amkxoxo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I am posting on this topic one more time, just for some final opinions and then I will probably stop all together. So a few weeks ago my guy friend and I crossed from friends into more. We started getting more physical kissing, touching, and getting naked together. The only reason I didn't have sex with him is because I am a virgin. I am 23 and waiting to find someone I not only trust, but whom I can be in a serious relationship with. He was respectful of this and told me he didn't care if we ever had sex, though he would love it, he did not care either way, and he enjoyed what we did. My friend and I agreed that we would remain friends and have some benefits on the side. He stays over some nights and we make out, cuddle, get naked, and do a lot of touching. We pretty much almost have sexx, but we don't. He tells me he is happy and fine with what we do. He tells me he wants to have sexx but never pushes me into anything. He tells me he would never want me to regret anything and take something that is so important to me away. He is so sweet to me when we are alone together and we both trust each other. He always asks me if I am okay and if I am happy with what he is doing. He genuinely cares for me. He has told me he feels this innate need to protect me from all the bad things in the world, and even though we aren't together, he cares about me a lot. I have feelings for him, but cannot be in a relationship with him because we have a racial barrier. That is why we agreed on being friends only. I am normally not attracted to Asian American men, though my family is open and kind to all people, but bringing him home as my boyfriend would be controversial. My grandparents are old school and a bit racist. To be honest, I always was attracted to white men. I still am. I always pictured myself marrying a white man and having white children whom look like me and my white husband. I have only dated white men up until now. I truly think that if I was more willing, he would love to have me as girlfriend and jump at the chance, but he holds back because I don't want that. My friend and I have been talking more and more about having sexx, because we get so close when he comes over. I want to, but I'm afraid I will regret it. At the same time, I am 23 and at this age maybe its time for me. I'm afraid maybe I acting on pure sexual frustration, but at the same time I think what is wrong with that? I don't know what to do. I trust him and care about him, but should I give him my virginity? I'm nervous that when I meet another man he won't like me as much for not being a virgin, or will judge me for sleeping with my friend as my first time. Maybe I am not ready for it, but at the same time I want to do it with him. I am so conflicted. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Here's the take of someone who was last with a virgin sometime during Reagan's first term: it sounds like you could do a lot worse than this guy. I understand that this is a deeply personal decision, but the most any of us can really hope for is to lose our virginity to someone who cares about us. Sounds like this guy does. And rethink the relationship angle, too. It's your life, not your grandparents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I'm nervous that when I meet another man he won't like me as much for not being a virgin, or will judge me for sleeping with my friend as my first time. Maybe I am not ready for it, but at the same time I want to do it with him. I am so conflicted. Help! As you friend has openly said he has sex with other women too, make sure he has the STD tests done before you have sex with him. Last thing you would want is to get an STD, from first time sex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 This sounds like a normal, healthy progression of a relationship-- you went from friendship to sexual intimacy, you're developing feelings for him, and now you have the opportunity to lose your virginity to someone you genuinely like and care about. All of that's great, but guess what, this guy is not just your "friend" anymore, and it's time for you to cut out this utter bullsh*t with the "racial barrier." So what if you always imagined being in a relationship with a "white man"? Life handed you something different and you've found yourself attracted to an Asian man and building the first steps of a relationship with him. But instead of viewing that as a pleasant surprise, you're choosing it frame it as a negative. Stop worrying about what your family might think (especially your grandparents -- EVERYONE'S grandparents are "old school" and a "bit racist," and we all gotta work around that.) You're doing nothing wrong and you should be prepared to defend yourself and this guy. Please don't deny yourself this rare chance to explore something that sounds like it could be really good. You're being narrow-minded and foolish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 You really don't strike me as the type of person who can have sex without emotion. The 1st time you experience penetrative sex is somewhat profound for most women. You are taking another person inside your body. If you are not emotionally prepared for that you are going to come out of this experience all screwed up. You already know you can't date him because of your racial prejudices so stop playing with him. It's not going to end well for you. Also if you do this, you are going to eventually lose him as a friend. Any new BF isn't going to want this old buddy that you have fooled around with hanging around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Sometimes you have to let go of what you imagined for yourself and embrace the gift being handed to you. This guy seems caring and sweet. If he will commit to you, I would do it. Don't worry about your grandparents - you aren't at the point of marriage or anything. If you are already having confusing feelings about him, having sex with him will make you more confused. It has a way of making a woman fall in love. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 You already have a loving relationship. You care and he cares. There would be NO doubt in my mind, I'd make love to him and enjoy the heck out of it. Enjoy his intimacy and go for it. It's obvious that you see him as a caring loving guy. Don't worry about the old school folks that will have an issue with this. If they really love you, they will support you. You have the makings for a great relationship. You're old enough, you have a great guy and clearly you both love each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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