Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years

[66Charger]

[off-topic commentary redacted]

DO NOT tell the children of the paternity. It may be years before this is relevant. If these 2 are going to do time, they will not want to face a judge/jury with this issue as part of their character questions. You/OBS could be deadly to their case. I suggested before that you must control the damage. You control custody now. They are fleeing felons.

 

Control it now. Separate the issues. Stop the killing talk nonsense. Move on the custody issue, asap.

Be smart now

 

[off-topic editorial remarks redacted]

Edited June 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Cephalopod]

LifeDestroyed don't get intimately involved with the OMW. Stay on the high road and don't go there. I'm sure she is willing to let you comfort her but don't do that. That will only add more murk to already murky waters.

 

And tell your cousins to back off. You do not need to be implicated as a co-conspirator for anything they are hashing up. Tell them thank you but the OM will be dealt with by the police and courts for embezzlement. Your cousins are just idiots and are not helping the situation.

 

And besides, when does the mob get involved in civilian problems? The American mob expects men in their families to handle their own wives and solve their own domestic problems. The only time they whack someone is when said idiot costs them money or screws them over personally.

[Hope Shimmers]

LD, I would at least tell your wife that the mob is out to kill her OM, if you get a chance to talk to her. Fair warning is warranted, as there are children involved. With $280,000 at their disposal they might at least be able to hire some bodyguards or a hit man or something.

[Morro72]

I would bet they already spent the $280K. Probably on the place they're holed up in now.

 

Can you search property records by name where you are?

[beach]

Since their jobs have determined the evidence of them siphoning nearly $280K - what happens next? Do they plan to press charges?

 

Did her work tell you what they plan to do about that?

 

It could seriously impact your divorce settlement.

 

I agree with Morro - do a property search by title/ownership. If you can't then pay to have it done for you.

[Hope Shimmers]

I have to say too, that their boss did 9 years of investigation for embezzlement VERY quickly. Usually that kind of thing takes awhile, and for them to already have started legal prosecution... wow. Everyone is moving so fast!

 

Maybe they hired help for the investigation, but for only $280K over almost a decade, for what I'm assuming is a large company I wouldn't think it would warrant that level of haste. But who knows.

 

I'm surprised that they contacted you with that info though - I would think that would be a breach of confidentiality, but it may depend on the laws of the particular country of course.

[HereNorThere]

I think you have to intervene here, for your daughters' sake.

He is their bio father whether you like this or not. To lose him and for them to have no chance to find out about him and know him will be psychologically very damaging for them. It may take them a while to get over the initial shock, but ultimately they will want to know him. Revenge is not worth ruining their lives. Do you really want murder on your conscience. Heat of the moment perhaps, but living with that for life???

I guess the OBS will not take kindly to him being killed either, whatever she is saying now.

However mad everyone is with the cheaters, this is should not be a life or death matter. Some sense is required here.

 

 

I wouldn't be so sure about that. I should know because I actually am the child of a parent who abandoned them at an early age. My biological father contacted my family and asked if he thought I would be willing to meet with him. My reply, "Sure, tell him I'll be the guy standing there waiting for him with a baseball bat." And I'm not being hyperbolic either. If I see him, he's going to get hurt. I am fiercely loyal to my adoptive father and would never, ever, ever even meet the guy face to face without destroying him. I'm not ever going to meet him, so I thankfully I don't have to worry about that.

 

In the man's case, I think he just needs to find a way to protect the children at this point. I hate to be bearer of bad news on this one, but if they aren't his kids, there's a good chance he has no legal ground to stand on when it comes to custody. She could end up leaving with them and he may never see them again since technically, they aren't really his. It's sad that in this day and age, there still aren't very many laws on the books regarding paternity fraud. It would be nice if she went to jail for scamming this man out of his life, but the system is actually pretty unfair to men when it comes to family matters. Although, he may still have some ground to stand on as long as his name is on the birth certificate and the OM doesn't contest this.

[HereNorThere]

LD, I would at least tell your wife that the mob is out to kill her OM, if you get a chance to talk to her. Fair warning is warranted, as there are children involved. With $280,000 at their disposal they might at least be able to hire some bodyguards or a hit man or something.

 

This is the worst idea ever and a good way to end up in jail for making threats.

 

If your family wants to do something, that's on them. OM didn't warn you when he destroyed your life, so you don't owe him anything.

[Noirek]

I wouldn't be so sure about that. I should know because I actually am the child of a parent who abandoned them at an early age. My biological father contacted my family and asked if he thought I would be willing to meet with him. My reply, "Sure, tell him I'll be the guy standing there waiting for him with a baseball bat." And I'm not being hyperbolic either. If I see him, he's going to get hurt. I am fiercely loyal to my adoptive father and would never, ever, ever even meet the guy face to face without destroying him. I'm not ever going to meet him, so I thankfully I don't have to worry about that.

 

I know two sisters abandoned by their verbally abusive father. One reconciled with him and one would not even see him. personalities are so varied.

[No Limit]

- the boss contacted me and said they found out the WSs have siphoned about US$280000 over the last 9 years and that they have begun legal action

 

Considering one of my old posts...

Please, please good Lord make it that they've been stupid enough to use company resources. It will mean the death of their careers if they got sued by their company for that.

 

I have to say - YES! A big hooray for stupidity!

 

Anyway - I don't think they've just left town if they're still not back. I think they are fleeing the country to escape prison. Tell the boss that the WSes are gone, police must be informed immediately - who knows, maybe they've already crossed a border...!

[Hope Shimmers]

This is the worst idea ever and a good way to end up in jail for making threats.

 

If your family wants to do something, that's on them. OM didn't warn you when he destroyed your life, so you don't owe him anything.

 

Huh?!? You are saying that a mob kill is equal in scope to having an affair, and it's fine if the "family wants to do something" (cut his throat) but it's the "worst idea ever" if she is warned of that? You have got to be freaking kidding me.

[HereNorThere]

LifeDestroyed don't get intimately involved with the OMW. Stay on the high road and don't go there. I'm sure she is willing to let you comfort her but don't do that. That will only add more murk to already murky waters.

 

And tell your cousins to back off. You do not need to be implicated as a co-conspirator for anything they are hashing up. Tell them thank you but the OM will be dealt with by the police and courts for embezzlement. Your cousins are just idiots and are not helping the situation.

 

And besides, when does the mob get involved in civilian problems? The American mob expects men in their families to handle their own wives and solve their own domestic problems. The only time they whack someone is when said idiot costs them money or screws them over personally.

 

 

Actually, messing with another member's wife was punishable by death in the Italian-American organized crime syndicates. Lol, don't you remember the movie Casino? Joe Pesci was scared to death that he was going to be caught by the bosses for messing with Robert DeNiro's wife, Sharon Stone. It's just a movie, but they were actually pretty strict with stuff like that. But to be fair to the mafia, they stole that idea from bible. I'm not a Christian, but the bible specifically says that adultery is punishable by death. Leviticus 20:10 - And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

 

So even if your cousin's aren't into organized crime, organized religion should be enough to cover them. However, it won't get you anywhere. If anything, it will probably drive him to seek custody of his children to get you back. Keep it all documented and legal.

 

Also, everyone here keeps thinking they wrote themselves a check for 280,000 dollars and stashed it somewhere. Usually thefts like that are discovered instantly. I inferred that they probably took unneeded work trips, used the company credit cards to pay for hotels, dinner etc. 280,000 between 2 people over 10 years or longer is not as much as it sounds like.

[Noirek]

The old testemant specifically says that... And Jesus stopped it in the new so any "Christian" would be not much of a Christian if they followed that reasoning. Not that the mafia is Christian.

[aliveagain]

Let us all hope that the charges are for O/M and not your soon to be ex wife. Let us hope your estate is not at risk because of her corruption. What are the chances your wife and other man are on their way out of the country with the monies they have stolen?

[beach]

And in light of the new siphoned monies - let hope the OP moved all their assets into his name only!

[lifedestroyed]

I think the boss told me because he is also a friend of mine. When I told him there was a possibility the two of them were stealing from him I guess he took the neccessary measures to ensure the investigation was completed ASAP. I wouldn't know if he recieved help or any of those details, he just briefly told me what I told you guys.

 

And to also confirm re the money he said it was over the last 9 years. My guess is as good as yours HereNorThere that they used company money to go on unneeded work trips etc.

 

Why shouldn't I tell the kids anytime soon about the paternity?

 

As for my brothers/cousins as I said before I have no say in what they decide to do to the OM. But I will tell them about him possibly going to prison maybe they will let the justice system deal with him. He will be safer in jail than outside imho.

 

As for assets, most of "my assets" are actually in my parents name so what little that is in my name I have moved them. I have cancelled all joint accounts as well. WW is well off without me too, so financials won't be an issue for either of us. The main issue is custody and it seems like I have an upper hand if she goes to jail with OM (which i'm hoping for).

 

The kids... well my son wants nothing to do with his mother right now and the same with my girls. WW really messed up on this one. Mess me up, fine, mess her job up, also fine, but mess the kids up? nope not fine. I have a little pity on her as the world she had built up of deception is crumbling down.

 

Don't believe in karma but it sure looks like something of that nature is hitting back, and HARD!

[HereNorThere]

The old testemant specifically says that... And Jesus stopped it in the new so any "Christian" would be not much of a Christian if they followed that reasoning. Not that the mafia is Christian.

 

The Italian American mafia were staunch Catholics and still are. And sorry, but religion does little to stop crime. If anything, it perpetuates it by dividing the human race and making people believe that a certain subset of people (the followers) are somehow better than the rest of us. They certainly don't have a problem with killing the infidels as they see fit.

 

As far as Jesus goes, yeah, yeah, he stopped the people from stoning that woman, but he strongly supported the laws of the Old Testament, so that argument is null and void as well. I personally do not believe there is enough historical evidence to prove the existence of a man named Jesus, but to each their own.

 

The truth is that some people simply do not care about laws and choose to live their life based on principles. Some people would gladly trade their own life to stand up for them and sometimes that's okay. I think it's in OP's best interest to keep everything nice and legal for his children's sake, but the again, I'm not sure I would have enough restraint to do that myself.

 

There are no Universal laws of morals. We get them from our biological, sociological and psychological influences that determine who we are. While 20,000 people were running from the towers on 9/11, there were also hundreds of people running into them and a lot of them knew they faced certain death. These were men of principle; men whose principles were more important to them than self-preservation. Some people are stoic like that. Some men will not allow you to hurt their family members without severe consequences. You may not think it's right, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist in the world we live in.

 

Still, violence will get OP nowhere in this case. If anything, it would just be used against him in court and/or a nice way for OM or OM'S family to have him put in jail. Obviously he has a lot of legal recourse and think that's where he needs to put his effort at the moment. I just honestly can't say I would be able to do the same and I hope I never find out.

Edited June 18, 2015 by HereNorThere

[lifedestroyed]

Just to add, OBS and I haven't talked about the kiss we shared between us. From my end at least, although it felt amazing, it was just a moment of two people who were vulnerable sharing intimacy. It started as an innocent hug like in the car park on confrontation day, but it turned romantic by kissing and I will not let that happen again.

 

I think that if we did want to pursue something we are well within our rights I would imagine? OM and WW are clear on where their hearts/allegiance are, and everything has been exposed. Everyone knows the marriages are over, no possibility of R, and they have both been served too. I know divorces are far from being finalized but I consider myself single now and i'm sure so does OBS.

[Hope Shimmers]

I think the boss told me because he is also a friend of mine. When I told him there was a possibility the two of them were stealing from him I guess he took the neccessary measures to ensure the investigation was completed ASAP. I wouldn't know if he recieved help or any of those details, he just briefly told me what I told you guys.

 

And to also confirm re the money he said it was over the last 9 years. My guess is as good as yours HereNorThere that they used company money to go on unneeded work trips etc.

 

Why shouldn't I tell the kids anytime soon about the paternity?

 

As for my brothers/cousins as I said before I have no say in what they decide to do to the OM. But I will tell them about him possibly going to prison maybe they will let the justice system deal with him. He will be safer in jail than outside imho.

 

As for assets, most of "my assets" are actually in my parents name so what little that is in my name I have moved them. I have cancelled all joint accounts as well. WW is well off without me too, so financials won't be an issue for either of us. The main issue is custody and it seems like I have an upper hand if she goes to jail with OM (which i'm hoping for).

 

The kids... well my son wants nothing to do with his mother right now and the same with my girls. WW really messed up on this one. Mess me up, fine, mess her job up, also fine, but mess the kids up? nope not fine. I have a little pity on her as the world she had built up of deception is crumbling down.

 

Don't believe in karma but it sure looks like something of that nature is hitting back, and HARD!

 

Can you explain to me how you have had a "blissful" marriage for all these years to a woman who is this horrible?

 

She "left town" and abandoned her kids. Is this the first thing you have seen to indicate that she is a horrible mother? Did that just happen now with this discovery? I can't imagine any mother doing that, unless she was a horrible mother to begin with, and then I can't imagine a "blissful" marriage.

 

Anyone who could run out of town with OM, leaving her kids high and dry and not even bothering to talk to you (after having such an amazing weekend of sex and such with her as part of your marriage)... I can't imagine it. I can possibly imagine that they might run off together at some point, but not instantly on D-Day. I would think, STRONGLY, that your up-to-this-point wonderful wife and mother of the children, and the OM/his wife, would at least want to talk to their BS's before any running off together was ever done.

 

In ALL of the stories I have read on here over the years, this is the only one where there were 15 years of complete oblivion and then the WS doesn't at least address the BS first before dealing with the AP.

[Hope Shimmers]

I think that if we did want to pursue something we are well within our rights I would imagine?

 

I would think that this would be exactly the LAST thing on both of your minds at this point in time.

[autumnnight]

Actually, messing with another member's wife was punishable by death in the Italian-American organized crime syndicates. Lol, don't you remember the movie Casino? Joe Pesci was scared to death that he was going to be caught by the bosses for messing with Robert DeNiro's wife, Sharon Stone. It's just a movie, but they were actually pretty strict with stuff like that. But to be fair to the mafia, they stole that idea from bible. I'm not a Christian, but the bible specifically says that adultery is punishable by death. Leviticus 20:10 - And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

 

So even if your cousin's aren't into organized crime, organized religion should be enough to cover them. However, it won't get you anywhere. If anything, it will probably drive him to seek custody of his children to get you back. Keep it all documented and legal.

 

Also, everyone here keeps thinking they wrote themselves a check for 280,000 dollars and stashed it somewhere. Usually thefts like that are discovered instantly. I inferred that they probably took unneeded work trips, used the company credit cards to pay for hotels, dinner etc. 280,000 between 2 people over 10 years or longer is not as much as it sounds like.

 

I have no respect for the morality of anyone who advocates murder. They are WORSE than any cheater I know.

[MrAlready2]

After that, OBS and I went up to the 16th floor. After some pleasantries, I briefly explained to the boss that his subordinates were carrying on an affair for 15 years in his workplace. He awkwardly stood there and couldn't say anything. I quickly ended the awkward silence by mentioning to him that OBS and I had investigated our family financials, that we both found nothing connected to the affair. I told him to investigate them incase they were using company money to fund their affair. He said they would look into it right away and apologized to us for not knowing anything. I told him not to feel bad and assured him that nobody else had a clue either.

 

It's great the boss turned out to be a friend of yours.

 

If the employer pursues criminal charges against them, that could solve any custody issues that may arise, if your WW is sent to prison.

 

$280,000 is a lot of money, let's hope police officials take the embezzlement investigation seriously!

[HereNorThere]

Everyone keeps bringing up the word custody, but do we even know if OP has any legal right to it? In most jurisdictions, the biological parent has the legal right to custody. No matter how much time and money he spent raising the two children, if they aren't his, he may not have much legal recourse. I just wouldn't want him to get his hopes up if there is no chance for him to adopt these children as his own.

[beach]

Since your W left town without you knowing where she is and when she may return - you could potentially file with the court that she is missing and possibly get the M finalized earlier due to her abandoning the famil...?

 

I'd check into that. You may need to file a missing persons report though.

[carhill]

Haven't kept up with the going's on but relevant to kids, if a man is married in my jurisdiction he's the defacto father if his wife has a child while they're married. It's easy enough for the OP to check that out in his jurisdiction. If his wife had a child by another man around here, didn't tell him and he raised it as his own, he's responsible for child support, absent a successful lawsuit to establish another man as the father, and will be awarded partial to full custody, depending on circumstances, presuming the couple separates legally or divorces.

 

"Basic Information:

In parentage cases, also called "paternity cases," the court makes orders that say who the child's legal parents are.

If parents are married when a child is born, there is usually no question about parentage. The law assumes that the husband is the father and the wife is the mother, so paternity is automatically established in most cases.

But for unmarried parents, parentage of their children needs to be established legally.

Note: After January 1, 2005, if parents are registered domestic partners when a child is born, the law assumes that the domestic partners are the child’s parents. However, since this law is relatively new and unsettled, same-sex parents should get legal advice to make sure that the parentage is clear"

 

Parentage/Paternity - paternity_famlaw_selfhelp