Walking Away The Only Choice?

[Under The Radar]

To me, reiterating what several people here have already said, it comes down to shared values and respect. With the exception of my health, I value my time more than any other resource ...... so, why wouldn't I value someone else's time too? I communicate this upfront if I feel a connection on the first few dates. I make it clear I don't multi-date and that doing so allows me to better focus on building a potentially meaningful relationship.

 

People like to talk, and if you listen, they will tell you who they are ...... you might have to read between the lines ...... but you will quickly have a general idea whether you are on the same page. Moreover, observe their actions (or lack of action), WITH their words, and you will have a strong blueprint to know if it's worth pursuing.

 

For *ME*, I have found if I'm beyond three dates with a woman it turns into an exclusive relationship. If I meet a few women OLD, in the beginning stages, I don't even hold their hands or initiate kissing. I'll hug, pay for everything, and allow us to have a good time ...... I'm simply meeting people ...... if I click with someone then my profile comes down (which usually happens after the second date). If it doesn't work out ...... well ...... my profile goes back up and the process resumes rather quickly.

 

I find that this works well for me. I am open and honest from the beginning which does far less damage to people if things don't progress past a third date.

It's the law of reciprocity ...... treat people the way you wish to be treated ...... it's actually pretty simple.

[fitnessfan365]

YES! Hardcore Multi-daters think very black and white, that focusing on one person is tantamount to wanting a ring or something. It's not like that at all! It's not even a "commitment" per se, it's giving time and energy into something to give it a chance. The second it's not working, either party can walk. And, if you need to multi-date indefinitely, then just do that. But I don't want to date you!

 

But stop and think why a person becomes a multi-dater.

 

I think that a lot of multi-daters probably used to be singular. But after bad experiences, getting too invested in short term relationships, etc they become more realistic and cynical. After all, it's easier to transition and get over someone if you have other options right? This is probably happened to everyone at one time or another. But the worst feeling in the world is being hung up on someone that doesn't want you.

 

I think one of the biggest benefits of multi-dating is how impartial it makes you towards red flags. Another thing we've probably all gone through is overlook bad aspects and compromise because we're invested in the person and there's other things we like. But eventually those hug red flags we tried to ignore are what ultimately ruin the relationship in the long run. But since you were only dating that one person and got overly invested, now it will take you awhile to get over someone you shouldn't have really dated in the first place.

 

Too late to edit this...

 

 

fitnessfan, if it was not you, I apologize. I am pretty sure I recall reading a post from you about it awhile ago...but I could have the poster wrong.

 

There was a woman that I had ONE date with who said that she would only continue to date me if I focused solely on her. So she was essentially implying she wanted to be exclusive after one date. That's why I called her the day of the second date and cancelled. I was honest with her and said that even though I wanted to get to know her better, I wasn't ready to only date her after just one date. She actually really appreciated my honesty because she even admitted that a lot of guys would probably just keep dating her and keep the other women a secret. So she gave me props for having integrity.

Edited June 10, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[Redhead14]

Before there was OLD and the ability to track/stalk/snoop/check up on people you're dating, you simply didn't know if they were multi-dating or not. And, it doesn't matter what the other person is doing. If you don't multi-date, then just date that one until they demonstrate that they want to and/or are focusing on you. Even if a man is multi-dating, but they are seeing you often, meaning a couple of times a week or more, how much time are they really giving to others. Which is almost the case in this situation.

 

This guy was doing everything right. Seeing her often, consistent communication, making her feel special enough at least for her to continue seeing him.

 

Bottomline, is she got to a point where she wanted more with him and, since he had invested so much time and effort into her, she should have at least respected that effort and communicated with him to find out exactly where he was on it regardless of the OLD picture update.

[Gary S]

If a woman he liked asked him to be exclusive, a sane man would not be going to a bar to drink away his sorrows.... he would feel like dancing in the street.

[katiegrl]

Before there was OLD and the ability to track/stalk/snoop/check up on people you're dating, you simply didn't know if they were multi-dating or not. And, it doesn't matter what the other person is doing. If you don't multi-date, then just date that one until they demonstrate that they want to and/or are focusing on you. Even if a man is multi-dating, but they are seeing you often, meaning a couple of times a week or more, how much time are they really giving to others. Which is almost the case in this situation.

 

This guy was doing everything right. Seeing her often, consistent communication, making her feel special enough at least for her to continue seeing him.

 

Bottomline, is she got to a point where she wanted more with him and, since he had invested so much time and effort into her, she should have at least respected that effort and communicated with him to find out exactly where he was on it regardless of the OLD picture update.

 

 

I am pretty sure she did just that RH. Her initial response was a little snarky, but she texted him again and they talked it out....

 

 

She left it with she was going to continue dating him....but pull back. No weekend getaway, no sex, etc. That is how I interpreted her update anyway.

 

 

Hopefully she will update again soon!

[katiegrl]

Before there was OLD and the ability to track/stalk/snoop/check up on people you're dating, you simply didn't know if they were multi-dating or not. And, it doesn't matter what the other person is doing. If you don't multi-date, then just date that one until they demonstrate that they want to and/or are focusing on you. Even if a man is multi-dating, but they are seeing you often, meaning a couple of times a week or more, how much time are they really giving to others. Which is almost the case in this situation.

 

This guy was doing everything right. Seeing her often, consistent communication, making her feel special enough at least for her to continue seeing him.

 

Bottomline, is she got to a point where she wanted more with him and, since he had invested so much time and effort into her, she should have at least respected that effort and communicated with him to find out exactly where he was on it regardless of the OLD picture update.

 

 

I am pretty sure she did just that RH. Her initial response was a little snarky, but she texted him again and they talked it out....

 

 

She left it with she was going to continue dating him....but pull back. No weekend getaway, no sex, etc. Not to punish but to protect herself emotionally...since he did admit he was on line again....

 

 

That is how I interpreted her update anyway.

 

 

Hopefully she will update again soon!

Edited June 10, 2015 by katiegrl

[RedRobin]

But stop and think why a person becomes a multi-dater.

 

I think that a lot of multi-daters probably used to be singular. But after bad experiences, getting too invested in short term relationships, etc they become more realistic and cynical. After all, it's easier to transition and get over someone if you have other options right? This is probably happened to everyone at one time or another. But the worst feeling in the world is being hung up on someone that doesn't want you.

 

I think one of the biggest benefits of multi-dating is how impartial it makes you towards red flags. Another thing we've probably all gone through is overlook bad aspects and compromise because we're invested in the person and there's other things we like. But eventually those hug red flags we tried to ignore are what ultimately ruin the relationship in the long run. But since you were only dating that one person and got overly invested, now it will take you awhile to get over someone you shouldn't have really dated in the first place.

 

 

 

There was a woman that I had ONE date with who said that she would only continue to date me if I focused solely on her. So she was essentially implying she wanted to be exclusive after one date. That's why I called her the day of the second date and cancelled. I was honest with her and said that even though I wanted to get to know her better, I wasn't ready to only date her after just one date. She actually really appreciated my honesty because she even admitted that a lot of guys would probably just keep dating her and keep the other women a secret. So she gave me props for having integrity.

 

You might find it strange, but I don't have any problems maintaining clarity when just getting to know one person. I also don't need to have other romantic options readily available in order to make me feel better about a rejection. Maybe because I have a full life, lots of great friends and family. So my self worth isn't tied to one person.

 

It's just a different perspective. I look for men who are resilient in the same way I am. I like to know that if I got sick, or had to travel, or if we hit a bump in the road, he isn't going to be out scoping options because he can't be alone... But that is just me.

 

...and yes, I have been disappointed by short term relationships... Or invested in a guy just to find out he was lying. I have other tricks up my sleeve to sort those out... But to me, multi dating just assumes the worst from the get go. It's like wearing your cynicism on your sleeve. The best man for me is gonna be able to take a chance... And recognizes the chance I am taking on him too. Isn't that how you build trust?

[katiegrl]

You might find it strange, but I don't have any problems maintaining clarity when just getting to know one person. I also don't need to have other romantic options readily available in order to make me feel better about a rejection. Maybe because I have a full life, lots of great friends and family. So my self worth isn't tied to one person.

 

It's just a different perspective. I look for men who are resilient in the same way I am. I like to know that if I got sick, or had to travel, or if we hit a bump in the road, he isn't going to be out scoping options because he can't be alone... But that is just me.

 

...and yes, I have been disappointed by short term relationships... Or invested in a guy just to find out he was lying. I have other tricks up my sleeve to sort those out... But to me, multi dating just assumes the worst from the get go. It's like wearing your cynicism on your sleeve. The best man for me is gonna be able to take a chance... And recognizes the chance I am taking on him too. Isn't that how you build trust?

 

 

I agree with this. And my question to fitnessfan and other multi-daters is.... at one point do you take a chance on someone and decide to emotionally invest in them?

 

 

Relationships are ALWAYS a risk and there is always going to be the risk of your partner up and leaving even when there IS a commitment.

 

 

And how do you plan on ever becoming emotionally close with someone if you refuse to ever invest in them....always keeping one foot out the door, which is what you are doing by keeping options open and multi-dating.

 

 

I dunno, perhaps deep down multi-daters feel uncomfortable with the whole idea of "closeness" and "intimacy" with one partner (not talking about sex).

 

 

I hate "dating" always have. I am a "relationship" girl and always have been. I have never just dated around, if we both didn't feel that mutual click/chemistry from the getgo, for me... it's next. I don't like to waste my time or his.

 

 

Not judging just trying to understand the mentality of multi-dating...because to me, if one is seeking (truly seeking) a close intimate relationship with another person, multi-dating defeats that purpose.

[toscaroscura]

"Single dating" doesn't mean you still can't watch for red flags. Nor does it mean losing your head and investing way too much, daydreaming about weddings on the third date! Red Robin explains it so well. And she has a great point about constantly needing attention when there's a bump in the road. Why does the man I'm dating literally need to have women on deck in case I don't work out? If I don't work out with a guy, I just go back out there to meet people. I don't need a guy already waiting in the wings to take my would-be boyfriends place!

 

I'm not going to say anything about the multi daters here, but IME guys who need to multi date just constantly crave attention from women. They always have someone to flirt-text with or to go see if I'm busy or God knows what else. No thanks. I'd like to know that I can go have coffee with my mom without knowing the guy I am seeing is sexting someone else or meeting for drinks because he's bored and lonely.

[Leigh 87]

People like RR and myself (and perhaps Timshel) ONLY get involved with men when there is a genuine connection from DATE ONE. It has happened to me that way THREE times and all three lead to a long term committed RL, including my current.

 

 

If there is NOT that immediate MUTUAL click and connection, then I don't date them anymore. Like I said, it has happened three times and all three lead to long term committed relationships.

 

 

So to answer your question, if you went out with girl no. 1 and there "was" that MUTUAL click/chemistry/connection between you (and trust me when it's there you WILL know it!)...then no why would you even WANT to meet the second chick?

 

 

It's is so very rare when two people feel that type of immediate chemistry, so why confuse things by bringing another woman into the equation?

 

 

I also wait for the mutual click and connection from date one.

 

I get lots of male attention but very rarely is it a mutual click.

 

I have found a few men who thought I was amazing and would have treated me like gold...solid jobs no red flags....amazing people it seemed like...

 

The thing is, I didn't want to jump their bones back... they were utterly amazing people and I could have grown the chemistry for sure but it would never have been intense as the immediate first date sexual emotional and intellectual click.....

 

So now I don't go on more than one date with a man who I'm lukewarm and indifferent about hearing from.

 

I wait for the men where I can't WAIT to hear from them and see them again!

 

If I were to multi date I'd end up breaking a nice guys heart..... The types of men I " love as a person but have mediocre sexual attraction and chemistry to " tend to be enamoured by me and would only get hurt once I found someone who I sparked MUTUALLY with and dropped them ( despite us not bent exclusive they would still hurt.....) it's happened to me before. The guy was devestated when I found someone I DID feel mutual sparks with.

[Leigh 87]

I was fortunate enough to meet a guy with whom I felt mutual sparks with. I was 18. It lasted two years..

 

I remember from day one I only had him on my mind so it would have been fruitless to try and date others....he felt the same. It isn't love at first site. It is definitely list. A connection. Intense sexual attraction.

 

It was so much more fulfilling than the times I met men, loved their company but continued to date others in the hope I'd find a guy eventually that made my heart flutter.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Like Kat said, she does wear her heart on her sleeve...and as such, she let him know how she felt about seeing him update his Match profile, which is indicative of him 'keeping his options open just in case'...

 

Personally, if I was in her shoes and saw that the guy I had been dating (and growing mutually closer to) for a month had been uploading new pics to his OLD profile, I would've said NOTHING. I would've kept on observing him and comparing the things he was saying to me with his actions towards me with regard to our budding "datingship". During this time, I definitely would NOT be having sex with him; I'm more intelligent than to do that, especially if he may be out dating and having sex with the other women that he may be meeting up with because of having his OLD profile active.

 

After the two month mark (and 60 days isn't really a lot of 'investment time' when you think about it in the grand scheme of things), I would then have an in-person discussion with him regarding our 'datingship' and talk about where we both are with progressing things to exclusivity. At this point, I *still* wouldn't let him know I'm aware that his OLD profile is up and active. What he says during this in-person discussion will set the tone for the decision that I'll make. If he tells me that he wants exclusivity, then I'd tell him that I'll render my OLD profile inactive and that I expect him to do the same. If he balks at me suggesting that he renders his OLD profile inactive, THEN I'll know that he's just a player and that he's been stringing me along all of this time - in which case I would end things right then and there.

 

On the other hand, if he's in agreement with me regarding us rendering our OLD profiles inactive, THEN I'll know that all of this time he was taking the time get to know me more; that he was being mature in not rushing exclusivity with me but instead being patient enough to take these couple of months to decide if he saw potential with regard to us being happy in a relationship together - because he truly likes me and because his feelings for me are getting stronger with each passing day. However, I would never go (and have NEVER gone) longer than 60 days dating a guy that I really clicked with before deciding whether I want exclusivity with him and then talking with him about it.

 

Kat...I used to be just like you. I used to wear my heart out on my sleeve...I used to be open about my feelings with a guy I was dating as soon as I felt them...I used to be sensitive and protective of myself regarding whether a guy was possibly playing me or using me. But, as I've gained more experience with dating (and with men in general), I'm more guarded with my heart AND with my feelings now. I give guys the benefit of the doubt and, I give them time...time to decide how they really feel about me...and whether they're interested in moving things forward to change our situation from a 'datingship' to a relationship, or not.

 

He appeared to have taken you reaching out to him positively, and I was glad to read that you're gonna take a few steps back and see what his actions towards you will be. Remember, his ACTIONS will speak louder than anything he SAYS to you. And now that he knows that YOU know his Match profile has been recently updated and is active, he knows that he'll have to make a decision regarding his feelings for you (and regarding mutual exclusivity) soonish. If I were you, I wouldn't wait longer than another 30 days (since you said it's already been a month) for him to come to a decision. Heck, you may find out during the next four weeks that your feelings for him have changed (and he may experience this towards you as well)...or, you both may find that your feelings for each other have intensified. Also, you telling him how you felt about his OLD profile early on lets him know that you're the kind of person that doesn't hold back and that he can count on you to be open and honest with your feelings right away whenever a situation arises - which, for many people, this is a big PLUS!

 

Good luck with everything, Kat. As long as you're always true to who you are, you will one day find a guy that will appreciate this and love this about you (...and maybe, you already have!)

 

 

 

.

[katiegrl]

It was four actually. But my point was that she had such high enthusiasm and the way she always referenced the future didnt make it feel casual. She genuinely seemed interested in seeing where things went. She did all the same "I miss you", etc that you're talking about. So that's why her disappearing act shocked me. I mean I'm about as big of a realist as they come and even a bit cynical in dating. But she was the first woman in awhile to win me over and make me let my guard down.

 

Once again though "back up plan" didn't mean "back up girl" in the context I posted in. I think he just had his profile up and kept it current in case Kat changed her mind. After all, they'd been dating a month and weren't exclusive yet. So it's not like there one year anniversary was coming up. These days it's natural for people to have their guard up that early on regardless of how well it's going. I mean just because Kat dates one at a time, doesn't mean that many women don't multi-date or keep their options right? So if she had told the guy from the get go she was a singular dater, it probably would have been a different story.

 

I wanted to respond to the first paragraph...because her sudden disappearance does sound quite strange.

 

Is it safe to assume that while you were dating her, while she was displaying high enthusiam for you, referencing the future, I miss you's, making it clear how into you she was, etc., you were still on line skulking out other chicks? You know "back up plan"?

 

If so (which based on all your posts, I presume it is)....I am wondering if the reason why she *disappeared* was because SHE is a single dater, and when she saw you actively on line, she, like many us, assumed you must not be all that into her, otherwise why would you still be on line skulking out other chicks???

 

Not saying THAT is why you remained active, only telling you that is how it *appears* to many women...and as a result we will back off! I mentioned this earler but that is precisely what I would do....if the same thing happened to me.

 

If my memory serves me correctly, you called and left a VM and she did not return the call. After just texting you a few minutes prior. Definitely weird, but did you ever call her again? You said you were going to, but never confirmed if you did.

 

Anyway....IF you had really cared, would it not have made sense to call even a third time expressing concern as to why she suddenly disappeared? I mean, given how enthusiastic she was about you?

 

Is it possible that after discovering you were still active on line, she interpreted that as meaning you must not be all that into her, that you were still looking for someone "better*....and she NEEDED you to put forth at least a little effort in attempting to find out what the hell was going on!!!! To show you cared?

 

But you assumed SHE was a flake (even though she had given you no reason before that to think so).. and let it go.....

 

I dunno ff, I am just letting you know what goes on inside the minds of many good quality women, who are single daters, when we start falling for a guy we're dating.

 

That is how Kat felt, but she confronted. Not all women will though...they will just back off.

 

WE don't want to get hurt either! So sometimes, when something seems off (like discovering he is still active on line)....we will back off.

 

And if he just lets it go....like you did....it confirms to us our suspicions were correct. He was NOT all that into us after all.

 

Just offering a different perspective tis all....

Edited June 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[fitnessfan365]

If so (which based on all your posts, I presume it is)....I am wondering if the reason why she *disappeared* was because SHE is a single dater, and when she saw you actively on line, she, like many us, assumed you must not be all that into her, otherwise why would you still be on line skulking out other chicks???

 

Not saying THAT is why you remained active, only telling you that is how it *appears* to many women...and as a result we will back off! I mentioned this earler but that is precisely what I would do....if the same thing happened to me.

 

If my memory serves me correctly, you called and left a VM and she did not return the call. After just texting you a few minutes prior. Definitely weird, but did you ever call her again? You said you were going to, but never confirmed if you did.

 

Anyway....IF you had really cared, would it not have made sense to call even a third time expressing concern as to why she suddenly disappeared? I mean, given how enthusiastic she was about you?

 

Is it possible that after discovering you were still active on line, she interpreted that as meaning you must not be all that into her, that you were still looking for someone "better*....and she NEEDED you to put forth at least a little effort in attempting to find out what the hell was going on!!!!

 

But you assumed SHE was a flake(even though she had given you no reason before that to believe that).. and let it go.....

 

I dunno ff, I am just letting you know what goes on inside the minds of many good quality women, who are single daters, when we start falling for a guy we're dating.

 

WE don't want to get hurt either! So sometimes, when something seems off (like discovering he is still active on line)....we will back off.

 

And if he just lets it go....like you did....it confirms to us our suspicions were correct. He was NOT all that into us after all.

 

Just offering a different perspective tis all....

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/530119-wtf-wrong-men-6.html#post6344575

 

Direct quote from you Katie :

 

" I actually think ff got it right.

 

Benefit of the doubt? What doubt? There IS no doubt. At least not to me. He texted her, she responded. He called her TEN minutes later, she did not answer so he left a nice voice mail about making plans to see each other again.... when she calls back. And wtf she disappears?

 

I could see if he waited a day or two to call...cause something *could* have happened within that span... but it was TEN minutes!

 

No there shouldn't be any doubt, she's just not that interested or like he said playing some dumb *hard to get* game. It is best not to indulge that....sends the wrong message.

 

If she were interested, really interrsted, she would have called him back, or at the very least texted him. It's been three days. Come on now... "

 

******************************

 

I have to say that I am confused to say the least. As you can see from back then you were saying that my intuition was right. That I should take her actions at face value and not keep chasing after her because she was clearly no longer interested.

 

Then today you're saying that I should have kept chasing after her? Which one is it?

 

BTW - I never took my profile down when I was dating Ms Executive because I only had four dates with her. But, I was also never online that entire time either. She made a HUGE impression on me, and I actually saw her as potential GF material. There was just something different about her.

 

But the irony of this just proves my point in that when I do let my guard down and focus solely on one woman, stuff like this happens. So based on my experiences, that's why I try to keep a more realistic point of view and keep myself at a safe distance until I've seen seeing a woman longer.

 

Finally, I did send her a follow up text four days after I left that voice mail. But she never responded to it. So I left it alone after that.

[Gaeta]

Katzee: Did you hear from him since last time? Do you have a date for this weekend?

[katiegrl]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/530119-wtf-wrong-men-6.html#post6344575

 

Direct quote from you Katie :

 

" I actually think ff got it right.

 

Benefit of the doubt? What doubt? There IS no doubt. At least not to me. He texted her, she responded. He called her TEN minutes later, she did not answer so he left a nice voice mail about making plans to see each other again.... when she calls back. And wtf she disappears?

 

I could see if he waited a day or two to call...cause something *could* have happened within that span... but it was TEN minutes!

 

No there shouldn't be any doubt, she's just not that interested or like he said playing some dumb *hard to get* game. It is best not to indulge that....sends the wrong message.

 

If she were interested, really interrsted, she would have called him back, or at the very least texted him. It's been three days. Come on now... "

 

******************************

 

I have to say that I am confused to say the least. As you can see from back then you were saying that my intuition was right. That I should take her actions at face value and not keep chasing after her because she was clearly no longer interested.

 

Then today you're saying that I should have kept chasing after her? Which one is it?

 

BTW - I never took my profile down when I was dating Ms Executive because I only had four dates with her. But, I was also never online that entire time either. She made a HUGE impression on me, and I actually saw her as potential GF material. There was just something different about her.

 

But the irony of this just proves my point in that when I do let my guard down and focus solely on one woman, stuff like this happens. So based on my experiences, that's why I try to keep a more realistic point of view and keep myself at a safe distance until I've seen seeing a woman longer.

 

Finally, I did send her a follow up text four days after I left that voice mail. But she never responded to it. So I left it alone after that.

 

Yeah I know...don't blame you for being confused.....but I said all that before reading this thread..new information and.this thread got me thinking...... so figured I would share my thoughts offering a different perspective from before.. :)

 

Plus I did not realize how enthusiastic she was, discussing future, I miss you's etc.

 

Her sudden disappearance is definitely weird given all that!

Edited June 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Yeah I know...don't blame you for being confused.....but I said all that before reading this thread..new information and.this thread got me thinking...... so figured I would share my thoughts offering a different perspective from before.. :)

 

Plus I did not realize how enthusiastic she was, discussing future, I miss you's etc.

 

Her sudden disappearance is definitely weird given all that!

 

ff, to this day, you STILL don't know why exactly why she disappeared do you? You assume she suddenly lost interest, out of nowhere....and SHE may have assumed YOU were not all that interested because you were still active on line...or she thought you were anyway.. I do know that match.com will show someone as being "active" on line even when they're not. I know a few people who have experienced that.

 

Anyway, both of you would be flat out wrong with those assumptions!

 

This is why communication is sooooo damn important! Not just you but her too.

 

Oh well...next I guess. What a damn shame though.

Edited June 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[Keenly]

ff, to this day, you STILL don't know why exactly why she disappeared do you? You assume she suddenly lost interest, out of nowhere....and SHE may have assumed YOU were not all that interested because you were still active on line.

 

And both of you would be flat out wrong with those assumptions!

 

This is why communication is sooooo damn important! Not just you but her too.

 

Oh well...next I guess. What a damn shame though.

 

If she was so quick to bail without so much as a conversation or even bother to check the activity log then she wasn't that interested in developing anything.

 

 

If the first instinct is to bail because a dating profile is still up, what happens when a REAL issue comes up in the relationship. Are they going to bail then too? Rather than have a conversation?

[Gaeta]

If she was so quick to bail without so much as a conversation or even bother to check the activity log then she wasn't that interested in developing anything.

 

 

If the first instinct is to bail because a dating profile is still up, what happens when a REAL issue comes up in the relationship. Are they going to bail then too? Rather than have a conversation?

 

The issue was not about the profile being up. The issue was about him uploading new pictures which IS an indication he is wanting to attract attention.

[katiegrl]

If she was so quick to bail without so much as a conversation or even bother to check the activity log then she wasn't that interested in developing anything.

 

 

If the first instinct is to bail because a dating profile is still up, what happens when a REAL issue comes up in the relationship. Are they going to bail then too? Rather than have a conversation?

 

Yeah I hear ya...she should have talked to him. But then again, he could have tried harder to talk to her too.. Given how high her interest level was.

 

I modified my post above to reflect the fact that match.com will show a person as being "active on line" even when they're not...which causes a lot of misunderstandings between people...

[katiegrl]

The issue was not about the profile being up. The issue was about him uploading new pictures which IS an indication he is wanting to attract attention.

 

Yeah I know Gaeta. But the result is the same...it gives the appearance that a man is still searching for others...which can be a real turn off for some women, especially when they really start falling for a guy....

[Keenly]

Yeah I hear ya...she should have talked to him. But then again, he could have tried harder to talk to her too.. Given how high her interest level was.

 

I modified my post above to reflect the fact that match.com will show a person as being "active on line" even when they're not...which causes a lot of misunderstandings between people...

 

 

I'm a little confused here because it sounds like you are suggesting the person without the problem should be communicating, but that doesn't make sense as a situation plays out.

 

The person with the problem is the only person that can initiate communication, and that's because the other person does not and can not know how the other person feels unless.the person with the problem CHOOSES to express their dislike of whatever is going on.

 

 

If that person never says anything, how is the person "causing" the problem know that there is an issue if the other person never brings it up?

[Gaeta]

Yeah I know Gaeta. But the result is the same...it gives the appearance that a man is still searching for others...which can be a real turn off for some women, especially when they really start falling for a guy....

 

I agree but I would show flexibility if the guy had just logged on his profile. The fact he uploaded new pictures makes it much worse, for me anyway. It did happened to me a couple of times the guy changed his pictures and it always turned out he was not that much into me so I have a hard time to believe this man is into Katzee, even if she is a great catch. Being a great catch never kept men from playing women.

[katiegrl]

I'm a little confused here because it sounds like you are suggesting the person without the problem should be communicating, but that doesn't make sense as a situation plays out.

 

The person with the problem is the only person that can initiate communication, and that's because the other person does not and can not know how the other person feels unless.the person with the problem CHOOSES to express their dislike of whatever is going on.

 

 

If that person never says anything, how is the person "causing" the problem know that there is an issue if the other person never brings it up?

 

They don't know....but if someone who had displayed such high enthusiasm and high interest just suddenly disappeared for no apparent reason...it might behoove the other person to find out.

 

Or want to find out....IF that other person they really cared.

 

Because maybe it *was* a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of things....one will never know until they actually talk to the other person.

 

If they find out she/he just lost interest, then they know and can move on.

 

But again wouldn't it be a shame if she assumed he wasn't that interested based on his activity on line? Like I said that damn site shows a person being "active on line" even they're not!

 

Just saying...

[katiegrl]

I agree but I would show flexibility if the guy had just logged on his profile. The fact he uploaded new pictures makes it much worse, for me anyway. It did happened to me a couple of times the guy changed his pictures and it always turned out he was not that much into me so I have a hard time to believe this man is into Katzee, even if she is a great catch. Being a great catch never kept men from playing women.

 

Agree!!!!!!