Deperate for Advice Unable to Show Love

[Bubsa]

Right Here goes just split with my Girlfriend of 4 1/2 Years. Who is also the mother of my 2 year old boy. Not exactlly sure why we split just day to day life was getting boring and as much as I love me little man he can be a handful which in turn adds extra stress to our relationship.

 

I was one of those blokes that was never into Girlfriends was single from 18 to 24 only really happy going out on the lash with my mates and just going by on casual sex.

 

I fell for my Ex she was the first ever Girl that I felt something for. Before My little man was born we had quite a fiery relationship both of us where in our mid twenties had good jobs and enjoyed living the high life at weekends, both of us like going out with our mates getting hammered and never really spent too much time together. Yet there was always a little spark that kept us going plus both of us had a extremly high sex drive.

 

So one day when my ex told me she was pregnant it came as quite a shock. We decided that we should move in together and make a go of it. After our boy was born our relationship was extremly wierd for me to handle all of a sudden theres a little man to think about provide for and take care of, and as much as I loved being a dad our relationship suffered my Ex was constantly nagging at me for no reason she did not want to do anything, probally the 10 times a night getting up for the baby and he was quite a clingy baby so I thought I'll just got on with it. Until one day (14 Months after our Son was born)I had enough and told her I needed a break and was moving back with my Mum she became very ill and went to the docter it turns out she was suffering from post natel depression. Once I knew this I got back together with her and tried to help her through this she was taking anti depressents. Every thing seemed to be going ok for a while she was slowly perking up the only main problem as selfish as this sounds was sex, ever since my ex had our child she had lost her sex drive where as I still had a extremly high one as much as I did not want to pressure her for anything I used to get really upset about the constant lack of sex(Though I never cheated and she knows this). Fast foward up to about 6 months ago my ex was now slowly getting back to happy self she was going out with her mates a lot more she was going to the Gym twice a week and we where generally getting on fine and where having sex again.

 

Then all of a sudden every weekend my ex wanted to go out with her mates. But I work long hours during the week 9-7 so I only was seeing my boy for about 2 hours a day. So weekends for me where about spending quality time with my boy though I used to go out with me mates on a sat nite at least once a month. We never seemed do anything together anymore which is why we believed we had lost the spark that was keeping us together.

 

We both decided that we should split so I have moved out. Its been 4 weeks now and I was ok at first. Then after week 2 I got to the angry stage as I knew that my ex was texting another bloke I do believe her when she says that she did not split up with me for him but I dont know if there dating or anything now. Well over the past 2 weeks I have come to realise that I am still madly in love with my Ex and would do anything to get her back. Like a *beep* yesterday I started sending her messages on how much I loved her etc. But she sent me text messages back saying its not going to work out etc .

 

I know the only way I can cope and not start begging is for me not to see or contact my Ex but being that my Son lives there and I look after him at weekends and one day during the week its a bit hard.

 

I was thinking about getting my sister to pick my boy up and drop him of from my Exs and not having any contact with my ex for a month so I can sort my head out is this too selfish. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

 

I know one of the problems with me is that I am not that emotional I find it extremely hard to let anyone get to close to me, I think its because I am quite weak hearted or scared of getting hurt I just don't know. I have never told my Family I love them even though I do plus I never told me ex that I love her, I just used to get her really nice expensive gifts and write her nice words in a card as I could not say them. (I understand its not right but that was just the way I am but I want to change). I know she knows that I love her, She said before she knows that I do but cant understand why I don't say it She used to tell me she loved me and that really was nice as no-one except family had ever said that before to me plus for the first time in my life it felt cool to be wanted.. But after a while we just got on with it and neither of us really spoke to each other how we really feel. Once she stopped being affectionaite towards me that's when I thought she must not love me anymore (Which may be the case). But Maybe because I was so withdrawn from her she felt she could not get close to me. Through in the other pressure of everyday life and our demanding but oh so cute little boy. It was hard to find time for us to really try and bond.

 

My Issues

 

How can I get out of this trap I am thinking I need Counselling, I want to be able to be more affectionate and be able to tell my Ex how I feel. I don't understand why after all this time I could not say to my ex when I was with her that I love her (even though I did) unless I was drunk, or like now send her messages 4 weeks after our break-up on how much I love her. I need to show my ex that I can do this before I can even think about winning her back. Please help me out here with options and views about this. Will give you a run down about me and maybe someone will be able to see what my issue is. I don't feel like I am insecure I know I am not over jealous. (My Girlfriend constantly goes out clubbing and I trust her and never question her when she gets home etc)I have a good job with decent career prospects even though the money is not great at present. I am socialable and go out with me mates when I can but dont get as messy as I used to when I was single and not a dad. (When I was younger did go out every weekend on drink and drug binges). I am quite funny, in fact I am always joking and making people laugh. (Used to be nick named Smiler). Have loads of friends mostly males as I gave up nearly all my really cool females once when I got serious with my ex(She was extremely Jealous but has now sorted this right out). I am not bad looking and always used to be able to pull girls (But I am quite Fussy). I am fairly Fit though I am getting a little tubby (Hope to sort this out within the next month as I am flat out exercising at the mo) I am a little insecure about this. I am also Short this use to really get me down but that was when I was in my early twenties but I accept it now and am quite comfortable with it though sometimes it plays on my mind. I am a bit of a material person I like designer clothes, furniture, fast cars but not to the extreme that I would build up great debt over. I am only really really close to two people one of my mates and I have not even told him how I feel, and my little boy who I love more than I ever thought I could love anything. WHY AM I LIKE THIS !!!!!!!

 

I know this is a really long, Sorry to Ramble on but I really am hurt and want my ex back so bad.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Counselling. Definitely. All these issues are coming from somewhere, and a professional can help you sort them out.