Will I be able to get him back?

[laneyinlove]

Hi everyone.. My situation is I have been broken up with my ex-boyfriend for about 2 months now. We had dated for 10 months where he even took me home to meet his family in Paris ( the first time he had ever done this). Our problem was that he is a bit of a perve and is sexually hyperactive, player type and I never trusted him so I would act out always thinking the worst of him and then he would deem me a brat. Since we have broken up things have calmed down a lot and there is little drama as we do not have a lot on the line and we are finally getting to know each other well. I have dated other people as he was the one who broke up with me and I do not want to sit around and wait but we have also been intimately involved. He has dated too but I don't think with much enthusiasm because he is too busy trying to finish renovating his house. Everytime he knows I have been on a date he always asks me personal questions like if I have slept with the guy or let him touch me in any intimate way and I avoid the questions and he seems mad. We spend at least 3 days a week together and the weekends we have always gone out at least one of the days sometimes both sat and sun. We love spending time together but I am not sure if he is using me until the next girl comes. I want him back and am not sure if no contact will work or if I should just keep on being close to him and in time he will change his mind. He asked me to go to a friend's wedding in 3 weeks so I guess that's good but then he's not seeing someone seriously so I guess he has no one to ask I suppose. I keep on thinking he is making these efforts in order to buy time and he might want to get back together. I don't want to feel used so please help me. How do I go about this and win him back. I am afraid no contact will make him forget me and everyone says that if it's meant to be it will be but we are spending so much time together growing and I feel as if I have to put in the work so he won't forget and that when he stops wanting to hang out with me then that's when is top. Any advice? Thanks.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Have you brought up how you feel and told him point blank that you want to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with him again?

 

We spend at least 3 days a week together and the weekends we have always gone out at least one of the days sometimes both sat and sun. We love spending time together... we have also been intimately involved.

 

... which is why he will not

 

change his mind.

 

You are providing him with the relationship he wants from you right now. There's pretty much no motivation for him to change - because this arrangement works perfectly for him.

 

You have to make a decision if you want to see some real changes, and it requires a huge leap of faith and a willingness to lose what you have in order to try to get what you want. If you want him to change, he isn't going to if you keep giving him exactly what he wants from you.

 

If you remove yourself from his use with solid 'no contact', then one of two things will happen: he will miss you and want you back, and be willing to make some compromises in order to have you... or he will simply move on since he won't really miss you enough to actually do anything about it.

 

I am afraid no contact will make him forget me

 

If he feels the same way about you that you do for him, do you think its likely he'll forget you?

[Marshbear]

If you actually feel if you don't see enough of him he will forget about you, then shouldn't that be a red flag as to the extent of the relationship. Do you think if you spend all the time you can together that he will see that you are ment to be? I think if he felt that way he would already be with you and would not have broken-up the relationship.

 

If you want to know where you stand with him then ask him. "Honey, do you think that you and I can make a go of it again?" You will know where you stand. Be brave.....