No Limit Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 He said they left in the OMs car, nowhere did it say they fled out of town. That is fleeing, doesn't matter where they went. Of course they can't be gone forever, but their first reaction next to the question how they found out (they wanted to know where the leak was to ensure it wouldn't happen again in the future) was to leave. Kids, family, the BSes? Nope, they fled. Likely to plan a strategy and thinking about whether to reveal the children's true paternity or not. Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a mother, I find it very hard to believe that she would take off with the other man instead of going to her children. If I was in her shoes, I would run home as fast as I could to be there during when they found out what I had done. I know cheaters are selfish human beings, but I just can't believe they would leave town and let their spouses deal with the story telling. If this is in fact a truthful tale of your life, OP, please expose to her family before she makes you look like the bad guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a mother, I find it very hard to believe that she would take off with the other man instead of going to her children. If I was in her shoes, I would run home as fast as I could to be there during when they found out what I had done. I know cheaters are selfish human beings, but I just can't believe they would leave town and let their spouses deal with the story telling. If this is in fact a truthful tale of your life, OP, please expose to her family before she makes you look like the bad guy. It doesn't surprise me a bit. This woman has put herself first for 15 years. Of course she's going to go with the OM. I echo your plea, though. Expose to the families ASAP. And I'm going to be a bit hypocritical here: I know I urged caution and long term thinking....but I'm glad he punched the guy. Sometimes when someone has messed with your life so badly....a little violence and fear-mongering is called for 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a mother, I find it very hard to believe that she would take off with the other man instead of going to her children. If I was in her shoes, I would run home as fast as I could to be there during when they found out what I had done.. That is maybe exactly where they ran to, whilst the OP and the OBS were crying in a restaurant in town... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a mother, I find it very hard to believe that she would take off with the other man instead of going to her children. If I was in her shoes, I would run home as fast as I could to be there during when they found out what I had done. I know cheaters are selfish human beings, but I just can't believe they would leave town and let their spouses deal with the story telling. If this is in fact a truthful tale of your life, OP, please expose to her family before she makes you look like the bad guy. Someone capable of their level of long term deception is capable of anything. This doesn't suprise me at all . She would have gone to her grave deceiving the OP and the two selfish waywards had to get their story straight. She'll be back and at the exposure point, in typical selfish cheater style , her concern was for her and OMs safety , hence the "don't tell your family " comment. No matter what story she tries to spin , DNA doesn't lie . She can't get herself out of that one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 As a mother, I find it very hard to believe that she would take off with the other man instead of going to her children. If I was in her shoes, I would run home as fast as I could to be there during when they found out what I had done. I know cheaters are selfish human beings, but I just can't believe they would leave town and let their spouses deal with the story telling. If this is in fact a truthful tale of your life, OP, please expose to her family before she makes you look like the bad guy. My two younger kids mother ran straight to the OM when I booted her out. She barely seen the kids for the last 9 years and in the last 2 she hasn't seen my son at all. My two older kids mother walked out of there lives when they were babies and just moved across the country for ten years. She would call them like once every six months. If anything I have learned is the world has changed incredibly since I was a child and I put nothing pasted anyone anymore. I feel horrible for OP. I think I would have found a way to put a restraining order against his wife and the OM so he doesn't have to worry for a while that they will retaliate against him. I think a calm period would be best for him and the kids and the OM's wife. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 For anyone who was moderated or suspended, here's why: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/532365-wife-has-been-having-lta-15-years-5.html#post6372427 Even the most creative attempts at casting aspersions upon the veracity of our members postings publicly will cause you to lose your posting privileges, at minimum, or entire loss of site privileges, at maximum. Do what you do but LoveShack will simply exclude you from participation here. Your choice. Now, for anyone who has topical content to offer, we welcome it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I believe the story. If I were OP, that piece of filth would have never walked out of that elevator on his own. When my ex wife cheated on me years ago I tracked down her OM at the time and beat him to within an inch of his life. I never got in trouble because I was good friends with several of the the local police. Hell, some of them were probably screwing her. She liked to spread the love if you know what I mean. Beating her OM up didn't keep me from divorcing my ex, but boy it sure felt good to bruise my knuckles pounding his face into pulp. No way I would do that now of course. I think it is stupid for the OP and the OMW to be using the same lawyer, but maybe they do stuff like that in Scotland? No way you would get away with that here in the States. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I'm not sure how typical this is, but the following from British Columbia makes it clear lawyers can represent two parties between which a conflict of interest MAY arise in the future, as long as both clients understand the duties of the lawyer and that one or both may have to be dropped should a conflict of interest arise: Professional Conduct Handbook - Chapter 6 - Conflicts of Interest between Clients | The Law Society of British Columbia There is no inherent or unavoidable conflict of interest between the OP and OBS at this time, so I can see that a lawyer might reluctantly agree to the shared representation. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Please, dear God let that elevator security footage make its way to YouTube! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 LD I hope you and the kids are doing okay. Please look after yourself and get support from family members , as they are invaluable at a time like this. They have your back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Sorry but anyone who is foolish enough to be fooled for 15 years deserves it. What's the saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me for 15 years.....but having said that good luck to you OP and take care of the kids. Blind trust is unrealistic and stupid. Hopefully after you get custody of the kids, you will move to North Carolina (see sig). Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) Sorry but anyone who is foolish enough to be fooled for 15 years deserves it. What's the saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me for 15 years.....but having said that good luck to you OP and take care of the kids. Blind trust is unrealistic and stupid. Hopefully after you get custody of the kids, you will move to North Carolina (see sig). What a truly ignorant post. There is no point in posting such garbage other than to rub salt. Deserved to be cheated on? Edited June 17, 2015 by 66Charger 7 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Sorry but anyone who is foolish enough to be fooled for 15 years deserves it. I hope you realize that your statement makes no sense whatsoever. Blind trust is unrealistic and stupid No, it's naive. Most people start out blindly trusting their spouse. That's where the trouble often starts. -10th Engineer Harrison 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What a truly ignorant post. There is no point in posting such garbage other than to rub salt. Deserved to be cheated on? To rub salt? Not at all, tough love and a hit of reality is what it is. Not saying he deserved to be cheated on, but the being fooled part yes he deserved it if it lasted that long and he had absolutely no clue. If she was hiding money for 15 years that would be the same, the being fooled part not money stolen. I hope you don't misquote me on that again. I hope you realize that your statement makes no sense whatsoever. No, it's naive. Most people start out blindly trusting their spouse. That's where the trouble often starts. -10th Engineer Harrison It makes sense read my response above. Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 No one misquoted you. And dont bother with another weak explanation. Your post served no purpose. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 To rub salt? Not at all, tough love and a hit of reality is what it is. Not saying he deserved to be cheated on, but the being fooled part yes he deserved it if it lasted that long and he had absolutely no clue. If she was hiding money for 15 years that would be the same, the being fooled part not money stolen. I hope you don't misquote me on that again. It makes sense read my response above. You said: "Sorry but anyone who is foolish enough to be fooled for 15 years deserves it." In order to be foolish about being fooled, he'd have to be aware of it while not making sensible decisions about it. -10th Engineer Harrison 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Interesting that your WW chose to leave town with OM rather than attend to her children. Ditto for him. THIS. like... you're dealing with a furious spouse who wants to divorce you & the 1st think you do is leave town...?! i just... =\ Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 To rub salt? Not at all, tough love and a hit of reality is what it is. LOL, no. this is you trying to sell your mockery & lack of empathy + understanding as "tough love" & "a hit of reality" and nobody with common sense is buying it. What's the saying? Fool me once shame on you, fool me for 15 years..... the saying goes like this -- fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. considering the fact that the OP was fooled ONCE but it lasted 15 years -- the shame is on his W. you tried though. OP - you don't have to take a high road but you have to keep your children's interests in mind. your WW is a horrible mother (deals with a furious husband and a divorce and the 1st thing she does is leave town?!) & you should probably go for primary custody as i believe that will truly be in your children's best interest. as long as it doesn't hurt your kids -- take the "low road" all you want. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 To rub salt? Not at all, tough love and a hit of reality is what it is. Not saying he deserved to be cheated on, but the being fooled part yes he deserved it if it lasted that long and he had absolutely no clue. If she was hiding money for 15 years that would be the same, the being fooled part not money stolen. I hope you don't misquote me on that again. It makes sense read my response above. Perhaps the saddest thing is that he will learn from this and not trust a woman again. Thus spoiling his future relationships. You have to trust your wife or husband. Sure, it leaves you open to, in the worst case, this kind of scenario. But there's no point in being married if you have no trust in them and feel the need to keep checking and monitoring them. If you're not prepared to trust and risk being hurt like this then don't marry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm sure OP will have plenty of time to reflect on the little clues he missed out on over the years. Victim-blaming him for trusting the mother of his (supposed) children is pretty uncalled for. OP, I suggest you get yourself to a doctor and some specialized therapy, preferably someone who deals with using cognitive behavior techniques to overcome traumatic memories and experiences. Sure, family and friends help, but this isn't a scrape from falling off your bike, this is stage 4 terminal cancer and to survive, you're going to have to use all of your resources. Personally, if given the choice to go through what you're going through now or cancer, prison/jail time, etc, I'd choose the cancer while I'm in foreign enemies prisoner of war camp. Your family is just gone or even worse, never was. That's your whole identity stolen through the actions of the person you trusted the most. It's a lot bigger deal than most people would give it credit for. For me personally, I'm not sure it would be something I could or would be willing to handle. Sorry, Neo, but you chose the blue pill. Without a doubt, beginning to end,- GET YOURSELF SOME LEGITIMATE LONG TERM THERAPY. If you need it, don't be ashamed to ask for anti-anxiety or sleeping medication and use it strictly as your Dr. prescribes. Godspeed. Forgive yourself, OP. You didn't do this, she did. You kept your word and now everyone knows the cold, bitter truth about her. And just wondering, do you have any legal recourse to back child support payments from this man? If so, I've heard of that being used as leverage in making sure the deadbeat signs over parental control/custody or stops him from seeking it in the first place. Oh, and you definitely stay friendly with OM'S BS. Just two single friends hanging out your new vacation home she won in the divorce. The tainted affair relationship will fizzle our here soon. It's all based on lies and dark secrecy and rarely do those types of affairs survive the sunlight. Got his wife, his job and got a punch in. Not a bad start, brother. Keep it up. I'm sure there's some other lawsuits and things you can throw his way. Keep pressure on his employer for sure. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 P.S. - Never trust anyone or anything 100%. As Stephen Hawking so eloquently put it "The Universe does not allow for perfection". It's okay to trust, but always keep a little bit for yourself. Just enough distance to keep away from developing co-dependency. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoC Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You said: "Sorry but anyone who is foolish enough to be fooled for 15 years deserves it." In order to be foolish about being fooled, he'd have to be aware of it while not making sensible decisions about it. -10th Engineer Harrison You analogy is very correct, but that is not what I meant. I was trying to ssy that if OP was foolish enough such that he was fooled for 15 years, then that's on him because anyone smart enough would have noticed something much much sooner. Denying otherwise would simply be glorifying OPs WW for being the master of deception, credit of which i'm not willing to give her. As I said before this is not to insult OP, but to make him realise that he is also partly to blame that the affair lasted this long. Not to be mistaken as me saying he is to blame for the affair, no just the length of it and how far it went. And minimariah you are wrong. OP was fooled MANY times over the 15 years. His WW would have told countless lies upon lies and he ate them all up. His naivety and blind foolish trust brought this upon him. What happened to LS's motto? "trust but verify"? Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Meanwhile, I'd sure like to know where the two waywards are off to. Any clue, OP? Find any useful information hidden away at the house? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Meanwhile, I'd sure like to know where the two waywards are off to. Any clue, OP? Find any useful information hidden away at the house? Your guess is as good as mine. Who's to say. In any case, I hope the two BS's have been informing all their families and relatives as to what's been going on before the WS's do it! It could have terrible results if they're beat to the punch! On a side note, have I been the only one thinking of the possibility of the BS's getting together? I know it's way too early for that one, but hey, you never know, it's happened before! Link to post Share on other sites
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