Adambomb8 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Yesterday was our six year anniversary, but a month ago my wife informed me that I was not the person that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The signs were there for months but I tried to deny it. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. My fears were realized when she admitted that she fell in love with someone at the gym. It's upsetting for me because I trusted her more than anyone in the world. We have two small children that I love more than life itself. What's tough for me is the fact that I gave 100% to my relationship and my family and it wasn't good enough. I did all the cooking, cleaning, yard... Ect. I put my wife and kids needs ahead of my own. I thought I did all the right things. I was caring, compassionate, good listener, and I was motivated. I stopped hobbies that I used to enjoy so I could be home with my family. I guess sometimes things happen. I'm feeling much better now but I have a long ways to go. Currently we are still living together until she finds an apartment. Things are fine at home but much different. No more hugs, kisses, I love you s. It's like we went from husband and wife to roommates. And the whole time she's floating on a cloud because she's excited about her new life and relationship. We've been together for ten years and it just amazes me how easy this is for her. Maybe she's doing me a favor. I haven't been happy in years but I've been trying to be the glue that keeps the family together. My relationship was all give and no take. I've initiated every hug, kiss, and I love you. I think I'm a good person that deserves better but this is still upsetting. Moral of the story is that I tried my best and my reward was an unfaithful wife. Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 That is exactly the peculiar thing about life and the people we meet. There is no guarantee of something lasting or working out, regardless of the effort you put into it. This can be incredibly frustrating but truth is we don't own other people or have rights to make them do things they aren't interested in. When one part always have to initiate anything, then the relationship rapidly becomes one sided. You DO deserve someone better, someone who will love you and make you look forward to waking up every day. A person who you can enjoy some quality time with and that will make you feel like there is a mutual respect. The best kind of friendships and relationships are those where both parts equally put in an effort. If things are really good then you will both also see how you can expand your current capabilities and develop new ones. While I believe that all relationships and friendships will demand some kind of sacrifice, it is vital to not give up things that you truly love. Love can make us do things such as stopping hobbies, but I'd encourage everyone to not abandon too many things that you are passionate about. Purely because of how unpredictable life is and especially how often people tend to change. It is amazing how easy some people can abandon or not care about things. Alas this is the best indication of why you should move on and actually find someone meant for you, whenever the time is right. While perhaps not much to judge on, you do seem composed and have accepted the situation regardless of how upsetting it is. Carry that with you always and take comfort in someone will appreciate those qualities you posses which she clearly didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 .....What's tough for me is the fact that I gave 100% to my relationship and my family and it wasn't good enough. I did all the cooking, cleaning, yard... Ect. I put my wife and kids needs ahead of my own. I thought I did all the right things. I was caring, compassionate, good listener, and I was motivated. I stopped hobbies that I used to enjoy so I could be home with my family. I guess sometimes things happen. I'm feeling much better now but I have a long ways to go. Currently we are still living together until she finds an apartment. Things are fine at home but much different. No more hugs, kisses, I love you s. It's like we went from husband and wife to roommates. And the whole time she's floating on a cloud because she's excited about her new life and relationship. We've been together for ten years and it just amazes me how easy this is for her. Maybe she's doing me a favor. I haven't been happy in years but I've been trying to be the glue that keeps the family together. My relationship was all give and no take. I've initiated every hug, kiss, and I love you. I think I'm a good person that deserves better but this is still upsetting. Moral of the story is that I tried my best and my reward was an unfaithful wife. You know what I would do if I were you...? I'd buy a big, big bag of popcorn, a good supply of your favourite soda, a comfy armchair and sit, and wait.... Because she will doubtless discover that Mr Dreamboat there, isn't like you. And he won't be the domesticated God that you are. Many women would kill and scratch to death to find a guy like you. And she's suddenly going to find that with the joint care of two young children, he isn't as co-operative or proactive, and he is going to be more of a hindrance than a help. She met him at the gym, huh? Beefcake, is he? Good looking? Fit? Toned? Oh dear... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adambomb8 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Taramaiden2. He is in good shape. But so am I. I go 5 times a week. I introduced her to the gym. He's 10 years older and going through his second divorce. It's not my problem anymore I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Taramaiden2. He is in good shape. But so am I. I go 5 times a week. I introduced her to the gym. He's 10 years older and going through his second divorce. It's not my problem anymore I guess. Second divorce eh? I bet it was all her fault.... And if he's a decade older, time will tell how good things are.... I suspect this will have no longer a run-time than your relationship with her. Possibly shorter.... But you are 100% correct. It's not your problem any more.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsMsTyra2u Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I want to say it will get better I keep telling myself the same thing My 8 year anniversary was sunday my husband told me he was no longer inlove with me a week before it and moved out friday. You have the right to feel hurt, You have the right to feel anger, as well as disappointment. I havent been sleeping and eating walking around this house is so upsetting. Link to post Share on other sites
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Yesterday was our six year anniversary, but a month ago my wife informed me that I was not the person that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. The signs were there for months but I tried to deny it. I had a gut feeling that something was wrong. My fears were realized when she admitted that she fell in love with someone at the gym. It's upsetting for me because I trusted her more than anyone in the world. We have two small children that I love more than life itself. What's tough for me is the fact that I gave 100% to my relationship and my family and it wasn't good enough. I did all the cooking, cleaning, yard... Ect. I put my wife and kids needs ahead of my own. I thought I did all the right things. I was caring, compassionate, good listener, and I was motivated. I stopped hobbies that I used to enjoy so I could be home with my family. I guess sometimes things happen. I'm feeling much better now but I have a long ways to go. Currently we are still living together until she finds an apartment. Things are fine at home but much different. No more hugs, kisses, I love you s. It's like we went from husband and wife to roommates. And the whole time she's floating on a cloud because she's excited about her new life and relationship. We've been together for ten years and it just amazes me how easy this is for her. Maybe she's doing me a favor. I haven't been happy in years but I've been trying to be the glue that keeps the family together. My relationship was all give and no take. I've initiated every hug, kiss, and I love you. I think I'm a good person that deserves better but this is still upsetting. Moral of the story is that I tried my best and my reward was an unfaithful wife. I understand what you are going through. My wife left about a month ago and told me last night that the marriage can't be fixed. I know I also deserve someone better and it bothers me how easy this seems for her. I am still in love with her when I know I shouldn't be and this split has left me miserable. Hopefully we both can find the happiness we deserve sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) I want to say it will get better I keep telling myself the same thing My 8 year anniversary was sunday my husband told me he was no longer inlove with me a week before it and moved out friday. You have the right to feel hurt, You have the right to feel anger, as well as disappointment. I havent been sleeping and eating walking around this house is so upsetting. This is similar to my situation. I just can't wait to get over this.... Edited June 8, 2015 by I Just Wanna b Happy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adambomb8 Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 It's an epidemic right now. I'm not sure why so many marriages are ending. But we have two choices, get busy living, or get busy dying. I choose living 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moarbread Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I feel your pain. When my wife left she seemed like it was the easiest thing in the world for her. I also did the majority of the things around the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry. I felt very under appreciated at times. I'd say you deserve better than the hand you've been dealt but I know that doesn't make it easier to think that the person you've put so much into doesn't want to make it work. I can't say it gets easier but you do start to feel more validated that it wasn't all on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Adambomb8 Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Thanks for your story. I also feel unappreciated. We meet with lawyers soon. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. She's not the person I married six short years ago. She likes her "new self". Although I'm going through this I don't dislike women and I think that marriage can still work. Some things just don't work. Link to post Share on other sites
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