QCesarJr Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I work in the I.T. (Computer) department in one of the large Auto Insurance companies. I call my wife 2-3 times a day, for a few minutes, just to check in on her and our small babies. Today, she asked me to kiss her through the phone to end the call. We hardly ever do that, but the few times she's asked, I've done it. Maybe 5 times ever. Today, I felt it would be inappropriate, because of my surrounding (other people in the office, my boss' boss walked by, etc.). However, she is saying that I should have no problem doing this, ever. She says everyone has a right to love someone and that the only reason I didn't blow her a kiss is because I obviously am ashamed of her. Oh, she has conveniently forgotten the other 5-ish times I HAVE blown her kisses. Thoughts, please? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Ugh I feel for you man I've been there. My gf of 4 years and I are very affectionate and have no problem vocalizing or expressing our feelings towards each other but about a year into our relationship she would call me at work and ask the same of me before we got off the phone. "Tell me you love me and blow me a kiss". I had just started a new career and was always around co workers and management so this was not the appropriate place to express those things. After it literally led to an argument between us I had to assertively yet calmly and rationally explain to her that "listen, you know I love you, there is no doubt about that, however the workplace and office is not a setting where 1. Personal relationships are maintained 2. Not the appropriate place to say things or act a certain way. There is a level of standards that are expected of us while at work and that has nothing to do with her, tell her that you have no issue with saying "I love you" before hanging up but blowing kisses and using pet names are best to be reserved for outside the office/workplace setting. Also keep in mind that some girls want you to do these things specifically due to the fact that it is their way of making sure the women you work with are aware you are married or with someone serious. She could be feeling insecure about female coworkers of yours or men she doesn't trust that work with you and wants to assure herself that they know you're taken and not looking to stray. Any rational woman will understand if explained this way. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 To each his own but it seems creepy and unprofessional to me. I wouldn't do it, my wife wouldn't ask me to do it, I wouldn't ask her to do it, and if I did she still wouldn't do it. If my wife did ask me to do it, I would wonder whether she wanted me to advertise to any nearby females that I was off the market. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Your wife is being unreasonable. First if I was your boss & found out you were calling your wife 3x per day on company time I would be upset. Kissing noises are childish & unprofessional. There is a time & place for everything. The middle of your work day is not the time for what she wants. She needs to learn to draw more responsible boundaries. It wouldn't be right for you to exchange more then a chaste peck with her in person at the office either. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 How OLD is this woman? 12? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I work in the I.T. (Computer) department in one of the large Auto Insurance companies. State Farm? We gotta talk. Today, she asked me to kiss her through the phone to end the call. We hardly ever do that, but the few times she's asked, I've done it. Maybe 5 times ever. Just, no. No problem telling my wife I love her over the phone at the office, and maybe some light teasing and so forth, but no way am I making kissy noises over the phone. I'd feel like an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 If she's over the age of 16 (and presumably she is), demanding a "phone kiss" is a bit much. Assuming that you won't give one because you don't love her and are embarrassed of her is... Well... That's a bit strange. Circling back to the fact that she's at home with two small babies (twins?), I'm wondering if she's having some postpartum issues. While I didn't deal with postpartum depression per say, those first few weeks when our child was born and I went from out-and-about to chained to the house, I'll admit, I had issues. Call me selfish or self-centered or whatever, but I felt puffy, I felt chubby, I felt like I didn't look right, I felt tired, I felt like a recluse... Basically, I felt like a vomit covered, frazzled, exhausted lunatic in a horror movie and not at all like the "new mom" with the perfect kid in the perfect outfit with the perfect hair and the immediate return of the perfect body... And it drove me nuts. Consequently, it drove my husband nuts as well because I spent a lot of time assuming and then trying to prove that how I felt about myself was how he felt about me too. Naturally, he didn't... But my over tired, over worked, postpartum brain couldn't be convinced of it and he really resorted to some pretty grand, over-the-top gestures to prove that he thought I was still amazing, which helped me feel a bit more secure. Eventually as hormones settled back down I got normal again, but until that point, I really demanded a lot of reassurance that I wasn't dumpy, hot mess from my husband. I wonder if maybe she might not be going through a bit of the same thing. It sounds like it. If it were me, I'd tell her you can't give a "phone kiss" at work because it's highly unprofessional and instead maybe develop another less embarrassing but highly unique little thing you can do that's maybe more intimate and less high school boyfriend than phone kisses. Then ramp it up hardcore when you get home or when you're in public with her. Those first few months are hard. You've got people lined up around the block to fawn over how cute and wonderful the babies are, while you just stand there like the roadie. You're not at a point where people reassure you that you're doing a good job taking care of them, like you get with well behaved older kids, and you're still at a point where people find it funny to make comments like "getting used to not sleeping yet?" or "man, you look exhausted!" punctuated with the "enjoy it while it lasts, they grow up so fast" So you stand there while the child gets all the attention while you do all the work, being told you look tired (because you are), which is interpreted as you look awful (never a good thing to hear), and then told you should savor and enjoy it when in reality, if you're anything like me, you enjoy the selective memories of it from years down the road and not so much the whole of the experience at the time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 She is lonely at home, I get that-but she is making a big deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal- can you ask her why it is so important to her that you blow her a kiss- does she feel like maybe there is someone at work you like, did she see it in a movie, read it in a how to keep the romance alive blog- Could you guys come up with an inside joke or code that does the same thing- it can be dirty or romantic- you guys decide- Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 She is lonely at home. Could you guys come up with an inside joke or code that does the same thing- it can be dirty or romantic- you guys decide- I agree, she is lonely at home, I guess feeling needy and insecure, and you do need to keep up the emotional connection with her, which is what you are doing by phoning her. A code or special language between the two of you is good, that will make her feel special and will bring the two of you together. I would also try and call her from somewhere private too at times, so that you can give her a kiss down the phone, every now and again. Link to post Share on other sites
SJS Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 There's a time & place for everything, and work is not the place to be making kissy noises. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I can't believe this request. Work is a professional environment, not for this kind of stuff. I know at times in the past when i say 'love you' at the end of a call to my H, his voice is low in volume, but i totally understand. I think she needs some time away from the kids in the evenings to relax. It's hard work. Link to post Share on other sites
mandymor Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 You have to let her know that when you're at work you can't be acting like that. If you have to tell her your boss doesn't like that sort of behavior in the office place. She's a grown woman she should understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts