Author ndeep Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) Well I feel my time here is come to a end. It has got to the point of just being a pissing match. Only thing that matters is I am doing what is right for my marriage, my kids and my life. I don't need to convince anyone on this board of anything. There were great suggestions, but majority are jacked up and jaded because of some personal experience that went really wrong. Not everyone has the same exact experience. You expect that just because you had "x" happen that "z" will most definitely happen to me. I can only grow and learn from this mistake and my marriage will be stronger in the long run. To the Debby Downers who want to take pleasure in seeing someone crash and burn - Go jump off a cliff or go play in some traffic. Edited June 22, 2015 by ndeep Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 hysterical bonding is very bad & negative, especially if it lasts for a longer period of time. the sooner it ends, the more chance of a couple in building a true reconciliation relationship, so OP -- be prepared for what is yet to come. the anger phase is normal & needed in order for one to truly forgive and move on. everything else just is surviving. Not true in our case. Of course I went through terrible anger for a while. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Well I feel my time here is come to a end. It has got to the point of just being a pissing match. Only thing that matters is I am doing what is right for my marriage, my kids and my life. I don't need to convince anyone on this board of anything. There were great suggestions, but majority are jacked up and jaded because of some personal experience that went really wrong. Not everyone has the same exact experience. You expect that just because you had "x" happen that "z" will most definitely happen to me. I can only grow and learn from this mistake and my marriage will be stronger in the long run. To the Debby Downers who want to take pleasure in seeing someone crash and burn - Go jump off a cliff or go play in some traffic. Continue to keep your W and your M first and show your W that you are worthy to be M to her. Rebuilding after an A is very hard but you and your W can create a solid and wonderful love affair. My DH and I have and I love the M that we have inspite of what we went through. Good luck and stay open and honest with your W forever. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I have found women get even, and they keep secrets better than men. To be honest I didn't read any of the other posts. This was way too long. If she has not become angry, it is because she was cheating. Women are cunning, and they know when something is up. Women can cheat during lunch, make you a romantic dinner, and make you believe you are special all night long. The best way to tell if she has, is if she acted like everything was ok. If she has no anger or sadness, she banged the pool boy, gardener, and your business partner. If she has not come clean, you might want to hire a PI to be safe. I think the more likely scenario is that she is too scared to deal with what has happened, and so the reality of it hasn't hit her yet. Some people react to terrible news that way. It's like when you see someone being interviewed on the news about a tragedy they have just gone through, and they seem calm and rational, but it false. It's like shell shock. One foot in front of the other is all they can mange. Another possibility is that his wife is going through emotional hell, but doesn't trust the op enough to tell him about it. She could be scared that if she does, it will push him away. She doesn't know exactly what to do to repair the emotional bond she thought they had, so she is taking the only avenue she feels is open to her. Hysterical bonding. While it may seem like the op is getting off lightly, the problem is that her grief, if not dealt with now, could come out in very negative ways later on. I would suggest to the op that he and his wife attend counseling together, to give her a chance to get her feelings out and to begin processing them. It may not be an easy road for him, but if he loves her, and if he is the kind of man he thinks he is, he will stand by her through it all, and their relationship could come out the other side stronger and better. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Ndeep I wish you well. You did the right thing in the end and I hope your marriage heals in time. It's never a good idea to bring a third party into your marriage , you just don't know what they're capable of and though you don't realise at the time , you could seriously be putting your family in danger. Good luck and be the best husband and father you can. Remember, don't risk your children's security for anyone. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I beg to differ on hysterical bonding, it's a great part of reconciliation and for us, not temporary, 2.5 years and sorry, TMI, still at it like teenagers. Enjoy that part, there's enough crappy stuff in reconciliation, don't let anyone downplay really good, reconnecting sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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