Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years

[Cephalopod]

The only reason those two have been able to sustain an affair for 15 years is because they had the normalcy of their respective spouses and families to bolster them and sustain them emotionally outside the affair. Believe it or not LW, you did serve a purpose for her. You were her husband, but the OM was her mate. She probably liked you and cherished you, but it was never love. She is addicted to the OM, but that is not love either. She is incapable of true love.

 

Now that steadiness in their lives is gone. Without the outside resources to feed off, the two of them will devour each other alive. You Watch OP, do not be surprised if a couple months down the road that sh*tbag OM deserts her and she gets picked up by the cops. Then guess who she will be calling to bail her out?

Edited June 19, 2015 by Cephalopod

[happyman64]

LD

 

 

Good wife?

Good Mother?

Good Worker?

Good Employee?

Good Woman?

 

 

When you really think what has been going on in your lives for the past 15 years do you really even know who she has become?

 

 

She is not the woman you married.

 

 

She is a liar, cheater and thief.

 

 

A good person let alone a good mother would never have put her husband, children nor marriage in the position it is today.....

 

 

I think you and the OBS hit them so hard with the dual divorces those two do not know which way is up.

 

 

Add in the fact that they were embezzling from the company will put both of them over the edge.

 

 

Sit back now. Focus on you and your kids. Because when they understand about the paternity (and they will) that will really throw all three of "your" kids into a spiral.

 

 

It will require your support as well as the support of a good therapist.

 

 

Keep loving them unconditionally. Because you are their only parent right now and for the foreseeable future.

 

 

Keep being the rock.

 

 

HM

 

 

PS

I understand why you defend your wife. You want to believe that your relationship of first so many years of your marriage were not a lie.

 

 

You still love your wife. Your version of her. And that my friend is quite normal.

 

 

You too are in shock. SO is the OBS. That is normal too.

 

 

Get your head back to work because you will need your job. Keep your focus on yourself and the kids.

 

 

In time a new normal will develop.

 

 

And your WW and the OM need to sort their mess out on their own.

 

 

Glad you gave him the right hook. He deserved it.

Edited June 19, 2015 by happyman64

[beach]

I agree - a good mother would have done all she's done.

 

She may face jail. She had kids with another man and passed them off as your kids. It's anybodies guess who the father is - it could be any man. And she's lied and pretended for more than a decade! That isn't a good Mother.

 

 

What made you wonder if they took company money? Something must have given you that idea.

[Mrin]

Um dude. If you stole 280k and betrayed a husband who has gang connections so violent that you could get killed - would you come back? Seriously? Felony charged and death or... Have you considered that they're not coming back? I dunno about OM but WW could sit outside the country and fight a court battle to take custody of her biological children from their non-biological father. Especially when you can say that the reason you are outside the country is that you fear for your life from the non-biological father's gang family.

 

Just something to noodle on.

[Mrin]

Not go get all Oliver Stone on this Hollywood movie life of yours but how much would it cost to hire some dudes just to abduct your kids and smuggle them out of the country? 50k? Move to some country without an extradition treaty and they're gone. Something to consider. Imagine you're having a 10 year affair like this. Stealing money. Having the children of the AP. Dont you think you would have have this discussion? What if our spouses find out? What if our boss finds out? You seem to think that they're in chaos right now. Honestly they could be just enacting Plan B. Wouldn't you have had a Plan B all figured out? I sure as hell would have.

Edited June 19, 2015 by Mrin

[fellini]

OP I strongly suggest you try to stop turning your personal story into a sequel to Breaking Bad by continuing to implicate yourself about knowing intimately about clearly stated intentions to commit murder. I thought you understood this from people's previous posts. LS is a public forum and it just does not serve you in the future to say certain things about retribution in a language that Google indexing will easily make available in about 2 weeks time.

 

The OM has a family that might well still love him, at least not believe that a corporate criminal should find a knife I his back in a shower.

 

 

And I agree with you about your perspective - a perspective - that she tried to be the best mother TO the kids that she could. Given the circumstances one might defend her by admitting she did everything she could to keep their home life stable for THEM. Of course having another married mans children is not smart, but nor the sex they had a mothers care issue.

[NoC]

OP I am following your story very closely and hoping the best for you.

 

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

[Noirek]

OP I am following your story very closely and hoping the best for you.

 

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

 

Because some people aren't selfish a holes. Because some people know what real love is and it isn't dependant on dna.

 

I can't imagine any decent human being walking away from children after 10, 15 years.

[Hope Shimmers]

Because some people aren't selfish a holes. Because some people know what real love is and it isn't dependant on dna.

 

I can't imagine any decent human being walking away from children after 10, 15 years.

 

I just almost posted this exact same thing, then saw that you did.

 

Do you know how much of a class act you are Noirek, by the way? You are a great friend -

[merrmeade]

Many are finally reacting to OP’s professed inability to prevent gang member relatives from killing OM to avenge family honor. I was in the middle of writing a long harangue about wasting time (which we did) in getting OP to listen to humane reasoning. It’s happening now and that’s the important thing.

 

Threat of murder is serious, OP, and I think we would have started saying something much sooner, but to be generous no one actually absorbed it. It’s as simple as that—not posters, not mods, not you. I think that hearing murder mentioned so casually as something inevitable and unpreventable was implausible to most people. They don’t live where disappearance is a common occurrence, so they started questioning the veracity of the thread starter — you, OP — and doing THAT publicly on LS is a big, big no-no. Posters got busted right and left but are coming back now and addressing this.

 

I can see, ld, that you’ve gradually changed your stand on this issue and I’ve very glad. Again today, you brought it up:

As for my brothers/cousins as I said before I have no say in what they decide to do to the OM. But I will tell them about him possibly going to prison maybe they will let the justice system deal with him. He will be safer in jail than outside imho. Don't believe in karma but it sure looks like something of that nature is hitting back, and HARD!

And later, after talking to them, you realized you DID have some influence with them! I hope there’s more you can do. He must not die in jail either. You’ve read many reasons why it’s wrong to know how he sas ki

Quick update guys I have managed to have a talk with my brothers. Although they are still pissed off, they have agreed to call off any attacks on the OM. But they said once he's in jail, he's a dead man. My life is literally starting to become like a movie, i'm really stressed about this gang situation now more than ever. I agree with you all regarding murder, I don't wish death upon the WSs, but the gang really want OM dead and once he is in jail there is nothing I can do about it.

I really wish the whole discussion had started with something like this and I wish the mods might have aided instead of derailed it :

OP I strongly suggest you try to stop ... continuing to implicate yourself about knowing intimately about clearly stated intentions to commit murder. I thought you understood this from people's previous posts. LS is a public forum and it just does not serve you in the future to say certain things about retribution in a language that Google indexing will easily make available in about 2 weeks time.

 

I tried addressing this concern 3 days ago in #434. I don’t know what’s right, what’s wrong, what’s LS ok, what’s a no-no but I do think my reaction was misinterpreted in the suspension fever of

[Poutrew]

OP I am following your story very closely and hoping the best for you.

 

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

 

 

*Seriously*? What should he do with them? Cook them and eat them - you know, Bar-B-Qued 11 year old girls: So tender and juicy? They have been his their entire lives - there is such a thing as love, you know. If I were him and I had to tell them they weren't my biological kids, I'd be looking them in the eye and telling them that they were still *my children* and nothing those two other a**holes could do would ever change that. Then I'd hug them along with their brother and never let them go...

 

 

At this point those three kids would be my entire reason for existing...

[lgspot]

OP I am following your story very closely and hoping the best for you.

 

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

PERSONALLY OFFENDED!!!

The children didn't choose their parentage. OP has chosen to do RIGHT by children who have known him as their parent since birth. He has earned my admiration.

[NoC]

Ok valid points from posters above. But what about the fact that these girls will always be a reminder of the affair? Wouldn't that be counter productive to his healing having them in his life? I just don't understand how love has anything to do with this. These kids are born out of deception and OP is deciding to keep a reminder of the affair in his life? Sorry but that just seems weak to me, by him keeping the WW/OMs daughters I see it just as bad as taking the WW back. How anyone else sees differently I don't know.... Just my opinion however. And I apologize lgspot that you feel offended.

[elaine567]

Ok valid points from posters above. But what about the fact that these girls will always be a reminder of the affair? Wouldn't that be counter productive to his healing having them in his life? I just don't understand how love has anything to do with this. These kids are born out of deception and OP is deciding to keep a reminder of the affair in his life? Sorry but that just seems weak to me, by him keeping the WW/OMs daughters I see it just as bad as taking the WW back. How anyone else sees differently I don't know.... Just my opinion however. And I apologize lgspot that you feel offended.

 

And what do you suggest he do with them, does he just hand the 10 and 14 yo over to the authorities?

OR

His mob family seem to want to kill the OM and his WW, maybe they could also kill the kids too and he would then avoid being seen a "beta cuckold".

 

*smh*

[m.snow]

i have been reading about child custody for a while.

 

biological parent except for a mother has no say if he wasn't in the child's life since birth or the years while child was growing up!

 

so you win in that point.

-you were at birth

-you brought them up for years!

-court DONT care about biology or not. court dont care for you to pay child support even if children are not yours

 

court excuse you must use: "revealing the identity of there biological father is no longer relevant and will only cause CONFUSION and HARM to child"

 

again we look into whats best for the children.

 

the children have the right to now when their 18yo haha

 

since the mother committed a crime you can use that to get custody!

and have her pay child support to you. try to look if she has DUI that will help.

 

if you have equal paying jobs you don't have to worry about alimony.

 

fight for everything you have to gain custody or 50/50.

but always always settle for 50/50. "never ever fight a judge if he/she says 50/50 got it!"

 

everything you have must be focused on NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT! in case of divorce

 

NEVER EVER say anything about children not being biologically yours!

when ever someone ask you SAY YOU LOVE THEM AND THEY ARE YOURS!

 

this is damage limitation! never hit your wife never scream at her! never call her names! never ever show your angry! DAMAGE LIMITATION! and talk to your attorney!

[NoC]

And what do you suggest he do with them, does he just hand the 10 and 14 yo over to the authorities?

OR

His mob family seem to want to kill the OM and his WW, maybe they could also kill the kids too and he would then avoid being seen a "beta cuckold".

 

*smh*

 

Seriously you're going to defend the affair partners? It's not OPs problem to deal with THEIR mess. It's up to them what they decide to do with their kids, not OPs. That's not even relevant to what i'm asking anyway. I think OP can speak for himself regarding the kids being a constant reminder in his life about the affair.

[elaine567]

Seriously you're going to defend the affair partners? It's not OPs problem to deal with THEIR mess. It's up to them what they decide to do with their kids, not OPs. That's not even relevant to what i'm asking anyway. I think OP can speak for himself regarding the kids being a constant reminder in his life about the affair.

 

As a BS you are triggering, I get it, but these kids are innocent, They have "lost" their mother, and that I guess that is mostly due to fear for her life (the mob).

In a normal dday situation, she would be allowed back to look after/speak to her kids.

 

YOU would have them lose the man they see as their father too?

Do you actually have kids?

Do you realise exactly what you are saying here?

[m.snow]

again dont scream at your wife

dont hit your wife

dont call her names

dont tell your kids there mom cheated until 18yo

 

why not show anger and emotion during divorce?

nightmare outcome:

-you lose custody of all your children <even your biological

-you lose your house

-your family stays with om in your house <the most cruel of fate

-you pay child support and alimony for life <nails to your coffin

-you are not allowed to see your children

-THIS DOES HAPPEN! NEVER EVER HIT YOUR WIFE!

 

aimed outcome the court will agree to:

-50/50 split house,property and children. again don't ever fight the 50/50 unless she was arrested for a crime!

 

how to split the children (cruel) but again no emotion/no anger EVER!

-after school friday,saturday,sunday&to school monday.

-have her pick them up at school monday they stay with her till morning school friday!

Edited June 19, 2015 by m.snow

[Trimmer]

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren).... Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls.

That's called "being a parent", which I'm guessing you are not.

 

These kids are born out of deception and OP is deciding to keep a reminder of the affair in his life?

First, they are human beings, not discardable objects like a picture on the nightstand. Second, they were not "born out of deception" - every child is born into innocence - they don't carry the sins of their biological parents like some kind of a black mark on their souls. Third, the OP is the only parent they have at the moment, and even if WW or OM come back, he will STILL be the only stable, competent one. And finally, those first three points don't matter one bit, in view of the fact that one forms a parental bond with one's children only partly through genetics, and more overwhelmingly through the experience of parenting through the years.

 

Sorry but that just seems weak to me, by him keeping the WW/OMs daughters I see it just as bad as taking the WW back. How anyone else sees differently I don't know.... Just my opinion however. And I apologize lgspot that you feel offended.

I'm not offended, per se, but just as you lack the ability to see how a parent with over a decade of built up bonds with his children would want to maintain those bonds and willingly - affirmatively - accept that responsibility, I can't imagine how you could suggest that he would let go of these children, as if that would be some helpful step on the way to his healing. Losing these children from his life would be yet another loss and trauma to the OP., not some kind of relief. The only way I can understand your position is to imagine that you have no experience as a parent yet, and can't even visualize yourself doing so.

 

But what about the fact that these girls will always be a reminder of the affair? Wouldn't that be counter productive to his healing having them in his life? I just don't understand how love has anything to do with this.

You've made that much very clear. I truly don't mean this to be as nasty as it probably sounds, but I don't think you're equipped to "get it." You dwell on the "beta cuckold" aspect and the idea that it implies "weakness." Both of those elements are in the eye of the beholder, and if you are an adherent of these principles (that sound a lot like typical MRA/PUA language), then I do believe that you would feel weak and like a beta cuckold, and it would eat at you. And if you feel like it would be obvious - or even possible - that you would reject one or more children that you had parented for a decade in a case lsuch as this, so be it.

 

But I don't think that's the man, or the parent, that the OP is. It takes strength to be a parent, and it may require great strength of the OP in the coming years. But whether by the bonds of genetics or the bonds of parenting over time, this is his family. To him, suggesting that he split it up is like self-mutilation. Perhaps to you, all they are is a reminder of the infidelity, but to the OP, that is not all they are.

 

I know you said the OP can speak for himself, so I'll just say that these are my opinions, even though I presume to speak "for" him. LD, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong in any way.

Edited June 19, 2015 by Trimmer

[Trimmer]

Further to this idea of parenting children of infidelity... I read quite a beautiful quote:

 

Your spouse cheating on you is NOT an indicator of how bad of a partner you are or how much a better partner the

OM

/

OW

is compared to you, it's simply an indicator of how bad of a partner the wayward spouse is to you.

So

please don't let your ego's and self worth be shattered because of someone elses lack of morals, you are a golden jewel, you are worth everything and more!

 

I like this and agree with it, and I think it applies quite nicely also to the parental bond one builds with one's children. The sins of the spouse are not any kind of indicator of the strength, value, or love found in the bond between a parent and child. The cheating is ONLY about the wayward spouse. So don't let your ego and self-worth (or sense of "strength/weakness") be shattered because of someone else's lack of morals. The OP is every bit the strong man and parent he was before, and his parental bonds with all of his children are no less valuable or strong than they were before.

[m.snow]

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

 

you probably never heard of child support!

you probably dont know the court dont care about who the biological father is

or if your wife is a serial cheater.

 

even if your white and your wife's white, if she gives birth to a black child guess what? that's still your child! ha ha ha..

guess who will pay for that black kids child support, ding ding ding YOU!

 

the court dont care if your wife was having a foursome with 3 black men while you and your kids are watching! there is no injustice in that.

 

the court dont care what goes into your wifes vagina. but what comes out of it will always be 50% yours truly!

 

the only injustice that can land you to jail is if you dont take care of your non biological black child.

 

even if you went to iraq&afghanistan with 3 purple hearts the court wont give you pity if you deny that non biological child.

 

so if you dont wanna pay your wife child support get a 50/50 custody. that is the best you can do and divorce her before she gives birth to another kid while your still married.

Edited June 19, 2015 by m.snow

[elaine567]

again dont scream at your wife

dont hit your wife

dont call her names

dont tell your kids there mom cheated until 18yo

 

why not show anger and emotion during divorce?

nightmare outcome:

-you lose custody of all your children <even your biological

-you lose your house

-your family stays with om in your house <the most cruel of fate

-you pay child support and alimony for life <nails to your coffin

-you are not allowed to see your children

-THIS DOES HAPPEN! NEVER EVER HIT YOUR WIFE!

 

aimed outcome the court will agree to:

-50/50 split house,property and children. again don't ever fight the 50/50 unless she was arrested for a crime!

 

how to split the children (cruel) but again no emotion/no anger EVER!

-after school friday,saturday,sunday&to school monday.

-have her pick them up at school monday they stay with her till morning school friday!

 

I do not think you have read the thread, the WW and the OM have fled, due to:-

1) allegations of financial fraud at their work - $280 000 missing according to the OP.

2) the OPs family are a South American gang (the mob) and have threatened to kill the APs, particularly the OM.

 

So cosy pick ups of kids from school I doubt are on the cards here.

[Darth Vader]

Hey guys I don't have much time to write a long detailed update but here is a TLDR format:

 

- OM and WW still out of town, they have been radio silent since they left.

 

- the boss contacted me and said they found out the WSs have siphoned about US$280000 over the last 9 years and that they have begun legal action

 

- our lawyer is suggesting if the WSs get imprisoned (which is a 99% certainty imo) then we will have a good chance of winning full custody

 

- families have been told, all of them shocked, my brothers/cousins said "when OM returns, we are going to have a talk with him" and one of them did the slit throat motion with his thumb, so obviously he's a dead man now I fear for his life.

 

- the kids did not take it well at all, they are so furious at OM/WW. To make things worse, them leaving town without saying anything has added fuel to the fire now my oldest wants nothing to do with WW. We have not told them about the paternity, not ready for that yet but my parents know.

 

- OBS and I kissed, nothing more but it was in the heat of the moment and we were both vulnerable. Not sure what to make of it, right now i'm definitely in no position to jump into a new relationship!

 

I would hope the WS's company doesn't try to take back the money from the BS's, especially after informing the company of the theft.

[autumnnight]

OP I am following your story very closely and hoping the best for you.

 

I just have one question and I hope I don't offend anyone. Why are you so set on raising another mans children? There is literally nothing more that screams beta cuckhold than knowingly raising another mans child(ren). If I were in your situation I would be counting my blessings that I have two less kids I have to worry about. I'm assuming you're still quite young, why do this to yourself? Those girls of "yours" will always be a constant reminder of your WWs and OMs betrayal. Are you ready to deal with that for the rest of your life? Sure you may love them now but later on you may feel like they are not worth the drama that is teenage girls. Just a thought for you to consider.

 

You obviously have no children. He has been raising these children their whole lives. Except for DNA...they are HIS.

 

This is one of the most insensitive and ridiculous things I have read on this thread.

[10thengineerharrison]

Because some people aren't selfish a holes. Because some people know what real love is and it isn't dependant on dna.

 

I can't imagine any decent human being walking away from children after 10, 15 years.

 

Also, raising your legal children (bio or not) is about personal integrity, not about being embarrassed. They're children, not "reminders."

 

-10th Engineer Harrison