emotionsmessmeup Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Ok me and my FWB finally had a talk. I told him I couldnt do anything casual anymore with him coz i was getting too attached. I said I think me and him could date... he said he likes me..but is confused.. With me he wantes to be very careful and sure???? He also told me about hsi exes and how one of them left him coz he was not ready to commit for marriage. Finally it was decided that we will take a break for about a month (till I go to India and come back) and he said he will be sure of his feelings by then? Dating to us would be like a relationship..not dating dating..According to him and me he is 33 and i am 24. Now what kind of a man needs a break to think of he wants to get into a relationship or not? He said he has seen the way my ex affected me so he wants to be careful with me. after all of that..He made love to me..! did thigns he hasnt done before... ok..is this a polite way of saying no? comments? thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup ok..is this a polite way of saying no? Could be. Guys are hard to read. See what happenes when you come home. You might not have feelings for HIM anymore. You could meet someone in India. A lot can happen in a month. Don't settle anytyhing before you go tho. You had "the talk" which made you a little bit more clear of the situation. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 he is using u for sex Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Go to India. Trust me, it may seem hectic right now, but once you take your distance, the truth shall come to you. A month is much more than you need. No one can tell you what's going on between you and him but the 2 of you. I think you're using him as an emotional rebound. That's how I percieve it. You're projecting on him your fears, your hopes and wishes. You're leaning on him. And you're lucky, because he's gentle with you. Take your time, you'll see you'll be like new when you come back! Enjoy and don't eat too much curry! Curly Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 He is Just NOT that into You. I just read that book yesterday, and according to them , and logic, If a guy is in love with you, wants to date you, what ever....he will, and will not pussy-foot around. and if he does these things you are better off nipping it in the bud! so true, yet, hard to actually do. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 I haven't read that book and I agree it is true, but only after a certain point. What I mean is at first, no guy will ever agree to "go steady" with a girl all of a sudden. It takes time to know and to discover eachother. So test eachother sort of speak. This period of time, in the beginning, I think it's not alarming to feel that "he's just not that into you". As far as I've expereinced it, guys are reluctant to making part of a girl's life so profoundly, so inextricably. They care about their own identity a lot! So only after the first lyer is gone, you can think in terms of "he's into you" or not. I feel that many many times, women make an issue out of this when it's not the case, actually. Like how long you've been seeing eachother, how often, what you've been doing ... you know, FACTS. and only after that jump to conclusions. EMMU, you were FWB, right? For how long? What else have you been doing? How did he respond to your actions? I think if you take things calmly and if you're cool about it, he'll be clean with what he's feeling. If you pressure him into "oh, I knew it, you're not THAT into me" type of phrases when sobbing, you can be sure the guy will run as fast as lightening. Don't overreact and listen to what he's saying. It's as simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Now what kind of a man needs a break to think of he wants to get into a relationship or not? The kind of man who is not in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 yup i read that book too.. thats why i am like..hmm..it cant be right.. but then everything feels right.. it was rebound..but the problem is this guy and my ex are so different that nothing at all is common..lets wait and watch.. alphamale..i agree with u too... Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita He is Just NOT that into You. I just read that book yesterday, and according to them , and logic, If a guy is in love with you, wants to date you, what ever....he will, and will not pussy-foot around. and if he does these things you are better off nipping it in the bud! so true, yet, hard to actually do. He's on oprah today!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup but then everything feels right.. Don't lie to yourself. It doesn't feel right that he doesn't want to date you, but he'll still sleep with you... Otherwise you would not be writing here for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 ok.. we met first time in september.. i was crying then about my ex in a drunk state on his shoulder... I was crawling on the floor drunk and he was running after me to take care of me.. same day he met this other girl..whom he dated... i got his #...well someone stored it on my phone..i dont remember how when what... anyway..he dated this girl for a couple of months...then she broke off with him for religious reasons! he kissed me on new years then.... it took 2 months for hime to actually agree to sleep with him..... then march..april we have been doing this booty call thing...but at the same time..hanging otu together on weekends..talking almost everyday if not every other day on the phone...so 4 months of knowing... he has always treated me right..NEVER disappointed me so far.. well he has to treat me right.. but other than that..we are extremely funny together.. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 same day he met this other girl..whom he dated... He met another girl on the same day and chose to date her instead of you. got his #...well someone stored it on my phone..i dont remember how when what... anyway So, you asked him out? that's mistake number 1. he has always treated me right.. by refusing to date you? NEVER disappointed me so far.. What's your definition of disappointment? Mine would be "then march..april we have been doing this booty call thing" Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 it does feel right... if u need to bring a huge smile on my face u know whom to mention... it feels right...! i have not been disappointed so far...abut the real test is now..! Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 well yea..coz i was justa friends then.. we didnt think like that about each other then.. not disappointed meaning..been where he should be with me.. called when he should have...stuff like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Don't rush into labeling things! You were FWB, it's hard to take it from there to the "bf/gf" category. If he didn't want that, I think he would have told you so. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegard. While I don't think you did a good think by accepting that type of relationship, it's done... and to be honest, it doesn't sound this bad. I belive that you've been terribly hurt by your ex and are on shacky ground. I believe you're afraid of being rejected. I also believe you do overanalyse/obsess about everything about your relationships . Just take it as it comes. Chill out a bit and DON'T make any decisions before you get back from India! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 it does feel right... Uh huh. yeah... Sounds great! Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Look, I am this this guy. ( not this pertciular guy) I'm 36 she's 26. She wants a commitment and not just sex etc etc. I said lets see how it goes. The only thing I promised her is exclusivity. Why? Cause deep down I don't think it will work out, but at the same time I don't know that it won't. So taking is slow means to me not get too attached so if things fail you don't feel the pain. And to be honest if dating is a requirement before you have sex etc, and unless he does that no sex, he'll probabaly leave. I would. Hey its a coward way, and I am coward. So if this gives you any insight on what your guy is feeling, I have done my job. May the fertility gods bless you my child. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Wow. 3 cheers for honesty! Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by HoldOn Wow. 3 cheers for honesty! Yeah. This take is slow stuff is crap. Because of what other boys friends have done to her in the past? Its not his call to make its her call. So what it comes down to is, are you interested in sex or are youinterested in her. Its pretty clear that as long as she is willing to give it up with no hassle he's ahppy the moment she wants more, hes not ready. Interesting how he's ready for sex though. Me, I am what I am. A person who enjoys sex as part of a relationship but at the same time needs to know for sure that this is going somewhere before I commit to anything. So if it means that no sex until we see, I'm good with that. If we're having sex and I'm not sure how things go, and no more sex until then, see ya. I don't like bribes. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Yeah, but you would wait for sex if you thought she was the right person. Wouldn't it be better to dump the girl you really don't care about, and spend your time looking for the right girl? And also, don't you think it's a little mean to string her along like this... The whole time she is thinking -- how can I make him love me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 yes..plus see..he is a very close friend... and we have a hige group and eevryone knows if the guys hurts me..they will pounce at him... so far he hasnt made any contact except i see him log on messenger... no form of contact....so well...lets see...need to get through this weekend...! i appreciate u all giving me the clear view! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 right now. there's a nice guy sitting out there looking for a nice girl to have a relationship with... actually, he's looking for you. He'd call you his girlfriend, introduce to his family and tell you he loves you. Too bad you'll never meet him because you're hung up on your FWB who "can't decide" whether he wants to be with you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Something tells me if you broke up with him he would be none too torn about it. Go look for that nice guy. They are out there. Not saying I'm not a nice guy, but guys like me either know what we want or don't. When we don't well you see what happens. Good luck to you my child. Link to post Share on other sites
dcsmom97 Posted September 6, 2005 Share Posted September 6, 2005 He's buying time - he already knows, I mean how long does it take? He made love to you after "the talk" to confuse you. Link to post Share on other sites
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