I hate motorcycles - he just bought one!

[silas]

I have been in a 5-year relationship with someone (I'm 23) and we are at a "make-it-or-break-it" point to summarize it.

 

I am trying to figure out if what I have believed in since I can remember is worth losing this person who I love so much. We have several issues, but the one that stands out the most to me is the subject of motorcycles.

 

He has always liked them (which I have known) but has not always been serious about buying one until recently and I am someone who is scared to death of anyone I know riding one for fear that they might be killed. I have also grown up with a father who owns 3 motorcycles and seen my parents divorce over (among others) this issue which ha probably altered my taste for them. Anyway because of some other issues we decided to take a "break" to figure out our own priorities. During that time, however, he went out and bought a bike. Now I am concerned as I am thinking long term that if I have kids with him, the last thing I would want is a husband who is gone one day just from being on a bike. I realize he could be gone (as in dead) for any other reason at any other time, but I feel like he is putting himself in a more high risk situation by using a bike.

 

We are also young (he is 23) and I am thinking about how he could've been saving money to pay off school loans (we both graduate this year) or fix his truck (it's ten years old). I am not sure if I really want to end a relationship ofor this reason (I know our other issues can be worked out) If anyone has had experience like this before please give me any advice you can. I love him so much and don't want to lose him just because I am being too stubborn, but I am concerned for his safety more than anything and feel like if I coudl lose him so easily because of an accidnet, I might as well lose him now.

[Amalphia]

Sweety the best thin gI could ever tell you is this. The Law requires anyone riding a motorcycle to have a Motorcycle license. Which means they have to pass a test. My boyfriend has a bike and he would not ever get on that thing without that license. Has your BF ever had a bike before? Does he have the license? If he doesnt I recommend that you MAKE him go get one. If the cops dont think he is good they wont give him teh license. Hope that sets your mind at ease.

[Elmo]

I actually have alot of experience with this topic.

 

First, my husband has several bikes. All BMWs. All go very, very fast.

 

He had one when we started dating. I'd been on bikes before and enjoyed it. So, although it was certainly not a passion....it was no problem for me.

 

Second, I had a good friend years back that dated, then married a man that loved "crotch rockets"...I guess you know what those are...the super fast bikes.

 

She didn't like it when they were dating. They married. She began to hate him riding on weekends.

 

She got pregnant.

 

She and he got into huge fights about his riding. It was his only "fun" hobby. He loved it. He'd loved it since before they married and she absolutely knew it was very important.

 

What happened? They divorced after 8 years of her badgering him. He is now married to a different woman...they have 2 kids...and she is supportive of what he enjoys.

 

My friend also remarried...This guy wouldn't think of looking at a bike. She always complains that he is a bore...and cries that her first husband had the nerve to move on.

 

Okay...now back to me and my husband. He still likes his motorcycles. I don't care for the speed so much anymore. Do I still go for a weekly ride with him? Yes! I ask him to not go over 80 as it's not comfortable for me and he tries to keep it down. I also encourage him to go for long rides with friends or just by himself...for fun.

 

I'm trying to tell you that I think it is not a good match if you can't let your husband enjoy what HE ENJOYS.

 

I know you have all the reasons...but he will resent you if you start to try to dictate his life.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt...but, you should find a man that is a better match. Your boyfriend should find a girl that accepts him.

[BigB]

With some guys bikes are sort of a phase they go through when they are young. Many get bored or scared and move onto new hobbies.

 

Many who enjoy it will keep riding no matter what. If he's one of these guys and you try to stop him he'll just resent you for it. So you've either got to accept it, or move on.

 

He may be willing to give up the bike in order to be with you, or at the time you have kids. I dunno, it depends on him.

 

I absolutely loved riding, and I still miss it everyday. I used to swear up and down that nothing would make me stop riding, and that I'd do it till I couldn't hold the bike up any longer.

 

At least make sure he get's good safety gear, riding lessons, and good medical insurance, it might make you feel better.

 

Maybe take a riding lesson with him, you might enjoy it.

[slubberdegullion]

I'm having trouble understanding the problem here.

 

If you always knew that he was interested in motorcycles, then you must have seen this coming.

 

If he purchased it when you were on a "break" then, for better or worse, you don't have a thing to say about it.

 

If you give him an ultimatum - you OR the bike - he'll end up resenting the decision, no matter which way it goes.

 

As for this...

I recommend that you MAKE him go get one

... well, any attempt at making someone do something against their will is bound to fail. Why some people don't get this, I'll never understand.

 

I'm not a fan of bikes myself, personally. I call them donor-cycles. But this issue isn't about the bike, really, it's about control. And it's pretty binary, as far as I can see. Either accept the fact that he is interested in bikes, or accept the fact that you'll likely lose him. It's unfortunate, but since you knew about his interest from years and years ago, you had to have some inkling that something like this was possible.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I think everyone is entitled to have some hobby or outlet. As a matter of fact, I think it's almost necessary to make for a happier, well-rounded person. At least his hobby isn't doing drugs or hanging out at booby bars till the wee hours in the morning. It could be worse!

 

My SO was into Harleys when I first met him. He enjoyed the "ride"… not the image or the lifestyle. The crowd he road with was pretty tame. They'd go for weekend rides but none of them ever got into that stereotypical "biker lifestyle" that some people associate with riders.

 

Like you, my Dad owned a few bikes when I was a kid, but I never really understood the fascination myself. Neither did my mom! But I wanted to finally learn to enjoy it (or at least understand it) because it was my SO's second love. "J" was HAPPY to have me go along with him, but as time went on I started making up excuses not to go because after hours of having that back fender stuck up my rear, I would hurt so bad that I couldn't walk for days. "J" didn't want to leave me at home alone on the weekends, so he went out and got an even BIGGER bike with one of those cushy big-booty seats for me!

 

Like your boyfriend, he has the college loan, the truck payment and a lot of other bills to pay, too. But it never concerned me what he did with his money so long as it made him happy. Also, my partner never excluded me from that aspect of his life or friends, or used the motorcycle as an excuse to get away from home. I think that makes all the difference in the world.

 

Funny, but now "J" is anxious to sell his beloved Harley because he seldom rides anymore. He's got a new hobby; woodworking, and he wants to eliminate the payments and free up room in his garage for more tools. I'm probably sadder to see the motorcycle go than he is because it holds a lot of fond memories for me and it use to be such a BIG part of him. Not to mention he looked so d*mn sexy in those black leather chaps!! (I'm hiding those so he doesn't get rid of them too )

 

I know you're worried about you boyfriend's safety, but big boys should be allowed to enjoy their big-boy toys so long as any financial burden isn't passed along to you. The motorcycle isn't so much of an issue as what he does with the motorcycle once he gets it. If you find he's spending less and less time with you and it's seriously affecting your relationship, THEN you've got a good reason to protest.

 

Besides, it'll be worth seeing that big silly grin that motorcycle will put on his face!