I have no idea how or what to feel these days.... can anyone help?

[smile]

Ok so Sunday night I stayed with him. I worked early the next day so when we fell into bed at 2am I was ready to crash. Well he laid turned away from me and just kept talking. Afraid he is going crazy, saying he has so many decisions to make soon.

 

So I listened. He talked about his health problems and things he is afraid of. I just wanted to sleep. I rubbed his back and tried to calm him but he seemed so stuck on bieng confused. I told him that honestly I think his problem is that he is afraid to be happy... worried that it wont last and it will hurt too much when it goes away... thats why he wont let go. He said I was absolutely right and thats how he felt.

 

So we talked for a bit tried to sleep. After an hour of tossing and turning and feeling like I was intruding... I got up to go home. I figured if I drove now then I could sleep for 3 hrs. But he asked me to stay and rolled over and cuddled with me. He actually begged me to stay.

 

So the next day I called him with the info about his symptoms. What it most likely may be (he has no internet so I checked for him). I called at 5:30 and I also asked if he was going to be busy yesterday, his bday. He never answered me.

 

I have been asking since saturday. I told him it wasnt a big deal if he was busy I was just wondering. He said he thought he had practice but he didnt want to go. So I asked again and again and he didnt know.

 

I called him on his bday to say happy bday. Then I called again to ask if he knew if he was going to be able to come by or not. He called and said he was invited to see his friends play a show but he wasnt sure if he wanted to go. I said for him to let me know.

 

He called me again to talk... I asked again when he thought he might come, that his present kinda depended on the time and he said he didnt know he would call me back. He said if I wanted I could go to his house (20 mins away) and wait until he decided what to do and I said no thank you.

 

He asked if I was mad and I honestly said no. I was disappointed. Because I was. I have a right to be but I wasnt angry. But then he never called me back... he said he would.

 

Then I got pissed. He couldnt call me back the next day after I stayed up listening to him bitch and moan about his life. He acted like he didnt even remember me calling. And I even know he went to wal mart that night because he said he bought new sheets. So he had the time.

 

I dunno its not me being bitchy. I used to make him Jewish dinner every year for his bday. I half expected not to see him last night, I said that to everyone it was ok. But when he just couldnt (didnt) call me back I was so upset. Like there will always be something more fun, more exciting, more worthy of attention than me...

 

Or is it he got too close and he needs to step back. And my calling is messing it up. I just wanted to give him his dinner. I was proud of it. I guess this is one of those times when I have to realize he isnt my bf.

 

Plus my grandma is pretty close to death. We were all called in late last night to be there. My whole family stayed there. I am wondering if I am projecting my emotions onto this situation. I cant be sad and angry about her so I am sad and angry and feel abandonded by him?

 

Who knows. I am just wondering.. and I overreacting? I dont know what to do.

 

Had to vent.... advice?

[smile]

Oh yeh I forgot to say... last night when we were figuring out where he was going what he was doing he said he got new sheets yada yada. He said he wanted me to see his room because it was more put together and all finished.

 

I thought oh yeh bc he wants to have a sure thing on his bday. But then I remembered on friday when he tried to make a move I pushed his hand away and started crying about my grandma. He held me and my hand and cried with me.

 

Then I went over to hang out the next day and he didnt try anything ... not like him. So we were in my room and I asked him why he didnt want me. And he said he thought I didnt want to do anything bc of my grandma and mentioned the crying. So I said no its ok , its comforting. And so he said ok but he didnt want to make me sad or make me feel like I had to do it.

 

Then Sunday night he didnt try anything but we cuddled so close in bed together. At first. Before the hour long tirade of his life falling apart.

 

So like I said before "I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK"

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by smile

But when he just couldnt (didnt) call me back I was so upset. Like there will always be something more fun, more exciting, more worthy of attention than me...

 

Had to vent.... advice?

 

Sorry, honey, I think that the least that can be said is that he is preoccupied right now and has other things on his mind than you. It may be temporary - until he gets his life sorted out and is ready for romance again - or it could be that he's just not into you.

 

Feel free to be there as a friend - that's what friends are for, and I am still so grateful to all the people who helped me as I was getting over Juliet. But my advice would be to stop offering romance and sex right now.

 

I'd also try to match him on contact. Ring him as often as he rings you, for example. Don't be chasing him - make it 50/50 or you will suffocate him. In fact, I'd let him do most of the calling, so that he can vent about his life and stuff. But carry on with your life without him.