I want out

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Your wife did one thing wrong, she chose a partner with low or no integrity.

 

 

If you really want to salvage your marriage, move across the country & start a new life, witness protection program style. Cut social ties so you can't be followed. Your tramp will find a new boy toy. Once you move tell your wife everything & beg for forgiveness, that is if you can fix the defect in your head.

 

 

Personally I hope she finds out, divorces & takes you to the cleaners. I'm sure you've screwed over a lot of people in your career.

[jen1447]

I foresee one of those wife/OW collusions here ....wife takes over his personal assets, OW takes over the business.

[gettingstronger]

Oddly similar situation in my own life- a family friend owns a very successful company-he had an affair (with a stripper, not an employee) he ended it but had to get legal and the CFO involved- they in turn blackmailed him for money in exchange for not telling his wife-(he revealed his weakness by needing help with his mistress)- he called their bluff, they called his and spilled the beans to the wife- see, once he crossed a line, they crossed a line and at that point no one had anything more to lose because they had all played their hands-

 

The above situation to me gives you additional reasons to come clean with your wife-you are vulnerable in ways you can not even imagine- you did wrong, no doubt, but you will compound that wrong by not disclosing-

 

In case you don't think it could happen to you- legal counsel and the CFO were life long friends of the owner-greed can be powerful- you have shown you have a weakness, people may try to capitalize on it-

 

JMO

[berniev]

Awesome. When you relocate from self-centered-ville, the rest of society will be waiting for you.

 

 

 

LOL! I don't live for the rest of the society!

[privategal]

Shes crazy and is not going quietly.

Can you close or dissolve that company?

Because firing her? Its going to court, you will be exposed, but if you make it legit...?

I mean, I dont see any way out, getting caught us inevitable at this point.

You can try the old fashioned direct heart to heart breakup.

Tell her the guilt is killing you and you cant do it anymore and MEAN it. Tell her its really killing you.

Hire someone else to run it and stay out if there?

You gotta help yourself.

An old AP of mine (just an ea) just told me one day...were both married and this is going to hurt people I care about you but I dont want to wreck a family.

I understood. It had gone on over 10 years. We loved eachother. We talked a million times a day and many calls. We were hooked but when I saw how it was affecting him, I agreed to let it go. If you really are ready...first try the direct very honest approach.

Sit down and tell her.

Your ruining your life. Be done and mean it.

[sandylee1]

Legit on business, nothing bad boy wise.

 

Might be exaggerated. I know she couldn't have taken the business down. But I didn't want to get taken by her at all when she was just as bad. Her previous extortion attempts proved that.

 

Lesson learned. Never ever again.

 

Good job the affair is over and she's out of your life .

 

Don't get into an affair again. The single OW can be really crraazzzy at times, with no spouse to loose. They become obsessed and while you're just in it for the sex, their so deep emotionally.

 

Women also seem more he'll bent on revenge when they get dumped . 'Hell hath no fury '.

 

A lot of single OM , are more ashamed they were in that position and revenge isn't their thing.

 

She's probably stalking you and your wife's social media right now.

 

Stay clean and come clean to your wife.

 

Good luck

[Babs22]

Been a interesting morning to say the least.

 

Went in to meet with legal council and go over options. Get a text from OW asking me to check email. While sitting at the table I am reading her email stating she is abandoning her position and has found employment elsewhere. She further says she is sorry and knows everything that happen was wrong and she will not be seeking revenge or any other compensation and would back it up by signing any documents. I don't know why she did this, but I have a feeling she is just a tired of all of this as me.

 

Due to the type of contracts we do business with, I have a legal staff in-house. They quickly put something together and that was the end of it from the business side. Now I can move on with coming clean with my wife and trying to repair everything.

 

I am sure some of the man hating "ladies" are bummed to hear of this news, but I am sure my kids and all the other families in the company would be relieved they have security.

 

My wife is all that matters to me and I will try my best to right my many wrongs.

 

Also for those so stuck on the STD thing. I am sorry I wasn't clear in OP. As of 1 month ago every single one of us was test for EVERYTHING. The OW and myself are clear of everything and my wife who had herpes when I met her was only positive for that. Wife was tested because a trip to the hospital because of abdominal pain that turned out to be ovarian tumor (last ovary she had left - she had partial hysterectomy after or son was born). I have been tested over 15 times over the course of my marriage with my wife and have never been positive for any strain of herpes.

 

Also, those who are stuck on the "at will" and "right to work". My apologies for getting crossed with my words. Yesterday was a bit of a difficult day and I was emotional. I do understand the difference. However, I make no apologies for trying to protect my co-workers and my family by making a difficult choice with the OW employment. This is why I pay big dollars for smarter people than me to manage treacherous waters in the company.

 

I will try and update after my wife and I talk.

 

Privategal - Here is ndeep's post about OW. It looks like she has decided to bow out gracefully, so it would appear as if that issue has been resolved. Now he just needs to talk to his W. Not sure how that is going, since he hasn't been back to report.

 

How's it going ndeep?

[fireflywy]

So you have a hot wife who treats you very well and loves you and you cheat on her with a twenty something?

 

You're an idiot. Free your wife.

[summerdowling87]

Hi ndeep how are things going?

Have you confessed to your wife yet?

[ndeep]

Told her everything. I laid it all out there. Went out of town for a week while she took it all in and gave her some space. She was cool and didn't flip out when we first talked. Came back to to talk some more and see where we stood.

 

She said she was disappointed but understood that she was not 100% herself. I reaffirmed that this was not her fault. She was happy that I got rid of the problem before I attempted to tell her. She asked me if I was 100% committed to her and I told her yes I was and this was a BIG mistake.

 

Strange enough, she said she loved me even more for being honest and telling her. She went back to the time she experimented and felt like we both went off track somehow.

 

To be honest, I am floored by how all this has worked out compared to where it could have went.

 

The OW has disappeared since the work separation. Heard she moved out of state. Even more to be happy about.

Edited June 21, 2015 by ndeep

[BetrayedH]

I continue to feel that confessions are the best approach.

 

You have a chance to live an honest and authentic life with your wife now, one with true intimacy because there's no walls between you. You had no chance at that with any other path.

 

Good luck. Conventional estimates still put recovery at 2-5 years. Your wife is likely to go thru numerous stages of grief. Things may feel relieving right now but I'd buckle in if I were you. Stick with the honesty, no matter what happens. My $.02 anyway.

[ndeep]

I continue to feel that confessions are the best approach.

 

You have a chance to live an honest and authentic life with your wife now, one with true intimacy because there's no walls between you. You had no chance at that with any other path.

 

Good luck. Conventional estimates still put recovery at 2-5 years. Your wife is likely to go thru numerous stages of grief. Things may feel relieving right now but I'd buckle in if I were you. Stick with the honesty, no matter what happens. My $.02 anyway.

 

Odd thing is my wife shows zero grief. She has been all over me like more clingy than normal. Super sexual also. She has always been sorta submissive, but she seems to not be phased by this. I know this could change, but she has been very forgiving through all of our marriage.

[RoseVille]

Odd thing is my wife shows zero grief. She has been all over me like more clingy than normal. Super sexual also. She has always been sorta submissive, but she seems to not be phased by this. I know this could change, but she has been very forgiving through all of our marriage.

 

Hysterical bonding.

[ndeep]

Hysterical bonding.

 

Whatever gets the ball rolling with fixing things. Better than burning all my *****.

[RoseVille]

Whatever gets the ball rolling with fixing things. Better than burning all my *****.

 

Do some research about this. It's temporary. Very temporary.

[MuddyFootprints]

You have a hell of a lot of difficult work ahead of you.

 

I still see 'cheater' in your posts.

 

You are one lucky guy. Work on that marriage and prove your commitment and fidelity. Every single day.

 

Do not take this moment of forgiveness and unconditional love for granted.

 

Do everything in your power to truly change.

[ndeep]

You have a hell of a lot of difficult work ahead of you.

 

I still see 'cheater' in your posts.

 

You are one lucky guy. Work on that marriage and prove your commitment and fidelity. Every single day.

 

Do not take this moment of forgiveness and unconditional love for granted.

 

Do everything in your power to truly change.

 

Indeed i am fortunate. However, I am not sure how you "see" cheater in my posts. I have cheated yes, but I am not a serial cheater. I removed my problem from my life and have taken the proper steps to repair what I did. I could have swept this right under the rug and moved on like nothing happened. But because I have been successful at everything I put effort into. I feel I can do the same with this challenge and right my wrongs.

[MuddyFootprints]

Okay, but just a head's up...you do have the signs of a potential serial cheater.

 

You can look more deeply into that or not.

 

good job on removing the 'problem in your life'.

 

Pretty sure you are experiencing some degree of rug sweeping, though.

[ndeep]

Okay, but just a head's up...you do have the signs of a potential serial cheater.

 

You can look more deeply into that or not.

 

good job on removing the 'problem in your life'.

 

Pretty sure you are experiencing some degree of rug sweeping, though.

 

You nailed it! MuddyFootprints PHD

 

What makes you think I have signs of serial cheater?

 

Good job on removing the problem? Whats the alternative?

 

You would make a great fortune-teller.

[BetrayedH]

Odd thing is my wife shows zero grief. She has been all over me like more clingy than normal. Super sexual also. She has always been sorta submissive, but she seems to not be phased by this. I know this could change, but she has been very forgiving through all of our marriage.

 

The hypersexuality is hysterical bonding, as Roseville said.

 

It's a rather instinctive reaction on the part of a betrayed spouse to cling what was almost lost, or what may already be lost. Others describe it as a reclaiming of their wayward spouse. For the moment, your wife is latching onto a life that may be over.

 

I'd suggest that the fundamental problem will reemerge. WHY did you have this affair? Surface answers won't do. Until you can identify your personal 'why,' then you are vulnerable to a reoccurrence. Any of life's stressors could present themselves again, and you could be back to the same coping mechanism. The answer has to do with something broken within you. Until it is fixed, there's nothing to stop a repeat performance. And while your wife may be relieved at the moment, I bet she's a smart enough girl to figure that out.

 

My real anger kicked in at about six months. Everything prior to that was really just an attempt on my part to stop the bleeding. She's probably doing a lot of self-blame. But she's not really to blame for all of your decisions, is she? And I bet she's smart enough to figure that out, too.

 

You need a good individual counselor, one that doesn't let you blameshift this affair to anywhere except the guy in the mirror.

[ndeep]

The hypersexuality is hysterical bonding, as Roseville said.

 

It's a rather instinctive reaction on the part of a betrayed spouse to cling what was almost lost, or what may already be lost. Others describe it as a reclaiming of their wayward spouse. For the moment, your wife is latching onto a life that may be over.

 

I'd suggest that the fundamental problem will reemerge. WHY did you have this affair? Surface answers won't do. Until you can identify your personal 'why,' then you are vulnerable to a reoccurrence. Any of life's stressors could present themselves again, and you could be back to the same coping mechanism. The answer has to do with something broken within you. Until it is fixed, there's nothing to stop a repeat performance. And while your wife may be relieved at the moment, I bet she's a smart enough girl to figure that out.

 

My real anger kicked in at about six months. Everything prior to that was really just an attempt on my part to stop the bleeding. She's probably doing a lot of self-blame. But she's not really to blame for all of your decisions, is she? And I bet she's smart enough to figure that out, too.

 

You need a good individual counselor, one that doesn't let you blameshift this affair to anywhere except the guy in the mirror.

 

I have been seeing a psychologist several times a week. I am committed to getting answers and finding out what I need to do to fix things. This is not a repeatable problem. Even the DR sees that I am not wired that way. I tripped up with a office affair. It was convenient and different. Also after talking with Dr, he also feels the OW was Borderline Personality, further causing issues with the excitement factor. From what I understand I not only dodged a bullet with her work wise, but also BDP.

 

My wife will most likely will not stay positive and will get to the angry phase. I am all in and will do whats needed to fix our marriage.

[the_artist_1970]

Do some research about this. It's temporary. Very temporary.

 

Not necessarily true. We have been in HB for seven years. It only gets better if you work on it.

[minimariah]

Not necessarily true. We have been in HB for seven years. It only gets better if you work on it.

 

hysterical bonding is very bad & negative, especially if it lasts for a longer period of time. the sooner it ends, the more chance of a couple in building a true reconciliation relationship, so OP -- be prepared for what is yet to come.

 

the anger phase is normal & needed in order for one to truly forgive and move on. everything else just is surviving.

[minimariah]

Even the DR sees that I am not wired that way.

 

you're "wired" as a serial cheater -- cheating for the sake of a cheating... not because there was an actual emotional bond with the AP. this is bad news because there will be another temptation, different & exciting and you will fall again because it has been proven that you don't even need "love" to start an A. THAT is a problem. your addictive personality doesn't help either.

 

it's sad that you keep refering to your AP as "a problem" you got rid of. the fact that you see her as a problem, instead of yourself -- that doesn't help either. when folks cheat and there is no love or emotional or any other bond between them and the AP, they're more likely to cheat again than those who do it with high emotional investment.

 

I tripped up with a office affair.

 

you didn't. you were carrying on with an A for a long time, you didn't "trip". you're trying to tone down the seriousness of the situation and the extent of your detachment from the W, so you can convince yourself that this was just a one time accident -- it wasn't.

 

Also after talking with Dr, he also feels the OW was Borderline Personality...

 

change your therapist -- this one can't be serious, LOL. he or she is taking your money + telling you what you want to hear. pick someone better & more experienced in situations like these.

Edited June 22, 2015 by minimariah

[davidromero43]

My wife will most likely will not stay positive and will get to the angry phase. I am all in and will do whats needed to fix our marriage.

 

I have found women get even, and they keep secrets better than men. To be honest I didn't read any of the other posts. This was way too long. If she has not become angry, it is because she was cheating. Women are cunning, and they know when something is up. Women can cheat during lunch, make you a romantic dinner, and make you believe you are special all night long. The best way to tell if she has, is if she acted like everything was ok. If she has no anger or sadness, she banged the pool boy, gardener, and your business partner. If she has not come clean, you might want to hire a PI to be safe.