Jump to content

Wife has been having a LTA for 15 years


lifedestroyed

Recommended Posts

shermanator

My .02... an at work confrontation could send such a toxic/retaliatory message. I have NO idea how I would respond, given the circumstances, but it seems overly flashy - for lack of a better word.

 

I'm curious about tomorrow and I hope things don't get too out of hand, for the sake of the kids involved.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Frankly, I believe despite all the experience many LS posters have - at least since I registered there's never been such a severe case like this one. Most things except for D-Day earthquake are completely new territory on the psychological scale and I do hope we'll never read of a case like this again. There are just so many facors and possibilities, and so many turned towards worst case because there's so much going to be destroyed thanks to the selfishness of 2 people. Honestly, when I click this thread tomorrow to check for OPs update, it will feel like watching a nuclear bomb slowly drop and explode. Having my fingers crossed for LD, even if his choices aren't 100% correct it's incredible considering the circumstances. Who knows how many others would have thrown themselves off a bridge instead of keeping it together like him. This is truly gut and heart wrenching.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
That's why I was suggesting the voice activated recorders in the event something should happen! At least it would disprove more lies and deception, such as he/she hit me or threatened me.

 

It would be great for BH and BW to keep the VAR on them at all times when they are around their WS's in the event the WS's have a plan to retaliate against them in making up false charges!

 

Ah but your suggestion is if the other person "twists" the truth. Plus, depending on what the laws are where the OP resides such recordsing may not hold up as evidence or could in fact be deemed illegal. Personal use of vars (to discover infidelity) are quite different.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Darth Vader
My .02... an at work confrontation could send such a toxic/retaliatory message. I have NO idea how I would respond, given the circumstances, but it seems overly flashy - for lack of a better word.

 

I'm curious about tomorrow and I hope things don't get too out of hand, for the sake of the kids involved.

 

 

I was thinking......

 

Try to keep a good distance from both the WS's when revealing the information as to prevent physical confrontation from all parties involved so physical abuse charges are not filed!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Darth Vader
Ah but your suggestion is if the other person "twists" the truth. Plus, depending on what the laws are where the OP resides such recordsing may not hold up as evidence or could in fact be deemed illegal. Personal use of vars (to discover infidelity) are quite different.

 

 

Not to discover infidelity, but, to prevent false charges being filed! If such charges were filed, it would be refuted by the recording! Hence, protecting the BS's!:cool:

 

We want them to stay out of jail!:cool:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Darth Vader
Frankly, I believe despite all the experience many LS posters have - at least since I registered there's never been such a severe case like this one. Most things except for D-Day earthquake are completely new territory on the psychological scale and I do hope we'll never read of a case like this again. There are just so many facors and possibilities, and so many turned towards worst case because there's so much going to be destroyed thanks to the selfishness of 2 people. Honestly, when I click this thread tomorrow to check for OPs update, it will feel like watching a nuclear bomb slowly drop and explode. Having my fingers crossed for LD, even if his choices aren't 100% correct it's incredible considering the circumstances. Who knows how many others would have thrown themselves off a bridge instead of keeping it together like him. This is truly gut and heart wrenching.

 

Nuclear bomb exploding is right in this situation! I was thinking the same thing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Not to discover infidelity, but, to prevent false charges being filed! If such charges were filed, it would be refuted by the recording! Hence, protecting the BS's!:cool:

 

We want them to stay out of jail!:cool:

 

You missed my point. The recordings may or may not be able to be used. And in some places can be illegal if done secretly. Unless he is Canadian (which it appears he is) then you can record if you are present. Though after that I'm unsure the laws so he would need to poke into that. Before tomorrow.

 

OP, in case you miss the question when you come back, are you Canadian?

Edited by Noirek
Link to post
Share on other sites
Darth Vader
You missed my point. The recordings may or may not be able to be used. And in some places can be illegal if done secretly. Unless he is Canadian (which it appears he is) then you can record if you are present. Though after that I'm unsure the laws so he would need to poke into that. Before tomorrow.

 

OP, in case you miss the question when you come back, are you Canadian?

 

 

I can't see how using a recorder to defend one's self against false allegations could/would be illegal. Falsely accusing someone is illegal as well, but that won't stop them from doing so.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I can't see how using a recorder to defend one's self against false allegations could/would be illegal. Falsely accusing someone is illegal as well, but that won't stop them from doing so.

 

I'm sorry I am not more clear.

 

-Voice recordings don't always hold up in the court of law. Wrong or right it is the way many jurisdictions work. They aren't always considered voice evidence.

-in some places recording someone without their knowledge is illegal. An invasion of privacy. So that is something he should check.

 

So when handing out VAR recommendations a poster should also advise the person look into the law in their area.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Darth Vader
I'm sorry I am not more clear.

 

-Voice recordings don't always hold up in the court of law. Wrong or right it is the way many jurisdictions work. They aren't always considered voice evidence.

-in some places recording someone without their knowledge is illegal. An invasion of privacy. So that is something he should check.

 

So when handing out VAR recommendations a poster should also advise the person look into the law in their area.

 

That proves the judicial system is screwed up. If a person can be slapped with false charges and can't defend themselves, what's a person to do? Having a VAR has kept many a man from jail time, that's been stated on LS.

 

Yeah, he should check the laws, Yes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I kind of think everyone is overreacting to OP's plan.

 

 

First, I assume there will be actual process servers serving the divorce papers and OP and OBS will simply be there witnessing.

 

 

I don't think a judge will fault them for ensuring they are jointly served at the same time under the circumstances.

 

 

What happens after that, will be up in the air, but all OP has to do is ensure that the family who has the kids keeps them away from their phones.

 

 

I doubt the first thing WW is going to do is phone her kids and say what?

She will likely be avoiding that conversation for a while. And, we don't even know if the paternity is being addressed yet in the divorce papers.

 

 

Who ever is in charge of the workplace will likely get involved and end the workplace disruption as quickly as possible.

 

 

OM will likely be scrambling to save his financial ass as well as the relationship with the daughter he recognizes with his BS.

 

 

What OP's WW does who knows. She will either retreat to her office or follow OP home to do whatever she's going to do. Personally, I would have a moving company packing up her stuff and taking it to a storage facility.

 

 

The thing I think OP should be aware of is that they probably have their own plan. Not necessarily about being caught, but I doubt they plan to be in an affair for the rest of their lives. They are probably waiting until OM's children with his BS are adults to D and then seek custody of the two youngest children.

 

 

Whether or not they will be able to regroup quickly to develop a new plan remains to be seen. It honestly wouldn't surprise me a bit to see them(the affair partners) turn on each other in order to protect what they perceive to be their own best interest. A planned amicable divorce in the future is quite a bit different than what they will be facing tomorrow.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
What OP's WW does who knows. She will either retreat to her office or follow OP home to do whatever she's going to do. Personally, I would have a moving company packing up her stuff and taking it to a storage facility.

 

I do wonder about this suggestion and have serious questions about whether one spouse can ask the other spouse to leave their house. Can you pack up their stuff and have it waiting for them? Is it legal? I would think the best they could both hope for is that their WSs voluntarily pack up and leave of their own accord. If that doesn't happen, can they really be forced to leave? I don't know the law, so I am just asking. If the WSs choose not to leave, would the BSs take the kids and leave? Such a mess!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
autumnnight
I do wonder about this suggestion and have serious questions about whether one spouse can ask the other spouse to leave their house. Can you pack up their stuff and have it waiting for them? Is it legal? I would think the best they could both hope for is that their WSs voluntarily pack up and leave of their own accord. If that doesn't happen, can they really be forced to leave? I don't know the law, so I am just asking. If the WSs choose not to leave, would the BSs take the kids and leave? Such a mess!

 

I have done some research on this. I can tell you that in most states, as despicable as adultery is, you can't force out a WS, you better think long and hard about packing up and removing their stuff, and you better have a good attorney if you change the locks.

 

A lot of the advice I see on marriage forums is, sadly, quite a few BS's wanting to live vicariously through a posting BS...to have them do what they wish was done. This is understandable...but not necessarily the best advice legally and long term.

 

And before anyone mentions names on deeds...if a couple has resided married in the house for years and years....that whole "her name isn't on it" is not much of a protection.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites
I have done some research on this. I can tell you that in most states, as despicable as adultery is, you can't force out a WS, you better think long and hard about packing up and removing their stuff, and you better have a good attorney if you change the locks.

 

A lot of the advice I see on marriage forums is, sadly, quite a few BS's wanting to live vicariously through a posting BS...to have them do what they wish was done. This is understandable...but not necessarily the best advice legally and long term.

 

And before anyone mentions names on deeds...if a couple has resided married in the house for years and years....that whole "her name isn't on it" is not much of a protection.

 

The OP isn't in the US. So, obviously, he should consult his attorney on what the law is where he is.

 

 

I think I mentioned before, but if I were him I would be in court ASAP requesting an emergency separate maintenance agreement until the divorce is heard in court.

 

 

In his sitch, I personally would take my chances with the judge.

 

 

But, in the meantime, he should move someone in to care for his minor children when he is working. Preferably, someone who will drive his wife out, like his parents or an aunt if they have one. He needs to establish that he is able to care for the children.

 

 

The children are going to need a lot of support. The last time we saw a case this egregious although different circumstances(where the WW was sleeping with everyone male/female in the neighborhood) the daughter went wild sort of imitating her mothers behavior once she learned what her mom had been up to and the mother eventually suicided.

Link to post
Share on other sites
autumnnight
But, in the meantime, he should move someone in to care for his minor children when he is working. Preferably, someone who will drive his wife out, like his parents or an aunt if they have one. He needs to establish that he is able to care for the children.

 

THIS is an excellent idea.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I have done some research on this. I can tell you that in most states, as despicable as adultery is, you can't force out a WS, you better think long and hard about packing up and removing their stuff, and you better have a good attorney if you change the locks.

 

A lot of the advice I see on marriage forums is, sadly, quite a few BS's wanting to live vicariously through a posting BS...to have them do what they wish was done. This is understandable...but not necessarily the best advice legally and long term.

 

And before anyone mentions names on deeds...if a couple has resided married in the house for years and years....that whole "her name isn't on it" is not much of a protection.

 

 

I think the bolded is silly. Lots of us have packed suitcases and kicked cheaters to the curb. So its no stretch in this case to box up everything they own and send it somewhere else.

 

 

No one here is in this situation or living vicariously through it.

 

 

Most people cant even imagine this situation with a 15 year affair and two children born from the affair. So, no one is thinking about what they wish they would have done in this situation.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't think a judge will fault them for ensuring they are jointly served at the same time under the circumstances.

 

I think it is of the utmost importance that they are confronted simultaneously. Otherwise they would warn each other - and they must not be given opportunity to flee or recover in any way.

 

I also doubt they had a plan for the fallout. WSes do prepare themselves the typical quotes for gas lighting to avoid the worst, but no concrete plans - and especially not those two who were comfortable and arrogant in their affair. If only OP would have organized a team to film their reactions - he'd earn MILLIONS of views on YouTube!

Edited by No Limit
Link to post
Share on other sites
I think it is of the utmost importance that they are confronted simultaneously. Otherwise they would warn each other - and they must not be given opportunity to flee or recover in any way.

 

I also doubt they had a plan for the fallout. WSes do prepare themselves the typical quotes for gas lighting to avoid the worst, but no concrete plans - and especially not those two who were comfortable and arrogant in their affair. If only OP would have organized a team to film their reactions - he'd earn MILLIONS of views on YouTube!

 

 

 

LOL. I agree, they probably have a long term plan but their arrogance would prevent them from having a real plan if they are caught other than gaslighting their respective spouses.

 

 

But, if I were the OP I would have forensic accountants involved because it wouldn't surprise me if they have diverted marital resources beyond meals and hotels to prepare for their eventual escape from their marriages. For all he knows, they could already own another residence.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
But, if I were the OP I would have forensic accountants involved because it wouldn't surprise me if they have diverted marital resources beyond meals and hotels to prepare for their eventual escape from their marriages. For all he knows, they could already own another residence.

 

That is unlikely; the financial resources they'd need for that are too large to be taken without being noticed. Also there's no need for ownership of a residence for their affair - that's what their shared workplace was for.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This story gets stranger every time I check out the latest developments.

 

Once upon a time...

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
That is unlikely; the financial resources they'd need for that are too large to be taken without being noticed. Also there's no need for ownership of a residence for their affair - that's what their shared workplace was for.

 

 

You think they are having sex in their offices for 15 years? I find that a little hard to believe.

 

 

Also, it sounds like both familes have a lot of money and depending on who is handling the money, a lot of money could be diverted over 15 years without anyone knowing.

 

 

When money is not an issue, people done always pay that much attention to it. OP has said over and over money is not an issue.

 

 

And, they could just be paying for a cheap rental, not real estate that was purchased.

Edited by velvette
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
You think they are having sex in their offices for 15 years? I find that a little hard to believe.

 

 

Also, it sounds like both familes have a lot of money and depending on who is handling the money, a lot of money could be diverted over 15 years without anyone knowing.

 

 

When money is not an issue, people done always pay that much attention to it. OP has said over and over money is not an issue.

 

 

And, they could just be paying for a cheap rental, not real estate that was purchased.

 

Hm, fair enough. Either way, IF they own anything and are hiding it away from court - they'd shoot themselves in the feet. As for going at it at the workplace; OP has only barely scratched the tip of the iceberg. How many know has yet to be revealed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I have done some research on this. I can tell you that in most states, as despicable as adultery is, you can't force out a WS, you better think long and hard about packing up and removing their stuff, and you better have a good attorney if you change the locks.

 

A lot of the advice I see on marriage forums is, sadly, quite a few BS's wanting to live vicariously through a posting BS...to have them do what they wish was done. This is understandable...but not necessarily the best advice legally and long term.

 

And before anyone mentions names on deeds...if a couple has resided married in the house for years and years....that whole "her name isn't on it" is not much of a protection.

 

Agreed. It's unlikely that he can force her to leave without some kind of court order granting him exclusive use of the marital home throughout the divorce process.

 

I had suggested that he 'ask' her to leave. Some people go so far as to pack bags to make the decision easier. And some people have successfully 'kicked the WS out,' really only because the WS acquiesced. Some WSs eventually decide to return because they've spoken to an attorney and found that they also have a right to the home. When it comes to changing the locks, you're taking a risk.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
autumnnight
And some people have successfully 'kicked the WS out,' really only because the WS acquiesced.

 

Yep. I know of one account where I BH physically removed a WW and forced her into a car. I understand his anger, but he should have been charged with assault. Period.

 

There ARE some things you just don't do.

 

It's like when people say "quit your job today." Are those people going to be around to pay next month's mortgage?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yep. I know of one account where I BH physically removed a WW and forced her into a car. I understand his anger, but he should have been charged with assault. Period.

 

There ARE some things you just don't do.

 

It's like when people say "quit your job today." Are those people going to be around to pay next month's mortgage?

 

Women seem to get away with the "kick them out" thing a bit better than men. I suppose the men think they just ought to leave, and they're right.

 

When I carried my wife out the door and dropped her, I went to jail. She stayed home.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...