Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[BC1980]

I think it's really difficult to understand how feelings can change, and it's disheartening to realize that it's part of life. We all want that one true love that will never leave us. Whose feelings will never change. And yes, that does happen, but the truth is that we usually love several people in a lifetime. Most people go through several relationships. It doesn't mean she didn't love you at one time, but something changed along the way. And I know that's really hard to understand. I used to wish things would just go back to the way they were with my ex, but the truth is that I was living in the past. I guess you don't really have to understand it, but you just have to realize that it is what it is right now.

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks a lot for the help. I really appreciate it. It's going to be 6 months since we broke up in 2 days and I have made some good progress.

 

I still think about her a lot but I also have a lot of things going on for me. So the thoughts just come and go and it doesn't hurt as much as they did anymore. Yes, I still picture her with another guy from time to time, but previously I would lose sleep for a week over it and now I can just brush it off..

 

Last time I posted on here: I mentioned about making all my social media accounts private. I did that and living my life as I should be. I haven't gone out for the past few days and at times it gets challenging but I guess this is where I need to be really strong.

 

About my ex, she sent me an e-mail (again new account..) saying "Hi.. :p" (as in she was trying to be funny, I guess). I mean I know my friends shouldn't have said it to me but one warned me about her coming back to my country next week and that I should "prepare" myself. In her defense, she wants me to know first from her rather than my ex telling me about it.

 

I don't really know what my ex wants but I have made good progress in my career and life and maybe she realised that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, eh? Based on my friend's opinions, she thinks my ex realised that the "honeymoon period is over" (ex's words) and reality has set in.

 

About me, I still have a lot of residual feelings towards my ex and I absolutely love the "old" her, before she left for the job but I realised she has changed and this new her doesn't attract me anymore. She has a different lifestyle and even the way she talks, I can't recognise her at all.

 

I wished her well the last time and I really meant it.

 

Thank you everybody

[philsach890]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks a lot for the help. I really appreciate it. It's going to be 6 months since we broke up in 2 days and I have made some good progress.

 

I still think about her a lot but I also have a lot of things going on for me. So the thoughts just come and go and it doesn't hurt as much as they did anymore. Yes, I still picture her with another guy from time to time, but previously I would lose sleep for a week over it and now I can just brush it off..

 

Last time I posted on here: I mentioned about making all my social media accounts private. I did that and living my life as I should be. I haven't gone out for the past few days and at times it gets challenging but I guess this is where I need to be really strong.

 

About my ex, she sent me an e-mail (again new account..) saying "Hi.. :p" (as in she was trying to be funny, I guess). I mean I know my friends shouldn't have said it to me but one warned me about her coming back to my country next week and that I should "prepare" myself. In her defense, she wants me to know first from her rather than my ex telling me about it.

 

I don't really know what my ex wants but I have made good progress in my career and life and maybe she realised that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, eh? Based on my friend's opinions, she thinks my ex realised that the "honeymoon period is over" (ex's words) and reality has set in.

 

About me, I still have a lot of residual feelings towards my ex and I absolutely love the "old" her, before she left for the job but I realised she has changed and this new her doesn't attract me anymore. She has a different lifestyle and even the way she talks, I can't recognise her at all.

 

I wished her well the last time and I really meant it.

 

Thank you everybody

 

Hey Dex been following your thread for a while and it's really good to see you at this stage. You are doing MUCH BETTER than before and i think you have moved past the worst of it. My timeline is similar to yours, im sitting at 5 months now and my perspective has definately changed.

 

"I still think about her a lot but I also have a lot of things going on for me. So the thoughts just come and go and it doesn't hurt as much as they did anymore. Yes, I still picture her with another guy from time to time, but previously I would lose sleep for a week over it and now I can just brush it off.."

 

This. I feel exactly the same way. I thought i was never going to get out of the rutt i was in but like you i have started to feel this way and i definately feel different about the whole situation. I'm really starting to value myself and my life. I realise now how important my life is and how i deserve so much better and so much more.

 

Keep doing what your doing brother. You have really inspired me. We are going to be alright and can actually start believing myself when i say that now and the same goes for you.

[DexterLS]

Hey Dex been following your thread for a while and it's really good to see you at this stage. You are doing MUCH BETTER than before and i think you have moved past the worst of it. My timeline is similar to yours, im sitting at 5 months now and my perspective has definately changed.

 

"I still think about her a lot but I also have a lot of things going on for me. So the thoughts just come and go and it doesn't hurt as much as they did anymore. Yes, I still picture her with another guy from time to time, but previously I would lose sleep for a week over it and now I can just brush it off.."

 

This. I feel exactly the same way. I thought i was never going to get out of the rutt i was in but like you i have started to feel this way and i definately feel different about the whole situation. I'm really starting to value myself and my life. I realise now how important my life is and how i deserve so much better and so much more.

 

Keep doing what your doing brother. You have really inspired me. We are going to be alright and can actually start believing myself when i say that now and the same goes for you.

 

Hey philsach890, I am really happy you are making good progress too bro. I messed up with my NC quite a few times and I know I would have gotten out of it a lot earlier if I stuck with NC, but I guess that's how I learned to really let go..

 

We're going to get through this, and for anybody who is going through hard times with their breakups, please realise, it does get better. I went through one of the worst breakups and I still have a long way to go, but I'm definitely doing a lot better.

 

Hang in there

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

Just wanted to give you all an update on how it's going. Since my ex is going to be back in my country in the next few days/weeks, I have had some trouble dealing with my emotions.

 

Obviously, like I said earlier, there are still some residual feelings and sometimes I wonder what's going to happen. My ex sent me this e-mail yesterday, which I ignored. It went straight to trash but I saw it there.

 

"Great stuff on Instagram with Sarah, why don't you ****ing go out with her? you piece of ****" Me and Sarah met for coffee the other day. It wasn't a date, but she loved the pastries we got and she put up a photo on her Instagram account, which my ex saw. My ex doesn't follow her on Instagram and she went out of her way to stalk her.

 

Sarah is a friend I have known for a long time. My ex knows her given that they were in the same high school together back in the days.

 

This type of behaviour confuses me. From what I heard, things are pretty serious between her and the other guy, they have plans to get married and stuff.

 

It's like she doesn't love me but doesn't want to see me move on. What's going on in her head?

[MovingOnIsHard]

Hey guys,

 

Just wanted to give you all an update on how it's going. Since my ex is going to be back in my country in the next few days/weeks, I have had some trouble dealing with my emotions.

 

Obviously, like I said earlier, there are still some residual feelings and sometimes I wonder what's going to happen. My ex sent me this e-mail yesterday, which I ignored. It went straight to trash but I saw it there.

 

"Great stuff on Instagram with Sarah, why don't you ****ing go out with her? you piece of ****" Me and Sarah met for coffee the other day. It wasn't a date, but she loved the pastries we got and she put up a photo on her Instagram account, which my ex saw. My ex doesn't follow her on Instagram and she went out of her way to stalk her.

 

Sarah is a friend I have known for a long time. My ex knows her given that they were in the same high school together back in the days.

 

This type of behaviour confuses me. From what I heard, things are pretty serious between her and the other guy, they have plans to get married and stuff.

 

It's like she doesn't love me but doesn't want to see me move on. What's going on in her head?

 

Because your ex is a sore loser. These kinds of people are never happy with thselves. She doesnt want to see you have a good time with another girl. Someone who has truly moved on into a relationship, never min eventual marriage, would not act the way she did. She's bitter and she's showing it very clearly.

 

This may be irrelevant but i'd say if she got married to this guy she's with, it wont last very long.

[philsach890]

Hey guys,

 

Just wanted to give you all an update on how it's going. Since my ex is going to be back in my country in the next few days/weeks, I have had some trouble dealing with my emotions.

 

Obviously, like I said earlier, there are still some residual feelings and sometimes I wonder what's going to happen. My ex sent me this e-mail yesterday, which I ignored. It went straight to trash but I saw it there.

 

"Great stuff on Instagram with Sarah, why don't you ****ing go out with her? you piece of ****" Me and Sarah met for coffee the other day. It wasn't a date, but she loved the pastries we got and she put up a photo on her Instagram account, which my ex saw. My ex doesn't follow her on Instagram and she went out of her way to stalk her.

 

Sarah is a friend I have known for a long time. My ex knows her given that they were in the same high school together back in the days.

 

This type of behaviour confuses me. From what I heard, things are pretty serious between her and the other guy, they have plans to get married and stuff.

 

It's like she doesn't love me but doesn't want to see me move on. What's going on in her head?

 

Time for some tough love Dex come on bro your doing it again! I know its tough with the ex arriving back in the country soon but you gotta control yourself and stop getting yourself into this.

 

"This type of behaviour confuses me. From what I heard, things are pretty serious between her and the other guy, they have plans to get married and stuff.

 

It's like she doesn't love me but doesn't want to see me move on. What's going on in her head?"

 

Dex IT DOESN'T MATTER

 

You were drawn through the quarters. You have made amazing progress but everytime you you read an email you end up analyzing and getting into these situations. If thers stil a way your seeing these emails its NOT NC.

NC means NC, zilch, nothing. Don't get me wrong brother you really have been doing amazing i mean making all your social accounts private was a HUGE step. But you shouldn't be seeing any of these emails at all it's stopping you from moving forward with your healing.

 

You know it and we all know it.

 

She is with somebody else who she said she plans on marrying. **** i think thats enough to show that this is enough for you. Her behaviour doesn't matter and what she thinks doesn't matter anymore.

 

What matters now is YOU. You need to cut the poison out of your life otherwise it's going to continue poisoning you. IT's time to get on the one way train to healing and to stay on it. NO LOOKING BACK.

 

Take care brother you got this i know you have it in you

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks a lot for your replies.

 

It's not really up to me, you know. She goes out of her way to e-mail me and sometimes these e-mails get to me. It's my work e-mail btw and I can't change that unfortunately.

 

It messes me up sometimes like today and I start to wonder what's going on in her mind exactly.

 

I guess I just need to deal with this.

[BC1980]

She's trying to get your attention any way she can. She wants you to respond because it feeds her need for attention. I think she is hurt that you aren't openly mourning over her and trying to get her back. That hurts her ego, and she doesn't really know how to deal with those feeings. So she is resorting to this childish, confusing lashing out at you.

[DexterLS]

She's trying to get your attention any way she can. She wants you to respond because it feeds her need for attention. I think she is hurt that you aren't openly mourning over her and trying to get her back. That hurts her ego, and she doesn't really know how to deal with those feeings. So she is resorting to this childish, confusing lashing out at you.

 

I get that. I was told she is really happy with her other boyfriend though. Probably not.

 

I should really stop over-analysing.

[BC1980]

I get that. I was told she is really happy with her other boyfriend though. Probably not.

 

I should really stop over-analysing.

 

It's really pointless to wonder if she is happy or not. It has no bearing on your life, and we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

[philsach890]

Hey guys,

 

Thanks a lot for your replies.

 

It's not really up to me, you know. She goes out of her way to e-mail me and sometimes these e-mails get to me. It's my work e-mail btw and I can't change that unfortunately.

 

It messes me up sometimes like today and I start to wonder what's going on in her mind exactly.

 

I guess I just need to deal with this.

 

It is upto you. It's entirely upto you, don't read the emails. It sucks it's your work email which you can't change but you have a choice to not read them.

[DexterLS]

It's really pointless to wonder if she is happy or not. It has no bearing on your life, and we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

 

You're right. I am being stupid by over-analysing her emails.

 

It is upto you. It's entirely upto you, don't read the emails. It sucks it's your work email which you can't change but you have a choice to not read them.

 

Yep, unfortunately, can't change e-mail

 

I'm sure you agree that it's very hard not to read the e-mails. However, on the positive side, I have not replied to them.

 

Hopefully, she will get the message and stop with this bull****.

 

Thanks again guys. Appreciate all the help

[Simon Phoenix]

I get that. I was told she is really happy with her other boyfriend though. Probably not.

 

I should really stop over-analysing.

 

Yes, you really do. And even if her e-mails get through, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING THEM? Stop. And stop trying to figure her out dude. Seriously.

[Lostweekend]

Hi Dexter,

 

Have read through this whole thread and your previous one (about the break up)

 

All I can say is that you have made progress during these last six months. Good on you!! Rest assured that it´s normal to need time after being in a relationship with someone for such a long time and after being abandoned like that.

 

On a different note. Your ex is absolutely bat**** crazy. Pardon my french and for disrespecting your relationship. She dumps you, plays with your head and then she has the cheek to comment on you being photographed with your friend? (Sarah, I think it was) I really hope you manage to stay on the right path and that you don´t get sucked in. This girl will mess with you and you will never be able to trust her again!!

 

Best of luck to you!!

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

Just thought I would finally give you all an update about what has been going on with my life. First of all, I would really like to say a big thanks to all of you who have been here for me during the tough times.

 

You have been very helpful and I can't thank you enough. You know who you are.

 

--

 

So about me, I moved to Abu Dhabi 3 weeks ago after getting a job offer here. I am the Director of Soft. Eng here and I live in a city which really appeals to me when I came here in March. When I came to Dubai in March and visited Abu Dhabi, I always thought I would really love to get a job and live here.

 

Well, it happened, and I am loving every second of it. I recently furnished my apartment and it is looking so good. I am really happy about this. Work is really good and I made some new friends. Yesterday, two of them came over for dinner, we watched a movie and talked for hours. It was fun.

 

About my ex, I got my "revenge" the way I wanted to. I always thought that the best revenge I could get from all of this situation is if she cheated on her boyfriend with me. Well, she did. Sorry everyone, I know you will give me stick for this, but it happened like 7-8 weeks ago which proves all together what kind of a person she is.

 

I'm not sure what's up with her and I don't really want to know. I am just concentrating on my life and living it from day to day. It gets challenging at times, I won't lie to you. I still think about her every now and then and everything I do reminds me of her, but I'm not too bummed about it now.

 

I am living the life I always wanted and I am grateful for this. The future looks good.

 

To everybody going through a breakup, please read up on this thread. I thought I would never get out of this, but trust me, it does get better

[philsach890]

Best post iv seen in ages!

 

Good on you Dex keep living your life and being the best you can be. You have come a long way

[Simon Phoenix]

You slept with her? C'mon Dex.

[DexterLS]

You slept with her? C'mon Dex.

 

It's not about sleeping together. She came to my office and things got a little out of hand. However, on a positive note, I felt literally nothing when I saw her.

 

I was contemplating a lot how would it be if I ever came across her, but I didnt feel anything and I was quite happy about that.

 

Anyway, at this point, she is still very much "in love" with the other guy and everything, and I am kinda happy with the direction my life is taking too.

 

All in all, it was a good experience.

[ravfour4]

Haha yes!! Hey Dex, long time no see. As long as you don't catch (or regain) feelings id chalk sleeping with her as a victory. Last I remember you went through that huge ordeal to get the ring back, she was so evil to you for so long and then...sleeps with you, she's a mess!

 

Things are much better for me as well, went true NC for a few months (she kept texting to see my dog), met a new girl and finally snapped out of the rut I was in. Me and the new girl broke up yesterday but it's all good, I'm back and in control of my life!

[DexterLS]

Haha yes!! Hey Dex, long time no see. As long as you don't catch (or regain) feelings id chalk sleeping with her as a victory. Last I remember you went through that huge ordeal to get the ring back, she was so evil to you for so long and then...sleeps with you, she's a mess!

 

Things are much better for me as well, went true NC for a few months (she kept texting to see my dog), met a new girl and finally snapped out of the rut I was in. Me and the new girl broke up yesterday but it's all good, I'm back and in control of my life!

 

Hey ravfour4, good to see you are doing good It was about time, for the both of us!

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

Just thought I would come back to give an update of what's going on.

 

---

 

My birthday was last week (25th now!) and this was the first time it is without my ex. Obviously, I thought about her a little more on that day than I usually does and I thought that maybe she would wish me, but she didn't. However, I am really glad she didn't. It would have complicated the whole process.

 

Anyway around 2 days ago, something weird happened. One of our mutual friends just sent me a photo. It was a conversation between him and my ex where my ex was telling him that she is married now and is in the other guy's country currently.

 

Well, obviously, the news made me feel a little bad, but I just replied with a "Oh, good for her". Not sure why the friend would tell me that either which makes me believe that they might be on this together. Maybe my ex asked him to send me this to see how I'd react.

 

I don't believe my ex is married although I hope she is. It would make things so much more easier.

 

---

 

Enough about her. About me, still in Abu Dhabi. Got a big bonus at work and I am now part of the company's stakeholders. Going to travel for work in about two week's time and then hopefully a mini-vacation in Paris to meet up with my friend.

 

Going good so far, although I still have to fight with the demons from time to time ^^