Real friends?

[amazing life]

I have a great husband and we are good friends. But I am becoming less and less social, closing in my shell. The reason is that I don’t believe in friendship other than with your partner anymore. I would love to have real friends to hang out with. Some girl that we could go out with and I can share my happiness knowing that she will be happy for me, tell the sad things knowing she will really care. To have the same hobbies and share similar life views. I am in my 30’s. I love the life and I consider me very succeeded and lucky woman. Though working full time and moving a lot around the world makes it hard to keep touch with old childhood friends. Making new friends is not easy.

 

Any thoughts? How you find people that wouldn’t be jealous on your success and sad when you are? Someone that really cares when asking how are you. Is that possible? We are going to move again and this time I hope we will settle for a while and that I will make some friends.

Amazing

[Artscrafter]

Moving can be a strain on existing friendships, but it's also a good opportunity to form new ones. You say you don't "believe" in friendships outside what you have with your husband; you should ask yourself why don't you believe in them. You define a true friend as someone who's happy for you when you do well and who really cares about you. You've also described your husband as such a person. I'm sure he'd be happy for you if you made some more good friends.

 

If I were you, I'd find some kind of community organization that focuses on some of your interests. That should be a good place to start looking for new friends.

[amazing life]

>"You say you don't "believe" in friendships outside what you have with your husband; you >should ask yourself why don't you believe in them. "

 

 

Well, I had some bad experience. I find it hard especially to share, tell others something positive. Maybe I am wrong but I feel like people are jealous. Often I am asking people around how they are; they come up with lot to tell, nothing ever positive, but never ask back how about you?

 

 

For example, it has been two months as I go every morning with a lady to run. I love starting the day positive! She is telling all her problems every morning. I hear her and ask questions. But! She never asks me anything. If I by a chance start talking about something that interests me, she shows how that all is nothing that she would like to hear, fast changes the topic. I feel like she needs an ear to tell all her dirt! She is not the first one like that that I have contacted last months.

[Artscrafter]

I wouldn't let that discourage you too much. Lots of people are naturally hesitant to open up to others too quickly. They'll discuss things, often revealing some token information, but getting someone to really open themselves up to other people takes trust, which in turn takes time. In the meantime, people will often talk about problems they're having because a) it gives them something to talk about and b) people like an opportunity to vent. Sadly, reciprocating a "how are you doing" doesn't come naturally to very many people.

 

All that said, those are just natural tendencies. You shouldn't let that be an obstacle. While people might not immediately share in every joy you have, carrying a positive mindset into conversations is a good thing. People will generally want to be around happy other people more than depressed other people. And keep at it. It may take a while for people to realize that you're looking for a stronger connection than casual acquaintance, but once they do realize it, most people will welcome and appreciate that.