I have no idea if she is or not

[Shaunwolf]

Ok so I've had a history of suspecting stuff with my girlfriend cause she gets into the strangest and complicated situations and it doesn't quite add up all the time. Let me start with back ground. So after we met we talked for bit and then we decided to date casually. After a little bit I wanted to be more serious and she was hesitant because we were going to different colleges. Anyways we agreed and then that night she said she was hanging out with her ex. I didn't like it but she said nothing would happen and we had just started so I wanted to play it cool. She said she would be back at 1:30. At about two she texted me (we had been texting and snapchatting) my phones about to die and I'm going to stay out a little longer. I'll text you when I get home. I said ok cool whatever still playing it cool. At about 4:45 I texted ok idk where you are or what you're doing but I'm tired so I'm going to bed. I wake up in the morning, she texted me at 5 hey sorry just got home and apologzed. They smoked pot which isn't a big deal and we do it on occasion. Anyways she cancelled with me 30 min we were supose to hang out (3, after I got out of class). She said he was tired had a headache and didn't feel good. I didn't not play it thag cool and said lol really?

 

We got over that and have been dating for 4 months. That ex and I are now friends and I'm sure nothing happened but there's also another one she talks to an this one still has romantic feelings a told her so regularly. She would never let me text him and still to this day he texts her and talks to her. He claims to respect our relationship now but I don't believe him at all and I don't think he tells me about half the things he says. However I don't think she would ever touch him after what he did which was cheat on her for an entire year.

 

The real problem despite the second ex being a giant pain, and super annoying is actually all the guys she's friends with. Like just a ton of guys talk to her all the time. Almost all of them try to get her to do things. She tells me about them (if she tells me about all of them I have no idea), and even after they say things and ask her out and she says no she still talks to them. The other day she needed to go home and was meeting a friend at her house cause re friend needed a place to stay. I accidentally clicked the conversation underneath and brief saw what it was about. The very top text in screen was "hey, at least you aren't the one who had dreams about kissing you" to which he responded "I haven't had dreams about kissing you but I have had them about being with you. And I promise one day I'll make it happen.". She sent a ";-)".

 

After reading that I scrolled up a bit and looked into it to see the context. There wasnt much but they had said I love you to each other. It also looked like large chunks of conversation missing which could be explained by snapchat but also she could be deleting it. I didn't want to very far cause she has a right to privacy so I went about 1 1/2 days and stopped. I asked her about it and she said it was nothing and that they have been friends for years. "Have you seen him! Haha he is so awkward". That usual thing. Anyways I have a hard time believing that one she isn't keeping him on the back burner and two that he's the only guy she's talked to like that regardless of whether it's less or more. He lives in California and we live in the Midwest. There have been a couple more weird run in with guys talking to her.

 

Relationship status

-Dated for 4 months

-We said I love you recently and while I'm not in love with her I do love her and deeply care for her

-Every time I bring something up about other guys she says I'm getting kinda paranoid and nothing will ever happen.

-Also by the end of it regardless of whether it was valid or not I'm apologizing too cause she with out outright challenging me made me feel bad for asking

-she's a very gregarious person and has a lot of friends

-I don't think she knows how to tell people no flat out

-She's an incredibly nice person and other than this I am extremely happy and love our relationship.

-Last boyfriend cheated on her for a year so she says she will never hurt anyone like that

-Also I took her v-card

 

(Optional)

Heres an example of a story that she told me that still does not sit very sound with me. She was at her friends house and they decided to go smoke. She snapchatted me "going to smoke" while in a car. I didn't snap back cause I got distracted watching tv. About 30 min later she snapchatted me "my phones about to die I'll text you when we get back from smoking." That last one was about 8:50. I don't hear from her until about 12 and she said she got into a wreck. Her friend took advantage of her and she blamed her even though she grabbed the wheel. So we argued that. Eventually I asked why it took so long to smoke cause she was about to at 8:50. She told me that they went to an outskirt town and to its lake. But she never said anything abou that before and then we take more about what happened and she slipped "ya they didn't want me to leave" and quickly said who is they and she said oh (ex boyfriend 1) was there and she didn't tell me that. Which still doesn't answer "they".

 

(Optional)

When we first started dating her ear guy friend asked her in date "as a friend" ice skating. I said no to that cause I wanst comfortable and we already had plans. That night the date was suppose to be the guy got really mad and called her out for leading him on for 5 years. So she knows guys are like this and I told her that would happen.

 

(Optional)

And the last one was she was at a party about an hour and a half from the main city. At the party a guy tweeted "just saw @--------- twerk. Damn girl ? ?" when I asked her about if off that night I was kinda pissed of for two reasons first being that she won't dance at concerts cause she views as PDA. But then she twerked for all these people at a party and guy recorded it.

 

If you read all of it even re optional things please tell me what you think. If honest I more doubt she's actually done things but I definitely feel like she's talking to more people but once again I could be wrong.

[coryreply]

She is certainly a very social girl.

[Shaunwolf]

Hmm well thanks for reading it but I was looking for a more substantial actual answer.

[lolablue17]

I can't tell you if she's cheating or not. could be yes and could be no.

 

But she's definitely flirting a lot, and likes to have male attention on daily bases. She also likes to hang out all night until the morning with Ex's. The Ex story says a lot about her view on "How to behave while in a committed relationship".

 

There is nothing wrong with her behavior, as long as you're Ok with it. I wouldn't be OK with it, but i wouldn't try to lecture her or try to educate her.

 

That's who she is. You'll gain nothing if you try to change her. Because even if you succeed, she will be miserable, accruing resentment.

 

You just have to decide - Do you like this way of life? I suspect that you don't, so finish it and wish her good luck to find a Bf who is more like her.

[Spectre]

They smoked pot which isn't a big deal and we do it on occasion. Anyways she cancelled with me 30 min we were supose to hang out (3, after I got out of class). She said he was tired had a headache and didn't feel good. I didn't not play it thag cool and said lol really?

 

She is doing drugs with some other dude and then flakes on you? That is not a good sign. Funny how she felt good enough to go get high with some dude. Red flag #1.

 

She would never let me text him and still to this day he texts her and talks to her. He claims to respect our relationship now but I don't believe him at all and I don't think he tells me about half the things he says. However I don't think she would ever touch him after what he did which was cheat on her for an entire year.

 

So this is an ex that cheated on her for an entire year and yet not only will she not let you text him, but she still talks to him on a regular basis? Red flag #2.

 

The very top text in screen was "hey, at least you aren't the one who had dreams about kissing you" to which he responded "I haven't had dreams about kissing you but I have had them about being with you. And I promise one day I'll make it happen.". She sent a ";-)".

 

Red flag #3, this is all the reason you need to dump her even if those other red flags didn't exist. People tried to play this off like she is flirty. I agree she is flirty, but this right here goes well beyond that. Her response to this guy saying he will "make it happen" should of been something along the lines of "I'm sorry that is never going to happen, I have a boyfriend". It should NOT of been a winking smiley face. It's utterly disrespectful to you for her to not be correcting dudes like this.

[smackie9]

She isn't cheating or a slut, she's your typical attention whore which most of the young ones (and some older ones) are. She flirts with them to suck up all the attention....she gives them juuuuuust enough to keep the attention flowing. Whether it's low self esteem or she never had guys pay that much attention to her before, she's going to keep these guys at bay, because they are a bunch of suckers. She will never past GO with them.

 

At this time in her life, she is still learning lessons, still thinks it's all about her, need for the thrill......As a mature woman (me), I know she doesn't know any better.....not yet. this is something she will eventually grow out of as she matures.

 

So you can't really stop her, but you can tell her how it makes you feel and see where that takes you. If it doesn't work out, oh well, just move on and find yourself a girl that isn't so self absorbed.

[smackie9]

btw I feel sorry for her.....if she knew you were not in love with her, it would destroy her. You are mean for making her think other wise. Seriously it's not right.

[minime13]

The very top text in screen was "hey, at least you aren't the one who had dreams about kissing you" to which he responded "I haven't had dreams about kissing you but I have had them about being with you. And I promise one day I'll make it happen.". She sent a ";-)".

 

Uh, this. That's grounds for telling her to take a hike. Seriously, that's unacceptable and disrespectful. She's practically sexting a dude, then blowing it off after getting caught and making a joke of it.

 

She doesn't seem to take any relationship seriously, and I find it pretty coincidental that her phone is always dying when she's out with certain "friends."

[Spectre]

btw I feel sorry for her.....if she knew you were not in love with her, it would destroy her. You are mean for making her think other wise. Seriously it's not right.

 

Just wow, another perfect example of a double standard. Why would she care if he doesn't love her? Her responses to other guys saying they will one day be with her are smiley winks. Please don't make this girl who has never heard the word "boundary" out to be the victim. She doesn't take the relationship seriously and constantly steps out of bounds with other dudes, but SHE is the one you feel sorry for?

 

So he is the mean guy, but this other poor flirty girl just "doesn't know any better", seriously? Her behavior, according to you, doesn't make her mean. She is just apparently too dumb to know any better, which is only a valid excuse if the girl is 14 years old or younger.

Edited June 10, 2015 by Spectre

[Shaunwolf]

btw I feel sorry for her.....if she knew you were not in love with her, it would destroy her. You are mean for making her think other wise. Seriously it's not right.

 

Ok so actually it's something we both agree on. We love each other but we aren't in love with each other. We both think that in love is something that happens close to an engagement or marriage. Where as love defined as knowing, wanting, and doing what is the war interest of another is something that we have.

 

Secondly would you say if I talked to her about it theres a reasonable chance it could be fixed or at least be cut down to something more comfortable.