Should I tell him that I know he is a lying cheating pig?!?

[sad_bunny]

I am 3 weeks post BU. I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months. I am 33, he is 39.

 

He seemed to be the perfect guy. He helped with so many things, we traveled a lot and every weekend was like holiday. He gave me his house keys 2 weeks after we met, I've never felt that kind of security in my whole life. I was always sure, that he would never cheat on me.

 

Then his mother died and 2 months later... he broke up with me. I thought that the breakup is connected to his mother death, but I was wrong. We should have moved in together at the end of summer, and he proposed to me in spring....

 

One week ago I found out, that while we were still together, he was talking to this other girl. They have been together 9 years ago or so.

 

While being on holidays with me, he kept talking to her. Recently I found the call history from this period and he was texting and calling her like crazy. He did not miss a chance, I can imagine him texting while on the toilet, while I was in the shower etc. After we returned from that trip, they went on a 4 days trip (he told me he was on a business trip). The day he returned, he broke up with me, telling me he needs space. and all the bla, bla. bla. First I believed him, I did not suspect there's someone else. He seemed the perfect guy...

 

Since BU, we had LC. Last time I saw him, I asked him if he is seeing someone, and he told me yes, but it's complicated and it's not official yet. I asked it it happened while we were still together, and he lied, and said no. He kept repeating, how he wants us to stay friend. And that he would like to hang out more, but for him it's very hard, because he still has feelings for me.

 

When we were together, he always told me he is happy and was tired having complicated relationships. Until now, when his now girlfriend, is going trough divorce and has 1 yo child.

 

I have good days, and very bad days. Some days I am in rage and very angry, some days I am picking myself up off the floor and can barely move or breath.

We live on the same street. Every morning I pass by his house. Her car is always there...and she's still married!!!

 

What I am longing to do, but I am kinda waiting for the right moment,I want to tell him (no yelling just a friendly conversation) that I know everything, I know what happened and how dissapointed I was, because it turned out he's not that special, I do not want us to be friends, and then go NC.

 

Should I or should I not?

[DexterLS]

What will that change? Are you expecting closure?

[FancyFace]

Ok so you tell him you know all of these things and then what? If he really is a lying cheating pig as you so eloquently describe, he most likely wont care and whatever result you are expecting is not what you are gonna get.

 

Clearly he didnt care enough to be faithful and honest to you, so why now after the breakup?

 

Cut your losses, go strict NC without the fanfare and start the process of moving on.

[elaine567]

He knows he lied and cheated on you, you know he lied and cheated on you.

I guess he thought and still thinks the other girl was worth it, so you are now immaterial to him, what you think doesn't actually matter.

He is now with this other girl, the end justifies the means.

Even if they split up tomorrow, he was not really fully on side with you anyway.

What will you achieve?

A shouting match?

A "crazy ex" label?

 

Move on. You dodged a bullet.

[sad_bunny]

you are all so right! NC is the way to go starting now...

 

I thought that by telling him that I know, maybe it'll make him feel bad. Sometimes I am getting so angry with him, I'd love to cut his head off. I am also angry with her. She's exactly like him. She cheats on her husband.

 

Thanks for the advice, I needed to hear it!

[DexterLS]

you are all so right! NC is the way to go starting now...

 

I thought that by telling him that I know, maybe it'll make him feel bad. Sometimes I am getting so angry with him, I'd love to cut his head off. I am also angry with her. She's exactly like him. She cheats on her husband.

 

Thanks for the advice, I needed to hear it!

 

That's your closure right there. They deserve each other.

 

Let them be and move on. You will find someone else much better

[PegNosePete]

If you do, he will print it off and pin it up for all his friends to see on his "trophy wall".

[candie13]

the only really sh*tty thing is that he lives on the same road as you do. That's really bad...

[sad_bunny]

Thank you all for your support. I won't contact him!

 

It's very hard for me to understand, how the hell could he jump out of our relationship, 2 months after proposing and now he is in love with another girl. Seeing their cars in front of the house we were supposed to live together, taking the trips we were supposed to go together makes me sick.

 

He's happy living the same life we planned, but with another girl. And after a few days together he already told her he loves her. (I know this from a mutual friend, whom I just asked not to give me any updates on him, because I do not wanna know).

 

Everything in my apartment reminds of him, and I just can't get rid of all the stuff, because that would mean an empty apartment.

 

How can I snap out of the situation? I cannot see the light at the end of tunnel

[Mondmellonw]

They already told you... But I will say it again: Don't do it.

If he really is that much of a pig, then , tell us if it helps for a while.

But, it will be so much more rewarding for you in the long run if you stay quiet.

 

I had an ex who was a little like this, maybe. He was the ex who kinda brought me to this site, haha.

 

But, yeah... Stay NC and good luck

[minime13]

Don't. Stop talking to him. Get him out of your life. NC.

 

Don't give him the benefit of seeing that you're still longing for him, because that is precisely what that will do.

 

This "new" girl (let's face it, she's not really new) will get old, and he'll come running back to you. That's why he wants to remain friends. Of course, you know the real him, so being friends or even getting back together is unimaginable to you. This is a good thing.

 

Keep up with NC. Don't give it time and then try to get closure. There's no such thing as closure - it's just a word made to make us feel better. Do good and right for yourself, and do not include him anymore. If you need to, write it all down, and then throw it away.

[minime13]

Thank you all for your support. I won't contact him!

 

It's very hard for me to understand, how the hell could he jump out of our relationship, 2 months after proposing and now he is in love with another girl. Seeing their cars in front of the house we were supposed to live together, taking the trips we were supposed to go together makes me sick.

 

He's happy living the same life we planned, but with another girl. And after a few days together he already told her he loves her. (I know this from a mutual friend, whom I just asked not to give me any updates on him, because I do not wanna know).

 

Everything in my apartment reminds of him, and I just can't get rid of all the stuff, because that would mean an empty apartment.

 

How can I snap out of the situation? I cannot see the light at the end of tunnel

 

I doubt he's really happy. He's just afraid to be alone and properly move on from the relationship. You're in a much better position right now.

 

Reconnect with old friends. Do some self-improvement. Join a gym. Get a new hobby. Keep yourself busy, and you'll eventually find that there's no more room for thinking about him.

[dumbass2]

I know he lives by you, but can you give yourself a little extra time and take a different route each day, at least until you get over this? Having to drive by his house is going to delay your healing, there's no way around it.

 

You said this and keep repeating this to yourself or even right it down in large letters and put in on your fridge or inside your front door. THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER" and remind yourself that you are better than that and you deserve so much better. You're not like that and you have morals.

 

I know you had great times with him, but remind yourself of how he's acted and know that what you see now is his true self. You don't always get to see this when you're in a relationship, especially within the first few years. I see my ex now in a different light. She is not the same person she was when in the relationship. I tell myself I dodged a bullet because sooner or later the person shows their true colors and hopefully by then you haven't wasted too much time on them.

[sad_bunny]

I am overwhelmed by all your support <3

 

I will definitely go NC. Will post here whenever I need to vent.

 

I already started running almost everyday. It feels good doing something for me. I spent the whole weekend at some friends place. We are planning a trip the next weekend. My job is keeping me busy 8h/day, where I also have 2 friends to whom I can talk about Mr. Pig. I have pets to cuddle when I get home

 

I wanna start a photography course. I try keeping as busy as possible.

 

Things got a little bit better than in the 1st week after BU, when I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, the pain in my chest is present only mornings when I wake up and feel like I got hit by the train and I cannot stop thinking about him, the fact that he is in a relationship, the fact that I am alone and I feel like I am never going to be meet someone again or be happy again.

 

And I feel bad wishing that things won't work out with his new GF and I wish she'll break his heart like he did to me.

[Mondmellonw]

And I feel bad wishing that things won't work out with his new GF and I wish she'll break his heart like he did to me.

 

 

Work on letting go of that feeling. It sounds like you're already trying to focus on yourself, and that is a huge step.

 

If you can't let go of this feeling quickly, then don't worry about hoping for it.

Just don't act out on it....

Some people try to ruin their exes new relationships, when in reality, if this people aren't really people with morals, you don't have to do anything.

They are already ruined in most cases.

 

 

Just focus on yourself! It gets better...

[dumbass2]

Please answer me on driving past his house because I think this is important.

Can you go in another direction to avoid his house? I hope you can even if it takes you a little more time to get to where you need to go. I think this is going to be important in trying to help you heel.

[sad_bunny]

There is another way. It'll take longer but I'll have to do it.

 

Distance between my house and his is 700 m. And I cannot move from here, I bought the apartment 6 months ago (we did, in the idea we will rent it when we move in together). The good outcome of this is that I have my own place, the bad is that his house is just around the corner.

 

As I type this, one of our friends texted me that asking why on "our" next planned trip he'll go with another woman and a baby. She had no idea we broke up.... Should I ignore the message? Should I answer? She's more his friend, not mine. I am not interested in keeping in touch.

[minime13]

There is another way. It'll take longer but I'll have to do it.

 

Distance between my house and his is 700 m. And I cannot move from here, I bought the apartment 6 months ago (we did, in the idea we will rent it when we move in together). The good outcome of this is that I have my own place, the bad is that his house is just around the corner.

 

As I type this, one of our friends texted me that asking why on "our" next planned trip he'll go with another woman and a baby. She had no idea we broke up.... Should I ignore the message? Should I answer? She's more his friend, not mine. I am not interested in keeping in touch.

 

She's his friend? Tell her she should ask him, because you don't want to dwell on it. Then delete her #.

[dumbass2]

If she is not your friend and more of just an acquaintance, then you can just ignore her for right now or tell her to ask him. You don't need to explain anything to her. It will just open things up and then she'll contact him and then the drama follows.

 

Another thing is If she is more his friend and knows that he's taking another woman, then she probably knows what's going on and may even be doing this on his behalf to see how you are handling things. Do not reply.

[dreamingoftigers]

You know what?

 

I'm.all for .NC.

 

but sometimes there's that last final word that needs to not be silenced.

 

Then .NC no matter what.

 

There's a difference between "crazy" and speaking your truth.

 

It could be as simple as: I know that you cheated with this married woman and that you've been with her nine years. It's too bad I didn't find out sooner because you wasted my time getting me to be emotionally invested in you when you had ZERO respect for me. Clearly she has zero respect for herself, her husband or you, so after knowing this and calling you out on your BS, do not contact me ever. We are not friends at all, if I could instantly erase your impact in my life, I would and I have no desire to remain friends or have any further contact someone who behaves so dysfunctional. Hopefully you don't pull anyone else into these shennanigans.

[sad_bunny]

She's his friend? Tell her she should ask him, because you don't want to dwell on it. Then delete her #.

 

That's exactly what I did. Deleted and blocked her.

 

@dreamingoftigers that's exactly what I wanted to say, but then decided that silence is golden.

 

I asked friends, who gave me updates on him (without me asking) to stop that, because I am really not interested in hearing how they say I love to each other (after 3 days of relationship - they were together 9 years ago for 1 year or so), how they are planning trips together, how he buys clothes for the child and drives almost everyday 100 - 150 km just to see them. How he baby proofed his home and that they we'll move in together in about 2 months.

 

He also asked one of them if I am seeing someone...

 

I just don't get it, is this guy mentally ill?!?!?! Two months ago he said he loves me and now he loves her and continues living the life we planned for us?

 

Except that my stomach hurts, and mornings are not the best time of the day, I do not even know what I am feeling right now.

Edited June 10, 2015 by sad_bunny

[Toodaloo]

Should I or should I not?

 

No.

 

But what you should do is things that make you happy so every time they both see you they see you smiling and having a fun time of it.

 

Make sure you look after yourself and spoil yourself.

 

This guy is what is known as a "douche"... He is not worth a single second more of your time. He is flip flapping.

 

Is there something you have always wanted to have a go at but never had the courage? DO IT! Go and enjoy yourself. So when he asks your friends they will turn round and say I saw Sad Bunny the other day and she looks amazing and is so happy! All with out you even trying or asking them to!

 

That is your best revenge. If someone else comes along, great, but don't go looking just to show him up... Show him up by proving that you are in fact the absolute dogs bollocks.

[sad_bunny]

@Toodaloo I kinda know that's the way to go, but it's easier said than done.

 

Actually I am a very strong woman, I traveled in the past alone been from India to South America to Japan all by myself. I am not afraid of doing things. My friends would characterize me as a very cheerful, active, funny, intelligent person. I like to paint, I am very creative and now I started running to keep busy. I have lots of hobbies that I enjoyed doing all by myself. But after meeting Mr. Pig, it was so much more fun doing everything together and now I am alone. The loneliness is palpable and I think that's why I feel so miserable.

 

I really thought I have found an honest partner. I never experienced that kind of security my entire life. He was the kind of guy that gave me his house keys from the 1st week of dating. I had access to all his devices - i never checked to see who is he writing to or such, but it made me feel good. He was like an open book....until 1 month ago when bammmmm.

Sometimes I am blaming myself for the breakup.

 

On the other hand, he behaves the same with his new gf and probably did with the ex. And I am jealous and mad and angry and all those feelings and thoughts are overwhelming.

 

I am living in the land of confused people and I am one of them.