Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[DexterLS]

Stop analyzing your ex and block. All of that is colored bubbles. This woman cheated on you and flaunts it, and you are trying to predict whether she'll come back? You need to figure out why you are so eager to be back with such a person in the first place.

 

Yeah. I will try to work on that. Thank you.

 

Your therapist, after getting the low down from you on everything that has gone on, should be asking about you and trying to help you figure out why you are even doing what you are doing with this woman right now. She needs to help you to get the bottom it. Right now the issue is not so much about your ex, but why you are in the place you are and thinking the way you are about someone that is so obviously not good for you. I'm not gonna play therapist and tell you what I think, but you should focus on this with your therapist and not what to be sending to your ex. This isn't about your ex any more, it's all about you and you are allowing this to happen to yourself.

 

You're right. We will try to get at the bottom of this in my next session.

[Yummm]

Reading all the shenanigans I notice one thing mate:

 

You still haven't let go.

 

You're trying to convince yourself that you've accepted the reality and are moving on, but doing everything in the hopes that someway or another this woman will come back to you won't help you atall!

 

I'm sorry man, but you have to drill this into your head at ALL times:

 

This woman CHEATED on you, she is NOT respective to your emotions and allowing you to heal, she is being selfish and quite frankly the things she's saying proves that a character like her isn't deserving of a guy like you. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER MAN, regardless of how well it will or won't go, it's not your problem!

 

Let her go man, really try force yourself to say that everyday. You do NOT want her back, you do NOT want somebody like that in your life... Fake it to make it, you'll eventually start to let go, follow through with NC and it will get easier to detach and do so.

 

Everybody's advice has helped me so much, including yours Dexter. Don't be one of those who 'do as I say but not as I do' people, follow through with your words, stick to STRICT NC AND MOVE ON.

 

We don't know the future, even I still do have hope that she'll realize she did wrong in the future, but I don't want her back, I WILL move on and find someone better, so will you.

 

Setback once again, that's all, chin up, take it day by day and move forward. We're here with ya!

 

Sending lots of love and positive energy your way

[DexterLS]

Reading all the shenanigans I notice one thing mate:

 

You still haven't let go.

 

You're trying to convince yourself that you've accepted the reality and are moving on, but doing everything in the hopes that someway or another this woman will come back to you won't help you atall!

 

I'm sorry man, but you have to drill this into your head at ALL times:

 

This woman CHEATED on you, she is NOT respective to your emotions and allowing you to heal, she is being selfish and quite frankly the things she's saying proves that a character like her isn't deserving of a guy like you. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER MAN, regardless of how well it will or won't go, it's not your problem!

 

Let her go man, really try force yourself to say that everyday. You do NOT want her back, you do NOT want somebody like that in your life... Fake it to make it, you'll eventually start to let go, follow through with NC and it will get easier to detach and do so.

 

Everybody's advice has helped me so much, including yours Dexter. Don't be one of those who 'do as I say but not as I do' people, follow through with your words, stick to STRICT NC AND MOVE ON.

 

We don't know the future, even I still do have hope that she'll realize she did wrong in the future, but I don't want her back, I WILL move on and find someone better, so will you.

 

Setback once again, that's all, chin up, take it day by day and move forward. We're here with ya!

 

Sending lots of love and positive energy your way

 

Thanks mate. I know I have not let go yet and it's largely because of how she keeps playing with me. I know I am also to be blamed for allowing that but I was prepared to do anything to save this relationship.

 

She knows she has me hooked and keeps on playing with my feelings and emotions by giving me hopes every day. The next 3 weeks is going to be hell as her birthday is coming up and she will be in New Zealand with the other guy.

 

I just hope I have the willpower to get over this asap.

 

Thanks again.

[DexterLS]

@Yummm,

 

I can't seem to reply to your PM bro. Submitting the form doesn't send the message.

[Yummm]

I think it goes through, but we can't see our own reply, I did receive both your PMs, did you receive mine?

[elaine567]

YOU need to click the option to save sent messages.

My Profile -> edit options -> Tick the box "Save a copy of sent messages in my Sent Items folder by default"

[DexterLS]

I think it goes through, but we can't see our own reply, I did receive both your PMs, did you receive mine?

 

Got it and replied

 

Thanks mate.

[DexterLS]

YOU need to click the option to save sent messages.

My Profile -> edit options -> Tick the box "Save a copy of sent messages in my Sent Items folder by default"

 

Perfect, thanks

[candie13]

alright, two suggestions:

 

- your therapist is not supposed to tell you what to do. s/he is supposed to ask you questions about yourself for you to understand how you work and how to get out of this loop. I am not that sure that therapists are supposed to write emails either - you either take the time and call or not.

 

- good therapy is hard to come by. Do seek others a bit more professional

 

- crazy idea: are you in holidays? do you have a lot of free time? It sounds like it. It sounds like you have too much free time and you stay inside and go round and round in circles inside your head. Go visit friends. If you have money, go on a trip. Or start tomorrow a heavy class of something. Get involved in something that needs all of your presence and attention. This will help you cut the mental loop and create links with other people - with the outside world.

 

- stop coming here so often and posting about her. I mean it. it's an addiction and it amplifies your rumination.

 

go outside and play ball. Go to the gym. Put on your fanciest shirt, take a wing man and go out and pick up women. Party. Get interested in other people. Do all you can to take a break from your head. take action, mate, because nothing changes unless you do. Go for it!!

[DexterLS]

alright, two suggestions:

 

- your therapist is not supposed to tell you what to do. s/he is supposed to ask you questions about yourself for you to understand how you work and how to get out of this loop. I am not that sure that therapists are supposed to write emails either - you either take the time and call or not.

 

- good therapy is hard to come by. Do seek others a bit more professional

 

- crazy idea: are you in holidays? do you have a lot of free time? It sounds like it. It sounds like you have too much free time and you stay inside and go round and round in circles inside your head. Go visit friends. If you have money, go on a trip. Or start tomorrow a heavy class of something. Get involved in something that needs all of your presence and attention. This will help you cut the mental loop and create links with other people - with the outside world.

 

- stop coming here so often and posting about her. I mean it. it's an addiction and it amplifies your rumination.

 

go outside and play ball. Go to the gym. Put on your fanciest shirt, take a wing man and go out and pick up women. Party. Get interested in other people. Do all you can to take a break from your head. take action, mate, because nothing changes unless you do. Go for it!!

 

Thanks Candie. I appreciate your comment. However, I have my Masters coming up in a month and there's not much I can do until then. I have a lot of work to complete before my Masters start.

 

Anyway, another little piece of update:

I went to get dinner with a friend tonight and just as I got back, I got a SMS from her that went "Yeah, f*ck you, bye".

 

I don't even know what for and I don't know why she is so hostile towards me either.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks Candie. I appreciate your comment. However, I have my Masters coming up in a month and there's not much I can do until then. I have a lot of work to complete before my Masters start.

 

Anyway, another little piece of update:

I went to get dinner with a friend tonight and just as I got back, I got a SMS from her that went "Yeah, f*ck you, bye".

 

I don't even know what for and I don't know why she is so hostile towards me either.

 

Why haven't you blocked her yet?

[TaraMaiden2]

I don't know how she even managed to SMS you, especially when you have her so successfully blocked.....

 

[DexterLS]

Why haven't you blocked her yet?

 

I don't know how she even managed to SMS you, especially when you have her so successfully blocked.....

 

 

I am using an old Nokia 150. It doesn't have a block feature in it.

[TaraMaiden2]

Really?

 

By the way, it's 2015.

I suggest you invest in a new phone.

 

Unless, of course......

[Simon Phoenix]

I am using an old Nokia 150. It doesn't have a block feature in it.

 

Contact your cell provider then.

[DexterLS]

Really?

 

By the way, it's 2015.

I suggest you invest in a new phone.

 

Unless, of course......

 

I have an iPhone 6. I gave it away because I was stalking her too much so I got a basic phone(without internet) to deal with my clients.

 

Now when I am out from home, I don't have access to internet which makes the day go by a lot easier.

[DexterLS]

Contact your cell provider then.

 

I will look into it tomorrow. Thanks.

[DexterLS]

Contact from Ex.

 

I had her e-mail blocked but she created a new one and e-mailed me.

 

"I never meant to hurt you by telling you my issues. I thought as someone who used to understand me, you would understand me but you went to tell the world that I did it on purpose and I keep on hurting you each time. **** you! Each time I share something private with you, you let the whole world know. And I hate you so much because of you I fell, I got hurt. I hate you because I believed we would be together and I left everything back home to come here. I hate you for everything and you will never hear from me. Also you said I promised you, ill give you things, when I started working I bought your favourite watch, your coffee and when you visited Dubai I tried treat you as much as I could but hey! You forgot everything because you have a bloody ego. Only you did things for me. I did not do anything yeah! And yet you expect me to make up with you? Each time I tell you something everyone should know i have been mean to you? **** it and **** you. "

 

She also attached a photo of the bruise, so it is true. I have deleted the e-mail already. It feels like she is punishing me for taking a stance yesterday to move on. Or she just wants to get everything off her chest.

 

I don't know, either way, email deleted and blocked.

[ravfour4]

Damn! She's angry. You did the right thing, stay in NC. I bet she'll come crawling back at some point once she calms down from her rage and at that point, I almost guarantee you won't want her back.

[DexterLS]

Damn! She's angry. You did the right thing, stay in NC. I bet she'll come crawling back at some point once she calms down from her rage and at that point, I almost guarantee you won't want her back.

 

Oh and by everyone in the e-mail, she meant a friend. Only one. I was having suicidal thoughts (not proud of it) and my friend went on to talk to her, without telling me.

 

Moving forward..

[ravfour4]

Stay strong man, I've been feeling a lot better lately even not being in NC. I just finally feel like I don't need her, FINALLY and that's after 2 months of Constant contact, 1 month of LC, 1 month of constant and now 1 month of LC. Her not responding finally doesn't bother me. I'm FINALLY starting to feel indifferent and boy does it feel great. Other women look appealing again. If anything, I find myself finding it weird that I'm not thinking about her - it had become such a habit. Thinking about me finally doesn't feel Like I'm faking it anymore.

 

Use her rude letter as motivation to do the same. Actively cancel out thoughts you have about her. Feel the pain, don't fight it, just let it pass through you and enjoy the good moments, they'll come and go, but appreciate each one. She's being heartless right now and you just don't need it, she's not worth it. Keep telling yourself that until you believe it.

[BC1980]

Contact from Ex.

 

I had her e-mail blocked but she created a new one and e-mailed me.

 

"I never meant to hurt you by telling you my issues. I thought as someone who used to understand me, you would understand me but you went to tell the world that I did it on purpose and I keep on hurting you each time. **** you! Each time I share something private with you, you let the whole world know. And I hate you so much because of you I fell, I got hurt. I hate you because I believed we would be together and I left everything back home to come here. I hate you for everything and you will never hear from me. Also you said I promised you, ill give you things, when I started working I bought your favourite watch, your coffee and when you visited Dubai I tried treat you as much as I could but hey! You forgot everything because you have a bloody ego. Only you did things for me. I did not do anything yeah! And yet you expect me to make up with you? Each time I tell you something everyone should know i have been mean to you? **** it and **** you. "

 

She also attached a photo of the bruise, so it is true. I have deleted the e-mail already. It feels like she is punishing me for taking a stance yesterday to move on. Or she just wants to get everything off her chest.

 

I don't know, either way, email deleted and blocked.

 

It's hard when you have someone going out of their way to contact you, and it's really not fair. Unfortunately, it's the reality of the current situation. Just don't respond. If you don't respond, people generally get the message at some point. This is a perfect example of why all contact needs to but cut off. You will never understand her side, and she will never understand yours. At the end of the day, everyone is having their own experience, and you simply have to walk away from it.

 

I remember the one time I tried to tell my ex how he had made me feel with the breakup, how I felt taken advantage of and how I felt he had betrayed me. He immediately started talking about how he felt that he had financially supported us in a way I didn't (well, duh, he's a doctor and makes a lot more money than me) and how "betrayal" was an unfair word. That's when I realized that was not the road to take with him. We had broken up, and he no longer felt any obligation to look at things from my POV. I needed to just leave and deal with my own feelings. You have to do the same, and, yes, it can be a lonely road. Because the one person who you want to understand your feelings is the only person who can't understand your feelings. She is the only person who do anything to negate your feelings because it's simple ego preservation.

[DexterLS]

Thanks.

 

I did not respond, but I feel like **** for not doing it. It feels like maybe there is an opportunity to prevent her from going on that trip. Just maybe and I would be willing to do anything to prevent that from happening.

 

It's hard to let go, no matter what she did to me. I'm just going to try and forget her, the trip and concentrate on my life from now on.

 

Thanks again.

[DexterLS]

Hi guys,

 

Today is day 7 of strict NC and when I say strict: it means no communication, no stalking social media and no talking to mutual friends about her.

 

I have no idea how my ex is, what she is doing, if she's happy or not, if she's still with the other guy. The last update I had from her was that she is going on a trip with the other guy for her birthday (in 2 weeks).

 

It hurts like a bitch to know that and I blame myself for all of that. I brought this upon me and I should have known NC was the way to go right from the start. I guess, you learn from your mistakes and I am learning day by day.

 

My ex has not contacted me for the past 7 days as well. I have also made a decision not to ignore my ex. Ignoring, for me, is a very hard thing to do and I won't be able to stop myself from recycling a "what if" situation in my head.

 

So I have told myself, that, if she ever gets in touch, I will not ignore but will try to keep the reply short and casual, all the while preventing her from engaging in any kind of conversation.

 

I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't know if she will get in touch, but her previous patterns have shown that she always does. So, we will see about that. I am also looking forward to my Masters' degree which starts in 4 weeks. So, I will be a lot busier and it will really help to take my mind off this relationship.

 

Just thought I would keep you guys updated about my little progress.

[OldSoul86]

As someone who struggled to not reply to the ex's nasty emails post breakup - take it from me, don't respond at all if she contacts you. You'll feel pretty crappy not doing so, but each day you ignore her it gets a bit easier. She sent me a nasty short email about a week and a half ago, I ignored it. I felt bad for doing so, but I didn't cave. I don't want her to have that kind of manipulative power over me. Hell, I don't want ANYONE to have manipulative power over me.

 

I don't want her to think that she can get a rise out of me by being a crummy person through email. You need to ask yourself, what purpose does responding to nasty emails have? I stopped responding because she was putting the guilt trip on me big time. I don't need that crap in my life, I had every right to walk away from the toxic person that she is.

 

You need to put yourself first and not give a crap about an ex who may or may not email you. Cut her out of your life and I guarantee you'll feel infinitely better in a few months. Think about drug addicts. They need to go cold turkey sometimes. A breakup is very similar on a chemical level within our brains, we need to withdraw and stay away in order to get past our addictions. Do the right thing for yourself.