Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Good grief, you do flatter yourself, don't you? You really think this is all about you? Some of it, sure, may be to poke you in the chest, but I would say the majority of it is to show she is happy, moving on, and doesn't need YOU to rock her world or complete her life. Isn't that what breaking up, moving on and NO CONTACT are all about? Really, Dexter.... still here, huh? Tell me, how does your above post say anything about how much YOU have moved on....? Not good, really, is it? 7th June 2015: See, in order to do this you have to.... Oh, never mind, you won't do it anyway..... To be honest with you, I have gotten better. I have started working more regularly and going out more often. I am starting to think about her less and less every day although it has been very tricky lately. I know NC is the way forward. I will do it If you know that for sure and she doesn't usually post stuff then yes I think she could be trying to get a rise out of you. Which is honestly awful of her. She sounds like she's become a horrible human being!! She already left you and now to purposely rub it in your face? How can people be so cruel. Although I guess I should stop questioning now. It has been proven to me that people can just have no conscience I don't think any of my words will help you right now, because I know the pain, I'm feeling it too and whatever someone says, I appreciate it but it does little to lift that horrible ache in my chest. But please know that I'm here for you, rant and type as much as you want about this situation here and I'll reply. Well like I said though, she could just be doing it for herself. It doesn't really matter at this point though. I just have to stick with NC and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think she's doing it for herself Dexter. She told you they were going on the vacation and I'm sure she was excited for it. When things with me and my ex were good, she posted everything we did together and tons of pictures of us. She wanted the world to know she found a great guy (me ) and was super happy about it. Vacations are also a prime time to be posting a ton. I'm sure she knows you're hearing about them and a tiny part of her may be posting these to show you "ha! I don't need you, see" but the large majority is to show her friends and family that she's having a good time and to "show off". Hurts to think about, I know, but that by far makes the most sense. Keep focusing on you. Read up on trauma bonding, I just did and while i def wasn't in a physically abusive relationship, I think many of us on this site are going through it. We logically know we shouldn't want them, yet we crave their attention even though it almost always hurts us and they are very selfish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 I think she's doing it for herself Dexter. She told you they were going on the vacation and I'm sure she was excited for it. When things with me and my ex were good, she posted everything we did together and tons of pictures of us. She wanted the world to know she found a great guy (me ) and was super happy about it. Vacations are also a prime time to be posting a ton. I'm sure she knows you're hearing about them and a tiny part of her may be posting these to show you "ha! I don't need you, see" but the large majority is to show her friends and family that she's having a good time and to "show off". Hurts to think about, I know, but that by far makes the most sense. Keep focusing on you. Read up on trauma bonding, I just did and while i def wasn't in a physically abusive relationship, I think many of us on this site are going through it. We logically know we shouldn't want them, yet we crave their attention even though it almost always hurts us and they are very selfish. I will. Thank you for your response Link to post Share on other sites
pillowpuffs Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Strict NC sounds really hard. I have no wish to speak to my ex but I do feel like checking in on social media here and there and find it very hard to resist the temptation even though it hurts me. But I guess it just has to be done right? You should try to force yourself to do something else every time you think you're going to break NC and check some stuff on social media or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Nah she knows our mutual friends used to tell me all about her photos. She knows that these photos will eventually get back to me. Thanks for your reply but I don't think my ex wants to get back together with me or else she would never have went on the trip. I was hysterical when I found out about it. She went anyway AND made sure the news gets back to me. She has clearly moved on but also wants me to know she found someone "better" than me and that her life is really great right now. Pethaps its my fresh wound talking...at the moment I am looking for any stories where getting back together happens. There are two options 1) she moved on and she is happy and wants to share it with her friends 2) she has not moved on, she is confused and acts histerically. Either way, you do not want to get back with her. Other guys are right to point out - you MUST enforce NC. Talk to your friends. If you have friends that keep talking to you about her - get rid off them for some time until you heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Strict NC sounds really hard. I have no wish to speak to my ex but I do feel like checking in on social media here and there and find it very hard to resist the temptation even though it hurts me. But I guess it just has to be done right? You should try to force yourself to do something else every time you think you're going to break NC and check some stuff on social media or whatever. Yes I didn't stalk her social media accounts for around two weeks until I got the trip news. I will start NC again now. Pethaps its my fresh wound talking...at the moment I am looking for any stories where getting back together happens. There are two options 1) she moved on and she is happy and wants to share it with her friends 2) she has not moved on, she is confused and acts histerically. Either way, you do not want to get back with her. Other guys are right to point out - you MUST enforce NC. Talk to your friends. If you have friends that keep talking to you about her - get rid off them for some time until you heal. I think it's no. 1 to be honest. She has really moved on and she is happy. I also agree that NC is the way forward and I'll try my best to stick with NC now. Thank you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Btw you should get your iPhone 6 back from your friend. Download tinder and badoo - and meet girls! Not even for sex, or making out, jusy so you go out! Im in mallorca now and meeting some girl for icecream i met on tinder! There will be no physicality! Just walking around Palma! And she speaks little english :-D i am actually excited to meet new people and take on challenges! We talked on whatsapp using emoticons! It was good for me because for a moment I forgot about my ex. And talk to your friends. They cannot tell you studf about your ex. Also remember: if you want to have a revange on your ex (it can be healthy, but not always) improve yourself the way you want! Not what she would wanted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Btw you should get your iPhone 6 back from your friend. Download tinder and badoo - and meet girls! Not even for sex, or making out, jusy so you go out! Im in mallorca now and meeting some girl for icecream i met on tinder! There will be no physicality! Just walking around Palma! And she speaks little english :-D i am actually excited to meet new people and take on challenges! We talked on whatsapp using emoticons! It was good for me because for a moment I forgot about my ex. And talk to your friends. They cannot tell you studf about your ex. Also remember: if you want to have a revange on your ex (it can be healthy, but not always) improve yourself the way you want! Not what she would wanted! Thanks. I met some girls during the breakup but obviously, I am still hurting and don't want anything to do with girls right now, lol. I met one girl and felt we really connected. Our conversations would be long and interesting, but she is leaving for France for her studies this Sunday. So this is a bummer. Anyway, re: the ex and the ring, I am so angry right now that I just want to send an angry e-mail asking for it back but I am also scared of falling into a cycle again. I am really confused about this and I think I will just do nothing and let this be. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 You must get your anger out of your system otherwise you will never move on! Get the ring back! Sell it! And do something with the money that ur ex would despise! And the move on ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
pillowpuffs Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 I do think you should get the ring back but I'm not sure about the angry email :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 You must get your anger out of your system otherwise you will never move on! Get the ring back! Sell it! And do something with the money that ur ex would despise! And the move on ;-) I do think you should get the ring back but I'm not sure about the angry email :/ Alright. You guys really want me to get the ring back. I sent her a message and currently waiting for a response. This is what I sent. "Hello, I am sending you this message to ask for my ring back. Take time out of your busy day to ship it back to me. All the major shipping companies are in Dubai and you should have no trouble sending it back to me. Insure it and give me the tracking number when you have done so. My address is as follows: xxxxxxx. Dexter" I will let you guys know when she replies. Link to post Share on other sites
pillowpuffs Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 it sounds non emotive and to the point which is good. Let us know when she replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Good email :-) she may give you some **** again. But once you get your ring back, u can forget about her! If she sold it...well....do u wanna get the money back? Its tricky. If she sold it just give her ur account details and say it would be honourable if u sent the money. Then say it is my last email to you. Bye for ever you cold hearted *****. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Idk that breaking NC like that was the best idea, the last thing she'll want on her fun trip is a text from her ex about the wedding ring she has. It probably made her mad or sad and she's probably mad that you made her feel that way on her vacation. At the same time, if you really just want the ring so all connections are severed, I think the emotionless message you sent was good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Ok guys she doesn't want to give it back. She says: "When I came back I gave it back to you and you didn't want it" Actually that's not true, she told me we're going to work things out together so it's only fair she has it. Now she tells me she can't be bothered to ship it. She is replying with messages like "Whatever, nothing more to add" and when I told her that I asked nicely but she doesn't seem to understand, she says "Are you threatening me?" Tomorrow, I am going to do what's "legal". She chose this. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 She's just angry right now and she's got that other guy for emotional support. I'd stop texting her for now, it will only dig yourself a grave and wait until she gets back from her trip. Then say something like "I only let you keep because I thought we were going to try to work things out. Now that I know that's not what you want, I'd like it back for the money" and if she refuses again say "why would you want to keep a wedding ring from your ex?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 She is already back from the trip. I asked her nicely and she didn't want to do it. So she can deal with the legal guys tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 What made you all of a sudden want the ring back so badly? Is it the unfortunate realization that this all may be over for good? I'd just wait a few hours so that you can calm down before you make any big decisions as I'm sure that message exchange got your blood flowing a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 What made you all of a sudden want the ring back so badly? Is it the unfortunate realization that this all may be over for good? I'd just wait a few hours so that you can calm down before you make any big decisions as I'm sure that message exchange got your blood flowing a bit. Her trip included going to Hong-kong, Sydney, New Zealand and it could have been possibly with the ring money. She didnt want to give it back and tried to rub her new relationship and how happy she is in my face again and again. Telling me how she found better etc. I just told her she is going off-topic and that she won't deal with me as from tomorrow. She ended the conversation with: "I hate you so much. Bye" Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Idk that breaking NC like that was the best idea, the last thing she'll want on her fun trip is a text from her ex about the wedding ring she has. It probably made her mad or sad and she's probably mad that you made her feel that way on her vacation. At the same time, if you really just want the ring so all connections are severed, I think the emotionless message you sent was good. Who cares what she wants? She cheated on him, has treated him like crap and now is holding an expensive ring of his hostage. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 True, but she probably just sees it as "he probably saw my pics from my trip and is all mad and now wants the ring back, he never wanted it back before", hence her reaction. And it's not far from the truth. Idk what girl refuses to give a ring back AND rubs a new relationship in the other guy's face, definitely not someone who's indifferent and totally moved on. That person would give the ring back and not need to flaunt the new relationship. Just ask her why she won't give u it back, then she may say she sold it, which would make her even more of a cold hearted woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 True, but she probably just sees it as "he probably saw my pics from my trip and is all mad and now wants the ring back, he never wanted it back before", hence her reaction. And it's not far from the truth. Idk what girl refuses to give a ring back AND rubs a new relationship in the other guy's face, definitely not someone who's indifferent and totally moved on. That person would give the ring back and not need to flaunt the new relationship. Just ask her why she won't give u it back, then she may say she sold it, which would make her even more of a cold hearted woman. She says she can't be bothered to do it at first. Then she says, she can send it with someone but it won't be any time soon. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Who cares what she wants? She cheated on him, has treated him like crap and now is holding an expensive ring of his hostage. I agree and wouldn't give a rats AZZ what she thought. This isn't about the R/S anymore in my mind. It's about what's right and it's for her to do the right thing. If she didn't return the ring in a week, I'd do what Dexter is doing and get legal about it with her. She doesn't deserve an expensive ring or the $ from it. Go get her Dexter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted July 19, 2015 Author Share Posted July 19, 2015 Please see my reply above. Should I just inform her company (HR department) about her actions all the while dropping hints that she is entertaining an illicit relationship with someone else? What's my next course of action? She says she can give it back when someone comes to my country. Do I have to wait for her now? She says she is broke and can't send it straightaway and that I need to wait until the end of the month or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 19, 2015 Share Posted July 19, 2015 Please see my reply above. Should I just inform her company (HR department) about her actions all the while dropping hints that she is entertaining an illicit relationship with someone else? What's my next course of action? She says she can give it back when someone comes to my country. Do I have to wait for her now? She says she is broke and can't send it straightaway and that I need to wait until the end of the month or something. Give her a deadline and say that if she doesn't meet that deadline than your legal representative will be in touch with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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