Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[DexterLS]

Hi guys,

 

I broke NC and I am not proud of it. It was Day 11 yesterday and well this happened. I was out to dinner with some my highschool friends. One of them didn't know my breakup story with my ex.

 

He is still friends with her on Facebook. My other mutual friends said that my ex simply vanished from all social media. Turns out, she didn't. She added my friends into a list and excluded them from all activity on her social media but forgot this one. She is still going out, having fun with the new boyfriend, her friends and basically enjoying Dubai.

 

I am thankful to her for blocking me out everywhere, it does help in the process of moving on. I was having too much information for the past months regarding her and it did make me lose my **** a lot of time.

 

So yeah, broke NC but did not contact her in any way although I do feel like crap every now and then. I have this weird feeling that sooner or later, she will contact me. I don't know when and I can't put a timeframe on it, but I just can't brush this off.

 

I am also waking up everyday feeling angry. She is on my mind constantly and I just want to forget about her, quickly. I plan on enrolling for my Masters which start in August and I hope it will keep me busy enough to forget about her.

[TaraMaiden2]

Do not measure your state of mind against your perceptions of what you witness.

 

It doesn't matter what she's doing.

 

She should be under the impression that you are having as good a time as she is.

 

If you're not, then that's your problem.

Even if you have to fake it, do everything within your personal ability to disengage from envy, and immerse yourself in personal fulfilment.

 

Even by writing posts like this one you 'break No Contact' because you're still updating her behaviour....

[DexterLS]

Do not measure your state of mind against your perceptions of what you witness.

 

It doesn't matter what she's doing.

 

She should be under the impression that you are having as good a time as she is.

 

If you're not, then that's your problem.

Even if you have to fake it, do everything within your personal ability to disengage from envy, and immerse yourself in personal fulfilment.

 

Even by writing posts like this one you 'break No Contact' because you're still updating her behaviour....

 

I can't seem to have a good time. Unlike her, going out with my friends isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. She is still constantly on my mind.

 

So, do you think, by posting about her all the time on LS, I am breaking NC?

[TaraMaiden2]

I think you're churning up stuff that inhibits you and prevents you from dumping the crud....

 

If you have a sensitivity or aversion to carrots, you don't want someone mentioning carrots all the time....

 

Do you?

[DexterLS]

I think you're churning up stuff that inhibits you and prevents you from dumping the crud....

 

If you have a sensitivity or aversion to carrots, you don't want someone mentioning carrots all the time....

 

Do you?

 

Surely not.

 

There are many stuff that are still bothering me though and I think people deal with breakups differently. I find that the opinions of the people here on LS have helped me a lot to deal with the breakup.

 

Maybe, with time, I will stop posting about it. I hope it's soon.

[sowhynot]

I can't seem to have a good time.

 

I'd be damned if I was going to let someone else make me feel miserable.

 

Ok, we all know it does, but it doesn't stop you from taking a deep breath and really start on the way back to having a good, if not better time.

 

And there's lots of advice here on how to do that, working out, self improvement etc etc.

 

Takes a bit of effort but you CAN come out of this a lot, lot better !

[Million.to.1]

Getting over a break-up takes time. We all think about the if's but's and maybe's and there are stages to the grief process you can't rush. Just accept it as a thing that takes time.

 

Give yourself a break, and stick with NC. Every day you'll think about her a little less as other things fill your life.

[aloneinaz]

Surely not.

 

There are many stuff that are still bothering me though and I think people deal with breakups differently. I find that the opinions of the people here on LS have helped me a lot to deal with the breakup.

 

Maybe, with time, I will stop posting about it. I hope it's soon.

 

 

Give yourself some more time and it does gets easier. You've been on this site for a bit. You know the deal. You don't want to see, talk to or hear about an ex until you're emotionally over it and have moved on.

 

 

Are you dating or trying to? Your squirrel cage is spinning about her all the time because you have no other girl to think about. I've always been a believer that when someone kicks you out of their life, you have to accept it and move on. The faster the better.

 

 

I've seen a lot of people on this site that feel they need to lock themselves in their homes for months and months and months and do nothing but have a pity party to "get over it".. I don't agree. After a month or two of NC, there's nothing holding us back from dipping our toes back into the dating pool to find someone who does want us. Most people dating are still getting over their past relationship in some manor.

 

 

I met my almost 2 year GF that I live with now only a few months after getting dumped. I couldn't be happier. Had I not started dating a couple months after getting dumped and had just sat home feeling defeated, sad and pathetic, I would of still been lonely and single when the dumper came back wanting another chance 5.5 months later and I might of given it to her. Thank God that didn't happen! I was able to say NO THANKS.

 

 

You're doing fine overall and got another reminder for both you and others reading this thread that NC is the best course of action post break up.

Edited June 7, 2015 by aloneinaz

[kasop]

I think most of us break nc at least once after implicating it. So dont be to hard on yourself. Pick yourself up and try again.

[DexterLS]

Give yourself some more time and it does gets easier. You've been on this site for a bit. You know the deal. You don't want to see, talk to or hear about an ex until you're emotionally over it and have moved on.

 

 

Are you dating or trying to? Your squirrel cage is spinning about her all the time because you have no other girl to think about. I've always been a believer that when someone kicks you out of their life, you have to accept it and move on. The faster the better.

 

 

I've seen a lot of people on this site that feel they need to lock themselves in their homes for months and months and months and do nothing but have a pity party to "get over it".. I don't agree. After a month or two of NC, there's nothing holding us back from dipping our toes back into the dating pool to find someone who does want us. Most people dating are still getting over their past relationship in some manor.

 

 

I met my almost 2 year GF that I live with now only a few months after getting dumped. I couldn't be happier. Had I not started dating a couple months after getting dumped and had just sat home feeling defeated, sad and pathetic, I would of still been lonely and single when the dumper came back wanting another chance 5.5 months later and I might of given it to her. Thank God that didn't happen! I was able to say NO THANKS.

 

 

You're doing fine overall and got another reminder for both you and others reading this thread that NC is the best course of action post break up.

 

Thank you.

 

No I am not dating or trying to for that matter. I don't know I can do that since it's still so hurting. I will give it a month or two of total NC before I can get "out there".

 

I am enrolling for my Masters' degree for August and well, I will start to meet more people at University too. Good timing.

 

I just gotta stick with NC now and try to forget her asap.

[ravfour4]

I've been continually dipping my hand back into the fire and it really hasn't worked out well. Sure we started hanging out every day again and during parts of that, I was super happy, but overall it just hurt again.

 

The one time I actually went NC (right before she came back) after about 10 days I was feeling much much better. I was in a decently confident state when she came back, but over 3 weeks I became an emotional mess once again as I started to love her again and then overlook the obvious warning signs that things weren't going well.

 

Think about it like a drug addiction, I recently quit smoking weed and for the first few days you get that strong urge and you just say "yes, I feel a super strong urge right now, but I want to feel better eventually, just stick with it" and do something to distract yourself. That's the same mentality I used when I went NC for 11 days before she contacted me saying she wanted to give us a 2nd chance and it really helped.

[DexterLS]

I've been continually dipping my hand back into the fire and it really hasn't worked out well. Sure we started hanging out every day again and during parts of that, I was super happy, but overall it just hurt again.

 

The one time I actually went NC (right before she came back) after about 10 days I was feeling much much better. I was in a decently confident state when she came back, but over 3 weeks I became an emotional mess once again as I started to love her again and then overlook the obvious warning signs that things weren't going well.

 

Think about it like a drug addiction, I recently quit smoking weed and for the first few days you get that strong urge and you just say "yes, I feel a super strong urge right now, but I want to feel better eventually, just stick with it" and do something to distract yourself. That's the same mentality I used when I went NC for 11 days before she contacted me saying she wanted to give us a 2nd chance and it really helped.

 

Thank you for your response. I have no expectations of being with her again. I guess, I need to be a little more patient and try to keep a strict NC this time.

[Pastmen]

I know the feeling man... Not breaking NC is hard, very hard. I still can't do it myself after 3 weeks because i'm so interested in what she's up to while I don't talk to her. But we need NC to forget about that person and to move on with our lives so I'm gonna go NC and live happy again. I hope it works and I hope you can do it as well. I know you can, the question is just when you can let go.

[DexterLS]

I know the feeling man... Not breaking NC is hard, very hard. I still can't do it myself after 3 weeks because i'm so interested in what she's up to while I don't talk to her. But we need NC to forget about that person and to move on with our lives so I'm gonna go NC and live happy again. I hope it works and I hope you can do it as well. I know you can, the question is just when you can let go.

 

I have no intention of getting back with her.

 

Do I want the satisfaction of her coming back when I have moved on though? Absolutely.

 

I still have a lot of resentment towards her for all the **** she put me through for the past two months. I spent my entire savings on that trip and the engagement ring to see her and she was sleeping with someone else all that time. Of course, I want to see her come back and apologise. I do realise it may never happen but I do hope it does.

 

I am sticking with NC and I will never, ever get in touch with her. I broke NC by taking a look at her Facebook profile yesterday but I am restarting it now and will not do this mistake again.

[Aurora_227]

I can't seem to have a good time. Unlike her, going out with my friends isn't as exciting as I thought it would be. She is still constantly on my mind.

 

So, do you think, by posting about her all the time on LS, I am breaking NC?

 

She'll be in the back of your mind, this is true. And she will be for a while, until you've fully moved on. Honestly, it may help to try and make some new friends as well - don't forget your old ones, but try changing the routine and meeting some new people. Maybe even try going to an event that sounds like fun to you (concert, festival, etc.). She'll still probably be there in the back of your mind, but at least it will get you out and about.

 

I don't think it's necessarily breaking NC to post about her, but make sure you are truly trying to move on. Make sure you can see that light at the end of the tunnel and are working towards it...there isn't anything wrong with talking out your problems, but make sure you are moving forward. Good luck.

[JewelD]

I also broke NC about a week ago. It had been almost a month so I felt a little ashamed, especially since he didn't respond, BUT it was motivation for me to continue NC. It hurt me to the core that he saw I called and still ignored me after that much time and I got pissed. I don't want to talk to him. But he will be back.

 

What helps me is writing about my feelings in my journal. Everything, every detail of whats on your mind, even if its crazy. and I love to imagine the day when he tries to call or text or get back together. Think about what you will say to her and how crushed she'll be when she realizes she missed out on being with you.

[aloneinaz]

But he will be back. .

 

 

Don't bank on it or get your hopes up. You'll set yourself up for more hurt.

 

 

I love to imagine the day when he tries to call or text or get back together. Think about what you will say to her and how crushed she'll be when she realizes she missed out on being with you.

 

 

These are very normal thoughts so close to an end of a relationship. What you'll realize is that you'll become indifferent if you stay NC and move on.

 

 

I had those same thoughts when my ex dumped me. All of them. I vanished from her life when she ended it. She never heard from me again. I healed, moved on and meet my GF. My ex came back asking for a reconciliation 5.5 months later and was told no thanks.

 

 

Several months later, a kid came up to me to say hello. It was the exes kid. The ex I saw dart down another isle to avoid me AND my much better looking girlfriend. To be honest, I wasn't happy, giddy nor did I feel vindicated. When I left, I actually felt sorry for the ex, cause it had to suck seeing me happy w/my GF while I knew she was still single.

 

 

I actually wished I hadn't run into her cause I'm sure it hurt her real bad knowing what her decision caused her.

[JewelD]

Don't bank on it or get your hopes up. You'll set yourself up for more hurt.

 

 

 

These are very normal thoughts so close to an end of a relationship. What you'll realize is that you'll become indifferent if you stay NC and move on.

 

 

I had those same thoughts when my ex dumped me. All of them. I vanished from her life when she ended it. She never heard from me again. I healed, moved on and meet my GF. My ex came back asking for a reconciliation 5.5 months later and was told no thanks.

 

 

Several months later, a kid came up to me to say hello. It was the exes kid. The ex I saw dart down another isle to avoid me AND my much better looking girlfriend. To be honest, I wasn't happy, giddy nor did I feel vindicated. When I left, I actually felt sorry for the ex, cause it had to suck seeing me happy w/my GF while I knew she was still single.

 

 

I actually wished I hadn't run into her cause I'm sure it hurt her real bad knowing what her decision caused her.

 

I just posted giving advice to the OP. I personally know my ex will come back eventually because he always does. I'm not getting my hopes up as I don't want to be with him, just accepting the reality that most exes who do dirt to their partner have issues within themselves and will try to contact their ex at least once, whether it's to beg, insult, be friends, etc. Because they're unhappy with themselves. I understand NC helps EVENTUALLY, but in the mean time, imagining regaining that power and being strong enough to turn that person down is only preparation for the day you have to do it. And it's certainly satisfying to imagine while trying to move on from that person rather than reminiscing about the good times.

[DexterLS]

I just posted giving advice to the OP. I personally know my ex will come back eventually because he always does. I'm not getting my hopes up as I don't want to be with him, just accepting the reality that most exes who do dirt to their partner have issues within themselves and will try to contact their ex at least once, whether it's to beg, insult, be friends, etc. Because they're unhappy with themselves. I understand NC helps EVENTUALLY, but in the mean time, imagining regaining that power and being strong enough to turn that person down is only preparation for the day you have to do it. And it's certainly satisfying to imagine while trying to move on from that person rather than reminiscing about the good times.

 

I understand. I absolutely feel the same way...

 

Not sure this is healthy but this is how I feel right now.

[DexterLS]

So this happened today.

 

I went on my LinkedIn profile to accept new connections. In my notifications section, under the Who has viewed your profile section, I see my ex. She has viewed my profile last week which means she is still trying to keep tabs, I think, on me.

 

Also I have a little personal blog. I don't get many visitors but I had one from Dubai, where she is right now. I also have a public Instagram profile. I don't post anything on there except photos of food, books, and sometimes my own.

 

Should I turn it into a private account or keep it open?

[TaraMaiden2]

Why not shut the damn things altogether...?

 

Linkedin is not the networking site it was cut out to be.

 

In a training session at my local unemployment centre, those out-of-work unemployed attending, were advised that getting your name out there was important, but that of all the technological internet means at our disposal, 'linkedin' was shown to be the least successful and most ignored option....Results were patchy and utterly non-productive...

 

And yes, as for your blog, do whatever it takes to exclude her prying eyes....

Including closing it down.

[DexterLS]

Why not shut the damn things altogether...?

 

Linkedin is not the networking site it was cut out to be.

 

In a training session at my local unemployment centre, those out-of-work unemployed attending, were advised that getting your name out there was important, but that of all the technological internet means at our disposal, 'linkedin' was shown to be the least successful and most ignored option....Results were patchy and utterly non-productive...

 

And yes, as for your blog, do whatever it takes to exclude her prying eyes....

Including closing it down.

 

Hmm but why do I need to do all of this because of her?

[TaraMaiden2]

Hey, I don't care what you do.

But note, you're the one who brought itn to our attention... so again, you're watching what she's doing.

You are keeping tabs on her, keeping tabs on you....

 

Good grief, you really shouldn't give a damn...

If she wants to look, let her look.... but don't ask questions if you're then going to challenge the response....

[DexterLS]

Hey, I don't care what you do.

But note, you're the one who brought itn to our attention... so again, you're watching what she's doing.

You are keeping tabs on her, keeping tabs on you....

 

Good grief, you really shouldn't give a damn...

If she wants to look, let her look.... but don't ask questions if you're then going to challenge the response....

 

Fair enough.

[DexterLS]

Two weird things happened today.

1) Someone tried to hack my Gmail account yesterday by resetting the password. I got a text on my phone. Not sure it was her though.

2) She unblocked me on Whatsapp to try and provoke a conversation. I was blocked for 14 days.

 

She is blocked on my Whatsapp though and I haven't talked to her, nor I will. Maybe things are not so rosy after all with her new boyfriend.