I see it a lot around Loveshack.

 

It's just kind of the way it is. Love is extremely shallow.

 

Using numbers is just a way to visualize the standards that everybody puts into place. When women reject on height, race, face, it's just using unspoken numbers.

 

The only way around it is if you are never in the position to reject anybody for looks. Which I am unfortunately in that position, but hey, it had to be somebody.

 

I've come more and more to realize that people like OP who are outspoken as far as rigid standards on looks and obesity, race, etc, are no different than anybody else. They just say it out loud instead of keeping it hidden.

[kaylan]

I got in contact with this new man a couple of days ago. He told me I am one of the few women online that has several head to toe pictures in her profile.

 

Him and I met this afternoon, after 5 minutes he told me: I am so happy you look exactly like your pictures!! You wouldn't believe how many times I've been fooled.

 

I don't understand these women. Just show yourself as you are and someone will like you just the way you are.

 

FF: Ask them to send you selfies. Make it a game. If she gets self conscious then drop her. The man I met today had asked me yesterday morning if I send him a picture of how I dressed for work that morning. I'm not stupid, I knew it was his way to request a recent picture and I played along and sent it to him.

 

Now that being said: it's not women's monopole to cheat on their profile. I have met my share of men with big gut and they didn't have any on their online pictures.

Bingo. Thats exactly what I do. Ill send a goofy shot of me saying hi during the day, and try to get a couple back from her during our talks.

[katiegrl]

It's just kind of the way it is. Love is extremely shallow.

 

Using numbers is just a way to visualize the standards that everybody puts into place. When women reject on height, race, face, it's just using unspoken numbers.

 

The only way around it is if you are never in the position to reject anybody for looks. Which I am unfortunately in that position, but hey, it had to be somebody.

 

**I've come more and more to realize that people like OP who are outspoken as far as rigid standards on looks and obesity, race, etc, are no different than anybody else. They just say it out loud instead of keeping it hidden**.

 

Once again, nowhere in this thread has the OP stated or implied he has *rigid* standards with respect to a woman's weight or any thing else.

 

In fact, to the contrary, he has stated numerous times he has NO issue with a woman's weight....he said he even PREFERS a woman who carries a few extra pounds and some "meat" on her bones.

 

For the umpteenth time, this thread is NOT about how fat women are and the men who who refuse to date them...due to rigid standards.

 

This thread is about the OP meeting women who "misrepresent" themselves to him, by claiming to be one thing via their cleverly manipulated photos... when in reality they are something else when he meets them in person.

 

It is their lying and misrepresenting themselves to him that he takes issue with. NOT the fact they are overweight.

 

Understand?

Edited June 9, 2015 by katiegrl

[toscaroscura]

It's just kind of the way it is. Love is extremely shallow.

 

Using numbers is just a way to visualize the standards that everybody puts into place. When women reject on height, race, face, it's just using unspoken numbers.

 

The only way around it is if you are never in the position to reject anybody for looks. Which I am unfortunately in that position, but hey, it had to be somebody.

 

I've come more and more to realize that people like OP who are outspoken as far as rigid standards on looks and obesity, race, etc, are no different than anybody else. They just say it out loud instead of keeping it hidden.

 

Call me a Pollyana if you must, but I disagree. Just because some people are rigid and shallow doesn't mean we all are. It's like the cheater who always thinks everyone cheats, or the thief convinced everyone steals, people are just "in denial".

 

No. Just no.