Yami Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I'll try to keep this as short as possible and after a lot of thinking, I think I know why I'm this way. I had a very happy childhood, I had lots of friends, I always spent my time playing my friends but I think I was a sensitive kid. It all changed in my high school after I had an accident. I injured my face and I lost a few tooth and hurt my nose. The scars looked ugly and I had it for a year. During this time, I avoided talking to people,especially girls because of the way I looked. I avoided smiling in front of others and I became more awkward around people. Girls used to call me shy and laughed at me. I started playing online games and made a lot of friends online..I could express and talk freely with them without the fear of getting judged. I felt like my online friends are more real than my real life friends. I would avoid spending time with my real life friends so I could talk to my online friends. This continued for years and I changed from being an extrovert to an introvert. Another major change in my life is when I had my first anxiety attack. It started 3 years ago and that anxiety feeling never left. I always get anxious over the smallest things, get uneasy and have irrational fears. Whenever I talk to people or friends, I just pretend and keep thinking what I should talk with them to keep the conversation flowing and this exhausts me. If I spend too much time with people outside, the first thing I wanna do is to get back to my room and stay alone for a while. I used to enjoy being with friends and hated being alone but I can't believe, I changed completely and I'm hating this change. One of the root causes to my anxiety is my low self-esteem, feeling like I'm a failure and low confidence. I lost my confidence in my studies, I scored really low and I felt like no matter how much I study, I still score low. Again, it was quite hard studying with my heart racing like a horse. Sometimes, I feel positive knowing I passed my exams living with intense anxiety. I can't talk freely with people. I don't have social anxiety..I can walk up to a stranger and talk to them and I drink alcohol if I have a date with a girl so I can talk freely with them. They tell me I'm confident but without the alcohol, I don't think I'd be that confident. I don't like living this way- in fear, worrying what others might think of me, being awkward and saying stupid things in a conversation. I know my life changed because of that accident but is it possible to be confident again? I really feel down and hate being so awkward around people. If someone can help me, I would appreciate a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Are you sure you dont have social anxiety? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yami Posted June 8, 2015 Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 Are you sure you dont have social anxiety? Yes, I don't have social anxiety. I'm not scared of large crowd or talking to strangers. I just feel like I need to pretend to show interest in them. Link to post Share on other sites
kdgsupermom Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I am sorry you are feeling this way. You sound like a loving beautiful person and yes I believe you can have confidence again. Are you receiving any professional help for the anxiety? Maybe it will help to set some goals and take it one day at a time. What things are you good at? Focusing on those things more may increase your self-esteem and confidence. "Anxious for Nothing" by John MacArthur is a very helpful book! kdgsupermom Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts