Broke NC, Ex vanished, Still enjoying herself

[mightycpa]

Thank you. You're absolutely right. This whole situation has taken a toll on her and she is now ranting to all my friends who she didn't even know when she was all happy and taking trips with the other guy.

 

She has mentioned that it is now her turn to take revenge and I think she will do it. There's a lot of things, I did during the time we were together that she can use against me and I need to prepare myself for that.

 

PS: Apparently the other guy wanted to come and "talk" to me, but I am still waiting for it. I think he's a coward and won't do it.

Revenge, hunh? I'm curious Dexter, does she have proof of anything? Is there fire, or just smoke?

 

You might have some options. Mainly, you want her to go away, right?

[BC1980]

We can never know though, can we?

 

I knew it was dead a long time ago but I still didn't take the news as well as I would have expected. However, I guess that's normal.

 

Yeah, it's normal. I was pretty much over my ex when I found out he had been engaged for quite some time. I thought about it for a few days, and I was more angry than anything. I was angry that he had been in a new relationship and getting engaged during the time that I was feeling the worst. I had some residual anger to deal with after that, but it wasn't as big of a deal as I had imagined it might be.

[DexterLS]

Revenge, hunh? I'm curious Dexter, does she have proof of anything? Is there fire, or just smoke?

 

You might have some options. Mainly, you want her to go away, right?

 

I developed a website when I was 19 that was a big deal in my country. However, it was illegal as it encouraged piracy (A lot).

 

I used to go by a nickname and only she knows that I am that guy. Often times, the website would generate media attention and I had to take it down but, if she wants to, she can reveal my identity although there's a lot I can do to deny it as well.

 

I am trying to cover everything up. As such, I am developing another script that will wipe everything off that could potentially hurt me.

 

Yeah, it's normal. I was pretty much over my ex when I found out he had been engaged for quite some time. I thought about it for a few days, and I was more angry than anything. I was angry that he had been in a new relationship and getting engaged during the time that I was feeling the worst. I had some residual anger to deal with after that, but it wasn't as big of a deal as I had imagined it might be.

 

I understand. I thought it would hurt a lot too, but it didn't. I am glad about that

[DexterLS]

Things aren't looking too good for me. I am not sure what to do about all of this.

 

Often times, my ex would tell me I conceal my emotions too much. I have been through a lot of trauma over the years.

 

I lost both my sister and my mom to cancer and it was hell for me. It completely changed me. There were times she would complain that I wasn't showing her anything in terms or emotions, and I guess it was true.

 

When I found out she was getting married, I tried to make myself believe that I wasn't hurt but 3-4 days after, it's getting worst. I guess reality has finally set in. Don't get me wrong, I know she is bad for me and I dodged a bullet, but my feelings over the 6 years with her were true. I absolutely loved this girl.

 

1 year ago, we were still together and very happy (as far as I could tell) and now she is marrying another guy. Certainly it hurts a lot. This has been one of the most difficult and challenging time of my life, if not the most difficult one.

 

I spent the most part of this evening going through "proposal" videos on YouTube and watching other peoples' love stories and god, did it mess me up. I lost the most important thing in my life and I really hope to get over all of this as soon as possible.

 

Thank you all for being here for me. You have been really helpful and good to me

[BC1980]

Things aren't looking too good for me. I am not sure what to do about all of this.

 

Often times, my ex would tell me I conceal my emotions too much. I have been through a lot of trauma over the years.

 

I lost both my sister and my mom to cancer and it was hell for me. It completely changed me. There were times she would complain that I wasn't showing her anything in terms or emotions, and I guess it was true.

 

When I found out she was getting married, I tried to make myself believe that I wasn't hurt but 3-4 days after, it's getting worst. I guess reality has finally set in. Don't get me wrong, I know she is bad for me and I dodged a bullet, but my feelings over the 6 years with her were true. I absolutely loved this girl.

 

1 year ago, we were still together and very happy (as far as I could tell) and now she is marrying another guy. Certainly it hurts a lot. This has been one of the most difficult and challenging time of my life, if not the most difficult one.

 

I spent the most part of this evening going through "proposal" videos on YouTube and watching other peoples' love stories and god, did it mess me up. I lost the most important thing in my life and I really hope to get over all of this as soon as possible.

 

Thank you all for being here for me. You have been really helpful and good to me

 

It's normal. You have been in shock and not processing how you feel. You have been able to avoid your feelings with all of the drama of getting the ring back. Unfortunately, it usually take a lot of time to process everything and get to a place of acceptance. You can't force it, and it's one of those things that you have to go through. You went through something very traumatic.

 

My breakup shook me up completely. I still question how far I can trust people, and that is a big thing to question. When you feel you have been betrayed by the person you trusted the most, it does a number on you. There aren't any easy answers, and it usually gets worse before it gets better. Losing your mom and sister just makes it that much more difficult to lose your ex.

 

I wouldn't recommend looking at proposal videos on You Tube right now. I remember, about a month after I got dumped, 2 people at work got engaged. I had to try to act happy for them, go to their showers, listen to them talk about their weddings, and, most the time, I was just very sad because I was supposed to be the one having a shower and getting married. It was just very bittersweet to go to their weddings. Things like that are going to trigger you right now, so I would stay away when possible.

[DexterLS]

It's normal. You have been in shock and not processing how you feel. You have been able to avoid your feelings with all of the drama of getting the ring back. Unfortunately, it usually take a lot of time to process everything and get to a place of acceptance. You can't force it, and it's one of those things that you have to go through. You went through something very traumatic.

 

My breakup shook me up completely. I still question how far I can trust people, and that is a big thing to question. When you feel you have been betrayed by the person you trusted the most, it does a number on you. There aren't any easy answers, and it usually gets worse before it gets better. Losing your mom and sister just makes it that much more difficult to lose your ex.

 

I wouldn't recommend looking at proposal videos on You Tube right now. I remember, about a month after I got dumped, 2 people at work got engaged. I had to try to act happy for them, go to their showers, listen to them talk about their weddings, and, most the time, I was just very sad because I was supposed to be the one having a shower and getting married. It was just very bittersweet to go to their weddings. Things like that are going to trigger you right now, so I would stay away when possible.

 

I understand. I tried to stay away from YouTube lol.

 

Anyway, another update.

 

I was on Instagram today and on the "Explore" tab. Instagram tailor photos from within your social circle and display it on there so you can find new accounts to follow.

 

My ex created a new account and her photo (with the new boyfriend) came up there and I didn't take this very well, obviously. All the emotions came back and it was really, really bad.

 

Moving forward.

[HeaderIsBack]

I understand. I tried to stay away from YouTube lol.

 

Anyway, another update.

 

I was on Instagram today and on the "Explore" tab. Instagram tailor photos from within your social circle and display it on there so you can find new accounts to follow.

 

My ex created a new account and her photo (with the new boyfriend) came up there and I didn't take this very well, obviously. All the emotions came back and it was really, really bad.

 

Moving forward.

 

Keep going! My ex broke up with me on Feb., dated another guy, broke up with him in June and now went back to her mentally abusive ex boyfriend. I found out about this in June, but just recenty I saw a picture of them and it devastated me. She's been texting and calling me, but she still seems happy with this guy.

 

I hurts a lot, I thought I was over her and realized I wasn't. But life goes on, I guess. I don't know why she's still trying to contact me, but whatever.

 

We dodged a bullet (you can read my story, I just recently posted it) and we must be happy about it.

 

"And he cried, not realizing that life had just made him a huge favor".

[DexterLS]

Keep going! My ex broke up with me on Feb., dated another guy, broke up with him in June and now went back to her mentally abusive ex boyfriend. I found out about this in June, but just recenty I saw a picture of them and it devastated me. She's been texting and calling me, but she still seems happy with this guy.

 

I hurts a lot, I thought I was over her and realized I wasn't. But life goes on, I guess. I don't know why she's still trying to contact me, but whatever.

 

We dodged a bullet (you can read my story, I just recently posted it) and we must be happy about it.

 

"And he cried, not realizing that life had just made him a huge favor".

 

Going to take a look. Thanks for your reply.

[BC1980]

I understand. I tried to stay away from YouTube lol.

 

Anyway, another update.

 

I was on Instagram today and on the "Explore" tab. Instagram tailor photos from within your social circle and display it on there so you can find new accounts to follow.

 

My ex created a new account and her photo (with the new boyfriend) came up there and I didn't take this very well, obviously. All the emotions came back and it was really, really bad.

 

Moving forward.

 

Can you block on Instagram? I would take all proactive measures to prevent something like that from happening again. Of course, it can't always be avoided. I once saw a pic of my ex and his wife on FB by accident because we have a lot of mutual friends. It was a pic a mutual friend had taken, and it got bumped to the top of my news feed because people were liking it. It freaked me out at first and really unsettled me for awhile. Just to see him with his arm around another woman. I guess it's one thing to know it's happening, but to actually see it is something different. The good thing is that it kinda desensitized me after I got over the initial shock.

 

But it's just life. Most people have some sort of run in with their exes in some capacity, but the important thing is to put it into perspective. The reality is that she no longer has anything to do with your life. That picture means nothing in the bigger picture of your life. Just a bump in the road and no need to make it into something it's not. Just focus on yourself and your goals.

[DexterLS]

Can you block on Instagram? I would take all proactive measures to prevent something like that from happening again. Of course, it can't always be avoided. I once saw a pic of my ex and his wife on FB by accident because we have a lot of mutual friends. It was a pic a mutual friend had taken, and it got bumped to the top of my news feed because people were liking it. It freaked me out at first and really unsettled me for awhile. Just to see him with his arm around another woman. I guess it's one thing to know it's happening, but to actually see it is something different. The good thing is that it kinda desensitized me after I got over the initial shock.

 

But it's just life. Most people have some sort of run in with their exes in some capacity, but the important thing is to put it into perspective. The reality is that she no longer has anything to do with your life. That picture means nothing in the bigger picture of your life. Just a bump in the road and no need to make it into something it's not. Just focus on yourself and your goals.

 

Already blocked, so it won't happen again, but it got me thinking.

 

She has been in touch lately with some of my friends, related to her work situation and she has been telling them that she checks up on my Instagram and Twitter profiles everyday.

 

I am doing really good at work, got myself a new sports car (^^) and been going out all the time (only with guy friends, so far) and I haven't missed an opportunity to tweet, facebook and instagram about it. If we're being honest, I am still doing it so she knows, I don't need her in my life.

 

I know it's unhealthy for me to think that way and that I should be completely indifferent towards her, but will it be a good idea for me to just make my accounts private so she has no updates whatsoever on my life and what I am doing?

 

What do you think?

[HeaderIsBack]

Already blocked, so it won't happen again, but it got me thinking.

 

She has been in touch lately with some of my friends, related to her work situation and she has been telling them that she checks up on my Instagram and Twitter profiles everyday.

 

I am doing really good at work, got myself a new sports car (^^) and been going out all the time (only with guy friends, so far) and I haven't missed an opportunity to tweet, facebook and instagram about it. If we're being honest, I am still doing it so she knows, I don't need her in my life.

 

I know it's unhealthy for me to think that way and that I should be completely indifferent towards her, but will it be a good idea for me to just make my accounts private so she has no updates whatsoever on my life and what I am doing?

 

What do you think?

 

YES! DO IT! Don't let her see ANYTHING about your life.

[dumbass2]

Already blocked, so it won't happen again, but it got me thinking.

 

She has been in touch lately with some of my friends, related to her work situation and she has been telling them that she checks up on my Instagram and Twitter profiles everyday.

 

I am doing really good at work, got myself a new sports car (^^) and been going out all the time (only with guy friends, so far) and I haven't missed an opportunity to tweet, facebook and instagram about it. If we're being honest, I am still doing it so she knows, I don't need her in my life.

 

I know it's unhealthy for me to think that way and that I should be completely indifferent towards her, but will it be a good idea for me to just make my accounts private so she has no updates whatsoever on my life and what I am doing?

 

What do you think?

 

Absolutely without a doubt make your account private. Do it today!!

[BC1980]

Already blocked, so it won't happen again, but it got me thinking.

 

She has been in touch lately with some of my friends, related to her work situation and she has been telling them that she checks up on my Instagram and Twitter profiles everyday.

 

I am doing really good at work, got myself a new sports car (^^) and been going out all the time (only with guy friends, so far) and I haven't missed an opportunity to tweet, facebook and instagram about it. If we're being honest, I am still doing it so she knows, I don't need her in my life.

 

I know it's unhealthy for me to think that way and that I should be completely indifferent towards her, but will it be a good idea for me to just make my accounts private so she has no updates whatsoever on my life and what I am doing?

 

What do you think?

 

Make it private. You can't move on if you are using her to get any type of validation. Doing so keeps you connected to her and will probably backfire at some point.

[DexterLS]

Hey guys, thanks for all the help so far.

 

New update from ex. Yes still. She created a new email account and emailed me so it bypassed all my filters and reached me. Here's the email.

 

Hi. Everybody told me not to tell you this but I really had to, to get over it (I guess you know how I am). Maybe you don't realise what you did or maybe you did it on purpose, but thanks a lot Dexter.

 

Not only you ****ed up my career, but my life too. I did not know my family and I had to undergo this for me not being with you. Rest assured, I have no interest in your private life. Thank you for taking away my career, thank you for making me a loser! I owe you this.

 

I never wish that your family go through what mine has been through, I never wish anyone lose their job like I did, I never wish anyone to be deprived of salary and service benefits. You can now rejoice because you have been successful in whatever you planned. Thank you. Adieu.

 

I want to say so many things to this girl, for making me go through hell for five months. My family had to see me deep into depression for months. I want to say so many things, but somehow I know, nothing's going to work. I would rather just stick with NC.

 

Advice?

Edited August 31, 2015 by DexterLS

[DexterLS]

Hey guys, thanks for all the help so far.

 

New update from ex. Yes still. She created a new email account and emailed me so it bypassed all my filters and reached me. Here's the email.

 

 

 

I want to say so many things to this girl, for making me go through hell for five months. My family had to see me deep into depression for months. I want to say so many things, but somehow I know, nothing's going to work. I would rather just stick with NC.

 

Advice?

 

I replied, although this would make all of you a little angry for that.

 

Can you bring some maltesers for me? Really love those, and can't find it here.

 

Dexter.

 

Really wanted to get on her nerves lol.

[FancyFace]

The more you engage in silly back and forths with her, the more time you ae taking away from your own healing. The point after a breakup is to let go and move forward, you dont do that by being petty and engaging in nonsense.

[BC1980]

There's nothing more you can say at this point. Just leave it be. She is creating new email accounts to basically harass you.

 

I missed what happened with her losing her job though. What happened there?

[DexterLS]

There's nothing more you can say at this point. Just leave it be. She is creating new email accounts to basically harass you.

 

I missed what happened with her losing her job though. What happened there?

 

Well, when my lawyers got in touch with her employers, long story short, I pulled off a dick move and it costed her the job. I wasn't in a state where I was thinking at this point.

 

Now, she has to get back to my country. I might have engaged into a little conversation with her but I feel nothing for this woman anymore, except disgust and anger.

[BC1980]

Well, when my lawyers got in touch with her employers, long story short, I pulled off a dick move and it costed her the job. I wasn't in a state where I was thinking at this point.

 

Now, she has to get back to my country. I might have engaged into a little conversation with her but I feel nothing for this woman anymore, except disgust and anger.

 

What's done is done at this point. Just keep on blocking and go NC. I think that history has proven there is nothing to be gained here.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, when my lawyers got in touch with her employers, long story short, I pulled off a dick move and it costed her the job. I wasn't in a state where I was thinking at this point.

 

Now, she has to get back to my country. I might have engaged into a little conversation with her but I feel nothing for this woman anymore, except disgust and anger.

 

You need to stop feeding the bear here. There's absolutely no upside in engaging in this crap. Stop immediately.

[DexterLS]

Hey guys,

 

More updates, unfortunately. She sent me another e-mail yesterday and it ****ed me up.

 

She told me something along the lines of "It's ****ing great that your mom died, because she wouldn't want to have a son like you".

 

I ignored, but i want to say so many things to that statement. I guess I just have to continue ignoring her.

[dumbass2]

Write down things you want to say to her and save it on your computer and do not send it or talk with a close friend and release that anger. You need to get some things off your chest. I get it, but do not engage with her any more. It is pointless and you may do/say things you may regret. You don't need to tell her anything. It wont do anything to her. It wont change anything. What's done is done. Time now to be done with this and make sure that your social accounts are made private and block her. If she sees your done responding, this hopefully will fade away. You both have such hatred for each other right now, it's obviously not healthy to be in contact at all.

[BC1980]

Hey guys,

 

More updates, unfortunately. She sent me another e-mail yesterday and it ****ed me up.

 

She told me something along the lines of "It's ****ing great that your mom died, because she wouldn't want to have a son like you".

 

I ignored, but i want to say so many things to that statement. I guess I just have to continue ignoring her.

 

Well, that's about as low as it gets, and she's obviously trying to get a reaction. She is saying one of the worst possible things she can say to increase the chance that you will respond. That's really awful, and I'm sorry you had to hear it. I'd say it's harassment.

 

Did she create a new email account to send this email? I vote to completely ignore her. Eventually, she will stop if you ignore her. She will probably send out a few more emails, but she will eventually stop if you give her no reaction. Any reaction at all feeds the bear, as Simon said.

[DexterLS]

Unfortunately, against all your recommendations, I replied. I was pretty distraught by my mom's death and she knew just how depressed I was for years after she passed away.

 

I didn't reply straight away. After 3 days, it was still constantly on my head and I felt I had to say something.

 

So I replied to her with this: "You say something remotely connected to my mom again, I will not stay quiet about it".

 

Then her next e-mails got all flirty and it brought back all the emotions, all the memories, pain and I couldn't think clearly. So I asked her straightaway (thinking that she might not be so happy after all with the other guy), what did she want exactly?

 

She replied something along the lines of: "I don't wany anything. What's done is done. I left you to be with someone else who I love and we good together"

 

She went on to confirm that she needs six years to determine whether the other guy is better than me but that she realises that nobody will ever treat her like I did.

 

About my social accounts: Yes, I let them open so she could see me moving on. Yes I wanted her to realise what she is missing on and how she messed up. Of course I wanted all these things, but it seems she doesn't care at all about me, my achievements etc. Now everything is private and I blocked her everywhere.

 

I got a new job (salary is great), new sports car and I am now renovating my beach house to add a pool into it. My life should be pretty good right now, but, somedays I feel lonelier than ever.

 

Whatever she did with me was wrong, but I wouldn't lie to you guys. I still miss her like crazy and would do anything for us to go back like we were a year ago. Guess it's never going to happen..

 

Thank you all.

[dumbass2]

You are right in that she does not care about you any more. Things can never be the way they were a year ago with her. It's really hard, but this has got to show you that you cannot allow her to be in your life it all. You guys just feel totally different about each other now, as hard as that is to accept. Once you accept the facts of the situation and realize that there is no hope, you will finally be able to move forward and let her go for good. You can't force someone to like you and be who you want them to be.