Should I keep initiating contact?

[h0000]

So I met a guy online. The first day I initiated the first message,he replied rather attentively. The next day I messaged him again chatting. Eventually it turned into a date on that same night. He was a little on the quiet side but very sweet. He gave me lots of kisses.

The third day I initiated a text, again he was quite responsive so we had a good convo. We talked about seeing each other again sometime soon.

The forth day I didn't initiate contact, and neither did him.

Today I started to feel I really want to hear from this guy first, for a change. I want to text him but should I not?

Am I being a little too impatient? Or it is a red flag already?

Could he still like me even if we aren't talking everyday and he so far hasn't initiated any message? Or is he just being nice?

Edited June 9, 2015 by h0000

[doeblin]

Could he still like me even if we aren't talking everyday and he so far hasn't initiated any message? Or is he just being nice?

 

Don't overthink things.

Don't try to play games.

Take a deeep breath.

 

 

Engage yourself in one of your hobbies. You have a life outside of dating, right?

 

 

Communication should be reciprocal.

Yes, sometimes he should initiate.

 

However, few days without contact this early in a relationship (it's not even a relationship!) is perfectly normal.

 

So have fun! Don't worry!

[Gaeta]

You need to put the phone down.

 

It's in men's nature to pursue when they are interested.

 

Maybe this man is interested but because you initiate all the time you don't give him enough space to do his job.

 

I also think you've done enough initiating. It's time you put your phone down and let him show you how much he is interested.

 

Also, having a conversation about hanging out sometimes is not the same as setting a date.

 

Over all I'd say this man isn't much interested sorry.

[NC-Thomas]

As a man, I can tell you that I sometimes don't text for a day. And I don't want to be needy or desperate by texting every 5 minutes.

 

When a man doesnt text back, let it be for a couple of hours. If he doesnt text in a while, you can always show interest for 1 maybe 2 more times, if his response is lukewarm at most, then it was never meant to be.

 

Men are born hunters, they go for what they want. When I meet a girl I fancy, I will text sooner or later ( but if radio silence is longer than 1 day, then maybe move on... ). However, when a woman doesnt show interest in me, e.g. I ask for her day and she doesnt ask about mine --> i retreat.

 

Go and relax and whatever will happen, will happen.

 

PS: men text a lot less than girls in general.

Edited June 9, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[Popsicle]

Given that this sort of thing happens so often, I'm fairly convinced that almost everyone doing OLD feel fairly dispassionate about it. I think that either says something about OLD or the demographic that uses it.

[toscaroscura]

Given that this sort of thing happens so often, I'm fairly convinced that almost everyone doing OLD feel fairly dispassionate about it. I think that either says something about OLD or the demographic that uses it.

 

Yeah, it's pretty depressing. There is so much "meh" out there!

[h0000]

Yeah, it's pretty depressing. There is so much "meh" out there!

 

Lol what do you guys mean ?

[KaliKatherine]

I'm interested to see where this thread goes and what more people have to say. I've been dating a guy for close to 2 months who has only called a handful of times, although we text every other day or so. I've also realized he's a bit more introverted than I am accustomed to, which is probably part of the reason why he initiates a phone call far less frequently than the few other men I've dated so far.

 

I'm relatively new to dating (been divorced for over a year now) and texting didn't exist in my single days so feel like I have a lot to learn!

 

One day of radio silence after an initial good rapport wouldn't worry me, but if the relationship progresses more I'd be wanting more contact/reciprocated interest.

[h0000]

I'm interested to see where this thread goes and what more people have to say. I've been dating a guy for close to 2 months who has only called a handful of times, although we text every other day or so. I've also realized he's a bit more introverted than I am accustomed to, which is probably part of the reason why he initiates a phone call far less frequently than the few other men I've dated so far.

 

I'm relatively new to dating (been divorced for over a year now) and texting didn't exist in my single days so feel like I have a lot to learn!

 

One day of radio silence after an initial good rapport wouldn't worry me, but if the relationship progresses more I'd be wanting more contact/reciprocated interest.

So does your guy initiate much texts at all? I'm inclined to think my guy is not feeling that much since everyone says men make moves on women they desire etc ...

I will not be contacting him. Will see if he will send me any messages.

[kenmore]

I can give you some insight from the opposite perspective. There are several ladies I text with, two I have actually been out with (but neither are deep relationships yet) and some more I just text with casually, and sometimes when I text them (or leave a voicemail) and I don't hear anything, I start to have my doubts as to whether they care. Then I put it into perspective.

 

First of all, they have other things they do in life so I can't expect them to text back, not only right away, but even on the same day. Second, no it's not serious (and neither is yours h0000.) Third, I was actually married to a woman who I thought loved me and she didn't, so how can I possibly know what any woman I met a few times thinks?

 

So in a nutshell, it doesn't matter. It's not worth worrying about and definitely not worth getting your heart broken over. To answer your questions:

 

Yes it's a red flag. No do NOT initiate another text, you're right to want to hear from him first for a change. Yes, he can still like you and maybe has been busy. Give it time but it's definitely time for him to contact you next.

 

Good luck!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Given that this sort of thing happens so often, I'm fairly convinced that almost everyone doing OLD feel fairly dispassionate about it. I think that either says something about OLD or the demographic that uses it.

 

Who you callin OLD? :laugh:

 

(btw, wtf is OLD anyway?)

[KaliKatherine]

I would say with the texts it's about 60% intiated by me, 40% him. With the phone calls its more lop-sided, probably 75% me. Part of the reason for the phone calls difference is I have 2 little girls and I generally cannot have much uninterrupted phone time until after I get them to bed but..,,let's just say its nice to be on the receiving end of the call sometimes!

 

Other men I've dated have been more apt to initiate calls. I think your decision to wait is reasonable. Guys usually make it clear when they're interested, unless they're inexperienced in relationships and more introverted.

[h0000]

Who you callin OLD? :laugh:

 

(btw, wtf is OLD anyway?)

 

She means online dating I believe

[h0000]

I would say with the texts it's about 60% intiated by me, 40% him. With the phone calls its more lop-sided, probably 75% me. Part of the reason for the phone calls difference is I have 2 little girls and I generally cannot have much uninterrupted phone time until after I get them to bed but..,,let's just say its nice to be on the receiving end of the call sometimes!

 

Other men I've dated have been more apt to initiate calls. I think your decision to wait is reasonable. Guys usually make it clear when they're interested, unless they're inexperienced in relationships and more introverted.

 

Does it bother you that he doesn't initiate much? Does that make you doubt his feelings?

[Redhead14]

So I met a guy online. The first day I initiated the first message,he replied rather attentively. The next day I messaged him again chatting. Eventually it turned into a date on that same night. He was a little on the quiet side but very sweet. He gave me lots of kisses.

The third day I initiated a text, again he was quite responsive so we had a good convo. We talked about seeing each other again sometime soon.

The forth day I didn't initiate contact, and neither did him.

Today I started to feel I really want to hear from this guy first, for a change. I want to text him but should I not?

Am I being a little too impatient? Or it is a red flag already?

Could he still like me even if we aren't talking everyday and he so far hasn't initiated any message? Or is he just being nice?

 

This is the trouble with too much one-sided intiating. You do the initiating maybe once or twice and then wait for them. It should be balanced in order to "see" mutual interest. I would wait for him to reach out now. You're coming on a little two strong now. It's ok to initiate, but you need to let it balance out.

[Redhead14]

So I met a guy online. The first day I initiated the first message,he replied rather attentively. The next day I messaged him again chatting. Eventually it turned into a date on that same night. He was a little on the quiet side but very sweet. He gave me lots of kisses.

The third day I initiated a text, again he was quite responsive so we had a good convo. We talked about seeing each other again sometime soon.

The forth day I didn't initiate contact, and neither did him.

Today I started to feel I really want to hear from this guy first, for a change. I want to text him but should I not?

Am I being a little too impatient? Or it is a red flag already?

Could he still like me even if we aren't talking everyday and he so far hasn't initiated any message? Or is he just being nice?

 

And, you had a "date" the same night. That's OK, but from OLD, it should only be a first "meet up". Short meeting for coffee or drinks to confirm that they are who they say they are and look like their picture. On that meet up, you shouldn't be allowing him to kiss you yet. To me, he was the one being impatient (I mean it's OK, you can kiss anyone you want), but it's not a good idea on a first meet up. I'd be put off by a strange man trying to kiss me. Same as if I met someone at a bar or someplace the first time. That's pushy. Either way, just let him come to you now.

[h0000]

So an update: two days and he hasn't contacted me.

I don't understand why he is so responsive but not initiative!

Should I forget about him now?? Or wait 3 days and text him again and see what is up?

[Gaeta]

So an update: two days and he hasn't contacted me.

I don't understand why he is so responsive but not initiative!

Should I forget about him now?? Or wait 3 days and text him again and see what is up?

 

Hon, he doesn't text you because he doesn't think about you. Let it go. You've done enough.

[Redhead14]

So an update: two days and he hasn't contacted me.

I don't understand why he is so responsive but not initiative!

Should I forget about him now?? Or wait 3 days and text him again and see what is up?

 

You're chasing him. He doesn't need to initiate. He knows you're interested, but now because you're doing all the work, you don't know what his interest level is. Sure, he'll respond just to be nice and/or keep the door open for himself if he's weighing options. And so what if he is? If he's weighing options and does start reaching out to you, it's likely he's made a decision to try to date forward with you.

 

Let him do the initiating now. Don't reach out anymore.

[Gary S]

If he does not ask you out within a week, it's probably not going to go anywhere.

[kenmore]

I initiated a text with my g/f today after a week. She talked like crazy! I don't feel that just because we have not spoken for awhile that there are no feelings, in fact I felt a strong emotion texting with her and felt she did too. I don't know if we have a future, she has told me she's leaving the country in five years to retire, but we can still have some fun. Yeah, it's slow going.

 

That doesn't directly relate because we have both initiated so that was just to put it in perspective. My advice is don't stress it. No, do not contact him next regardless of how long it is. Just remember, it's "his turn." You took yours.

 

Meanwhile, while you're waiting, look around. Perhaps you will move on regardless and then it's his loss.

[h0000]

I initiated a text with my g/f today after a week. She talked like crazy! I don't feel that just because we have not spoken for awhile that there are no feelings, in fact I felt a strong emotion texting with her and felt she did too. I don't know if we have a future, she has told me she's leaving the country in five years to retire, but we can still have some fun. Yeah, it's slow going.

 

That doesn't directly relate because we have both initiated so that was just to put it in perspective. My advice is don't stress it. No, do not contact him next regardless of how long it is. Just remember, it's "his turn." You took yours.

 

Meanwhile, while you're waiting, look around. Perhaps you will move on regardless and then it's his loss.

 

It's very odd not to speak to your gf for a week?! You guys had no contact at all for a week??

 

For me, eventually, he texted me last night. So it was one day silence then he initiated, so not too bad I suppose?

We watched a movie together yesterday and while I left I said " good night. I'll text you tomorrow." -ha, an excuse that I can talk to him..