Noirek Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 That's true. At least he is the BS, so he's probably safe. If he was the WS.....I shudder to think... well, We are talking about a guy who admitted to a brother in a gang and their plan to murder the om ( who knows if the suicide was suicide... After all i could see it to stay out of jail but he was in the clear...) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Mind of Shazam Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 - Mr Mind of Shazam you really know how to trigger me, but having said that i'll say this to you: 1. my conclusions were not dubious 2. things work compltely different in the part of the world I live in 3. I still think I have made the right decisions, as I am the one who knows the full picture and at the forefront of all this 4. I "KNOW" number 3 is true because right now even though emotionally i'm a wreck, logistically things are in my favour. I don't mean to trigger you, bro. I just have to be forthright. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Since I've already reminded members to focus on the topic and refrain from characterizing the thread starter's postings as works of fiction or any slippery covert terms alluding to trolling, now I simply remove your posting privileges. Topical responses congruent with our guidelines of discussion are welcomed. Thanks! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 OP said the OM was a "dead man" as his family were up for killing him and now he is literally a dead man. Boss happy to drop charges it appears, so why would the OM kill himself? His "suicide" seems a tad convenient? no? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 OP said the OM was a "dead man" as his family were up for killing him and now he is literally a dead man. Boss happy to drop charges it appears, so why would the OM kill himself? His "suicide" seems a tad convenient? no? Well, I can say that I have little sympathy for the OM. Of all the women he could have targeted to have an affair with, it looks like he picked the worst, and the best, woman simultaneously. I mean, how many women out their could run a total scam on their husband for 15 years? She was dedicated to the deception, I gotta admit. The displaced love she exhibited towards the OM verges in my mind as sociopathic. And, just the same way a criminal will take extra care to drive totally within the law so as to avoid even the small potential for a traffic stop, she ran her marriage in a way that the husband would be sure to never have a complaint. Such professional dedication to a con job is very rare indeed. And, at the same time, to have a woman whose real husband has ties to criminal enterprises which would ensure swift and total retaliation should they ever get caught, gave him, I'm sure, an even bigger thrill. So, he knew what would happen to him... he knew his fate was sealed. I have so sympathy for either of these cheaters. He knew what would happen, and it did. You play, you pay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 (edited) OP said the OM was a "dead man" as his family were up for killing him and now he is literally a dead man. Boss happy to drop charges it appears, so why would the OM kill himself? His "suicide" seems a tad convenient? no? On the other hand, if it was as obvious to everyone involved that he was in mortal danger, as the OP represents, then if it became clear that his eventual demise was a foregone conclusion, perhaps he took things into his own hands after all. (Allegorically related: after some kind of problem at work the boss calls you in and says: "If you prefer, we'll let you resign, but if you don't we're going to have to fire you.") Edited June 26, 2015 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Wow, OMs life must have been terrible if an affair was the only thing he lived for. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 You play, you pay. With your life? Is cheating really that heinous a crime? Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 My friend, D, had a couple affairs. Then he and his wife split. He got an apartment and started dating openly. They had a ton of drama and basically drove each other batsh*t by refusing to let go and continuing to engage. 30 days after the divorce was final, D got drunk and got in a car. He got pulled over. He lost his job because his job required a license, which was being suspended. He also lost his weekends with his son as his ex wife took the drunk driving arrest to the family court judge and asked that D only be allowed supervised visitation for a few hours a week until he completed psych counseling and a rehab program. Losing his wife, his job, and the majority of his access to his son was enough to make him put a Taurus 9mm in his mouth and pull the trigger. Yeah, I'd buy this MM could have become depressed over the loss of his wife and children, his reputation personally and professionally, his job, and a nice chunk of change and decided to end his life over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 My FIL knew about the affair for the past 2 years and said nothing to me him and I got on so well and I admired the hell out of him. My MIL came over and told me this. He confessed to her the other day and she isn't happy with him at the moment either, they are not living in the same house. If I see him I don't know what I would do, the betrayals keep coming to light left right and centre. Another issue is I ended up caving, I slept with OBS a few days ago and WW is now begging me for R, said that she will do everything right by me to prove to me that it's me she truly wants, and has always wanted... I want divorce for sure and going ahead with it but I think I may have screwed up my chances of an amicable divorce since OBS is hell bent on rubbing it in WWs face that we slept together. I told her not to say anything and she reluctantly agreed but i'm nervous that I may have lost my victim card. I still want full custody of my kids and it seems OBS will automatically have full custody of her kids since OM has passed away. WW is pissed off that OM didn't include her in any part of his will, and yet is claiming she truly wants to be with me? What a joke. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 With your life? Is cheating really that heinous a crime? Haven't you heard.....cheating trumps everything 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 WW thinks that she should have been included in OM's will AND wants to reconcile? Sure. And while she's at it, maybe you can renew your vows and OBS can serve as her maid of honor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Wow, OMs life must have been terrible if an affair was the only thing he lived for. Maybe the prospect of having to live with WW was so terrible it sent him over the edge:eek: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Wow, OMs life must have been terrible if an affair was the only thing he lived for. Oh, you have no idea for how many this is true.... It's more like, it's the only thing in their life that makes them feel alive. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 My FIL knew about the affair for the past 2 years and said nothing to me him and I got on so well and I admired the hell out of him. My MIL came over and told me this. He confessed to her the other day and she isn't happy with him at the moment either, they are not living in the same house. If I see him I don't know what I would do, the betrayals keep coming to light left right and centre. Another issue is I ended up caving, I slept with OBS a few days ago and WW is now begging me for R, said that she will do everything right by me to prove to me that it's me she truly wants, and has always wanted... I want divorce for sure and going ahead with it but I think I may have screwed up my chances of an amicable divorce since OBS is hell bent on rubbing it in WWs face that we slept together. I told her not to say anything and she reluctantly agreed but i'm nervous that I may have lost my victim card. I still want full custody of my kids and it seems OBS will automatically have full custody of her kids since OM has passed away. WW is pissed off that OM didn't include her in any part of his will, and yet is claiming she truly wants to be with me? What a joke. wow...you went from informing OBS to sleep with her in just 20 days...that's like lightning speed any wonder OM and your W slept together then? since they worked side by side after all... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 My FIL knew about the affair for the past 2 years and said nothing to me him and I got on so well and I admired the hell out of him. My MIL came over and told me this. He confessed to her the other day and she isn't happy with him at the moment either, they are not living in the same house. If I see him I don't know what I would do, the betrayals keep coming to light left right and centre. Another issue is I ended up caving, I slept with OBS a few days ago and WW is now begging me for R, said that she will do everything right by me to prove to me that it's me she truly wants, and has always wanted... I want divorce for sure and going ahead with it but I think I may have screwed up my chances of an amicable divorce since OBS is hell bent on rubbing it in WWs face that we slept together. I told her not to say anything and she reluctantly agreed but i'm nervous that I may have lost my victim card. I still want full custody of my kids and it seems OBS will automatically have full custody of her kids since OM has passed away. WW is pissed off that OM didn't include her in any part of his will, and yet is claiming she truly wants to be with me? What a joke. Don't bother saying anything to your FIL , it's not worth it . As far as the OBS goes......step back and focus on your family. Tell her not to say anything to your wife, as you don't want it affecting the divorce settlement. Now that she's grieving over her lover , she may not be in the state of mind to get a job. She wants her husband , because she no longer has the option of OM. LD - I hope your children are okay. I think you and them could do with a getaway. I know you can't during school time , but maybe a long weekend to relax in a different environment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I want divorce for sure and going ahead with it but I think I may have screwed up my chances of an amicable divorce since OBS is hell bent on rubbing it in WWs face that we slept together. I told her not to say anything and she reluctantly agreed but i'm nervous that I may have lost my victim card. YOU WERE WARNED. OBS is now totally partnerless and will be looking for a safe haven and a new partner, and that is YOU, my friend. It was madness to sleep with her, she has a hold over you now and as you rightly say you have lost your victim card. I would not gamble a lot of money on OBS keeping that secret. OBS will want to crow that from the roof tops, to get revenge on WW sleeping with her husband. She will want to steal you away too, to prove a point. Let's just hope for your sake, she isn't pregnant... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm a guy who never really focussed much on these issues: How long do I have to wait before OP can come in here and announce the OBS is pregnant with his child? (Ruling out of course that he went to visit her NOT to have sex but happened to have some condoms handy in his wallet, like any guy married 15 years with 3 kids would do...) wow...you went from informing OBS to sleep with her in just 20 days...that's like lightning speed any wonder OM and your W slept together then? since they worked side by side after all... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 YOU WERE WARNED. OBS is now totally partnerless and will be looking for a safe haven and a new partner, and that is YOU, my friend. It was madness to sleep with her, she has a hold over you now and as you rightly say you have lost your victim card. I would not gamble a lot of money on OBS keeping that secret. OBS will want to crow that from the roof tops, to get revenge on WW sleeping with her husband. She will want to steal you away too, to prove a point. Let's just hope for your sake, she isn't pregnant... I'm a guy who never really focussed much on these issues: How long do I have to wait before OP can come in here and announce the OBS is pregnant with his child? (Ruling out of course that he went to visit her NOT to have sex but happened to have some condoms handy in his wallet, like any guy married 15 years with 3 kids would do...) ****!!!! Did not even think about this at all. I am really scared now. And to be honest with you all i'm not surprised I slept with OBS, i'm more surprised it didn't happen sooner given the intensity of our vulnerability. I held it off for as long as I could but I ended up caving. She is a stunner inside and out, don't know why OM would cheat on someone like her. In the near future I wouldn't mind dating OBS and seeing where things go, of course we won't rush into anything serious anytime soon, but definitely love the idea of casually seeing each other. I like the idea of taking the kids away for a weekend getaway. Since I have temporary custody of the kids this will be fine. The oldest is still refusing to speak to his mother, the girls are a little awkward around her but they are a lot less hostile to their mother. We are going to talk over the divorce settlement and get that over with. Not sure if WW will coorporate amicably but hoping for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) And to be honest with you all i'm not surprised I slept with OBS, i'm more surprised it didn't happen sooner given the intensity of our vulnerability. You mean, unfortunately she was less than available because she was too busy burying her ex-husband? The father of her children? Are you seriously suggesting that the first thing that came into your mind, having discovered your WW, her lover, tipped off their employer, immersed yourself in the shattered lives of two families of children, dealt with mafia hit men, lawyers, the death of the OM, is to have sex with this "knock out" of a woman? Does no one grieve where you live? Did it not occur to you to let the soil settle on his grave a couple of weeks? Maybe you are just basically a vengeful calculating man. I really don't think you can lay all this on your "intense vulnerability". I have seen nothing but the opposite: intense power and assertiveness. I have seen very little emotion during these pages. Not saying its not there, just saying you have them well under control... except this little side trip into the bed of the last person on earth you should be goggling. Edited June 28, 2015 by fellini 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Maybe not the best idea to sleep with OBS but not the end of the world. I wouldn't do it again personally, but from a moral standpoint as far as I'm concerned you two didn't do anything wrong. With that being said, unless you plan on messing around with or getting serious with OBS, which as I said is a-okay with me, you and her need to set some boundaries and putting them in place like yesterday.. Link to post Share on other sites
SSJROMANCE Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Obviously the marriage is over. Unfortunately for her it was never real but for you it's been one big lie. She obviously has ZERO respect for you nor does the other guy. Gather all the evidence see a lawyer and move money etc into private accounts to protect yourself. Remember it is she who has destroyed your life not the other way around. Now is the time to see how honest she is going to be. I would suspect based on what she has done her honesty will be close to zero. Start by asking her if something is going on with her and this guy. That you have had this "feeling". Touch on the surface and see what her response is. Let her deny deny deny. Then release some evidence. Eventually she will cave. Continue on this course for everything you have evidence for. Let her deny deny deny and then show her the evidence. Not sure if you live in a no fault state but you might want to record these conversation for divorce court. Bottom line is you have to let her go as hard as it might be. You may have feelings for her but she obviously has no respect for you and I doubt even cares about you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Obviously the marriage is over. Unfortunately for her it was never real but for you it's been one big lie. She obviously has ZERO respect for you nor does the other guy. Gather all the evidence see a lawyer and move money etc into private accounts to protect yourself. Remember it is she who has destroyed your life not the other way around. Now is the time to see how honest she is going to be. I would suspect based on what she has done her honesty will be close to zero. Start by asking her if something is going on with her and this guy. That you have had this "feeling". Touch on the surface and see what her response is. Let her deny deny deny. Then release some evidence. Eventually she will cave. Continue on this course for everything you have evidence for. Let her deny deny deny and then show her the evidence. Not sure if you live in a no fault state but you might want to record these conversation for divorce court. Bottom line is you have to let her go as hard as it might be. You may have feelings for her but she obviously has no respect for you and I doubt even cares about you. Good luck. Have you read anything but the first post? 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 28, 2015 Author Share Posted June 28, 2015 (edited) You mean, unfortunately she was less than available because she was too busy burying her ex-husband? The father of her children? Are you seriously suggesting that the first thing that came into your mind, having discovered your WW, her lover, tipped off their employer, immersed yourself in the shattered lives of two families of children, dealt with mafia hit men, lawyers, the death of the OM, is to have sex with this "knock out" of a woman? Does no one grieve where you live? Did it not occur to you to let the soil settle on his grave a couple of weeks? Maybe you are just basically a vengeful calculating man. I really don't think you can lay all this on your "intense vulnerability". I have seen nothing but the opposite: intense power and assertiveness. I have seen very little emotion during these pages. Not saying its not there, just saying you have them well under control... except this little side trip into the bed of the last person on earth you should be goggling. Yet again I have to explain myself. OBS and I slept the same day OM took his own life, but we obviously didn't know at the time until later, so no I didn't take advantage of a grieving widow nor did I plan to sleep with her. She came on to me if you really must know. Intense power and assertiveness? Didn't see it that way but now that I think about it, i'm glad it looks like that to others. I sure as hell wouldn't want to appear like a wimp/pushover in a delicate situation like this. Getting things done is my motto, if some things happen along the way that I didn't plan, I just compromise and go with it. It may seem like I have it all under control, I am trying my best. But I have my moments. Those I make sure nobody ever sees me like that. Since OBS and I are going through the same thing, she has seen that side of me more than my WW has ever in the 18 years we've been together. She triggers me and I trigger her to let out our vulnerable sides in front of each other... seriously nothing like I have experienced before. Too intense, hence why I am being truthful that OBS and I slept due to intense vulnerability. I have no reason to be dishonest here. Now I am more worried that OBS could be pregnent with my child since we slept without protection. Our passionate encounter should have been more responsible but what's done is done. If OBS is pregnant I am screwed! Edit: my MIL is staying with the kids and I. Not sure how it really happened but she is upset that my FIL said nothing about the affair for the entire time he knew. Her and I get on along great so its nice to have pleasant company around. WW moved out she is living with her father. MIL obviously upset with both of them. Edited June 28, 2015 by lifedestroyed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 So...you gonna tell your MIL about your little dalliance? Or just let her keep thinking you're this great wounded victim? Never mind. I already know the answer. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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