I want out

[purplesorrow]

Again - are you in a sexless marriage? If not your wife contracted a STD from you, and doesn't suspect a thing. What do you plan to do about that? Just ignore it with "Oh well nothing will happen anyway"?

 

He cured that shyt with 2 pills! His wife will be fine. ?

[elaine567]

The std thing was a blip but a problem non the less. Clymidia is treatable with 2 pills and BAM it's gone. retested negative. It was over within a week. Indeed. EWWWWW

Since then, I have used a condom every-time with OW. My wife and I have been sexually active, yes.

 

Your wife has herpes too, was the OW aware of that when you were going bareback?

YOU say you are "immune" but have you been blood tested for herpes recently?

 

"Even if they don't show any sign of infection, people carrying the genital herpes virus can infect a sex partner 10% of the time."

Genital Herpes' Silent Spread

[minimariah]

Your wife has herpes too, was the OW aware of that when you were going bareback?

YOU say you are "immune" but have you been blood tested for herpes recently?

 

"Even if they don't show any sign of infection, people carrying the genital herpes virus can infect a sex partner 10% of the time."

Genital Herpes' Silent Spread

 

THIS!

 

funny how he forgot to think about OW's health & the fact that he "gifted" her with an STD, too.

[harrybrown]

Good luck.

 

So think about your wife for some time.

 

Think how she will feel. One way to do this is to think that she had an A with the guy where she had the pass.

 

Be sure and tell her all the truth at once, or write her a timeline of the affair.

 

Spend some time with your kids, because this will upset their world as well.

[autumnnight]

OP,

 

I see a lot of pontificating and muscle flexing about how you are gonna stick it to the OW.

 

What do you think about YOUR actions? What do you think about YOUR choices? What responsibility do YOU take?

 

Do you feel ANY remorse, humility, etc?

[gettingstronger]

I feel like you are thinking this is some kind of movie- Wolf of Wallstreet or Pretty Woman-I know its seems odd but I think the media glamorizes affairs and reckless behavior, tying it to power and success- I think people sometimes feel like they are a star in their own little movie-

 

I can recall my husband saying he felt powerful, like he had something over everyone else- he felt like when they were out and admitted it was an affair that others thought, wow, thats really cool-he has a mistress-

 

I remember our OW saying she felt like she was on a secret mission- stopping by her friends house to pick up her sexy clothes, boarding the plane and heading out to go see my husband on business-

 

Its funny, because I recall my husband saying how unattractive some of his co-workers mistresses were, how he could not believe they were with them and I asked him after the fact- what do you think people were saying about you, do you think they were saying, wow he is the only one with a hot mistress and the only one that doesn't look really stupid doing this-

 

In hindsight, he is humiliated by his actions-he is disgusted that he played a role in a mother lying to her kids about where she was, what she was doing- saying she was in one city on business meanwhile being hundreds of miles away in another one- he grosses himself out-

 

So- take off the blinders-you are not really as cool or sexy as you think you are- when you are riding around town in your exotic car with the top down people aren't thinking, wow, he's got it going on-they are thinking "mid-life crisis" or "small penis syndrome"- you two are not a couple of kids daring each other to smoke pot for the first time-you are grown ups engaging in dangerous behaviors that will damage those you love-

 

I am sorry if it sounds harsh- I am just trying to let you know what it looks like AFTER- what will haunt you in your dreams, what will make you vomit at therapy- I know because I am living it now-

[loveboid]

Tell her she may have herpes. Send her a no contact letter. Keep working with her unless one of you finds another job--that's the consequence of dipping in the company inkwell. Tell your wife she may have chlamydia--even if there are no symptoms if she has it it's damaging her organs and reinfecting you damaging your organs as well.

[Got it]

no fight at all. I want her to move on and not make things worse.

 

However, if she wants to make it a fight my attorney just informed me we have enough to end her quickly.

 

It's funny because everyone is all high on the OW and doesn't care that she is just a wrong as me. Again, her only power is her ability to tell she ****ed the boss and tell my wife.

 

I am in a state where I can also fire her for ANY reason or NO reason. It's a right to work state.

 

Oh boy another person who doesn't actually understand what "at will" means.

 

No, you can't fire for any reason at any time. There are federal laws on protected characteristics on which you cannot fire for.

 

My suggestion, having cleaned up similar messes from executives, make sure your severance is a very meaty one. I would be thinking a years severance. And understand while there would be language about her ability to sue in certain areas no severance can include language that waives her ability to sue on a protected characteristic. What you would have in there is the ability to sue for monetary gains.

 

So she can take the severance, still file with the EEOC and sue in tandem to them but would not be able to receive anything. But principle has been enough to sustain many a person.

 

But why do you need to terminate? I am still confused why that is needed? If she threatens you then you can term for that but you might be throwing the baby out with the bathwater and creating a monster you don't need to create.

 

But, tell you wife. You have skeletons in your closest, this would negate the biggest one, and get the licks you deserve and start showing remorse.

[Mr. Lucky]

Over the past 3 years she has extorted money out of me (thought that was the end of it)

 

Curious about this part, was the extortion based on the threat of exposure?

 

And how does the relationship continue from there ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[loveboid]

If she extorted you then you need to go ahead and tell the police--she's a criminal. They might uncover other things and solve your problem for you.

 

If she's threatening to ruin your reputation that is nothing. Reputations can be rebuilt. It's people who cannot build a reputation to begin with that have a problem.

[66Charger]

You may have given your OW herpes and your wife chlamydia.

 

Why dont you fire yourself?

 

Sorry, another one of 66chargers harsh posts. Not to worry my vacation is almost over.

[dreamingoftigers]

I feel like you are thinking this is some kind of movie- Wolf of Wallstreet or Pretty Woman-I know its seems odd but I think the media glamorizes affairs and reckless behavior, tying it to power and success- I think people sometimes feel like they are a star in their own little movie-

 

I can recall my husband saying he felt powerful, like he had something over everyone else- he felt like when they were out and admitted it was an affair that others thought, wow, thats really cool-he has a mistress-

 

I remember our OW saying she felt like she was on a secret mission- stopping by her friends house to pick up her sexy clothes, boarding the plane and heading out to go see my husband on business-

 

Its funny, because I recall my husband saying how unattractive some of his co-workers mistresses were, how he could not believe they were with them and I asked him after the fact- what do you think people were saying about you, do you think they were saying, wow he is the only one with a hot mistress and the only one that doesn't look really stupid doing this-

 

In hindsight, he is humiliated by his actions-he is disgusted that he played a role in a mother lying to her kids about where she was, what she was doing- saying she was in one city on business meanwhile being hundreds of miles away in another one- he grosses himself out-

 

So- take off the blinders-you are not really as cool or sexy as you think you are- when you are riding around town in your exotic car with the top down people aren't thinking, wow, he's got it going on-they are thinking "mid-life crisis" or "small penis syndrome"- you two are not a couple of kids daring each other to smoke pot for the first time-you are grown ups engaging in dangerous behaviors that will damage those you love-

 

I am sorry if it sounds harsh- I am just trying to let you know what it looks like AFTER- what will haunt you in your dreams, what will make you vomit at therapy- I know because I am living it now-

 

My father was like this too. Saying it was just like a movie.

 

Well, I am sure that it was. Surprise plot twist.....your daughter inadvertently catches you screwing around on her mom, then you discover that you are a sad, pathetic arsehole and a terrible father. All in one afternoon.

[ndeep]

Been a interesting morning to say the least.

 

Went in to meet with legal council and go over options. Get a text from OW asking me to check email. While sitting at the table I am reading her email stating she is abandoning her position and has found employment elsewhere. She further says she is sorry and knows everything that happen was wrong and she will not be seeking revenge or any other compensation and would back it up by signing any documents. I don't know why she did this, but I have a feeling she is just a tired of all of this as me.

 

Due to the type of contracts we do business with, I have a legal staff in-house. They quickly put something together and that was the end of it from the business side. Now I can move on with coming clean with my wife and trying to repair everything.

 

I am sure some of the man hating "ladies" are bummed to hear of this news, but I am sure my kids and all the other families in the company would be relieved they have security.

 

My wife is all that matters to me and I will try my best to right my many wrongs.

 

Also for those so stuck on the STD thing. I am sorry I wasn't clear in OP. As of 1 month ago every single one of us was test for EVERYTHING. The OW and myself are clear of everything and my wife who had herpes when I met her was only positive for that. Wife was tested because a trip to the hospital because of abdominal pain that turned out to be ovarian tumor (last ovary she had left - she had partial hysterectomy after or son was born). I have been tested over 15 times over the course of my marriage with my wife and have never been positive for any strain of herpes.

 

Also, those who are stuck on the "at will" and "right to work". My apologies for getting crossed with my words. Yesterday was a bit of a difficult day and I was emotional. I do understand the difference. However, I make no apologies for trying to protect my co-workers and my family by making a difficult choice with the OW employment. This is why I pay big dollars for smarter people than me to manage treacherous waters in the company.

 

I will try and update after my wife and I talk.

[dreamingoftigers]

Due to legal ramifications my attorney has asked that I meet with them before I say anything more to OW. I am also going to meet with psychologist before talking with my wife about everything.

 

I have to remember one thing that hasn't been discussed and that is my 3 kids and the hundreds of families that depend on the company that I created. My next moves could affect all of them.

 

Funny how thats always so important after the fact.

 

It's like Superman forgetting to wear his tights, then going out to fight crimes like indecent exposure.

[gettingstronger]

I am sure some of the man hating "ladies" are bummed to hear of this news, but I am sure my kids and all the other families in the company would be relieved they have security.

 

 

 

My guess is you are not nearly as important to anyone's security or future as you think you are-but I am happy that you mention coming clean to your wife-that is a huge first step to being the man you want to be- good luck!

[velvette]

Been a interesting morning to say the least.

 

Went in to meet with legal council and go over options. Get a text from OW asking me to check email. While sitting at the table I am reading her email stating she is abandoning her position and has found employment elsewhere. She further says she is sorry and knows everything that happen was wrong and she will not be seeking revenge or any other compensation and would back it up by signing any documents. I don't know why she did this, but I have a feeling she is just a tired of all of this as me.

 

 

.

 

 

Sounds like someone tipped her off. Timing is way too coincidental.

[ndeep]

My guess is you are not nearly as important to anyone's security or future as you think you are-but I am happy that you mention coming clean to your wife-that is a huge first step to being the man you want to be- good luck!

 

You are correct. I am not important at all, the company is. It runs with or without me. I was only making a statement of the company is secure.

[ndeep]

Sounds like someone tipped her off. Timing is way too coincidental.

 

She is aware I did have text and voicemail of her previous extortion attempts. Maybe she didn't want to play that game.

[beach]

What do you think your OW's reaction is going to be?

 

What do you think your wife will react with all this info you plan to lay at her feet?

[Mr. Lucky]

Maybe she didn't want to play that game.

 

The clean-up of your affair aside, can't help but wonder about the psychological implications of:

 

- Conducting an affair with a 25-yr old employee

- Continuing with her after she shows true intent through extortion

- Risking giving W's STD to OW

- Risking giving OW's STD to W

- Courting exposure through public conduct

- Putting marriage/family at risk through infidelity

- putting company/reputation at risk

 

Have you asked yourself why you seem so hellbent on self-destruction? You act like someone who doesn't believe he deserves success at work or home...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Got it]

Been a interesting morning to say the least.

 

Went in to meet with legal council and go over options. Get a text from OW asking me to check email. While sitting at the table I am reading her email stating she is abandoning her position and has found employment elsewhere. She further says she is sorry and knows everything that happen was wrong and she will not be seeking revenge or any other compensation and would back it up by signing any documents. I don't know why she did this, but I have a feeling she is just a tired of all of this as me.

 

Due to the type of contracts we do business with, I have a legal staff in-house. They quickly put something together and that was the end of it from the business side. Now I can move on with coming clean with my wife and trying to repair everything.

 

I am sure some of the man hating "ladies" are bummed to hear of this news, but I am sure my kids and all the other families in the company would be relieved they have security.

 

My wife is all that matters to me and I will try my best to right my many wrongs.

 

Also for those so stuck on the STD thing. I am sorry I wasn't clear in OP. As of 1 month ago every single one of us was test for EVERYTHING. The OW and myself are clear of everything and my wife who had herpes when I met her was only positive for that. Wife was tested because a trip to the hospital because of abdominal pain that turned out to be ovarian tumor (last ovary she had left - she had partial hysterectomy after or son was born). I have been tested over 15 times over the course of my marriage with my wife and have never been positive for any strain of herpes.

 

Also, those who are stuck on the "at will" and "right to work". My apologies for getting crossed with my words. Yesterday was a bit of a difficult day and I was emotional. I do understand the difference. However, I make no apologies for trying to protect my co-workers and my family by making a difficult choice with the OW employment. This is why I pay big dollars for smarter people than me to manage treacherous waters in the company.

 

I will try and update after my wife and I talk.

 

I think you maybe confusing dislike of a cake eater over dislike of men. I don't think posters here are "man hating". They tend to " cake eat" hate.

 

Also I really think are over exaggerating on the damage OW could have done. Unless you have been a very bad boy business wise, and shared that with her, most in the business world, especially at an executive/CEO level care about "dalliances". There is little she could have done to take down your company even if she sued you for discrimination. That is being melodramatic.

 

You would have gone to mediation and hammered out a number. I am also assuming, if you have in house counsel you have litigation insurance to cover this area so after hitting your threshold it would have been covered by insurance.

[ndeep]

The clean-up of your affair aside, can't help but wonder about the psychological implications of:

 

- Conducting an affair with a 25-yr old employee

- Continuing with her after she shows true intent through extortion

- Risking giving W's STD to OW

- Risking giving OW's STD to W

- Courting exposure through public conduct

- Putting marriage/family at risk through infidelity

- putting company/reputation at risk

 

Have you asked yourself why you seem so hellbent on self-destruction? You act like someone who doesn't believe he deserves success at work or home...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Psychological aspect has been huge on me and I know it will be once my wife and I talk. I have done some really bad things. It is pure hell to me and I am about to unleash that on my wife.

 

I am going to see a psychologist and will work on being a better person and be happy in my skin. I have always been very competitive and have done many good things personally. It's hard to see the good with all the bad I have done. I hope one day I can. I have lost a lot of people in my life a young age, that has been a double edge sword. Made me want to win and succeed just so I can make them proud, but also made me feel guilty when I actually did succeed because they didn't get a chance to experience it with me.

 

Looking forward to professional help.

[gettingstronger]

I think you maybe confusing dislike of a cake eater over dislike of men. I don't think posters here are "man hating". They tend to " cake eat" hate.

 

Also I really think are over exaggerating on the damage OW could have done. Unless you have been a very bad boy business wise, and shared that with her, most in the business world, especially at an executive/CEO level care about "dalliances". There is little she could have done to take down your company even if she sued you for discrimination. That is being melodramatic.

 

You would have gone to mediation and hammered out a number. I am also assuming, if you have in house counsel you have litigation insurance to cover this area so after hitting your threshold it would have been covered by insurance.

 

 

 

I some what disagree with the above in that I feel like his poor judgement which in turn lead to having to bring in legal counsel of the company will not bode well for him- it may be subtle or overt, but not being able to keep your "dalliances" in check is a huge no-no, and will be dealt with and the impact felt by the OP-

[gettingstronger]

Psychological aspect has been huge on me and I know it will be once my wife and I talk. I have done some really bad things. It is pure hell to me and I am about to unleash that on my wife.

 

 

Please read and re-read the pinned post at the top- what every WS should know- I believe in redemption, my husband is living proof of that but it is a long, painful road- again- I give you lots of kudos for understanding coming clean is your best first step-it may not feel like it now, but the gift of the truth to your wife will be huge for both of you-

[ndeep]

Also I really think are over exaggerating on the damage OW could have done. Unless you have been a very bad boy business wise, and shared that with her, most in the business world, especially at an executive/CEO level care about "dalliances". There is little she could have done to take down your company even if she sued you for discrimination. That is being melodramatic.

 

Legit on business, nothing bad boy wise.

 

Might be exaggerated. I know she couldn't have taken the business down. But I didn't want to get taken by her at all when she was just as bad. Her previous extortion attempts proved that.

 

Lesson learned. Never ever again.