beach Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Have a solid plan for Monday...after you reveal that you know. Where do you plan for her to stay after she knows that you know? What is your plan for the kids? What do you plan to say that explains why things have changed with their Mom? Be sure you have assets moved so she can't access your money... Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Well being the "rock" for your children is hardly being the rock for others. Also, sounds like WW is pretty high up the food chain when it comes to employment so she may not make out as well financially as say a SAHW would. Which reminds me OP if she has a pension, make sure you go after your share of that whether you need it or not. Also, I want to ask the OP if you had to do a DNA test to know the younger two kids weren't yours and you and your WW have an active sex life how do she and the OM know these are his bio kids? The wife probably did a DNA test on the girls and OM when they were younger . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bigdaddyt Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I agree with beach, I failed to move assets after my confrontation and my EWW moving out. She drained all of our joint accounts and left me broke. Thank God for family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You do not know that. That is just wishful, karma talking, and karma doesn't really exist. An affair for 15 years with two children produced, is not your usual everyday, "fantasy" affair. I guess no-one really knows what will happen here, but I would not risk my bottom dollar that they will not end up together. Of course I don't know that, but I'd be willing to bet large sums of other peoples' money that it will fall apart. It may not be a typical VLTA, but it is still a fantasy. They will very likely end up together, which is probably how it should be - whereon they will have to live without the thrill of getting away with cuckholding their BSs for the rest of their lives. I bet the fun will be gone, and while I would also think they won't stay together in the long term, I think that even if they do, they'll not be happy. -10th Engineer Harrison. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lifedestroyed Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 Kids dropped off for the weekend. When school finishes on Monday, their way of life as they knew it will be over and completely changed in a drastic way. This makes me so very sad. On the other hand, this weekend will be the last time WW and I spend alone together as a married couple. Pardon my French but **** that hurts so much! I broke down before I logged on here to type this post the last time I cried was when my youngest daughter was born, although they were tears of joy. Will come back later when I get time to reply to everyone. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Focus on the task at hand. We are rooting for you. You are supposed to be sad. Accept your emotions and that simple fact will allow them not to control you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Kids dropped off for the weekend. When school finishes on Monday, their way of life as they knew it will be over and completely changed in a drastic way. This makes me so very sad. On the other hand, this weekend will be the last time WW and I spend alone together as a married couple. Pardon my French but **** that hurts so much! I broke down before I logged on here to type this post the last time I cried was when my youngest daughter was born, although they were tears of joy. Will come back later when I get time to reply to everyone. LD, you are doing what must be done. I can't offer much in advice, but you are in my thoughts. Be strong this weekend, the facade ends on Monday. Crying is good, it helps diminish the pain. Trust me I know. It helped me realize the fool I was, and snapped me back to who I should be, sadly i believe too damn late. Resentment, then jealousy was my bane. I have one major regret that I don't think I will ever get over, and it kills me everyday. But that is my story. You will get thru this, of that I am confident. One foot in from of the other. Continue to protect your children, and you. Keep posting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Have you considered moving/separating your assets so that your wife can't move things into her own name once she knows you are aware of her infidelity? I would suggest getting anything you can into your name only before she is served or becomes aware of you knowing. The money you do have - is she a joint owner? If there is any way to protect yourself then now is the time to take precautions to do that. Once she finds out - she will scramble to move assets... BEFORE you do any "confronting" on Monday, have you done as the above suggests? If not, you are acting foolishly, and will probably lose your shirt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 On the other hand, this weekend will be the last time WW and I spend alone together as a married couple. Pardon my French but **** that hurts so much! Really? May I ask why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Because he is not a cheater. He has the capacity to love and HONOR just one. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You should definitely encourage the OBS to post on here. She probably needs a lot of support right now. Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 [/b] Really? May I ask why? For the same reason you cry at a funeral. Speaking of crying, it's ironic in a Shakesperean tragic type of way that the last time that LD cried was at the birth of his daughter, whose biological origins would one day be the cause of his next cry, this time one of sadness. LD it's also worth thanking you for choosing to document this awful journey here. Hopefully it's helping you but also know that one day what you're writing will help other people in your shoes. You're a good person man 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 [/b] Really? May I ask why? Because he is about to potentially break up the whole family, his wife may up and leave on Monday taking all the kids with her. The OM and she may rent a place and by next week end, all are living together leaving the OP alone and consulting lawyers to sort it out. He is the victim here, yet he has to pull the plug on his marriage and his family - his family life will never be the same again, whatever the outcome. So it is all very well "blaming" the cheaters for what they did, and WE all know the the OP is doing what is "right" here by outing the whole thing, but the OP still has the option of maintaining the status quo and turning a blind eye/reconciling to keep his marriage and family intact. He is the one in the situation - we are mere observers, judging what we think is right, pontificating, deliberating, then going back to our own lives. I know it is likely the kids will "hate" the mother and choose to live with the OP, but maybe not, that is the risk he is taking too. HE has to make a decision here, and that is a really hard thing to do. He has been put in a horrible situation by his cheating wife. Making a change is never easy and especially when that involves turning his whole life, as he knew it, upside down. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Morbius Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 [/b] Really? May I ask why? Ten characters 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Keep going, you're almost at the finish line. May the weekend pass swiftly. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 [/b] Really? May I ask why? Because he found out two of the kids he thought were his, aren't. Because he built a life with his wife for 18 years, because even though his wife is a betrayer and been living a double life, HIS life is now turned upside down and everything is different. Those two children now will find out they have another daddy. This whole situation is devastating and heartbreaking, I'm so sorry she did this you lifedestroyed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Yeah this is a horrible thing. I almost doubt he will be able to go through with it in the end. A lot of BS's can't take the pain and end up staying, despite how obvious it looks to the rest of us on the outside that this is a bad situation. Maybe he might leave her for a little bit or threaten it, but my money is on him staying with his W in the end. She will apologize and drop the A. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Yeah this is a horrible thing. I almost doubt he will be able to go through with it in the end. A lot of BS's can't take the pain and end up staying, despite how obvious it looks to the rest of us on the outside that this is a bad situation. Maybe he might leave her for a little bit or threaten it, but my money is on him staying with his W in the end. She will apologize and drop the A. This all JUST happened so there's no way to predict/assume he'll stay. He's in shock and having to deal with so much. All I know is, some things are UNFORGIVABLE in a marriage and chances are her double life, all the lies and betrayal will change him forever. As time goes on and he gets help he'll figure it out. This isn't just a fling, it's 15 years of lies and betrayal. I doubt anybody would forgive this and the fact the 2 of the 3 kids aren't his. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Because he is about to potentially break up the whole family, his wife may up and leave on Monday taking all the kids with her. The OM and she may rent a place and by next week end, all are living together leaving the OP alone and consulting lawyers to sort it out. He is the victim here, yet he has to pull the plug on his marriage and his family - his family life will never be the same again, whatever the outcome. So it is all very well "blaming" the cheaters for what they did, and WE all know the the OP is doing what is "right" here by outing the whole thing, but the OP still has the option of maintaining the status quo and turning a blind eye/reconciling to keep his marriage and family intact. He is the one in the situation - we are mere observers, judging what we think is right, pontificating, deliberating, then going back to our own lives. I know it is likely the kids will "hate" the mother and choose to live with the OP, but maybe not, that is the risk he is taking too. HE has to make a decision here, and that is a really hard thing to do. He has been put in a horrible situation by his cheating wife. Making a change is never easy and especially when that involves turning his whole life, as he knew it, upside down. I doubt the children will want to go with their mom when they learn that other man is the reason for the break up of their happy family. He has had 14 years to be in their life but chose not to in fact the only thing he has chosen to do is bang their mother and hurt their father. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 How's your wife acting since the kids are gone for the weekend? What reason was she given for them leaving for these few days? Is she at all suspicious that you may know? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 OP, I don't understand why you have to wait until Monday, and the kids have to hear about it after school. I don't have a better idea just don't understand how you're protecting yourself and what you want, which I assume is staying in the house (without WW) with all three kids. Or is it? What do you want to happen Monday? Who gets choices? How do you see those playing out? Have you put ducks in a row to help these choices go the way you want them—including your kids' choices? I think that all these awful, awful full-color projections about possible future scenarios are just plain cruel. They could be alluded to and couched in apologetic explanations that consider OP's fragile state, but not debated publicly in graphic detail. Even more respect and sensitivity needed imho. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 OP, I don't understand why you have to wait until Monday - To expose them at work. - To shame and humiliate them (as they deserve to be ) in front of their employers . Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 This thread is going all over the place. No way can this egg be put back together. The OMW has cards to play, and based on what she said, reconcilliation aint in the cards for the OM. OP, your wife and the OM planted a bomb 15 years ago and have made it deadlier every year. However, it is you who are about to light the fuse. YOU MUST CONTAIN THE DAMAGE. FIGHT A BATTLE, NOT A WAR. No way should you stay married. No way should you forgive, however you must act smartly and ruthelessly to acheive the best possible outcome, which is you as the primary care provider. The marriage is over. Accept it now. If you do this right, when they are realing, send in the trojan horse and get primary custody. Think, Man, Think. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 This isn't just a fling, it's 15 years of lies and betrayal. I doubt anybody would forgive this and the fact the 2 of the 3 kids aren't his. This is a totally unfair statement. Those ARE his children. Why people are suddenly using reverse psychology on him suggesting he is "caving" and weak is a mystery. He has shown far more solid reasoning in this thread than most BS's and yet some of you wish to see him as vulnerable and about to abandon YOUR IDEA of what he MUST DO. What ever this guy DECIDES will undoubtably be his best decision for himself. As he sees these 3 kids as HIS OWN it is understandable that he is beginning to imagine what life will look like outside of a nuclear family. Cut him some slack and let him reflect on the totality of his emotions! And frankly if he does end up back with his WW, this is his business and his decision and only he can truly know what he expects from that. All this talk about what is and isn't forgiveable is just opinion and if it's not something you can image, fine, but there will always be someone, somewhere who can. And this does not make it wrong. Just different from your own perspective. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Another thing OP. You want custody. The OMW doesnt. Her goal is not yours. You need to seriously consider seperating your strategies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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