where do we go when we grow up?

[lost woman/child]

lately i have been thinking so hard about what i use to be like when i was young. i've had some dreams with pictures of when i was young and i wake up and miss that little girl so much.

 

i use to dance, sing, laugh, be spontaneous, carefree, and have a bounce in my step.

 

now? huh! i don't remember how to dance, i don't have much to laugh about anymore, life has become too serious and boring, i walk hunch backed looking down all the time.

 

i avoid as many social situations as i can, i forgot what "spontaneous? even really means, and i suck at singing and know it and do so only with selected persons.

 

what happened? where did "i" go? i miss that girl, can i ever get her back? do dreams really mean things and can people really change?

 

i know i'm being very philosophical here, but my life is at such a stand still i want to run away from it and everybody in it and for know real reason except i am so confused, bored and lost. what can i do? anything?

 

i think about moving to a town where i don't know anybody and being the person i want to be, letting my old self out or someone new out.

 

i can't feel free to do it with the people i am with now cause they know me too well, and they know that is not how i am.

 

they may think i "lost it" somewhere and have me committed if i changed my self that much, yet i think they would also welcome it and love it, but of course i'm too self conscious to change like that with and in front of people i know, if i could really do it anyway,which i doubt.

 

would i be classified as loony if i just up and left my life and went and lived my life as outlined above without telling anyone where i was going but that i was going?

 

would i be certifiable?

[clia]

Well, when we were kids, we didn't have any responsibility. We knew nothing about the heartache, sadness, etc. that sometimes comes along with life. We saw the best in the world. When we grow up, we have bills to pay, break-ups, and come to realize that sometimes people aren't as nice as they claim to be.

 

I think the inner you is still there--you simply need to let it out and something is preventing you from doing so. You sound like you might be depressed. Have you considered going to a therapist? Why do you avoid social situations? Do you have low self esteem or social anxiety disorder? It sounds to me like you need to get some confidence and find out what is holding you back.

 

"i can't feel free to do it with the people i am with now cause they know me too well, and they know that is not how i am."

 

Not true. As individuals, we have many different sides. Your friends know only one side of you. Why not let the other side of you out for them to see? Sure, they'll be shocked at first, but so what? What have you got to lose? They won't think you're certifiable at all, trust me.

 

You say you don't remember how to dance...well, there's nothing to it. Just get out on the dance floor and move to the music. (A popular e-mail that gets circulated says to "dance like no one is watching". Do just that and don't worry how you look. Everyone else looks foolish, too.)

 

As for picking up and moving to a city where you don't know anyone...well, let me tell you, I did that. (For other reasons.) I moved 2,000 miles away from everyone that I knew and it was the best thing I ever did. I didn't know a single person when I moved here three years ago and now my social calendar is full. It really gave me the time to learn about myself. But, it is a difficult thing to do and I hesitate to encourage you to do that, because you seem to think that a new location is going to magically bring out this other side of you. If you move, you will still be the same you, albeit in a different location. What makes you think that you can pull this other side to the surface just by moving? What if you get there and still avoid social situations? Are you that afraid of what the people you know will think of you if you act spontaneously every once in a while, or is it more than that? Do you want to change everything about yourself, from the way you dress to the way you act? I say there's no reason why you can't do that from where you are. You can change your life, and you should if you aren't happy. After all, you only get one chance!

 

Good luck.

[lost woman/child]

wow! that was quite inspiring,i am going to copy and past this into "my computer" and read it daily, maybe i'll highlight the main points that you made and print them and hang it up on my poster board, and i'me serious!

 

i never looked at it that way! i'm just so darn self conscious that to change in front of others is scary and very hard to do.

 

i'm going to go for it tho! i'm just so bored in life and just going off on a new adventure seems to be what i need. the problem is tho that i would miss my daughter and grandson and of course my boyfriend as well.

 

he would love to see a "new me" i looked down the other day at my clothes, don't know why tho, and i had on black jeans and a sweatshirt.

 

i don't even own a dress, dress pants or dress shoes, makeup, jewelry. in fact the reason i quit wearing those things is cause i feel extremely uncomfortable in them.

 

but i want to look feminine! i just forgot how if i even really even new. just another thing i need to change, istill have the exact same hair style as i had when i was ten! no exageration!

 

so thank you, i am actually starting some counseling on march 27th and maybe i could try some paxil for social anxiety,i've heard it works wonders! if you don't mind killing you sex drive..

 

well thank you again, you really honestly gave me a new perspective on an ancient issus, and i appreciate it so much!

Well, when we were kids, we didn't have any responsibility. We knew nothing about the heartache, sadness, etc. that sometimes comes along with life. We saw the best in the world. When we grow up, we have bills to pay, break-ups, and come to realize that sometimes people aren't as nice as they claim to be. I think the inner you is still there--you simply need to let it out and something is preventing you from doing so. You sound like you might be depressed. Have you considered going to a therapist? Why do you avoid social situations? Do you have low self esteem or social anxiety disorder? It sounds to me like you need to get some confidence and find out what is holding you back. "i can't feel free to do it with the people i am with now cause they know me too well, and they know that is not how i am." Not true. As individuals, we have many different sides. Your friends know only one side of you. Why not let the other side of you out for them to see? Sure, they'll be shocked at first, but so what? What have you got to lose? They won't think you're certifiable at all, trust me. You say you don't remember how to dance...well, there's nothing to it. Just get out on the dance floor and move to the music. (A popular e-mail that gets circulated says to "dance like no one is watching". Do just that and don't worry how you look. Everyone else looks foolish, too.) As for picking up and moving to a city where you don't know anyone...well, let me tell you, I did that. (For other reasons.) I moved 2,000 miles away from everyone that I knew and it was the best thing I ever did. I didn't know a single person when I moved here three years ago and now my social calendar is full. It really gave me the time to learn about myself. But, it is a difficult thing to do and I hesitate to encourage you to do that, because you seem to think that a new location is going to magically bring out this other side of you. If you move, you will still be the same you, albeit in a different location. What makes you think that you can pull this other side to the surface just by moving? What if you get there and still avoid social situations? Are you that afraid of what the people you know will think of you if you act spontaneously every once in a while, or is it more than that? Do you want to change everything about yourself, from the way you dress to the way you act? I say there's no reason why you can't do that from where you are. You can change your life, and you should if you aren't happy. After all, you only get one chance! Good luck.

[Laurynn]

I think what you're feeling is something that a lot of people feel at one time or another. It's like sometimes we just find ourselves in a rut. We realize one day we're there, not sure how we ended up there, not sure how to get out of it, afraid to change or take new chances. The familiar is comfortable yet uncomfortable, ya know?

 

While moving away to a new town and starting over might seem like the answer, do you really think it would be? It sounds to me like you're unhappiness is from within, so a new town would probably not really fix that.

 

If you want to make some changes to perk yourself up, go for it!!! Just try one thing at a time, that way it's not so overwhelming and you dont' have to worry that everyone will notice haha. Start out with a new hairstyle.....go to the salon and look through some magazines til you find something you like. Ask the stylist if she'd think that would suit your face, etc. Then go for it!

 

Then try with a little makeup, maybe a couple new outfits (nothing too outrageous, just something a little different than what you usually wear). Don't feel bad about how you dress. I'm like that too. I do own dresses but I'm really just a 'jeans girl', don't succumb to trendy clothes/etc....I just dress very down to earth. Lots of people do but sometimes it's nice to go for something different. A new outfit can make you feel like a new girl! LOL

 

To hell with what people think. Live your life for YOU and YOU ALONE!

 

Go down to your local bookstore or library and see if you can find some books on social phobia or self esteem, etc.....there are some good ones out there (no, sorry, I don't know of any off hand).

 

Take up a new hobby...or craft, or interest. Try drawing or sketching or creative writing, or knitting or stained glass working, or dried flower arranging. When you start something new that you've never done before, and you finish it, that sense of success and accomplishment can be a real boost!

 

That's great that you're starting counselling.

 

Laurynn