Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years

[autumnnight]

Women seem to get away with the "kick them out" thing a bit better than men. I suppose the men think they just ought to leave, and they're right.

 

When I carried my wife out the door and dropped her, I went to jail. She stayed home.

 

Well it doesn't sound like you were hurting her. In this case, the woman was crying and grabbing at things and he was beating and kicking her arms and legs out of the way, calling her words that were against TOS

[No Limit]

There's also the option of bullying the spouse out of the house.

[autumnnight]

There's also the option of bullying the spouse out of the house.

 

Or freezing them out, living as if they are not there at all.

[Poutrew]

You think they are having sex in their offices for 15 years? I find that a little hard to believe.

 

 

Well, all you'd need to do would be to ask the night custodian which offices have the worst, skankiest smell on the entire floor. If they pick out the two correct offices, there's your answer

[merrmeade]

So you can't use physical force and you can't take away basic human rights. You just have to keep reminding yourself that legally they're human.

[81West]

You missed my point. The recordings may or may not be able to be used. And in some places can be illegal if done secretly. Unless he is Canadian (which it appears he is) then you can record if you are present. Though after that I'm unsure the laws so he would need to poke into that. Before tomorrow.

 

OP, in case you miss the question when you come back, are you Canadian?

 

This Canadian thinks he is not Canadian. I think he's in Australia or New Zealand. Reasoned guess only.

 

(Not stalking you LD! Sometimes helps to know for those wanting to assist or advise with legal issues, that's all)

[BetrayedH]

So you can't use physical force and you can't take away basic human rights. You just have to keep reminding yourself that legally they're human.

 

Just have to say how funny this struck me. I've got the giggles.

 

Yes, you just have to keep reminding yourself that legally they're human.

[Furious]

Just have to say how funny this struck me. I've got the giggles.

 

Yes, you just have to keep reminding yourself that legally they're human.

 

I cracked up too.

[Susmay]

This Canadian thinks he is not Canadian. I think he's in Australia or New Zealand. Reasoned guess only.

 

(Not stalking you LD! Sometimes helps to know for those wanting to assist or advise with legal issues, that's all)

 

 

I am a lawyer in Australia. We have no-fault divorce here, no alienation of affection law and have to be separated at least a year before initiating divorce!

 

 

I can't imagine any lawyer here taking on both betrayed spouses either.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Susmay

[81West]

I am a lawyer in Australia. We have no-fault divorce here, no alienation of affection law and have to be separated at least a year before initiating divorce!

 

 

I can't imagine any lawyer here taking on both betrayed spouses either.

 

Yeah. I could be guessing straight out of my ass. Based it on some British English spelling, the use of the term 'all up' in his first post and the fact that the kids had been dropped off for the weekend by 10pm Eastern on Thursday night. Assumptions, every one. Bad ones perhaps!

[bubbaganoosh]

I've been reading this since the start and what puzzles me more than anything is how they can carry on an affair for 15 years and somehow not get caught. Sooner or later it gets so common place that there's have to slip up somewhere. Being caught in your own lie and lord only knows how many lies were told. No one can be that good unless our friend is totally oblivious to everything around him.

[Susmay]

Yeah. I could be guessing straight out of my ass. Based it on some British English spelling, the use of the term 'all up' in his first post and the fact that the kids had been dropped off for the weekend by 10pm Eastern on Thursday night. Assumptions, every one. Bad ones perhaps!

 

 

It looks as though the kids were dropped off after school Friday, which would be right if it was NZ time. It was too early for Aus. Divorce laws are very similar I believe...

[Susmay]

I've been reading this since the start and what puzzles me more than anything is how they can carry on an affair for 15 years and somehow not get caught. Sooner or later it gets so common place that there's have to slip up somewhere. Being caught in your own lie and lord only knows how many lies were told. No one can be that good unless our friend is totally oblivious to everything around him.

 

 

I discovered my WH's affair with a co-worker 7 years after it started! There were many, many lies told and I had no "red flags". It was an affair conducted almost 100% at "lunch-time" or in work hours. There was a child born during the affair too.

 

I am by no means stupid, easily fooled in general life, or have my head in the sand. My "error" was to trust my husband. It is easy to trick someone who trusts you.

[beach]

There's also the option of bullying the spouse out of the house.

 

I had told my cheating exH not to bother coming home.

 

A few days later he tells me he has every legal right to be in the house.

 

I told him he could come home... But if he intended to be in the home - then I intended to spend every minute of each day he was here making him as miserable as possible.

 

He decided very quickly to rent a place a few blocks away.

 

 

From his post a few days ago regarding the OP's day/time - I'm assuming his day is well into his Monday. I'm nervous for him...

Edited June 15, 2015 by beach

[BetrayedH]

I discovered my WH's affair with a co-worker 7 years after it started! There were many, many lies told and I had no "red flags". It was an affair conducted almost 100% at "lunch-time" or in work hours. There was a child born during the affair too.

 

I am by no means stupid, easily fooled in general life, or have my head in the sand. My "error" was to trust my husband. It is easy to trick someone who trusts you.

 

Yeah, I was about to write something similar. I didn't think my wife capable. Hers was also a workplace affair and could have gone on indefinitely had she not inexplicably one day said she might want to separate. I was like, wha? Even then, it took me weeks to really decide that something was off enough to investigate. At first, I just tried to fix the ridiculous things she'd used to justify a separation. It was our lack of marital problems amidst an out-of-the-blue separation that gave her away. As you aptly said, it just takes a trusting partner.

[merrmeade]

I think it's Scotland. Scottish divorce laws provide two legal grounds for divorce:

1. irretrievable breakdown of the marriage because of (1) adultery, (2) behavior (3&4) already separated;
   
2. gender change.

It would also explain (sort of) his victory cry. It reads like it was written for his situation: "If the pursuer establishes... grounds of adultery or behaviour then they can obtain a divorce immediately... Circumstantial evidence can be provided to support the claims of the pursuer and the case is determined 'on the balance of probability' rather than 'beyond a reasonable doubt'."

Irretrievable breakdown is proved by one of the parties to the marriage showing that one or more defined circumstances exist. This eliminates the need for the judge to conduct an intimate examination of the relationship between the parties.

[81West]

The poor OP will come back and wonder what the hell we're doing chasing him around the globe! Let's go with a Canadian expat living in Scotland, where he moved after a long stint overseeing the koala section at the Perth zoo.

[sandylee1]

I've been reading this since the start and what puzzles me more than anything is how they can carry on an affair for 15 years and somehow not get caught. Sooner or later it gets so common place that there's have to slip up somewhere. Being caught in your own lie and lord only knows how many lies were told. No one can be that good unless our friend is totally oblivious to everything around him.

 

Affairs have gone on for longer undetected. I know a case my mom told me about and the BW only knew after her H died and it was going on over 20 years. The OW wanted to introduce their love child to the rest of the family and stake a claim to some money.

[No Limit]

The OW wanted to introduce their love child to the rest of the family and stake a claim to some money.

 

:sick: Please, isn't this thread disgusting enough...?

[understand50]

:sick: Please, isn't this thread disgusting enough...?

 

Yes, we need to remember, that this is real person, and real hurt and pain is going on, and that others will be badly hurt. We are pulling for lifedestroyed, but we have not gotten a lot of detailed information, so we try and fill in the gaps. I find this with several treads, as what has been done is so bad.

 

The facts as we know them:

 

1) WW is having a ongoing 15 year affair with a co-worker, who is a friend to both OP and WW. He has good evidence from emails.

 

2) The younger two daughters, from DNA tests, are the OMs. The kids have not been told, both will be soon.

 

3) OM knows that the two sisters are his.

 

4) OP had talked to the OM's BW, and they are working together to end their marriages. (BTW, this make sense in the Scottish legal system). They both are going to have them served at work today.

 

5) We are waiting for an update.

 

Things I hope are true.

 

1) The two sisters will legally remain as the children of the OP, as they were born in the marriage. OM will not be able to take "parental" rights to them.

 

OBTW, I would also bet for Scotland, as merrmeade states. In any case I hope that where ever lifedestroyed is, he is in a country that is not stacked against him, and can use the legal system to protect himself and kids. Even in the U.S. adultery, should have legal conqueses, when a marriage heads for divorce. We left that, in most states, a long time ago.

 

I wish lifedestroyed and his kids, the other BW, the best of luck and that their "plain" goes fourth and is "victorious". Life is not fair, but I hope there is a little "fairness" in this situation.

 

544

[Noirek]

Fault divorces have to be heard in court and just serving someone doesn't mean "victory" it means the battle has just began. And they do not take the infidelity into account when dividing up assests. This is true for most english speaking places. It is basically a way to divorce without being seperated for a year. However, depending on how nice both sides play, it can be a long, drawn out procedure. If someone were really expecting legal victory or any sort of resolution the moment they served their spouse they would be bitterly disappointed. While the confrontation and supposed humbling could be momentarily satisfying, it is by no means even close to anything one could call victory.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Noirek

[understand50]

Fault divorces have to be heard in court and just serving someone doesn't mean "victory" it means the battle has just began. And they do not take the infidelity into account when dividing up assests. This is true for most english speaking places. It is basically a way to divorce without being seperated for a year. However, depending on how nice both sides play, it can be a long, drawn out procedure. If someone were really expecting legal victory or any sort of resolution the moment they served their spouse they would be bitterly disappointed. While the confrontation and supposed humbling could be momentarily satisfying, it is by no means even close to anything one could call victory.

 

Sure, understand, but lifedestroyed, used the "victory" word, and I am trying to give moral support. I hope that he is "victorious", what ever that means to him right now.

 

Noirek, you are so correct, no one wins here, and that is the shame of things. In the end I hope for the best possable outcome for lifedestroyed, his kids, and the OM BW.

 

BTW, I have always hoped the same for you.

 

 

10641066

[sandylee1]

LD

 

Hope you're doing as well as possible under the circumstances. I hope things go as you hope.

[No Limit]

Wouldn't surprise me if the update we're all waiting for isn't coming today. At best, he's out of energy and needs a little time to process the day. At worst his wife managed to frame him for violence as soon as she got home and he's spending a few nights in prison.

[merrmeade]

Fault divorces have to be heard in court and just serving someone doesn't mean "victory" it means the battle has just began. And they do not take the infidelity into account when dividing up assests. This is true for most english speaking places. It is basically a way to divorce without being seperated for a year. However, depending on how nice both sides play, it can be a long, drawn out procedure. If someone were really expecting legal victory or any sort of resolution the moment they served their spouse they would be bitterly disappointed. While the confrontation and supposed humbling could be momentarily satisfying, it is by no means even close to anything one could call victory.

No. Read it. Granted, OP hasn't confirmed this but it's pretty likely that it's Scottish law. IF, indeed, it is, it's different and very specific:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_in_Scotland

The general approach of the Scottish courts is to [allow] for a ‘clean break’ settlement,

Grounds for divorce.

Divorce is now regulated by the Divorce (Scotland) Act 1976 as amended by the Family Law (Scotland) Act 2006, which provides two legal grounds for divorce: the "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage" or where one party has undergone gender reassignment surgery and obtained an interim gender recognition certificate. Irretrievable breakdown is proved by one of the parties to the marriage showing that one or more defined circumstances exist. This eliminates the need for the judge to conduct an intimate examination of the relationship between the parties.

 

There are "fault" and "no fault" grounds provided in the Act, and the speed at which a divorce can be obtained will be determined by what circumstances are relied on in the divorce proceedings...The circumstances that will lead to a finding by the court that there is an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage are:

the defender's adultery;

...

Adultery and behaviour

If the pursuer establishes an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage on grounds of adultery or behaviour then they can obtain a divorce immediately, while the other grounds require some period of prior separation. Circumstantial evidence can be provided to support the claims of the pursuer and the case is determined "on the balance of probability" rather than "beyond a reasonable doubt". ... The finding by the court that the defender is at "fault" for the divorce will, however, not affect the amount of financial provision awarded or arrangements regarding any children.